Surviving a Son's Suicide: Finding Comfort and Hope in Faith, Friends, and Community
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About this ebook
Grief may be the most difficult "work" that we as human beings must do. When a loved one, especially a child, dies through suicide, the tasks involved in that journey require a different perspective.
Ronald Higdon shares with us his experience in Surviving A Son's Suicide. With loving but unapologetic candor, Pastor Higdon shares the questions and thoughts that often will continuously circle in our minds. He brings notes, book resources and inspired ways of helping from people who were supportive.If you are looking for something that makes it possible to avoid the three great words in life and faith - mystery, paradox, and ambiguity - then this book is not for you. If you have lost a family member through suicide or are seeking ways to be a comfort to those who have and are searching for a painless and less confusing way to do it, you will not be disappointed in what you find in these pages.
As the author notes, "The title for this book is in the present tense: Surviving a Son's Suicide. This continues to be a work in progress. This is not a book about triumph or resolution or "now it's okay." It's not okay; it never will be okay. Our pain and our questions remain but Pat and I are surviving in the sense that we are attempting to go forward with our lives without Mark's presence. On occasion, there is some degree of tension as we seek to understand how the other is making the extremely personal grief journey." - Ronald Higdon, father
While your grief is personal, this book includes 15 helpful things others did for Ron and his family, and their written responses to what we received along with a summary list of 31 items of what we found to be helpful survival strategies.
This book is suitable for individual reading, but will also make an excellent book for a study or support group.
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Surviving a Son's Suicide - Ronald L Higdon
Praise for
Surviving a Son’s Suicide
Surviving a Son’s Suicide is one of the most moving, inspirational and helpful books I have ever read. Ronald Higdon succeeds in taking us through his family’s painful journey in a way that balances his incredible, honest insight with pragmatic suggestions born of profound spiritual depth. While serving as a useful resource for those dealing with suicide, this book deserves a wide readership because all of us mere mortals must face the deep-seated questions the author confronts. This book speaks of faith by going way beyond pious platitudes and it affirms the power of hope without denying the reality of profound pain. I recommend this as a significant work for those who want to understand the multiple layers of grief’s pain and who seek to be good to those who must live through life’s darkest valleys.
Rev. Dr. Robert R. LaRochelle, United Church of Christ pastor
Director, Practical Church Consulting, author of several books, including Crossing the Street and Energion Topical Line Drives books
on ecumenism
To lose a child is one of the worst things that can happen to a parent. To lose one by suicide is even worse, for it makes the parent ask forever afterward, What could I have done to prevent this?
To lose a child by suicide and then write about it for the sake of others thrust into the same unbearable experience – that is love and grace and compassion in action. Other parents will give thanks for Ron Higdon’s brave book and bless his name in the middle of many a dark and wooly night. The book is worth the price simply for the appendices. They are great.
Dr. John Killinger, former professor at Vanderbilt and Samford universities, author of more than 60 books,
including God, The Devil and Harry Potter
Few experiences can be as devastating as the death of a child, especially by suicide. Ron Higdon recounts the nightmare of learning about his son’s suicide and the wrenching grief he and his wife, Pat, confronted. This book offers no easy answers to the pain, disillusionment, ambiguity and the seeming absence of God in their personal ongoing grief journey. Higdon offers in these pages what he and Pat found helpful in their own struggles and what was helpful from others personally and in cards, notes and letters. The summary listing of helpful survival strategies at the end of the book provides a rich resource for anyone who has experienced a similar tragedy. The book will be meaningful to one who has suffered the suicide of a loved one and also is a rich resource for those seeking to help a family who has gone through such a loss.
William Powell Tuck, Ph.D., Interim Pastor, Westover Baptist Church, Richmond, VA and author of Facing Grief and Death
It is always difficult to lose a loved one to death. When the loved one is your child, it is even more difficult, especially when death comes by suicide. Ron Higdon is a pastor who has experienced this very tragedy, and with this book he shares his own grief and wisdom. It is a wisdom he passes on to others, those who have experienced such a loss, those who want to be supportive, and those who are called to minister to and possibly within such a loss. It must be a difficult story to tell, but Ron shares with us what is helpful and what is not. Such a testimony will be a blessing to many.
Robert D. Cornwall, Ph.D., Pastor, Central Woodward Christian Church, Troy, MI and author of Unfettered Spirit: Spiritual Gifts for the New Great Awakening
This book is like a nugget of gold glittering in the midst of the dark, deep emotional water.
The open, honest sharing of pain, grief, anger, guilt and questioning provides unique insight into the struggles of parents of suicide. The theological integration demonstrates how sound faith guides one in the shadows of the valley of death. He draws upon scholars like Alan Wolfeldt, Wayne Oates, and William P. Tuck for guidance, but adds a tender, personal touch to their work.
While the reflections on what actually helped and why will differ from case to case, this gem offers guidance for all caregivers who are at a loss for words in the face of stabbing loss. Ron asks the right questions and resists the temptation to offer trite answers.
This is a great read for survivors of the suicide of a family member. Their journey will be different, but the wisdom in these pages will guide their never ending journey. Congregations and pastors will find wisdom for suffering together in the face of suicide.
I recommend this book to ministers, seminary students, and church members in search of an understanding of ministering in times of profound grief.
G. Wade Rowatt, Ph.D. Senior Professor of Pastoral Care
Baptist Seminary of Kentucky, Georgetown, KY