‘Til Times Get Better

By Elle Louise and Arista

Heart wrenching book with triumph over tragedy. Elle found the inner strength and courage to move beyond the devastation that surrounded her. A soul touching read…definitely a 5.

-America K. West Palm Beach, FL

This book left my heart hurting for Elle and children like her. The family members each hid their own lies and shame… It inspired me to know these same children can become the strength of the world. What we (I) do matters! ... - Jean B. Round Lake, IL

From her earliest childhood memories until the age of 17, Elle fought a battle that didn't belong to her but to adults. At 4, she was removed from her parents due to physical abuse…and that was just the beginning. Elle quickly learned how to survive each situation she was given: adoption, foster care, abandonment, sexual, physical, emotional abuse, secrets, and later the search and rejection by her biological father. She was always able to hide under a smile of masks at school. But everything changed the night her father put a gun to her head. That was the defining moment. Elle realized if she didn't take things into her own hands and escape the abuse, she would probably end up dead. This memoir is the true story of Elle’s journey to save her own life and begin a new one. It is an inspiring voyage of relentless courage, self-reliance, and most of all forgiveness. Through her darkest challenges she never lost hope. She found that love and life can still exist if you never give up and remain steadfast in your personal quest for healing. Elle fought being a victim and became a “Survivor.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Sep 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9798765231692

Elle Louise

Elle Louise Elle Louise is a proud survivor of child abuse. She shares her life story of abuse with brutal honesty in her Memoir, 'Til Times Get Better. Her alcoholic, narcissistic father severely abused her—mentally, physically, and sexually for years. Then one night, her father put a gun to her head and threatened to kill her. With no protection from her mother, Elle knew she had to escape or end up dead. After her brave escape, Elle swept all the hellacious memories under the rug in an attempt to begin a "normal" life. But she found that true healing is a 'process,' and all the deep, dark secrets and lies she was told must 'Come to Light.' Share Elle's journey from hell to victory as she unravels the secret that almost got her killed and how she refused to be a victim and emerged a Survivor. Elle Louise shares her story with the hope that others can break free from the cycle of abuse and become Survivors. The journey of healing is long and hard with many obstacles but is invaluable and rewarding if you put forth the effort. Today, Elle counts among her richest blessings a marriage with her husband of 42 years, two amazing, successful children, four grandchildren, and one great-grandchild. Arista Arista is an award-winning Author/Actor living in New York City. Her stageplays, All About Sneakers and Welcome Home Kelly! have had several Off-Broadway productions. Her screenplay USA (Ew-Ess-Ah) heralds the “1st Homeless Soccer World Cup” in Graz, Austria. Her Memoir book, CHAD, A Celebration of Life – Beyond A Mother’s Memories, recounts her son’s 26 years on earth and the many lives he touched, his own life cut short by Sudden Cardiac Death in Young Athletes. His nonprofit org., “The Chad Foundation for Athletes and Artists,” has safeguarded 8,000 young hearts and is supported by Adam Silver the Commissioner of the NBA on the back cover of the book. In her latest project, she is honoured to co-author with Elle Louise in her real-life story, ‘TIL TIMES GET BETTER, and bring ‘to life’ her voyage of years of devastating child abuse and her escape to become a “Survivor.” She hopes this book will be an inspirational healing tool for those experiencing abuse. Arista’s most significant role is mother to her 3 sons, Chad, Curt and Collin, and a dedication to the Gift of Safeguarding Hearts and creating Art that uplifts the Human Spirit. www.chadfoundation.org

Book preview

'TIL TIMES GET

Better

Elle Louise & Arista

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Copyright © 2022 Elle Louise.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by

any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author

except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

844-682-1282

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in

this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any

technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the

advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer

information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-

being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your

constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 979-8-7652-3168-5 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-3169-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022913192

Balboa Press rev. date: 09/02/2022

This Book is

Dedicated to:

ALL

the

Brave

Courageous

SURVIVORS

CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Young and in Love or Lust?

Chapter 2 Home Sweet Home

Chapter 3 Well, That Didn’t Last Long

Chapter 4 The Master Puppeteer

Chapter 5 Government Property

Chapter 6 My First Adult Decision

Chapter 7 ‘Til Times Get Better

Chapter 8 Happy Wife, Happy Life

Chapter 9 I Smell a Rat!!

Chapter 10 Exposed

Chapter 11 Can We Start Over?

Chapter 12 My Peace with Mom

Chapter 13 Your Loss

Chapter 14 The Journey Forward

Resources

Acknowledgments

Notes from the Author

Co-author Bio

Chapter 1

YOUNG AND IN LOVE OR LUST?

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Not a perfect love story, but it was theirs. It began in the great Midwest where they both grew up. It was the ‘60s when they fell in love, a time when their city was thriving with Sailors from the prominent Naval Boot Camp/Great Lakes, a vast training ground for seaman. The Navy had been transforming civilians into Sailors since 1911. Now the young recruits were gearing up for another war, one they had never expected - Vietnam.

But for the moment, Rock ‘n’ roll was in full bud just like the Main Event of the times—Buddy Holly and Roy Orbison—the undisputed rockers of the airwaves. Drive-in restaurants with perky, smiling Car Hops taking your orders were the daily hangouts. The children of post-war babies had grown up and had the world by the ass. Teens ruled. According to the marriage certificate, my parents were just that; my mother was sixteen years old (barely), and my father was nineteen. My mother, Ellen Wagner, and my father, Edward Meyers Jr., were married in the spring of 1962.

In pictures I’ve seen, my mother Ellen was a blondie and beautiful, super skinny and tall with a tiny waist and huge breasts. She was a good storyteller, too. She used to tell me how everybody was in a Buddy Holly craze wearing classic poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and twirling their ponytails. It was a picture painted straight out of Happy Days, except there was no Fonzie. (Well, maybe my father…who you’ll meet soon.) Huge groups of young kids used to go to the sock hops every week and dance to the ‘50s music that played on the Jukebox, which could be found at every burger joint in town. These were the things that all the cool kids did back in the day.

My mom Ellen was a free-spirited girl having a great time. I can see her right now, dancing to Elvis, Frankie Valli, and many more with those long legs that went on forever. High-spirited and raging with hormones as any 15-year-old, she also had the makings of that rebel child who had just flung open the gates and tasted freedom. She was having the time of her life and getting lots of attention from the boys. But she also picked up some bad habits that came along with being ‘at the hop’ and hanging out in new social circles. She took up smoking, drinking, and getting drunk – the price of being part of the inner circle. My mom had become a Wild Child and loved every minute of it!! Week after week, the fun never ended. She was getting plenty of attention that she thrived on, but the problem was she also had a thing for the good-looking bad boys.

This brings me to my father, Edward Jr. He was handsome with brown eyes, dark hair, a crew cut, and was very muscular- buff in today’s terms. As a teenager, he used to box at a local gym. Everyone said he was an outstanding boxer, and he had won every match. Don’t fact-check me on this, but that’s what I was told. He was also clean-cut and well-dressed. Remember that I said my mother liked bad boys? Well, he was the stereotypical bad-ass. Edward Jr. had been in trouble with the law and was on his way to prison for burglary.

What did my mom know or care about? Sock hops and bad dudes were ‘it,’ and Ellen was an icon of both in the rip-roarin’ late ‘50s and early ‘60s. –But really, knowing what I do now, I think she was just trying to barrel her way out of her own hellhole. Being 1 of 7 kids from a dysfunctional family—long before the word came into existence—she probably felt lost in the sheer number of kids.

Her mom and dad (and my grandparents) were Wesley Sr. and Louise Wagner. They had 7 children. Grandma Louise was of mixed races; she was half-Cherokee Indian and half-White, and as we all know, mixing races in the old days were looked down upon. My grandmother had pitch-black hair and deep brown eyes. My Grandfather Wesley was of European mix. He was tall with blue eyes and blonde hair, a striking pair the two of them, but they could not have been more different. What they did have in common was they both smoked like chimneys and drank black coffee like the handles were stuck to their hands. They always had coffee in one hand and a cigarette burning in the other. That’s the picture I have of my maternal grandparents.

I don’t ever remember my Grandfather Wesley laughing. He was always quiet and such a serious-looking man, but those piercing blue eyes looked straight through you. Nor do I ever remember Grandpa Wesley hugging me, holding me, or showing me any kind of affection for that matter. As a child, I felt like he just didn’t like me, and I could never understand why. I was a good kid and never caused trouble. I tried even harder to be good…made no difference.

My Grandma Louise, on the other hand, was very loving. She was the type of lady that would give anyone the shirt off her back. However, just as Grandma was as nice as could be, she was not the type to mess with either. She was as feisty a spirit as they came and took no crap from anyone. On occasion, my grandma was also known for cussing like a sailor and fist-fighting men at bars. She worked the night shift as an LPN Nurse. My Grandpa Wesley worked in a coal mine when their kids were younger. Then later, he got a job working on the railroad, which required him to travel a lot. With Grandpa Wesley being gone so much, it really put a burden on their marriage, and the age-old story was replicated. My mom told me that when Grandpa Wesley began cheating on my grandmother is when their marriage ended in divorce. Grandma was a tough ole broad to deal with a broke-up marriage back then and 7 children for whom she was entirely responsible.

The oldest of their children was Wesley Jr., and it was always so obvious that he was both Grandma and Grandpa’s favorite. Then came Judith, who was very loved by all. My Aunt Judith also got married very young, at the age of 14. Next in line was my mother, Ellen, followed by my Uncle Gary, who was definitely my favorite uncle. He was a very kind-hearted man and a real practical joker. Susan came next, but poor Susan had several medical issues and died at a young age. After Susan came the last female, Beth. Beth was a sweet and gentle soul. The last of the Wagner children was Ricky. Like most families, the baby is usually the most spoiled. Ricky was no exception to the rule- he was a hellion. For all we know…he probably still is.

So, you see, my mother got lost somewhere in the middle of the pack. Today they call it the middle-child syndrome. I used to wonder what the hell she was thinking, getting pregnant before she was 16. My theory is now— she was looking for love and attention—the attention she never got at home and craved so much.

It was after my grandparents’ divorce that my mom really started acting out. My poor grandmother’s world was turned upside down, and she was working a lot of hours to feed and care for 7 mouths. Every moment of her life was accounted for.

My mother Ellen was livid with her mother because she had divorced her father. Geez, I don’t know what she was expecting. Grandpa Wesley had already moved on…way on. He was already living with another woman in Indiana, and they had a daughter named Marilyn. Now, of course, Marilyn was the center of grandpa’s blue eyes and his entire world. Now, THAT was what my mom always wanted; the only thing she ever wanted—to be daddy’s little girl—never was and not likely to be! Fact is, her father never paid much attention to her. All of grandpa’s love and devotion went to Wesley Jr. My mom always said, The sun used to rise and set around Wesley Jr.’s ass!! Wesley Jr. was the unquestionable favorite of both her parents. My mom said it hurt so much because they were so conspicuous about their feelings for him, like rubbing salt in a wound that was already raw. Ellen never felt like she was good enough for either one of her parents. She always knew she was the black sheep of the family. She was also the only blonde of the 7 kids and got teased and bullied by her siblings because of it.

After my mom’s parents divorced, the rebel girl badge came out in full force, and she and my grandmother were clashing big time! My Grandma Louise got exhausted dealing with this unruly teenager and at some point, sent her to live with her sister Stella. My mom’s Aunt Stella took her into her home with open arms. Aunt Stella was nice to her and bought her pretty things, but she could not fill the void in my mother’s heart. Long story short…that didn’t work out either.

So, is it any wonder that the hurt Wild Girl finds the bad-ass Wild Boy to give her the attention and affection she was dying for inside? But that side was off-limits for anyone to see. It was the exterior that defined her. She was no little shy thing but the wildest of the wildcats. She could drink anyone under the table, and here is where my mother showed just how bad ass she was. Ellen matched my father Eddie, bottle for bottle. – And my father was The Shit, The Fighter, The Boxer. Think Travolta in Grease with a major classic crew cut, white T-shirt with rolled-up sleeves and smokes, standin’ cocky like a cool guy. What a pair, Ellen and Eddie, The Classic Crew Cut and the Tall, Blondie with the Eye-poppin’ Knockers. Fun times in the rockin’ Midwest!

Yes, love was in bloom between the Wild Girl and the Bad Boy all right, but so was something else. My mom was also pregnant with me. So even though gas was only 25 cents a gallon back in the day, you didn’t have to travel far to have a good time… There was a lot of action going on in the back seats of many cars. They had 100’s of Drive-in Theaters back then. I was a product of that action— a back seat baby. Ellen even confessed to me that I was probably conceived while she was under the influence of Mad Dog 20/20 in the back seat of a car; Mad Dog was her liquor of choice back then. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when she told me that. For those of us that came later, MD 20/20 was a fortified flavored wine, and the 20/20 stood for 20-ounce bottles with 20% alcohol. Amazing, we’re all still around.

Pop culture then was Dick Van Dyke, The Honeymooners, and West Side Story, much too tame for my parents. It’s doubtful Ellen and Eddie spent much time in front of the tube; they were each an original ‘Wild Child.’ I think that’s what attracted them to each other in the first place. My mother and father were both hell-raisers making their own epic story in the awesome Great Lakes.

One thing though, one very big thing, Eddie was a Catholic…at least his Baptismal Certificate, and his family said so. -And that, of course, meant no babies out-of-wedlock. So, Eddie and Ellen had to get out of the back seat and get married. Ellen, not quite 16, had to drop out of school. However, Eddie, who was 19, was possibly facing prison time. A great start in life with me, the bun in the oven.

And was Ellen going from one frying pan into another, joining Eddie’s family? Any chance of my mother getting acceptance or affection from her new in-laws? To be determined.

The new in-laws did have one thing in common with my mother’s parents. My father’s parents, Edward Meyers Sr. and Juanita Meyers, were also an interracial couple. Grandpa Edward was of German origin, and Grandma Juanita was of Mexican descent. I can still remember their wedding photo. My grandmother was absolutely stunning, with her pearl white teeth and dark hair and eyes. My grandfather was also very handsome.

Grandpa Edward built their house on Park Avenue. A good Catholic family, they had 12 children: birth control was not an option. I find it so funny that they lived on Park Avenue. With 12 children, they were going to need Park Avenue money!

Grandpa Edward had studied dentistry, but he also knew a lot about cars. He began a car repair shop called E & J Auto Repair, which was very successful. A very kind, intelligent, and charismatic grandpa, he had a great sense of humor and was quite the bull-shitter. Grandpa Edward provided his family with a lovely home, food for his huge brood, nice clothes for 12 kids, and an absolute must--a private Catholic school education for the kids. Not sure how, but he made it happen. Twelve is a mighty big number.

My Grandmother Juanita stayed very busy cleaning the house, cooking, doing laundry, and taking care of so many children. The three eldest daughters helped Grandma with chores, and the most senior boys helped grandpa at the garage. Everyone had a role to play in this enormous family. I cannot even imagine having 12 children. How is that possible? Grandma Juanita made huge mounds of hand-made tortillas every day. She was like a machine…no joke!

Believe me when I say that her house was spotless. All the clothes were pressed and ironed, and she always looked amazing!! Within reason, I believe my grandparents had to be the talk of the town. People wondered how they did so well with twelve kids. Let’s be honest; everyone thought life was good for the Meyers family. Hell…people were probably jealous!! Because Edward and Juanita Meyers were living the American dream—so they thought. If people only knew what really went on ‘behind the closed doors’ of Park Avenue.

Although my grandparents started off very much in love, the brutal truth is Grandpa Edward had turned into a raging, abusive alcoholic. Grandpa Edward used to constantly beat my Grandmother Juanita. Grandma would try to disguise the black eyes and wear long sleeves. The children, too, did not escape his wrath and got beatings often for no apparent reason. Their home had turned from the American Dream into a House of Horrors. He was a junkyard dog who put on a good face for the community. Grandma would send the kids to their rooms when she heard grandpa pull up. This was her way of protecting them from him. I remember the story of my father, Edward Jr., getting his upper lip busted wide open because grandpa threw a wrench clear across the shop at him. It left him with a lifelong scar. Everyone knew not to piss off Grandpa Edward. This was no joke. Eventually, Grandma Juanita built up enough strength and courage to divorce Edward, Sr. How she ever did that, I will never know. In the 1960s, divorce was a major stigma, especially in a Catholic family. Both of my parents were products of broken homes.

And so it was the clean-cut, well-dressed son, Edward Meyers Jr., who was also the stereotypical bad-ass in trouble with the law, was on his way to prison for burglary. And now guess what?? His Wild Child girlfriend Ellen is pregnant!!

My father (Edward Jr.) told me that my Grandmother Louise tricked him into marrying my mother. Supposedly, Grandma Louise told him if the two of them got married, the Judge would go easy on his sentencing. The truth is, I can totally see my grandmother doing that. I believe that my Grandmother Louise was bound and determined not to have a bastard grandchild. I mean, what would people think, right?? As we all know, teenage