Call Me an Addict?: War on Women

By Dr. Tra Ahia

This book was created over many years in an effort to illuminate the condition that has plagued the female gender since human creation. Over the years various aspects of life presenting itself fueled the stop and go efforts to present these stories. As life presented itself I have been blessed to accomplish many goals, and with the support from family and friends, Ive lived through the death of loved ones, and finally Ive grown to gather myself and present the experiences you are about to read.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 20, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503598386

Dr. Tra Ahia

Dr. Tra A. Ahia has been recognized as a champion of women’s issues. Particularly women who have struggled to maintain a positive balance in their lives despite addiction, psychological, emotional, and physical obstacles that challenge their health and well-being. Her work in addiction and recovery began some thirty years ago and has empowered thousands of women as they transition to a healthy place in their lives. Dr. Ahia’s research has been a motivating force in moving many broken women away from the men in their lives that lead them down a path of destruction, confusion, and addiction to a place where they are whole mentally, physically, and emotionally. Dr. Ahia is recognized as a profound consultant, lecturer, teacher, and coach. Her work has led her to create two specialized training program of healing called Transforming Individuals with Care (TIC) and Family Improvement Training (FIT). Unlike traditional methods, TIC training program meets each client where they are and empowers each individual according to their emotional, physical, mental, spiritual position in the universe while working to transform each individuals thoughts, beliefs, and experience that was associated with the motivating force that lead them down a path of destruction, confusion, and addiction. The FIT program is driven to provide families around the globe with support and direction to choose to live as healthy families. Dr. Ahia currently consults with individuals, professionals, and other counselors around the country through live video chats and teleconferences to integrate her work in various facets of addictions and behavioral health fields.

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 by Dr. Tra Ahia.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 08/19/2015

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Contents

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Authors Note

Introduction

Kelli’s Story

Karmen’s Story

Kreta’s Story

Epilogue

References

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all women in the world who

can relate to the pain of being of abused at the hand of a

loved one, IN PARTICULAR a MAN,

and living through addictions to tell their story.

Acknowledgements

This book was created over many years in an effort to illuminate the condition that has plagued the female gender since human creation. Over the years various aspects of life presenting itself fueled the stop and go efforts to present these stories. As life presented itself I have been blessed to accomplish many goals, and with the support from family and friends, I’ve lived through the death of loved ones and finally I’ve grown to gather myself and present the experiences you are about to read.

I would like to specially thank the following friends for your encouragement: Gaynal Sharon Afariogun, Yvonne Braime, Dr. Cliete, Yvette Crawley, Lyndon Gregory, Doris Hargrove, Sharise Hargrove Gregory, and Shelvy Martin, Dr. Nina Nabors, Ms. Neal, Dr. Taylor.

Apart from the above, in the course of my life and while crafting my art, I met many people that eventually became extended family to me. I would like to acknowledge a few of them: Dr. Ade Banjoko, Sister Ford, Cynthia Hinton, Julian Lovelace Hinton, Judy Khalifa, Crystal Pena, Ahmed Khalifa, David (Yes, Yes) Watson such motivation, blow Dave, Assem Khalifa, Wamdell Pena.

My dear mother Naomi, I miss you Mom. Grandmother Sadie, sisters, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles were particularly patient and loving with my hopes and dreams. The words thank you certainly pale in comparison to the appreciation my heart feels for your dedication and support over the years. I would like to acknowledge you here: Betty Matthews-Dean, Pamela Mayo, Shavonne Hon Moore, a strong mother of four, she read through the manuscript, and served as a relentless motivating force to get this project done. Earl Stanley Wood, Jr., my nephew, who offered to share his story as well, pushed and he pushed. Troy Avery Durden, my photo man, I love you boy. What would I do without all of you? Love you. Diane Holder, you blow me away, your book was the push I needed. Thank you cuz.

Foreword

What an honor and privilege to be involved in this work. When the author of this book asked me to write the foreword, I could only smile and say of course, I would be honored.

First, a little bit about the author, who just happens to be my youngest sister. In watching her over the years, I knew there were great things ahead in her life. Being able to watch her grow into a fine brilliant woman. The highlight of it all, to see her achieve for all of her hard and diligent work, the Doctorate of Psychology Degree, brought a few tears to my eyes. Our mother would be oh so proud of her baby girl.

The book you are about to read is truly an eye opener of the struggles of drug addiction, and for many, how it starts. Having a son, my first born, my first love, that has this struggle, is truly, very hard to deal with emotionally, so this work, has a special meaning for me, as well as for the author of this book, who tried so hard to help him with his struggle.

In the case of many females, this drug addiction stems from sexual abuse from a close and trusted friend or relative, of which many of us can attest to, having been victims of sexual abuse, ourselves. Happy to say, that not all of us have had to deal with the struggles of addiction, as many women have, but it can lead to a life of promiscuous behavior.

So, as you enjoy this page turning, can›t put it down, special work from my little sis, think of the things many women, or perhaps you yourself, have had to endure that have brought you to the struggles of drug addiction, and hopefully, recovery.

Thank you for letting me wet your appetite…..and again many thanks to the author, Tra Ahia, PhD., for such an honor and privilege.

Betty Matthews-Dean

Authors Note

As you read these stories, be mindful that the names and places have been changed to protect the dignity and privacy of the women and their families.

This book will be followed by several others that relay the experiences of others who are soldiers in the war on women and as such depicts language and tone that is specific to each woman as told by each woman. Imagine speaking to each woman as she described her life in her language and her tone. This book is based on the lives of three of those women.

Poems are provided by other women who also have experienced struggle and addiction as a result of a man in their life that did not have their best interest at heart.

Introduction

There is a war on women. When I think of war I think about violent eardrum shattering noise, which may include piercing cries of people suffering or explosions in the night. Buildings that are engulfed in a firestorm, brought on by explosions that impair vision. Simmering buildings that have been caught in the midst of the war. Imagine the chaos, people running from the danger of their surroundings man others stuck with nowhere to run. Then of course when I think of war I see those seemingly powerful individuals that impose themselves in a violent warring fashion upon the weak. As take this journey into my view of the ‘war n women’, I ask that you take my view of war with you.

Consider your own experiences in life, do you know someone, a women, a female, a little girl, that has been hit, beat, strangled, cut, slapped, mutilated, raped, kicked, spit on, ignored, pimped out, demeaned, called every name but her birth name, second guessed, treated as a second class citizen, or worse killed and thrown away like a dirty tissue. She might be your mother, sister, daughter, cousin, aunt, neighbor, best friend, co-worker, teacher, or the face on a milk carton. According to Durose and colleagues research conducted in conjunction with the United States Department of Justice (2005), between 1998 and 2002 3.5 million violent crimes were committed against a family member. 83% of the men in this study murdered their female spouse and 75% of the men who were dating murdered their partners. Further, the population in 2002 was approximately 280,562,489 according to the U. S. Census Bureau (2012) half of all spouses in the United States that were murdered were female and 81% of them were killed by their husbands. According to the Whitehouse fact sheet on Women in America (2013), in 2007 70% of individuals killed by their partners were women. The National Organization for Women reported that the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, found 4.8 million women experience physical assaults and rapes each year. Startling statistics aren’t they? The ‘war on women’ is one that is prevalent in our communities.

Engstrom, El-Bassel, Go and Gilbert’s (2008) suggests that 75% of women who struggle with addiction were abused in one form or fashion as a child. Abuse of women is seemingly accepted worldwide, for example, South African women are erroneously and barbarically genitally mutilated (Eke, 2000). Why?