Memoirs of a Broken Hearted Girl

By L.D. Young

For as long as she could remember, her life has always been in turmoil. With a drug abusing mother and an abusive step father, Sophie, an intelligent, pretty girl, has a desire to escape the hell that her life has become. She successfully hides her scars from the world, but keeps them close to her hardened heart. Trained by the best, Sophie has a short fuse and the skills of a trained killer. Often finding herself unable to tame the monster within, she is tempted by the dark side more times than she can count.

Unfortunate circumstances occur in her life, which threaten to pull the darkness that she strives to keep buried deep inside to the surface. Once that darkness is freed, Sophie is unable to recapture it to lock it away.

Traumatized by her abusive childhood, haunting memories fuel her inability to love. But soon, Sophie finds her inability to feel challenged when she meets an irresistible man that gives her a glimpse of what falling in love could mean for her life. Stunned by the amount of love that she feels for him, she is finally ready to open her heart and experience true love.

Unfortunately for Sophie, life never goes that smoothly for her. Her overbearing, overprotective stepfather has plans for her life that do not include her falling in love. The secrets from her past that she has been harboring have a horrifying hold on her and refuse to remove their grip from her life. Driven by love, lies and murder, she finds herself making decisions that could, in the end cause her to lose everything, when the past comes knocking on her door. She has choices to make. Choices that could either pull her towards love, or pull her deeper into the darkness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Aug 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9781491702857

L.D. Young

L.D. Young is a native of Louisville, Kentucky, who is the mother of three. She is a college graduate who holds Masters Degrees in Management as well as the Field of Human Resources. You can communicate with the author via email at [e-mail] or via twitter at youngmemoirs1.

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Copyright © 2013 by L.D. Young.

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This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-0284-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-0285-7 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013914336

iUniverse rev. date: 08/06/2013

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1.   Lions Den

Chapter 2.   Love and War

Chapter 3.   What are the Odds

Chapter 4.   Who am I, Who are you

Chapter 5.   Blossoming Rose

Chapter 6.   Love and Secrets

Chapter 7.   No use Dwelling over Spilt Milk

Chapter 8.   History Repeating

Chapter 9.   Calling it Quits

Chapter 10.   Stumbling Back

Chapter 11.   New Beginnings

Chapter 12.   Letting Down my Guard

Chapter 13.   Proving myself worthy

Chapter 14.   Baring Your Soul

Chapter 15.   Knocking on Freedoms Door

Chapter 16.   Choices

Chapter 17.   Foolishness Begets Foolishness

Chapter 18.   Planning for the Future

Chapter 19.   Locking it down

Chapter 20.   Decisions in Love

Chapter 21.   New Life

Chapter 22.   Owning up

Chapter 23.   Snapping

Chapter 24.   Vulnerable Times

Chapter 25.   Old Love New Love

Chapter 26.   Losing my Balance

Chapter 27.   Playing Dirty

Chapter 28.   Power Struggle

Chapter 29.   Trying to see the Sun beyond the Clouds

Chapter 30.   One bad Choice after another

Chapter 31.   Answering for my Crimes

Chapter 32.   My Reasons to Live

Chapter 33.   Coming Clean

Chapter 34.   Tying up Loose Ends

Chapter 35.   If it isn’t one thing it’s definitely another

Chapter 36.   Seeking Answers, and Saying Goodbye to what once was

Chapter 37.   The Beginning of the End

Chapter 38.   Trump Card

Chapter 39

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my loving children who have always been an inspiration in my life. I love you guys (Alexander, Aliyah and Anson), as well as those who are struggling to deal with the trials and tribulations that life have brought your way. Just remember that God is able to heal all wounds.

I’ve seen too many Victory’s, to let defeat have the last word

The Williams Brothers.

Acknowledgements

I want to first Thank my Heavenly Father. Without God nothing is possible, but with God, All Things Are Possible. I also thank those who have been by my side every second of the days that I have struggled to finish this novel. Becoming a published author has been a lifelong dream, and only a few faithful people stuck by, inspired and believed in me. You know who you are. I am forever grateful for your love and support. Thank you to my Reviewers: Wilma Henderson, and Chereese Jones. Special thanks to Mrs. Beatrice Richie, who prayed for me and believed in me from the moment that we met.

Opinions and comments are welcomed via email at [e-mail], via twitter at YoungMemoirs1, on facebook at Young Memoirs, or through Blogger at [e-mail]

L.D. Young

Lions Den

I sat on the front porch steps and looked out at the estate that I called my home. I very seldom ventured out past the gate. I was no longer the fearless young woman that I had once been. Having my children had changed my entire perspective on life. I feared death now, only because I needed to remain alive for them. I was no longer an adrenaline junky, living for the moment. I still had the urge to kill, but my children had tamed that yearning. I am a lioness now. I had changed my entire life around just to keep my cubs safe from the hunters that were out there stalking my fortress.

Taryn and Darryl were sitting back, waiting patiently for the perfect time to strike, waiting for the perfect time to come for my son. For the first time in my life I was genuinely afraid of what could be waiting for me on the other side of the fence. I had to remain alert at all times. Taryn would soon come for our son, which meant that I would have to reach in and reconnect with that ‘part of me that I kept hidden these days. I was sure that Taryn was well aware that he would have to kill me in order to get his hands on Ainsley, as well as I knew that I would have to kill him in order to keep him out of Ainsley’s life. Taryn and Darryl were real bad asses. Real bad asses who were probably underestimating me as everyone else had until they felt the extent of my wrath. I was nothing to be laughed at, with skills that surpassed those of most of the men that I came across.

I could feel myself getting worked up. There was a surge of adrenaline that rushed through me, causing a heat wave to attack my body. I tried hard to relax as I felt the tension rise within me and felt my body tense. It was hard for me to calm down once I got revved up because I knew exactly what the men who were coming for me were capable of. They were both cocky and arrogant, and would definitely make the mistake of underestimating me whenever they decided to make their move to come for my son. It would be a defining moment for me. I would die before I let the devil crash into my home and take one of my babies.

The relaxation techniques that I was trying were not helping my mood in the least. I sucked in nice small amounts of air, slowly, trying to calm my racing heartbeat. Just thinking about my children being in harm’s way made me lose control of myself. I was a ticking time bomb waiting to blow. There was something which lay dormant inside of me that was fighting to find an opening to escape. The longer that I kept it buried the more control I could get over it. There were so many wrong turns and bad decisions that had led me to where I found myself. I was still struggling between good and evil, still struggling to keep the evil within me from surfacing.

I did have one advantage this time. Although I didn’t know the hour or the day, I knew that he was coming. It had been four years, and Taryn had not yet come for his son. I didn’t know what he was waiting for, but I was ready and on guard for the day that he would come.

I stood and scanned the area, watching the men that I trusted with our lives. They held their ground at their posts, never once allowing anything to deter them from their duties. I headed back into the house, and heard the laughter of little people. Following that laughter through the house, I ended up in the dining room where I watched the boys as they devoured their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as if it were the most delicious meal that they had ever tasted. They did all of the, little boy things that brought joy to my heart and soul. Laughed with small pieces of sandwich hanging from their tiny lips, blew bubbles into their cups of milk, and laughed and played with one another with an unwavering love. They were happy and carefree now, but would they remain that way when they came of age and wondered why their daddy’s were not around?

Watching them continue to play without knowledge that I was standing in the corner enjoying every second of their fun, my mind remained on what I knew would come. Ty was the oldest and the peace maker of the group. He wanted everyone to live in harmony and share their toys peacefully. I was relieved that he too was identical to their father in looks. There was nothing about him that said that I was not his biological mother. There was no evidence in his features that Amina had carried him for nine months, and had given birth to him.

Alex, my little comedian, was identical to Noel in every way. Looks, personality, sense of humor. He was Noel reincarnated. From the way that the little boy walked, talked, his mannerism, down to the way that he laughed. He was his father’s son. So many things had changed within the past four years, but it was still not enough time for me to stop mourning the loss of my husband. Our twins, Noel Jr. and Alex, were five years old, Ty was five and a half, and Ainsley, my son that I shared with Taryn was only three years old. I couldn’t imagine having to explain to Ty, Noel Jr. and Alex the circumstances around their father’s death. I also couldn’t imagine ever having to disclose the truth to Ainsley about his father. As far as the boys and everyone other than those who knew my secrets were concerned, Noel was the father to all of my boys.

I looked them all over carefully, slowly, just as a mother does when she’s taking in the beauty of what God had allowed her to make with the man that she loved. Of the three boys that Noel had fathered, they all looked identical to him. But they were all so different. Noel Jr. had more of me in him than I would ever wish for a child. He would be the protector of his brothers. A loving little boy, yet there was a side of him that I knew too well, a side that he had inherited directly from his mother.

The truth of who Ainsley’s, father truly was, had the potential to one day tear my boys apart. I couldn’t fathom what would happen if the day ever came that someone broke their silence and told Noel Jr. Alex and Ty the truth behind their father’s tragic death. They could never find out that the man who fathered Ainsley took their father away from them, away from me.

Walking back through the house and leaving them to their fun, I headed for my bedroom. Once there, I closed the door behind me, and stood in front of my dresser mirror looking at the dark circles that had formed under my eyes. No amount of makeup would erase the stress that I wore on my young face. I had been through much more struggles than anyone needed to endure. But unfortunately for me, I knew in my heart that there would be more heartache, pain, and death to come.

I dropped to the floor and did something that I rarely did, well never did in the past. I prayed.

I had too much to lose now to believe in nothing. I had to hold on to something. And now God seemed like the perfect thing to hold on to. Not believing had only managed to bring misery, death and heartache to my life. My near death experiences had brought me to the realization that there was something beyond the stars and the clouds, something that was watching over us, watching over me. Something that was keeping me from snapping and going after the man who had ended my husband’s life in front of our young children. There just had to be a driving force that was keeping us safe as well as keeping me sane.

Let me back up and start at the beginning. In order for you to get a grasp of the woman that I am today, you’ll truly have to understand my journey.

It’s easy to judge me—my life, if you’re on the outside looking in and you don’t know my story. I won’t apologize for the things that I have done in my lifetime, whether they were right or wrong, they were my rights and wrongs. When it comes to love I won’t apologize for the things I’ve done or the choices that I’ve made. Right or wrong those were my choices to make. All that I have endured has made me the woman that I am today. Strong, determined, confident and more dangerous than you could ever imagine. It was those mountains that I had to climb, those walks in the rain with no umbrella, and the heartaches that I have endured that have made this such a fascinating journey. I’ll start at the beginning. By the time you get to the end, you’ll know who I really am.

* * *

It was the morning of my thirteenth birthday. Lord, how we think that we have the answers to all of the questions in the universe at that age.

I looked around my bedroom in my second home and thought, wow. My Nana had been in charge of decorating my bedroom, and nothing in it fit the girl that I had become, the woman that I was becoming. Frilly pink curtains donned the window’s, pink throw rugs lay across the carpeted floor, pink paint with dainty flowers covered the walls, and to top it off, were the cute pink quilts covering the beds. I was being pulled into too many different directions with Nana wanting me to be a prissy girly girl, and my uncle’s Darryl and Darien, who were trying their best to turn me into the next GI Jane.

My two best friends, Amina and Serenity lay in the bed across from me looking like sleeping angels. We had been friends since we were babies. With mother’s who were too busy for motherhood, they had practically been raised by their nanny, their mother, Cathy was a beautiful successful attorney, and Elina, my biological mother was just too busy with her extracurricular activities to be of any use to me.

Raising me had become a community effort for our maid Maria, my Nana, and my uncles.

Somehow our friendship had developed into a sisterhood over the years. A sisterhood with a bond that we believed was unbreakable. Amina was a natural beauty. She had a head full of thick dark hair that hung to her behind, slanted brown eyes, smooth skin, and a body that was naturally toned and as beautiful as her face. Five foot five with perky thirty six C breasts, she was a force to be reckoned with. Unfortunately, her attitude was not as pretty as her face and body, but she owned it. Often leaving a bad taste in the mouths of others, she was still the most honest, and open girl that I had ever met. As pretty as she was, Serenity was not quite the beauty that Amina was. Hair just as long as her sisters, it was a light brown color. She shared the same slanted brown eyes as Amina, but her facial features were more a mixture of their parents while, Amina looked identical to their mother. Although Serenity was not quite as beautiful as Amina, her personality made up for that. Standing at Five foot six and a half inches tall, she was slightly taller than Amina. With thirty two D breasts, at one hundred and four pounds, she was still a traffic stopper.

I was the odd one in the group, not nearly as pretty as the girls who had become as close to me as if we were blood related. From the tone of my golden skin, my hazel eyes, to my medium built five foot four frame, I was identical to my Nana. The only thing that I had inherited from her daughter was my long unruly curly hair.

As far as fathers went, we are all pretty much on our own there. I had no clue who my biological father was, or even how to begin to look for him, because Elina refused to give up his identity. My stepfather, Taryn was a successful business man, who spent more time on business trips defending his rich clients than he did at home. As for Amina and Serenity, their dad Ronald was a real tool, who came from old money. Spoiled all of his life by his elderly parents, who still took care of him, his needs, and the needs of his family, he was a bastard who felt that he could do whatever he pleased to whomever he pleased with no repercussions. The three of us had definitely gotten the short end of the stick when it came to father’s.

Continuing to survey my bedroom, I thought of how I could redecorate to show who I had become versus the girl that my Nana had longed for me to be. I thought of some posters of Channing Tatum and Michael Ealy plastered over my bedroom walls, purple paint, black carpet, and purple comforters on the beds. Nana would never allow it.

Reaching into my night stand, I pulled out the bag of weed that I had stolen from Elina’s stash the night before, along with the rolling papers. Having to have a smoke every morning, in order not to go crazy during the day was a must for me. I quickly threw the pot and the papers on to my bed. Using skills that my stepdad taught me, when he introduced me to marijuana when I was eleven and a half years old, I quickly rolled two joints like a professional. He would definitely never win a stepfather of the year award.

I stood and flipped the switch on the ceiling fan, and proceeded to light up the joint, hoping not to wake Nana with the sweet aroma of my drug of choice. Suddenly the two sleeping beauty’s were awake, begging me to puff and pass. Soon the sluggish feeling that I had been feeling was being replaced by something else, something much more calming.

Damn, you sure know how to get the morning started, said Amina as she jumped from the guest bed and quickly made her way over to flop down next to me. Stop being selfish and pass that shit over with your greedy ass. I need it more than you do.

Amina was always overly dramatic about everything. Her woes were always so much worse than everyone else’s. Trying to top her with a sob story of your own was useless.

Serenity crawled out of bed and snatched the joint from Amina’s dainty fingers. She was the overly religious one of the group. Always talking about how much we all needed God in our lives, and begging everyone to pray and attend church with her.

Me, I was the nonbeliever, who thought that there was nothing behind the clouds, except for more heartache and pain.

As I reached for my cell phone which lay on the nightstand, my bedroom door creaked open. Afraid that my grandmother would pull out a can of whoop ass if she were to catch us smoking weed, Serenity quickly passed the joint to me. I was willing to take the blame, so I accepted it, and waited for my punishment. Although the ceiling fan was buzzing above us, the smell was still heavily in the room, and had probably been slowly wafting from the room with each puff that was taken. When I was high, nothing mattered, so getting caught didn’t faze me.

To our surprise, instead of Nana waltzing in, ready to kick all of our asses, Ronin sauntered right in as if he owned the place. Ronin was my aunt Avanti’s boyfriend, and the man of my dreams. He was the guy who was in all of your day dreams when you dreamt of the perfect man. At six feet one, with flawless golden skin, dark eyes, huge black curly locks, and a muscular frame that showed that he spent more than enough time in the gym working on his physique, he was beautiful.

I was young, but not too young to understand the rules of dating, the girl code. I didn’t care that he belonged to Avanti. What I did care about was the fact that I may not have been in the same league as Avanti. She was a beautiful woman. A little rough around the edges, but her beauty made up for what she lacked. At five feet eight inches in height, one hundred and two pounds soaking wet, natural forty four double D breasts, and a tiny waist, she had the potential to be a supermodel. Yet, Avanti’s goals for the future went no further than hitting the latest sales at the mall. She was more like her sister Elina, than she wanted to believe. Worshiping the mighty dollar and everything that it could buy them, money would always mean more to them than true love.

Strolling over to my bedside, he gave me a look of disappointment. Although it bothered me tremendously that he was disappointed in me and the habit that I had acquired, I was addicted, and at that point didn’t care about disappointing him if he weren’t going to be with me. Just before I could place the blunt between my lips, it was snatched from my fingertips. After raising my bedroom windows, he entered my bathroom. The tranquility that came over me after I had that morning joint was priceless. Pure ecstasy, and he had just flushed it down the toilet.

How many times have I asked you to stop smoking, Soph? Your Nana let’s your ass get away with murder. There are never any repercussions for your actions. You can’t learn how to be a responsible adult if you have no guidance. How can you be so passionate about the Marines and have no discipline, he asked seriously, while standing in the middle of my bedroom floor looking delicious.

Yes, you’re an expert shot, Soph, but you have no discipline. Your stepdad gives you any and everything that you ask for. Come down here to the real world and realize that things mean so much more when you work for them. You’re spoiled rotten.

Being born into a family that is fairly well off, and my Nana’s favorite, doesn’t mean that I have no discipline. I’m going to make a great Marine, I countered.

Shaking his head and glancing around the room, he addressed us all. Get dressed ladies. I have an entire day planned, and we are getting a late start. We’re taking Soph out for her birthday. First a surprise, and then we’re headed to a family barbecue. Let’s get going, he demanded.

Flying into his arms, I held on to his neck with an impenetrable inappropriate grip. He didn’t return the hug, instead placed his arms on my shoulders and gently pushed me away. Wanting him to kiss me savagely, my infatuation for him was out of my control.

Hug me after you put some clothes on, Soph. Wearing only a bathrobe with nothing but a pair of panties underneath, I should have felt some form of shame for my actions.

One hour is all of the time I’m giving you three to get dressed, he said as he released himself completely from my grip, and exited my bedroom.

Without blinking, I continued standing, staring after him for several seconds. I then glanced over at my girls, as they laughed like hyenas over the situation. I had it bad and didn’t care who knew.

Well, I think you should leave that man alone, Sophie. He’s a good guy, and he treats you like you’re his little sister. You don’t want to make him too nervous to be around you, and then you won’t even have his friendship, said Serenity.

She’s in love, Serenity. And, it’s her birthday, so stop raining on her damn parade, Amina snapped.

Not interested in getting into a long drawn out conversation with Serenity regarding why I should back off and allow Ronin and Avanti to have their happiness, I headed for the bathroom, yelling at them over my shoulder, I said, Okay. One hour to get dressed, means fifteen minute showers, so let’s roll.

Thirty minutes was all that I needed to shower, throw on a pair of true religion jeans, a blouse and a not so comfortable pair of shoes. Beauty is pain. My sisters, although naturally beautiful, seemed to always stand in the mirror a little too long. Two hours later, we were headed out of the house toward Ronin’s Range Rover. I sat in the front passenger seat, as close to Ronin as I could possibly get without freaking him out.

Because she was too sophisticated to hang out with me and my girls, Avanti rarely stepped out with us when Ronin took us to the mall. She opted to stay home, to get her beauty rest. So secure within herself that she didn’t see me or any other woman as a threat to her relationship with Ronin. Little did she know, I was the last person who she would want to leave alone with him.

Sitting in Ronin’s car putting the finishing touches on our hair, we soon realized that Ronin was driving in the direction of the mall. If we knew nothing else, we knew every route to the mall with our eyes closed. After only spending a year and a half with our family, he knew my love and fascination for clothes and shoes. I was far from being a girly girl, but I shopped like a professional. My tastes in shoes, jewelry and clothes varied. I could easily go from rocking the high end fashions to the affordable clothing lines. Although, Ronin complained of me being spoiled and having way more than what I needed, he refused to admit that he was a part of that problem. The shopping trip that we were on that day was funded by him.

Amina and Serenity sat in the backseat talking about the sales that we were bound to catch arriving at the mall so early, while I sat daydreaming about the day that Ronin would stop looking at me as if I were a kid.

Other than shoes, clothes and hair, what do you girls talk about, Ronin asked with a small smile forming?

Depends on who I’m with, I replied.

I talk about boys a lot too, Amina answered seriously, from the backseat.

Glancing at Amina through the rearview mirror, Ronin asked, Clothes, shoes, hair and boys. Nothing else interests you?

What else is there, Amina countered?

Sighing, Ronin glanced in the rearview mirror once more, Getting into a good college should be on your minds. Soph here is already focused on what to do with her life after high school. The Marine core is in her blood. That’s a real goal. Start thinking seriously about your futures.

Well, I plan on working with mom at her law firm. Not sure about becoming an attorney, but I think that I may make a good paralegal, Serenity offered.

That put a great big smile on Ronin’s face. He was all about having dreams, goals, and following them. Being successful at whatever you felt success was. He never put money and success in the same category. He always told me that having money, making a ton of money, doesn’t make you successful. Being successful is about doing what makes you happy, and loving it.

I apologize that I’m the only person sitting in this car who has no goals or dreams. My grandparents, their parents before them, and their parents before them, worked hard for my families fortune. They worked hard so that I wouldn’t have to. I plan on shopping, traveling, and wearing all of the latest fashions until the day that I die. And, I’m doing that with the money that my family has, and oh yeah, and the money that my future husband will have, Amina admitted honestly.

So your only aspiration in life is to spend your family’s cash, and to be arm candy. Interesting, Ronin said.

That means that you will be no better than Elina. She’s a kept woman. Taryn controls her because he earns all of the money. Hell, Taryn controls me at this point. Why would you want to live your life depending on someone else, I asked Amina with a growing frown on my face?

You complain about Elina, but she is a real pimp. She does nothing all day but shop, drink and smoke weed. And she has millions of dollars at her disposal. She has it all, Amina countered.

Actually, Taryn has billions of dollars at his disposal, and he chooses to give us what he wants to keep us on the leashes that came along with their marriage. She has nothing of her own. How would she survive without him, I asked?

If your mother did what she needed to do in the bedroom, she would never have to worry about that. I’m going to do what I have to do to keep my man happy so that when his ass dies, I’ll still be spending his money. That is how a real pimp does it, Amina snapped.

I positioned myself to where I was facing Amina, in the back seat. First of all, Elina is not my mother. And secondly, you really need to change your way of thinking, Amina, I snapped back.

Pulling into the garage of the mall, Ronin spotted a parking spot which was close to the elevator and pulled in quickly.

Okay, looks like I started something here. Let’s celebrate Soph’s birthday, and finish this conversation later, Ronin said as he opened his door and climbed out of the Range Rover.

Taking Ronin’s lead, we all climbed from the vehicle, and followed him to the elevator. We spent four hours in the mall shopping for clothes, shoes and accessories, Ronin never once wore a look of boredom. Letting us drag him from store to store without complaining, he smiled and let us model for him for hours without rushing us. Jealous of Avanti, because she had a great guy who loved with everything in him, and not only loved her, but her family as well. From day one, he had blended into our family as if he had always been there.

Sitting down to grab some food, I decided that it was time for me to make my move. I didn’t care that Amina and Serenity were sitting at the table with us. My heart was heavy and overflowing with love for him so I had to make him understand how much I needed him. I leaned in, not embarrassed at all.

Close your eyes, I said to Ronin.

What, he asked?

Close your eyes, please. It’s my birthday, so please do this for me.

He closed his eyes, hesitantly, and I placed my hand over his. I studied his beautiful face, extended eyelashes, beautiful golden skin, full dark curly hair, and his full lips. Everything about him was brilliant, and I worshiped him, and desired nothing but his love.

I’m everything that you’re missing in your life. Everything that you need is in me. Just open your eyes and see me. I mean, really see me. I love you.

His eyes opened, and I wanted to believe that I could see that he loved me as well. He’d never admit it, but he loved me. Rubbing my hand, he brought it to his lips, and planted a kiss on my palm.

Happy birthday beautiful, let’s go, he said, standing, and gathering our bags.

Amina and Serenity stood to follow him but stopped when they noticed that I hadn’t budged. Remaining seated, staring at the back of his head feeling like an idiot but not caring, until he turned and saw that we were not following behind him. Walking back to the table, he met my gaze. I continued to sit. If I had to tell the world that I loved him in order to get the message across to him loud and clear, then that is what I intended to do. I refused to move until he admitted that there was at least a small piece of himself that thought of me every day, wondered what I was doing when I wasn’t near, or heard something funny and wanted to share it with no one but me.

As he looked straight through me to my soul, Ronin handed his car keys to Amina. You two start walking to the car. We’ll catch up. He grabbed Amina’s arm before she could walk past him. Do not start the engine, and do not move the car. Not even an inch.

Sure, Amina said disappointed. Amina was known for taking their mom’s cars for midnight cruises. Of course Serenity and I were always riding shotgun, but the idea to take the cars was always Amina’s. We had wrecked a couple and parked them back in the same spot that we had stolen them from and always stuck to the story that we had no clue as to how the car got dinged up.

He took a seat at the table facing me, with a small smile playing at the edges of his perfect lips, looking as if he were thinking of the right thing to say. Something that would not make me feel young and foolish. What do you know about love, Soph? I mean, the type of love that you are talking about, he asked?

What do I know about love? I know that I can’t stand to be without you and that I can talk with you about everything. I know that I feel safe when I’m with you, and that I can’t stand to see you with another woman. Seeing you with Avanti literally kills me. No one understands me quite the way that you do. I know that I need to be with you. I also know that I’ve grown up too fast for my own good, but I’m beginning to think that it’s a good thing. If I were the typical teenage girl, I would have missed out on this incredible feeling that I have for you, I explained.

He looked into my eyes intensely, shaking his head slowly.

I’m not stupid, Soph, and I’m not blind. I’ve noticed all of the not so subtle hints that you’ve been dropping these past few months. Walk around your Nana’s house half naked, making a point to be close to me whenever you can. You’re not a touchy feely type of girl, but you always find a reason to touch me, or to rub your fingers through my hair.

So, why haven’t you taken the bait? What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you want me?

If I were the typical guy, I would have taken advantage of you a long time ago, but I love you too much for that. I could never take advantage of the fact that you have a crush on me. One day, you are going to look back, and understand that I am doing what’s right for you. I’m flattered, but you’re going to fall in love with some guy closer to your own age, and you’ll be thankful that I didn’t take advantage of the situation.

I am never going to want anyone but you.

He extended his hand to me, Let’s go, Soph.

I took his outstretched hand, and squeezed it lightly. Just give me one good reason why this can’t happen. One good reason and I’ll do whatever I have to do to stop loving you, I lied. Moving closer to me and lowering his voice, he smiled warmly. If you were a few years older, I would do anything to have you. But, unfortunately for both of us beautiful, you are young enough to get me some serious time.

Wrapping his free hand around my waist, he pulled me behind him as he strolled through the crowded mall with a stride so confident, that I fell even deeper in love with him. After his comment, I knew that I was not out of the running. Enough convincing and I could make him mine. Our relationship had the potential to be something incredible-something phenomenally beautiful, but only if he would stop fighting it.

* * *

Several hours after our shopping trip we sat on the porch of my Nana’s house ready for Ronin’s family’s barbecue that was being held in the backyard of his mother’s home. Avanti had decided that we had spent well over the allotted time with her man and refused to let us ride to the barbecue with them, so I had convinced Darryl to give me a break and drop me and the girls off at Ronin’s mom’s house for a few hours.

When he finally pulled up in his F150, extended cab, we all jumped in anxious to get to our destination. It had only been a few hours but I needed to lay eyes on Ronin. It was insane how much I missed him when we weren’t together. He didn’t know it, but he had left the doors open for me with his statements that he had made at the mall. In my heart, I felt that he didn’t want me to give up on him.

You girls going to be okay while I run a few errands, Darryl asked as myself, Serenity and Amina prepared to exit the truck when we pulled up to the house?

Ronin’s family was having a family barbecue and Ronin had invited me and my girls when he sent an invite to my Nana. Of course, any time spent with Ronin was right up my alley, so there was no way that I was not going to show up for that event.

We’ll be fine Darryl. If push comes to shove and Elina has you running around or you’re working on something else, I’m sure that Ronin will give us a ride either to the house, or to Amina and Serenity’s house, I answered, trying not to sound too excited when speaking Ronin’s name.

I’ll be back in three hours. If you decide to take off for any reason, make sure to call to let me know who you’re with and where you’re headed, please.

Worry much, I asked?

Smiling, he peered at me from the rim of his glasses. Lowering his voice to a mumble as to keep the girls from overhearing, he said, I always worry about you, especially when you are hanging with that wild little thing, Amina. I don’t want her bad ass rubbing off on you.

I have a mind of my own, Darryl. No one can influence me to do anything. You should know me better than that. I’m a leader. I never follow.

Just make sure that you lead her into the right direction when her hot ass is trying to convince you to do things that are way too grown for you to even have knowledge of.

Are you finished lecturing?

Yeah, I’m done. Three hours. When I pull up, I expect for you to be hopping in the truck with the two of them in tow. Have fun.

Sure. Thanks, I said with a wave, as I caught up to Serenity and Amina who were now headed toward the backyard of Ronin’s mom’s house.

The music could be heard from a block away, and the smell of the food could be smelled from just about the same distance. As we approached the backyard, I took in the scene, and wished for such a normal family life. Our family never had parties like the one that we were about to experience. My Nana and Elina hated one another, so a family barbecue was out of the question for us. Taryn was always away on business and even if he were in town more often it wouldn’t matter because he and his family weren’t very close. Family barbecues were not in my future unless I could convince Ronin that he was meant to be with me.

Stepping in and joining the party, I stood back and scanned the crowd. Ronin had some great looking people in his family. I felt a tiny bit out of place amongst all of the beauty. I was average at best, and here I was in the middle of a party filled with beautiful people. Avanti included. She fit in perfectly with Ronin’s family. If I just sat back and didn’t interfere, they had the chance to have some of the most beautiful babies. But of course, I was too far gone, to ever let him go. I spotted them in the middle of the crowd, not too far from the grill, dancing to a song that the DJ was playing. Although it was a song with a fast beat, they danced as if they were stuck together. Their hands clung to each other’s bodies, as they moved to the beat.

Do you really want to tear that apart? Or at least make an effort to tear them apart? They look amazing together, Serenity whispered into my ear.

Damn, whose side are you on, I asked with a scowl.

I just don’t understand why you’re so infatuated with him. Well, besides the obvious. He is so freaking hot. Don’t take this the wrong way, but Avanti is beyond hot. That bitch is steaming. If I were into girls, I’d be following her around with my tongue hanging out of my mouth, and my tail wagging, Serenity said, while sticking her tongue out of her mouth panting.

Nice to know that Avanti is beautiful and I’m plain Jane, I replied.

She is such a hater. Pay her no mind. You may not be hot like Avanti, but you hold your own. Plus Avanti is a real bitch. She thinks that because she’s beautiful she can say and do what she likes and her ass gets away with that because she looks like she just stepped off of the pages of Vogue Magazine, Amina said while rolling her eyes in Avanti’s direction.

Now, who sounds like a hater? You two should be ashamed. Don’t be mad at her because she has good genes, Serenity snapped, rolling her neck at Amina and rolling her eyes at me.

I come from that same gene pool smart ass, I snapped back at Serenity.

And you’re cute. Flawless skin, nice perky boobs, and hair to die for. You just missed out on whatever gene that made Avanti look like that, Serenity said laughing and holding her side as if she had said the funniest thing ever.

If we weren’t related, I’d kick your ass, Amina said, giving Serenity a sour look.

Okay, I’m just saying. Avanti is as close to perfect as a woman could possibly get. She is almost as beautiful as Elina. But if you ask me, you got the best of the gene pool Sophie. You are very pretty, and you’re smart as hell. Elina and Avanti’s IQ’s put together still don’t make them as smart as you are, Serenity said trying to redeem herself.

If I was not comfortable in my own skin, I would have gone in search of the tallest roof in the neighborhood and jumped from it head first.

Well, watch as this average girl takes that beautiful girls man before she can even wonder how it happened. Once he realizes that I’m the one, there will be no effort needed to get him to leave her and fall into my arms, I said with as much determination as I could muster up.

You watch way too many soap operas. Look around us. There are so many good looking guys here that are so much closer to our age. Stop chasing after a man that is already where he needs to be, Serenity continued trying to convince me to give up on my mission to snag the man that I loved from his all too perfect girlfriend.

With her is not where he needs to be. He belongs with me, and the sooner he sees that, the better. Now, you stop hating, and trying to discourage me from going after the man that I love.

I don’t think that it’s love, Sophie. I think that he is a great looking guy, and you have a crush on him that you are confusing for love.

I’m not confused, Serenity. You’ll see.

Before she could say another word, I strolled on to the dance floor, well the middle of the backyard, and stopped next to Ronin and Avanti, who were dancing like their lives depending on keeping up with the beat. Avanti gave me the stink eye, while Ronin smiled and waved. I motioned that I wanted to cut in on the dance, but Avanti continued to give me the stink eye and shook her head no. I could see that she was not going down without a fight. It was going to be harder than I thought to get him alone. My sole purpose for attending the barbecue was to get Ronin away from Avanti just long enough to talk to him alone, but apparently she was having none of it. She was holding on to him tighter than a spider once it has its prey caught in its web.

Embarrassed, I scanned the crowd for Amina and Serenity, and of course found Amina exactly where she always was. In the center of the crowd, shaking what her momma gave her. She was the center of attention no matter where we were. She was starving for attention, and would get it no matter the cost. She was surrounded by several of Ronin’s male cousins as she twisted and rolled her tiny body to the beat of the music.

Continuing to scan the crowd, I spotted Serenity sitting at a table talking to Carlos. Carlos was one of Ronin’s many great looking cousins. In my eyes, he was not half as good looking as Ronin, but he was pretty damn good looking. Somewhere around six foot two, with a basketball players build, dark eyes, and silky black hair, he was pretty cute. I strolled over to the table that they were sitting at, and interrupted their private conversation purposely.

Hi, Carlos, how’s it going, I asked? Giving him a look that told him that I had his number, I wasn’t sure which of the girls he was trying to get with but I wasn’t having it. Carlos wasn’t like Ronin. He was more of a ladies man. I had seen his revolving door of women, and refused to let him add either one of my girls to his list. Not to mention the fact that he was only twenty four years old with two baby mommas.

Hey beautiful, you get prettier and prettier every time I see you, he said winking at me as he stood. As he brushed passed me, he gave me a friendly hug, and whispered into my ear, Come find me later so that we can talk.

I sat down next to Serenity, trying not to curse out loud.

He’s such a slut bucket, I mumbled.

Fine is what he is, Serenity countered.

I don’t trust him. What were the two of you talking about?

He asked about Amina. They always have a thing for Amina.

Don’t look so damned bummed out about that. Look at him. Yes, he is fine as hell, but the guy has a minimum wage job, and two kids, by two different women. Who wants that trouble?

I guess you’re right. I just get tired of everyone that I have a thing for wanting Amina. What is it about her that drives them crazy?

Do you really have to ask? Take a look out on the dance floor.

Serenity stole a quick glance at her sister who was still revving up the crowd as she dropped it like it was hot.

Yeah, I see exactly what it is that they see in her.

And that is exactly what you don’t want them to see in you. So don’t worry about the guys that are interested in Amina, because they are all looking for what Amina is offering. You are going to find a guy who is looking for someone exactly like you, and you aren’t going to have to compete with Amina to get him. Let her have Carlos’s ass if that is what she wants. Hell, they’re just going to use each other for a couple of weeks until Amina gets bored with him anyway.

Yeah, I guess.

She looked upset and somewhat jealous as her eyes remained glued to Amina, who was relishing in all of the attention that she was receiving. She was definitely sexy. She moved with a grace that was unbelievable, with her long hair flowing as she swayed to the music, capturing the attention of everyone within eyesight. Amina’s behavior was so erratic. So erratic that she couldn’t control it. It’s true that she was a natural beauty but her craving for attention was going to be her undoing. She slipped from the arms of one man to the other, moving her arms and body erotically as she danced. There was nothing bashful about Amina. Always inviting attention whether positive or negative, she wanted it.

She was an eyeful, capturing the attention of everyone with her jaw dropping beauty. Some of Ronin’s cousins and uncle’s tried not to stare, but were caught stealing glimpses of the beauty who had taken over the party. The small amount of clothing that she wore that accentuated her every curve didn’t help matters much. Amina was in complete control, dictating the movements of those dancing with her.

We are all dealing with our crap in our own way. You and I are going to find the perfect guys for us. Well, I’ve already found mine. I just have to convince him that I’m worth the trouble that comes along with me. Amina is looking for an immediate fix by sleeping with this guy and that guy. That is her way of dealing, and as her sisters, you and I just have to make sure that she’s protected.

Looking to my left I saw a figure stomping across the humungous back yard. Casey, one of Ronin’s older sisters had her eyes focused on Amina and her six male cousins who were dancing around and drooling over Amina as she swayed sexily to the music. Serenity stood, and I grabbed her arm, and nodded for her to sit back down. She didn’t want the type of fight that Casey brought. Casey was a hard one, but she only wanted the best for those that she cared about. I had spent enough time with her to know that she wasn’t mean out of spite, she just said exactly what was on her mind, and never sugar coated anything.

The music was so loud that I couldn’t hear what she was saying to her cousins, but whatever it was had them scattering across the great lawn away from Amina in record speeds. She was restoring order and daring anyone to challenge her. Carlos walked away with the rest, but much slower still keeping an eye on Amina. He was such a scumbag.

Exactly what did Carlos ask you about Amina, I asked Serenity curiously?

She had told him that she was seventeen and he wanted to verify that with me.

And what did you tell him?

I wasn’t trying to throw salt in her game but I like him. I’m the oldest, so if anyone gets to be with him it should be me. I told him the truth.

First of all, you and Carlos aren’t looking for the same things. Trust me, and stop being so naïve. Continue to wait for Mr. Right. Carlos is definitely not him.

You always have all of this good advice for everyone else. Maybe you should use some of it. Ronin is in love with Avanti, but you aren’t giving up on that.

It’s different. Ronin is different. Carlos has two kids and probably another on the way. He has no respect for women, and thinks that because he’s beautiful, he can treat women as if they are disposable. He’s already thrown away two women that have had children for him. A real man would never do that. Stay away from him.

I know that you’re right, but damn Sophie, he’s beautiful, isn’t he?

Laughing at the puppy dog look on her face, and the stern way that Casey was speaking to Amina in the middle of the dance floor, I placed a hand in the air, and we hi-fived to Carlos’s beauty.

With one hand on her hip, eyes squinted, and a full attitude displaying all over her beautiful face, Amina gave Casey the respect that she deserved, and stood and took the lecture without putting up a fight. Casey had dampened the hell out of the mood that Amina had tried so hard to set with her suitors. First Carlos, and now Casey, the day was getting more exciting by the moment.

We were all going to have to keep in mind that when in Casey’s territory, we were going to have to play by her rules. Amina’s eyes burned through Casey, but she still held her tongue. I could feel Amina’s inner conflict from across the yard. She wanted to curse Casey out, but something inside was warning her that now was not the time, nor the place. Pivoting and heading off in the direction that Carlos strolled off in, Casey was on a mission.

Amina, wearing a look of disappointment, bounced over to the picnic table that Serenity and I occupied, and plopped down next to us. She was fuming over the fact that Casey had stopped her fun and ended the flirting that had just begun. Amina had Carlos in her sights. Casey didn’t know it yet, but there was nothing that she could do to stop it. Amina was unstoppable when she wanted something bad enough. She was gorgeous, to say the least, which meant that even if Carlos had been a half decent human being, he would still not be able to resist Amina.

That bitch, Amina hissed through clenched teeth!

Carlos is out of your league anyhow Amina. Let him chase after someone else, I said.

Out of my league, she asked, obviously insulted?

Placing my hands up in the air, I laughed at the fact that she was more into herself than Avanit was into herself. They should’ve been best friends. I didn’t mean it the way that it sounded. Everyone knows that your cocky ass is beautiful, but Carlos is a real player. He’s older, maybe not more experienced, but he’s older, and he cares for no one but himself. They couldn’t even get his ass to pay child support without taking him to court, and having a judge to order him to pay it. Is that the type of man that you want?

I won’t be stupid enough to get pregnant by him, so I don’t care if he doesn’t take care of his kids. That is no concern of mine, Sophie. You worry about the wrong things, Serenity said wearing an exasperated look on her pretty face.

No, you don’t worry about the right things, I countered with a small amount of attitude.

Sophie’s right Amina. You can’t keep running around sleeping with everyone just because you can. You’re beautiful so not many guys are going to turn you down, no matter how old you are, but that doesn’t mean that they respect you, or that they want you for anything more than just sex, Serenity said, trying to make sense out of her sisters’ behavior.

Until I meet that special someone and I’m ready to settle down, I’m going to have fun. Stop spoiling my fun for me guys. I’m on your side when it comes to Ronin, Sophie. I’m willing to do whatever I can to help you to get your man. I’m not judging you, so give me a break.

You got it. I’m here to support you, but I won’t agree that your risky behavior is okay, I offered the best that I could at that point.

Strolling over to our table, Casey motioned for Serenity to scoot over so that she could sit next to me. Sitting her paper plate filled with barbecue ribs, potato salad, baked beans, corn bread, and corn on the cob on to the table, she smiled at me and said, Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. You girls are growing up entirely too fast.

Casey never missed a beat. She didn’t need to say any more than that, but I still played dumb.

Turning to face her I asked, You think that I’m growing up too fast? And why is that?

You may be able to fool everyone else little girl, but I was once you. Twenty one on the outside, thirteen on the inside, hormones raging out of control, and wanting things that I was too young to understand that I was not ready for.

If you only knew.

Well, I don’t know why you have a thing for a man who is… . wait—let me repeat that… a man who is six years older than you are sweetie, and who’s dating your aunt.

Taking a break from flirting with Carlos, Amina began rolling her eyes in Casey’s direction, and said, How do you know what we’re too young for, Casey? We may be able to teach you a little something. You’re what, twenty four and you still aren’t married?

Amina and her big mouth were always writing checks that her ass couldn’t cash. Always getting Serenity and I in the middle of a feud that we had no interest being involved in, and Casey was not someone that I cared to battle with. Standing at five feet eight and a half inches, with a medium build, dark hair and dark eyes, she was as amazing looking as Ronin. As beautiful as Casey was, she was rough around the edges. Rough enough to take Amina, and give me the fight of my life.

Casey could go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds, and that’s what I liked most about her. That was the reason that I was closest to her than to any of Ronin’s other sisters. She was more like me than the others were. Snapping her neck around to give Amina her full attention she said in more of a whispered tone, Your little hot ass better shut the hell up! And, if I catch your ass anywhere near Carlos, I will treat you like the adult that you think that you are, and kick your ass myself! Now, sit back while I’m speaking to Sophie, and you keep that smart ass mouth, and those legs of yours closed! Turning her attention back to me, she shook her head in disgust, and continued with her lecture, "Lord have mercy Sophie. Did you all walk out of your momma’s wombs, walking, talking, and rolling your eyes? When I was your age, I was still playing with Barbie’s,