The Birth of Hope: A Mother's Journey Discovering Peace Within Tragedy

By Genevieve Deely

The Birth of Hope is a compilation of the author’s raw and personal journal entries beginning five days into the loss of her two-and-a-half year old daughter Penny and spanning the following three years. Genevieve felt compelled to write through her feelings of heartbreak and to share her discoveries of blessings, miracles, joy and peace along the way. It is her hope that others experiencing loss and tragedy feel inspired for their own healing and comforted knowing they are not alone on the complicated journey of grief. What begins as a devastating tragedy, reveals itself to be a pathway to spiritual enlightenment for Genevieve. Penny’s departure not only deeply impacted her family, but had a ripple effect on a much wider community than the family could ever have imagined.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jan 8, 2020
• ISBN: 9781982239817

Genevieve Deely

Genevieve Deely is a wife and mother of three children. She earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in communication and video production and is a certified Usui Reiki practitioner. It is through Genevieve’s personal experience of losing her daughter that she came to understand we are all emotional beings connected with one another by the quantum field of love. She believes in the power of healing through vulnerability and that we are guided and protected by a loving source much greater than ourselves. She currently lives in New Jersey with her husband John and children Hope and Jude.

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Copyright © 2020 Genevieve Deely.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-3980-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-3981-7 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 01/07/2020

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Three Years Later

Introduction

The Day Our Grief Took a New Direction

There Is No Right Way to Read This Book

Journal Entries

Healing Exercises for the Heart

Back to Back With an Old Wise Soul

A Chair, the Morning Sun, and Some Feelings

A Pen and a Whole Lot of Imagination

Big Surrender With a Dash of Sage

Penelope Grace Deely Eulogy

Support Resources

Dedication

John, Penny, Hope, Jude

You will embark, he said, on a fair sea, and at times there will be fair weather, but not always. You will meet storms and overcome them. You will take it in turns to steer your boat through fair weather and foul. Never lose courage. Safe harbor awaits you both in the end.

—Daphne Du Maurier

Acknowledgments

It is without a doubt, that if not for our army of support we would not be feeling the peace we do today. From the early hours of devastation right through to today, more than 3 years later, we have been held by our families, extended families, friends, neighbors, our therapist, our bereavement group (SUDC), and even strangers who heard of our tragedy. This constant support reminds us to trust we are being provided for by the Divine love of God. We are grateful. We are blessed.

I would also like to thank my editor Jeannette Encinias, and my Mom Marijke, who both not only provided editorial expertise but a gentle heart and a listening ear to encourage me along the way. This is an exceptionally vulnerable share and it is both of them who reminded me during the weaker moments that these words are for a purpose greater than my own ego.

Lastly, I cannot close this chapter without thanking my husband John, whose never-ending loving support, steadfastness and belief in me lifts my soul. I love you.

Three Years Later

I am willing to see this differently. It has been three years now and this notion was the turning point for me on this journey of grief. It didn’t come easily. Suddenly thrust deep into the turbulent world of pain from every which way I looked-physical, mental and most definitely emotional-it was so very hard to comprehend what had happened. My brain knew that Penny’s body had died, but the rest of me did not catch on. There was so much confusion in that first year as I would wake in the middle of the night not remembering, but then, oh my god, remembering that she was not sound asleep in her crib, as she had been for two-and-a-half perfect years. I would lay my head back down on a pillow that then became drenched by the storm in my heart, feel John’s warm arm move over to comfort me, and utter these words, Dear God, I am willing to see this differently. I so desperately did not want to live a life of sadness, I did not want to be labeled a bereaved parent. I did not want to live out the rest of my days victimized. I knew that was not why I was here on earth. With these words, a slow and steady alchemy was taking place. Behind the scenes of daily torture and in the silent quantum web of energy, a magical needle of power was weaving together my broken heart. The thread was made strong of love from our army of support, but most definitely enriched by my own willingness, my choice, and my trust that there could be a blessing in this tragedy. A most painful blessing like that of a beautiful rose; you hold it up to breathe in the purest scent of Divine, and as you do you realize you are bleeding from the sharp thorns of its stem. Life is full of these bittersweet moments and I have learned to trust that even though I bleed there are boundless blessings that far outlive the deepest of scars.

Introduction

You are not alone in your pain. The unbearable, the unthinkable, the most devastating catastrophe has occurred. Your child is no longer in your arms. You are constantly buried under a tidal wave of sadness, anger, disbelief, confusion, pain, anxiety, and depression. I know these feelings well. I have been there and I still am from time to time. But I assure you, the tidal waves get further and further apart with every breath you take.

When my daughter passed away, I would ask others over and over again, How will I live my life without Penny?! But as the early days and weeks passed by, I started to realize that I wasn’t living my life in chunks of time, but instead moment by moment. I told myself if I could just get through these bad moments with trust that I am loved and guided by something much greater than me, I could weather them time and time again. I have now learned in life’s devastating moments to feel them and then let them go. I now surrender my darkness to dissolve into the hands of God. I can’t rely solely on my mind to do what’s best for me and so in asking God to take them, I feel liberated from the burden of all my confusion and heartache and for a brief while, all is well.

Over time I also started to see that my daughter is very much alive. Not in the earthly way that my five senses are used to. Rather, my sixth sense was tuning into the truth of who she was, who she is, and who she will always be: her spirit. Penny has been showing me daily, in her own way, how she is walking every step with her family and with all those left saddened by her departure. These signs always come at the right time when we need some courage to get through a rough day of missing her or even when we are experiencing joy. Penny not only supports us during the hard times but she rejoices with us in the good ones too. Her signs come in the form of pennies, white feathers, cardinals and blue jays, heart-shaped objects, bunnies, rainbows, extra sparkly rays of sun, synchronistic occurrences, and acts of kindness from so many people, both those we know and those we don’t. I now believe with every fiber of my being that she is Love and in the company of God and His heavenly angels. Most of all I know that she is so full of joy! As a parent, what more could you ask for your child? This gives me peace of mind to calm my parental anxieties. She doesn’t suffer. It is only us still on earth who do and we have the power to stop the suffering.

I now see that this tragedy was the catalyst for my personal growth. I now see that my pain is my love for Penny flipped over on the transformational side. My daughter’s departure was the most profound blessing of my life, albeit the most painful one. I have a much deeper understanding of what God means to me and greater trust in His guidance. I now know we are all connected in spirit, through the magnificent energy of creation. I now understand we create the quantum web of love surrounded by infinite possibilities. I now trust there is Divine strength working through me, providing me with a stable foundation to ride this roller coaster we call life.

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