Grieving Hearts in Worship: A Ministry Resource

By Rev. Dr. Michael E. Landon

Grieving Hearts in Worship offers an in-depth opportunity to answer challenging questions concerning a growing disconnect between how we grieve and how we worship God. Through the use of stories, poetry, creative worship services and thought-provoking discussions, Landon shares his unique understanding of the nature of our need for rituals in worship as a beneficial part of our journey towards healing. By exploring major thoughts and writings on grief, he identifies common threads, weaving together a living tapestry that expresses the depth of personal and communal experiences of grief. Reading this contemplative approach to discussing grief and its place in worship will open your eyes to a new way of seeing Gods love for the grieving. The books practical suggestions offer church leaders and members a blend of topics, worship services, and reflection questions that include:
? Attitudes About Death and Grief
? Annual Remembrance Services
? Finding Hope in Brokenness
? Anger and Vulnerability in Worship
? Rediscovering Joy
? Walking the Labyrinth
? When A Church Dies

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 25, 2012
• ISBN: 9781468563597

Rev. Dr. Michael E. Landon

The Reverend Dr. Michael E. Landon holds a Bachelor of Arts, in Sociology with an emphasis in Social Welfare from California State University, Northridge; a Master of Divinity, from McCormick Theological Seminary; a Diploma in the Art of Spiritual Direction and a Doctor of Ministry, from San Francisco Theological Seminary. Prior to entering the ministry, he worked as a psychiatric social worker with the homeless and the homeless mentally ill. As an ordained minister (teaching elder) in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), Michael has served in several different capacities. He has been both solo pastor and associate pastor, serving small rural congregations, intercity and suburban congregations. Michael has also served as a hospice chaplain and bereavement coordinator. For a number of years he has offered spiritual direction, and has served as a facilitator for a spiritual direction training program at the Benedict Inn, Beech Grove, Indiana. As a trained labyrinth facilitator, he has offered labyrinth retreats and workshops. He has been a popular speaker and retreat leader on topics of grief, spirituality and dementia, forgiveness, prayer, and various aspects of living with chronic disease. Michael’s next book will be focusing on reflections on faith and living with chronic disease – sharing his own journey of living with chronic disease and finding God’s deep abiding presence within. Michael lives in central Indiana with his wife and two teenage daughters.

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© 2012 by Rev. Dr. Michael E. Landon. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright © 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked RSV is taken from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright © 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE Copyright ©1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scriptures marked KJV are taken from the King James Version.

Candle Lighting Litany in Chapter 4, is an adaptation of, A Candle Lighting Memorial for Christians Who Are Grieving, by Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Robert DeVries, The Empty Chair, © 2001, Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, Used by permission.

Excerpts from Walking A Sacred Path: Rediscovering the Labyrinth as a Spiritual Tool by Lauren Artress, copyright © 1995 by Lauren Artress. Used by permission of Riverhead Books, an imprint of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/14/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-6358-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-6357-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-6359-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012905031

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Cover & Interior Photography by Adam DeBard

Contents

Illustrations

Permissions Granted

Acknowledgments

A Seed Of Noticing

Chapter

1

A Beginning

Foundation :

Attitudes

Towards Death

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter

2

Discussing Grief

Traditional Approaches

A Contemplative Approach

And Jesus Began To Weep

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter

3

Rituals:

Connecting Worship

And Grief

Bob And Sue’s Story

Our Need For Ritual

Pete And Cher’s Story

What Is Missing:

Exploring The Disconnect

Rituals In Worship:

Reconnecting With God And Others

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter

4

A Time To Remember

Mark And Rhonda’s Story

Service Outline

(Taizé Style)

A Discussion Of Time To

Remember Taizé Service

Service Outline

(Traditional Style)

A Discussion Of Time To

Remember Traditional Service

Other Ways The Church

Can Remember

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter 5

Finding Hope In Brokenness

Jane’s Story

Service Outline

Ash Wednesday—Finding Hope In Brokenness

A Discussion Of Brokenness,

Hope, And Worship

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter

6

Bring It All To God:

Anger And

Vulnerability

In Worship

Wilma’s Story

A Look At Anger In Worship

Service Outline

Bring It All To God

A Discussion Of

Bring It All To God

When Grief Grips A Nation

Service Outline

A Call To Prayer

Tears From The Pulpit—

The Gift Of Vulnerability

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter

7

Rediscovering Joy

Service Outline

Rediscovering Joy

A Discussion Of Rediscovered

Joy In Worship

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter

8

Walking With Our Loved Ones On The Labyrinth

A Healing Prayer Walk

What Is A Labyrinth?

Walking The Labyrinth

Service Outline

An All Saints Day Service Of Remembrance And Labyrinth Walk

Discussion Of All Saints Day Labyrinth Service

Service Outline

Good Friday Prayer And Meditation Labyrinth Walk

A Discussion Of Good Friday Labyrinth Service

The Labyrinth As A Spiritual Tool For Healing On Our Journey

Of Grief

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter

9

When A Church Dies:

Spreading Seeds Of Faith

Hope Chapel’s Story⁸⁵

The Role Of Worship And Ritual

An Invitation To The Larger Church

Service Outline—

Spreading The Seeds Of Faith:

Hope Chapel’s Closing Worship Service

A Brief Discussion On Aspects Of The Closing Service

For Conversation And Reflection

Chapter

10

Continuing The Journey

Learning Along The Way

Where Do We Go From Here?

For Conversation And Reflection

Afterword

Anne’s Story

Hope Chapel’s Sprouting Seeds

About The Author

Appendix

Walking The Labyrinth

References

Notes

Footnotes

Illustrations

Figure 1: 11 Circuit Chartres Design

Figure 2: 7 Circuit Classical Design

Both labyrinth images used by permission

of www.labyrinths.org

In memory of Dr. Winston W. and Lois Kimbrough Crouch

My maternal grandparents

Without their on-going encouragement and support for furthering my education and following God’s call into the ministry, this book and the experiences leading to it would never have been possible. I remain eternally grateful to them and to my mother and step-father, John and Arlene Quinn, for continuing to share my grandparents’ legacy of support and encouragement.

In memory of

Ceara Duys

William

Sam Close

Ed and Louise Landon

Willie Alzada Kimbrough—Granny Kim

Dick and Virgie Landon

Jeff Stevens

David Weiss

Hope Chapel Presbyterian Church

All our loved ones who have gone before us

If we are leaving the most painful aspects of our lives out of our worship together, then how can our lives truly be transformed?

The experience of God is not simply a concept to be understood, but is a tangible experience that often defies our intellectual understanding of the universe.

Michael E Landon

PERMISSIONS GRANTED

Acknowledgment is gratefully given for permission to reprint the following:

Please See Me Through My Tears by Kelly Osmont, originally published in, More Than Surviving, Caring for Yourself While you Grieve, © 1990, Centering Corporation, www.centering.org Used with permission.

Sorrows Grip by Trudy Bledsoe, OCDS, not previously published, used by permission

Revealing the Brokenness by Roberta Porter, Reprinted from Alive Now (March/April 1996), (Nashville: The Upper Room, Inc. 1996), 10-11. Used by permission. alivenow.org

You are the Beloved by Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved by Nouwen, H. Published by The Crossroad Publishing Company 1992. Reprinted with permission by The Crossroad Publishing Company. www.cpcbooks.com

Take O Take Me As I Am by JL Bell, © 1995

Lord, Where Have We Left You? by Bell/Maule © 1987

Copyright © XXXX, Wild Goose Resource Group,

Iona Community, Scotland

GIA Publications, Inc., exclusive North American agent

7404 S. Mason Ave., Chicago, IL 60638

www.giamusic.com 800.442.1358

All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Eat This Bread by Taizé, © 1978, 1998

O Lord, Hear My Prayer by Taizé, © 1991

Copyright © XXXX, Ateliers et Presses de Taizé,

Taizé Community, France

GIA Publications, Inc., exclusive North American agent,

7404 S. Mason Ave., Chicago, IL 60638

www.giamusic.com 800.442.1358

All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Slight adaptation of Guided Meditation of Ezekiel 37:1-14 by Joyce Rupp in May I Have This Dance, Ave Maria Press © 1992, Used by permission

Slight adaptation of Create in Me a Clean Heart by Joyce Rupp in Out of the Ordinary © 2000, published by Ave Maria Press, Used by permission

Excerpts from Good Goats: Healing Our Image Of God, by Dennis Linn, Sheila Fabricant Linn, & Matthew Linn, Copyright © 1994 by Dennis Linn, Sheila Fabricant Linn, and The Wisconsin Province of the Society of Jesus, Paulist Press, Inc, New York/Mahwah, N.J. Used with permission off Paulist Press. www.paulistpress.com

Excerpts from God Damn God: A Reflection on Expressing Anger in Prayer, by Sheila Carney R.S.M., Biblical Theology Bulletin (Volume 13, Issue 4) pp. 116-120, copyright © 1983 by Biblical Theology Bulletin, Inc., Reprinted by Permission of SAGE (and blessings by Sheila Carney)

Excerpts from Mighty Stories, Dangerous Rituals: Weaving Together the Human and the Divine, by Herbert Anderson & Edward Foley, copyright © 1998 by Jossey-Bass Inc., Publishers, A Wiley Company. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

§ From Reformed Spirituality: An Introduction for Believers. © 1991 Howard L. Rice. Used by permission of Westminster John Knox Press. www.wjkbooks.com

§ From Soul Feast: An Introduction for Believers. © 1995, 2005 Marjorie J. Thompson. Used by permission of Westminster John Knox Press. www.wjkbooks.com

Excerpts from Liberating Rites: Understanding the Transformative Power of Ritual by Tom F. Driver © 1998, published by Westview Press A Member of the Perseus Books Group. Used by permission of Tom F. Driver

Excerpts from Finding My Way Home: Pathways to Life and the Spirit by Henri Nouwen. Published by the Crossroad Publishing Company© 2001. Reprinted with permission by The Crossroad Publishing Company. www.cpcbooks.com

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4 KJV

I am deeply indebted to many people for their prayers, support and encouragement through this long and challenging journey. There are so many I know that I will not be able to name them all, and truth be told, I don’t even know all who have been praying behind the scenes over the years. So first and foremost I wish to thank those who are willing to pray for someone they do not even know and have likely never even met, or will ever meet. I thank my family and friends that have held me in prayer. I think too often we overlook the power and possibilities of this simple gift—prayer.

I must thank my dissertation advisor, The Rev. Dr. Mary Caygill, for her patience, wisdom, insightfulness and guidance throughout my long and extended journey towards my Doctor of Ministry degree. I am thankful for her continued support and encouragement, and not giving up on me; as well as not letting me give up on me or this project. Along with Mary, I thank San Francisco Theological Seminary’s D. Min. program and Diploma in the Art of Spiritual Direction program, for not only inspiring me, but opening my eyes and heart to a much larger world, and a much larger God. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to dip into the pool of collective wisdom that is shared through the programs, faculty and students.

I have had the privilege of serving in a number of ministry capacities, and have been challenged and blessed by each one of them. I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge them and their contribution: First Presbyterian Church of Oregon, IL; Orchard Park Presbyterian Church, Indianapolis, IN; First Presbyterian Church of Lebanon, IN; Hope Chapel Presbyterian Church, Lafayette, IN; Thorntown Presbyterian Church, Thorntown, IN; Covenant Federated Church, Kentland, IN; the Synod of Lincoln Trails; Heartland Hospice; Spiritual Direction Internship Program at Benedict Inn, Beech Grove, IN. I am grateful for the many gifts received and lessons learned; you will remain in my heart always.

I am equally blessed and thankful for the countless number of people I have had the privilege of walking with on their journey of grief, and for those whose stories are contained within these pages. It has been an honor to share them.

Special acknowledgement is given to Diana Swinney of Creative Stained Glass for allowing the stained glass beveled hearts to be a part of the cover design and interspersed throughout the book. Diana is a local artisan of Lebanon, IN, whose creativity opens a window of beauty and inspiration that words could never express. Within her stained glass is reflected the beauty and love of God, that sparkles, dances, warms, and is awe-inspiring. My family is grateful to be able to enjoy these precious hearts each day on our porch.

Another artist needing to be acknowledged is Gail Johnston of Stoneware Pottery in W. Lafayette, IN, for granting permission to use her original handmade chalice and plate that were used in the cover design. These were parting gifts from the elders of Hope Chapel. I will always treasure them and know that each time they are used, Hope Chapel’s legacy continues—seeds of faith and new life spreading from the table of grace, through symbols of hope, and one of the most important life giving rituals in Christian worship. Thank you, Mary, Lou Ann (LA), Sheila, Patty, Emily, and Debbie for walking a most difficult path with me.

A third artist that needs recognition is Adam DeBard. Without really knowing what that book was about, beyond the title, he beautifully captured the essence of the book through his photography. Thank you Adam, and I pray you continue to use and share your precious gifts and talents.

The hospitality, prayer and genuine support and care of the Sisters of Our Lady of Grace Monastery, Beech Grove, IN, are greatly appreciated. The time spent amongst you as I wrote, was a special gift. My Group Spiritual Direction group and Peer Supervision group: Laurel, Della, Jane, Nicci, Nancy, Marilyn and Dawna, thank you for holding me in prayer, gently nudging me when I needed it, and helping me to see the deeper movements of the Spirit within. In so many ways you have been the healing light of Christ on this journey. I am truly blessed.

I also thank the special group that gathered in Michigan for the Awakening the Creative Spirit intensive in June 2011. I especially thank Christine Valters Paintner and Betsey Beckman our fearless facilitators who pushed us to our edges, while enveloping us with the Spirit’s loving embrace. Thank you for opening me to the possibility of dreaming again and seeing those dreams come true. Thank you for helping me to look beyond my limitations, and to breathe in the sacred moment. I also give a special thank you to Rachelle for a ride with the top down, making it possible to reach the beach, and for gathering such beautiful stones that now rest on my shelves—telling stories of their own. Thank you for capturing that moment of reflective grace on film.

I would be lost without my editing crew, as spell-check is just not enough. For my dissertation: Rev. Barbara Peter, Arlene Quinn, and Marilyn Webb. For Grieving Hearts in Worship: Rev. Barbara Peter, Rev. Dr. Felipe Martinez, Scott Hutcheson, Rev. Lea Elrod, Jene McVay, Rev. R.G. & Anne Boone, Arlene Quinn, and Danna Gordon. I thank you for your wisdom and insight, for your spelling and grammatical ability that far surpasses mine, for your eagle eyes in catching what I missed, and for being willing to push and challenge me, and for your willingness to be a part of this project. You have not only helped fine tune and polish what I wrote, but you have helped it come alive in ways I had not imagined.

Most importantly of all, I thank my family; my wife Janet and our daughters Moriah and Juliette. Without your support and encouragement this book would never have happened. You have lived this journey with me, with all its ups and downs, twists and turns. I am truly grateful and humbly blessed. There are no words that can adequately express my love and appreciation, and great joy that we travel this path together. I know that at times it seemed as if this project would never end. Now we can do our happy dance and see were God will lead us next.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Psalm 23:6 KJV

A SEED OF NOTICING

AN INTRODUCTION

The petals drop

            giving the illusion of death

The petals drop

            revealing a new beauty,

                       a new way of seeing and being

The petals drop

            spreading their color across the table

                       joining and transforming what is there

The petals drop

            revealing the naked seeds and stem

                       revealing their own sacred pattern of life

                       and beauty

The petals drop

            bringing transformation

Michael E Landon

Grief and worship are two words seldom found paired together. Grieving Hearts in Worship invites pastors, leadership boards, worship leaders and congregants to enter into an on-going dialog regarding grief, resulting from the death of a loved one and the role of rituals as we worship God. In this book I discuss attitudes towards death, ways of talking about grief and the need for rituals. Six different models for worship services, each focusing on various dimensions of the grief experience, will be presented.

For me this discussion began as a tiny seed of awareness that something was missing in our worship services, leading to a lack of authenticity and relevancy. I have journeyed through a variety of ministry contexts: small and large church pastorates, hospice chaplaincy and spiritual direction, small rural towns, suburbs, and downtown inner cities. In my journey I grew increasingly aware of the distance between grief and worship, and the impact that was having on our congregations, as well as our relationship with God. This distance, which I later named disconnect, became the underlying drive for working towards my Doctor of Ministry degree from San Francisco Theological Seminary. Grieving Hearts in Worship is a refinement of my final dissertation and project.

As you read and engage in this discussion, it is important to know the soil in which my seed of awareness germinated—the foundation I built upon. As a pastor, spiritual director, and grief worker, I share what I have learned from my own personal grief and times of worship. I also share from the experiences of the countless number of people who I have had the privilege to accompany on their journey of grief.

I bring my understanding and experience of the Reformed Tradition and in particular, the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), as well as my strong commitment to ecumenical relationships. Though I am deeply rooted within the Christian faith, I am also aware of God’s truth and wisdom found in other faith traditions; giving me hope that one day all of God’s creation will know peace. At the core is how I understand humanity’s relationship with the Triune God. Here, I look to Scripture to nourish the taproot of my seed of awareness, as well as my whole being:

So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them . . . God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.

Genesis 1:27, 28a, 31a

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.

John 1:1-5

Every person’s life and faith journey is an unfolding story. Our own unique story begins and ends with God. It is God who gives us life, creating us in God’s own image, blessing us, and seeing us as very good. This goodness does not leave us, because it is God’s goodness embedded in our very DNA. However, it does get covered up or distorted by our sinfulness. It is hidden by our ill-conceived choice to live independently of God, with the illusion that we are in control. What we believe about God, life and death has a direct impact on how we grieve and worship, and on how we interact in community.

Though I have shared key elements of the foundation of my faith and beliefs, I have truly only scratched the surface. I am sure that as you read further there will be additional glimpses of my foundation’s depths, its strengths as well as its weaknesses. There will be issues raised that may cause you to pause and wonder, make your blood boil, shout for joy, weep in sorrow, and many other reactions. As I said in the beginning, this is an invitation to dialogue; therefore it stands to reason that we will each be approaching the subject from our own experiences and biases. Throughout Grieving Hearts in Worship, the reader will find multiple dimensions of meaning, and will be encouraged to integrate new experiences into their own journey of faith.

Though grief, through the death of a loved one, and worship and its rituals are the primary focus of Grieving Hearts in Worship, there will be from time to time other issues raised that are connected to the main topic, but have additional implications for our churches and communities. For example, the growing disconnects between grief and worship may be a contributing factor in declining church membership and low involvement in the life of the church. Another is a perceived lack of authenticity as we worship. Do we bring our true and full selves as we worship or lead worship? Are our services truly welcoming and safe places to bare our souls, without fear of judgment or ridicule? There are many in our society hungering for a deeper sense of God’s presence, for healing and for hope, yet find it increasingly difficult to discover God within the church. It is my experience that as we more fully experience God in our lives, we are able to be more fully authentic, and our churches are better able to be a beacon of hope.

The services and reflections presented in this book are the culmination of multiple retreats and small group discussions, worship services and countless conversations with the bereaved. Each offers the opportunity to deepen one’s awareness of God in worship as we grieve. Though the basic design of each service is mine, as are the majority of the written prayers and litanies; I have also used the work of others in creating some of the liturgies and readings. I have done my best to acknowledge the author of each liturgy. However, I have collected various liturgies over the years whose original source I have never known; many of these have been adapted, altered, or rewritten from their original form; in no way am I attempting to take credit for someone else’s artistic expression. I have also included the full text of what was spoken—minus the sermons in most instances—and indicated when it was not printed in the bulletin. The style of each service ranges from contemplative Taizé to traditional liturgical to more contemporary, as well as a blending of styles. There will be familiar elements and rituals, with some that have been altered. There will also be some elements and rituals that are new and different, that encourage moving out of one’s comfort zone. These may at first feel awkward and uncomfortable, but with time and practice, may begin to be more accepted than unusual. The six services are:

A Time to Remember: a look at annual remembrance services for the church and larger community

Finding Hope in Brokenness: when our hearts are broken and our lives feel shattered, hope can be found

Bring It All to God: a look at anger and vulnerability in worship, discovering God is bigger than what we feel and not threatened by our feelings

Rediscovering Joy: celebrating places of growth and signs of new life

Walking with Our Loved Ones on the Labyrinth: experiencing an ancient spiritual tool in today’s world

When a Church Dies: looking at the importance of worship when a church closes

Each of the above chapters contains a service outline, a discussion concerning the rituals used, how they might impact the grief journey and open possibilities to reconnecting with God, self and others in worship and beyond. At the end of each chapter is a section, For Conversation and Reflection to help facilitate group conversations around the different topics. Whether discussed within a leadership board, clergy group, worship or Christian education committee, or other group configuration, it will be more beneficial for depth of conversation, sharing and application if participants have read the chapter ahead of time. The questions will also be beneficial for individual reflection. The concluding chapter, Continuing the Journey, is a summary of what has been learned in this process. Keeping in line with such authors as Herbert Anderson and Edward Foley, Tom Driver, and Thomas Attig, each chapter has personal stories woven throughout. To maintain confidentiality, names have been changed, unless permission has been given to do otherwise. Also to maintain confidentiality, the only congregation specifically named is Hope Chapel. Anderson and Foley remind us that telling one’s story is a powerful and transformative ritual in and of itself. Attig states it this way:

I believe that stories of loss through death are the heart of the matter in reflection on loss and coping. As I see it, the point of developing any ideas on the subject is to foster a better understanding of, and more effective response to, individuals living with loss.¹

As with art, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some pieces bring delight; some evoke deep emotion, while others simply do not speak to us at all. There is always the possibility of seeing what the artist intended. It is also possible to see things the artist did not intend. In surprising ways we find meaning, appreciation and sometimes disagreement and dislike. As theologian Henri Nouwen looked upon Rembrandt’s painting, The Return of the Prodigal Son and discovered multiple dimensions of meaning, so readers of Nouwen’s book² are encouraged to experience Nouwen’s journey while integrating it with their own journey of faith.

The services, poetry, stories and experiences reflected within these pages will likely be received in the same manner. It is my hope and prayer that Grieving Hearts in Worship will provide pastors, leadership boards, worship leaders, and their congregants with a deeper awareness and understanding of their own grief and connection with God as we worship together.

CHAPTER

1

A BEGINNING

FOUNDATION :

ATTITUDES

TOWARDS DEATH

Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

John 12:24

As Christians, we confess that finitude is good even when we have difficulty seeing that goodness. Death as the ultimate expression of our limitations is not a violation of God’s order . . . Learning to live with limits is a lifelong task.³

If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

Romans 14:8

I was ten years old when my paternal grandfather died. This was my first real experience with death. I remember feeling sad, but I also knew that he had been sick for a long time. In fact, he had undergone open heart surgery three years prior, when it was still very experimental, and he was not expected to survive the surgery. Our family’s folklore has always said that it was grandpa’s determination to celebrate his and grandma’s 50th wedding anniversary that kept him going. He died a week after the celebration. He reached his goal.

What I remember most, is watching all of the adults in my family. There was a kind of sadness that I had never seen before, but no one talked about