Love Me Again-Have Heart!

By Joel Ray Pellerin, Charlo Nocete and John Madonsela

This is the ill-fated love story of Thoko Mabuza and, the man she loves, Roger Malandela. Thoko, having experienced profound love with Roger had no choices but to dump him.
Yet, throughout her life Thoko longs for the love she once shared with Roger, who has moved on and is happily married. When a rare opportunity presents itself Thoko tries to rekindle their amazing love. Roger however is not interested.
An unsettled and distant friendship does takes place nonetheless between the two that leads to unforeseen and eventful consequences, among life-love vicissitudes of other people with some links to them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Oct 27, 2015
• ISBN: 9781477122655

Joel Ray Pellerin

Nona Ransom holds a PhD from George Washington University and a BA and MA from Georgetown University in Washington, DC. For several years, she has taught grades 1-3 in the Washington, DC Public Schools System. On a daily basis, she observes young children and knows how they talk, think, learn, and behave. She has written a second book, Outside My Bedroom Walls, which is also a children’s book. Raised in Georgia, Nona Ransom lives in Washington, DC.

Book preview

Love Me Again—

Have Heart!

John Madonsela

Cover Illustration by Charlo Nocete and Joel Ray Pellerin

Copyright © 2015 by John Madonsela.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Cover Illustration by Charlo Nocete and Joel Ray Pellerin

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date 10/26/2015

Xlibris

800-056-3182

www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk

517429

Contents

Dedication

Special Note

PART ONE

In Love With A Friend

Love Lost

A Friend’s Love Stings

Love Hurts

PART TWO

Greetings Will Suffice

PART THREE

Love Heals

PART FOUR

For The Love Of The Little Ones

Rest In Peace My Husband

PART FIVE

Love Me Again, Please

I Will Always Love You

The Stork Flies Over And… Delivers

PART SIX

For Love Of The Elderly

Gogo Ncane

Ncamisile Simelane

No More Leniency

Should We Allow Him?—Have Heart!

Mandla Hlatshwayo

An Outstanding Show

Smart Pants—Toughie, Owl And Genius

PART SEVEN

A Day’s Office Work

Shorter Route Home

Unblessed Holy Water

In All Fairness

A Bloodied Mess

Unacceptable Overtures

The 21st Wedding Anniversary

The Celebration

A Word Or Two

Notes And Reference

Dedication

This book and story is dedicated to those who have had great love, particularly in their youth, but somehow this love passed them by and though they have moved on, settled and even happily so; cannot forget the love of their lives.

Blessed are those who having re-encountered the love of their lives are loved again or get to love. For; true love does not end, and know no age or limitations of any kind. Life is not without challenges. Here is also for inspiration to those who face difficulties or baffling situations in their personal and or professional lives.

Special Note

In this love story, there are instances where love making is depicted or inferred without mention of using protection. While this is the case in the story, the author wishes to remark that making love without protection in this day and time when HIV/AIDS is prevalent, is not advisable and should not be done.

Love making is an act that should be done and enjoyed responsibly, for its own sake or reproduction. The point is: if there are things to be avoided, then these should.

Ideally, you wouldn’t want to eat (especially with your hands), without washing them (with soap), regardless of the fact that you eat to satiate hunger or enjoyment. It is basic. Of course it is! But then, it should be no different with sex!

Also, certain things go well (or better) if done one way rather than the other. If you are going to engage in the deed you may as well make it worth your while. Yet, as we know, this is easier said than done, because the deed is not always simple and straight forward as that. There is a component of it that can be complex and with unfathomable depth.

If you are to do the deed with relative degree of success or wow factor… Then, you wish to add to what you do, to pass from being mediocre or average performer and become an advanced-expert-satisfying one.

It is obvious that if you are going to hammer something, the required force is necessary. You may go straight ahead and hit it frenetically without frills or fuss but, you might have heard: easy does it. Consider that too. Meaning: if you are to engage in the deed, you wish to be vigourous; perhaps, rough it a bit and temper it to the right consistency, not only for easy ‘slip’ but for the right temperance to attain the appropriate finish.

That is: be gentle, measured and intricate at times; vary the tempo of wiggling (from fast to slow in different combinations) and or hold it for a while until the requisite finale. This might require finding specific niches, angles, pressures and or rhythm; and this is where experimentation is handy, to inform of the refinements that must take place.

Thus, it is unlikely that you can come to great heights and accomplish great deeds unless you work on your hammering technique. This means that you will not always ‘get it right’; for which you will have to be kind; forgiving, to yourself. The secret of mastery is not to give up and keep practicing, bearing in mind the ultimate goal.

Everything considered, not forgetting all manners of kisses; with the right technique, the appropriate ‘environment’: Outdoors-indoors; the classic location of bed and missionary position or anything else, and of course: the right state-frame of mind; you are more likely to get there than not and reap-enjoy the rewards.

Communication is another basic that is hammered unto us all to time: Talk, they say. Well… All the talk in the world will not do if you are talking different languages and have different-contrasting objectives, which is usually the case. My advice is: compromise to some extent, not necessarily all the time. The whole idea of talk is to articulate and strive to get what you want.

If you can get what you want and another get hers… Then, you are sure in a win-win situation. Be warned though: talk is one of those things that can be complicated-fluid, at cross purposes, frustrating and downright baffling; sometimes requiring making (uncomfortable-hard-painful) choices.

You could also use your talk to spice and or colour things a bit on the psychological-mental level which might as well whip up things and bring them to some other gear or level, by making the appropriate sounds that need not be verbally intelligible.

Some of the tried and tested words to use in these occasions (if you are going to use them) are: sweet, honey, beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, tasty, and along these lines; or their guttural, sibilant, mumbled or slurred equivalents.

Of course there has to be an element of honesty-truth-spontaneity for them to be credible and do the required, exciting, wonders; which means that you may wish to be original, creative but mostly, real.

If a particular shape of nose, colour of eyes, contour of a limb, gait-stride, feel, hairdo and or worn apparel, are knocking your fancy, bewitching you… Why not mention it and its virtues-attributes as coloured, informed, by your imagination?

In any communication and or endeavour it’s crucial not to lose track of the goal when you hit a snag, and keep working on it whenever an opportunity arises (and behind the scenes), and doing what is in your power to grab the opportunity to do the talking with your mouth, body (language) or otherwise.

Changes-adjustments and or choices don’t necessarily have to be hard to swallow and may be for the better; no pain no gain sort of things.

To understand this better, consider that you don’t usually earn a living (get paid-rewarded) unless you do some work. If something is not what it should be, then it definitely needs to be worked. The work itself may be dreary-daunting but if you look it as a necessary and inevitable thing to be done, then you have work cut out for yourself.

All this talk has to do with safe sex-love making and getting the best out of it. Thus: it should be obvious that making love to a person (young person that has reached the age of consent, mature or older person) about whom we are doubtful or know little or nothing about his or hers HIV/AIDS-Human Immune-deficiency Virus/Acquired immune-deficiency Disease Syndrome status is engaging in risky if not self-destructive behaviour that may not be worth it.

The truth is that there is risk in most things we do. This means however that we are exposing ourselves to harm. Reducing risk to the absolute minimum is clever, smart and the right thing to do. Thus, rational and consistently, you discipline-rein yourself; behave and or do things in such a way not to be in harm’s way. No one in his, or her, right mind puts his hand to the fire. You retract it. The same should be with behaviour that leads to harm.

To prevent potential harm in intimate sexual conduct both individuals should be tested for HIV/AIDS regularly (at least once, preferably twice or thrice and regularly thenceforth), know their status; and thus be in a position to engage in the act with informed consent and or subsequently take active and responsible steps to avoid being infected or re-infected when they are sexually active.

HIV/AIDS is an incurable viral disease that expresses itself in two phases; with an initial phase (HIV) where a person is infected and a carrier of the virus with no apparent outwards signs or symptoms of the disease, having been infected through, usually, sexual contact where body fluids, particularly blood, are exchanged.

In the second phase (AIDS), the disease manifests itself in a multitude of ways having won over or weakened the immune system defense of the individual that has been carrying it (since the inception of the infection) and then lets him or her fall to opportunistic diseases that might end with his or her life, if not attended to appropriately, and on time.

TB (Tuberculosis) is an example of an opportunistic disease common in this second phase. It is a bacterial disease that noticeably affects the lungs (and other parts of the body in later stages) and, while curable, can lead to death if not handled correctly.

Most people have an in-built resistance against TB often due to vaccinations in childhood. In a situation where a person’s immune system is weakened-suppressed, TB easily takes root and develops-grows.

TB spreads via the air from the breath-cough of an infected person to another in relative close proximity when it is in the active (developing-growing) stage.

Treating TB itself when a person has contracted it is a long process that takes from 6 months to a year. And unless the treatment is followed strictly, a person risks getting resistant TB that is harder to treat. The important thing in TB is not to miss and or break the treatment which, usually, takes the form of injections or medicines taken daily for the duration of the treatment period.

Hence, knowing the HIV/AIDs status of a person we are or, about to be intimate with, is crucial as; when either or both are HIV/AIDS positive, this has serious health implications which should not be faced-tackled lightly, because we are effectively talking about life and death issues.

The possibility of being infected, carrying the virus and eventually having the full blown disease (commonly called AIDS) and thus be saddled with possible long term adverse health effects if not with one of the most challenging ones and, ultimately, with death; is always present in an intimate relationship where the individuals engage in risky behaviour (making love to someone whose HIV/AIDS status we don’t know).

That’s why it is important to know of one’s and our partner’s or spouses’ statuses (positive or negative) to enable us to take the necessary preventive or palliative measures (if this is the case) and have the best possible health stand by taking the appropriate medication when required.

A balanced and prudent, as opposed to irresponsible and promiscuous lifestyle; including sound-wholesome dietary habits and choices, promote-strengthen our health rather than putting it to further strain and peril of continuous and or multiple infections; and thus avail our body of support measures that enable it to withstand and combat the ravages of the virus that might be debilitating and or destroying our immune system and health.

Using food appropriately not only provides the nutrients that the body needs to function at optimum levels of energy-power but, also, enables it to work, in a way, as medicine; helping the body combat-resist the infection/s-scourge of HIV/AIDS, or related-similar diseases, until such a time where cure is found; or better, more effective and or less expensive medicines are available where they are not available for free in government clinics and or hospitals.

People, often, won’t readily tell or talk about their HIV/AIDS statuses for fear of victimisation, ignorance or for bitter and revengeful wish to harm others by hiding and then infecting them with it, as someone also gave it to them.

Thus, one has to be sexually savvy and pro-active to safeguard and protect one’s health and the health of dear-loved ones by not engaging in sexual relations without protection and or knowing of his or hers partner’s status, i.e. practicing safe sex. This is an important and responsible individual decision-act as regards personal welfare these days.

HIV/AIDS tests are done on a volunteer basis and it is in the interest of anyone who is sexually active or considering being intimate with someone, to do it as soon and as often as possible (if he or she has not done it yet). The test results are confidential; that is: we are told the results but these cannot, must not, be released to third parties without our consent).

One reason to undergo HIV/AIDS testing is that one cannot see by looking (with the naked eye) if the person has or not this disease, especially in the initial phase (HIV).

Doing HIV/AIDS tests may also provide important information of the extent of the immune system debilitation (if one is positive), giving pointers to the ideal time to start taking antiretroviral medicines.

HIV/AIDS does not discriminate on the basis of race, gender, marital status or social-professional position if the necessary precautions are not taken. It will infect a boyfriend, spouse, casual partner (one night stand), baby-child and or adult, etc. To assume that anyone at any given time is clean is fallacious assumption likely to hurt. Like they say: it is better to be safe than sorry.

A condom (when used correctly and within its validity date) is one of the most common and effective means of ensuring protection against HIV/AIDS infection (and other sexually transmitted infections and diseases as well as preventing unwanted pregnancy).

The other method of prevention and protection against getting this disease is to abstain from being sexually active and, or, having-being faithful to one sexual partner or spouse (where there is more than one partner or spouse, stick to that group or set of partners or spouses).

These protection methods can be combined with other protective or palliative measures such as germicidal gels and or ointments including anti-retroviral media, where required; to shield, delay, assuage or counteract infection and onset of the HIV, in particular of AIDS which is the more debilitating and or demanding stage of the disease that requires the full loaded cocktail of anti-retroviral and or ancillary medicines.

Having said this, HIV/Aids is not a death sentence as people live with it if they manage it properly and take the required medication and care.

We should not underestimate the immense power and usefulness of counselling by peers, professionals and spiritual leaders in our homes, workplaces, learning institutions communities, churches, mosques and synagogues, by making use of the guidance and support they afford.

Having said this, the author wishes you, by knowing how to use precautionary, potentially lifesaving, protective measures when engaging in love making, to enjoy the story without a shade of concern!

The Author

PART ONE

In Love With A Friend

How do you tell someone to love you again? One that you are not sure can love you again in the first place? A man for that matter! Sure, we made love in the past, plenty of it. I mean the physical kind of love. What I am talking about here is love of the heart and mind; that makes you feel all fuzzy inside.

Well… The physical love was good, one could even say great. But this love ends the moment the act ends no matter how sweet. The love I am talking about never ends even after the act. It endures for… Let’s just say: a long time.

Yes, I want this man to love me again this very instant. I want the past to be forgotten and forgiven. I want it not to count at all. The fact that I dumped him those many years ago should not count. In fact I say it did not happen. It was a mistake. It does not matter; not now.

What do I know of love? Me? In my whole 43 years of life? I know something certainly. I know that love has nothing to do with one’s age, one’s marital status, one’s professional standing, finances, clan, tribe or race; and even, one’s state of mind. That is love for you.

What I know of love is certainly scary though, very scary as, it has nothing of this world. Yes, it has a touch of heaven; a madness to it, and sometimes is suffused by agonising feelings, a wretchedness, of utter hell that is excruciating torment; and might, sadly, lead to one’s downfall.

Love hardly ever has order, makes much sense and, has power far beyond anything one can think of. That is what I am talking about. Scary, isn’t it? What?

"It is wonderful!" you say. That may be the case but tell me. How on earth do you go on and fall in love with a complete stranger? Explain that to me. Someone you haven’t seen, heard or even thought of?

And you fall in love heads over heels with him. I am a sensible person. I am made that way. I am a woman. I can’t blunder my way in life like that. There is hell to pay if I do.

God, in His infinite wisdom, made me of earth and a very strong piece of a male’s rib cage to make me really strong and absorb earth’s shattering shocks; he also infused me with colour, a lustrous finish; softness and plasticity that my male companions have since hungered for.

That is why they always come after me to partake of this colourful infusion, gloss finish and, let’s accept it: exquisite, charming beauty; captivating spirit; and elaborate mind. To thenceforth, do the business for which the Lord put us on this earth.

It had to be this way otherwise it would not have worked at all. Of course I am strong and complex; it is for nothing that I am made the way I am, with this strength, ultimate sophistication and beauty.

If you come to think about it, everything depends on me. Absolutely everything! With me things are not always what you think they might be.

So, things aren’t as simple as you might wish; there are secrets, wonders and turnabouts… Always! There are loose ends, forked ends, sealed ends and all in between. There is no end to surprises that keep springing forth.

Yet; if you look carefully at it, it is plain simple, logical, down to earth and sensible. Do you understand what I mean? It is like this with love.

I cannot claim to have all the answers as far as love goes as I am still wondering myself about it. I am wondering about the amazing power of love to lift you into zenith and make you bask in its splendour and glory; and then… Possibly drop you into murky, if not hot waters.

If you land on clear balmy waters or get to frolic, prance and cavort on fluffy colourful cushions you are certainly still basking in it. And… I say: enjoy!

How do I know of all these things? I know because they came to pass in my time before my own eyes.

It is still early on this August’s Eighteenth day of the year of the Lord 1982 but late afternoon; the busses are rushing up and down and I am waiting to get my ride home.

I am standing beside the tarred road on firm, neat ground; sensibly a meter and a half away from it. The road slips silent and gently-by laying solid like a ground, thick, compressed; never ending, rock-hardy black mat.

Its margins are twined to smooth, light grey, concrete, flood water drain slabs with visible bisecting lines on the joints; going along on serpentine, undulating, or; long, straight, flat stretches; sometimes ascending, steep and labouriously high; and at others, descending frightening and dizzyingly low; seemingly, disappearing into the horizon…

The distinctive, dorsal white strip and twin yellow boundary lines, still holding on its tar dark surface; in places rendered magical, if not comic, seen from an angled distance; by the mirror-mirage images it plays unexpectedly on our eyes sometimes.

Now and then the road comes alive with the distinct, droning, shrill-flapping-peeling sound when cars, busses and or motorbikes rush through. Yet it never falters, dissipates or chips-away; carrying all and sundry on its sturdy back.

I ride home on this road all the time and I have never acknowledged nor given it much thought. Today, looking at it, I cannot help noticing its staid and expedient presence in my life.

There are people milling around. Most are getting to their homes after a hard day’s work; some are just sauntering-by with no apparent purpose, perhaps happy to be in the hustle and bustle of this rush hour.

Immediately behind me, about a meter or so, there is a huge, professionally set high wire fence beyond which a complex of distinctive modern buildings can be seen, surrounded by spacious, open grounds; well pared and tended lawn, and a few bushes here and there, mingled to bigger yet sparsely interspersed, trees.

I hear faint tweeting of birds from the distance; are they playing, jostling for food; charming, alluring, mates; or, rejoicing from brimful love in swaying mazes of stems, branches, profusion of green and colourful floral display amidst nutritious nuggets?

Or perhaps weeping, inconsolable, from unrequited, unfortunate, love? Let it not be the later, please. For, you wish no such woes befall any living creature; tweeting, braying or hollering! Because, there is no more excruciating misery than that of a soul without a caring, loving, mate.

Though you may not see them on the trees, worker bees are energetically licking and bagging hidden treats in the array of reconfigured; delicate, pretty, yet sturdy leaves; labouring for their beloved queen-mother and siblings; sure never to lose their bearing home for, an enigmatic belly wiggle dance is an infallible compass to steer them to their highness, mother of the whole swarm nation, and the hives of their comb troves.

To be successful in this life, you need scouts, intelligence operatives, a massive force of workers and those that tend; take care of the home base. Wars are fought everywhere over treasure troves; so, Ninja bees, assassins and robbers ones are all part of the complot of a bee’s life.

You cannot go in life without paying your dues to the powers to be, thus; a queen-mother is given royal treatment, starting from the royal jelly she gets early in life to the hoards stored and put to her disposal.

There is no life without water; so, bees too make use of it in their enterprising activities carting it through and forth for the welfare of their colonies. You could say that they use the minutest of it, but use it they do. And if you consider that their members can number up to 60 000 in a colony, then you are talking of inestimable amounts of water here.

Well… Bees can be scary creatures, especially if they swarm on you or perhaps sting you with their venom. But, without bees we wouldn’t have a life… You see: they are a vital link in our life. A bewildering link, fragile even you might say; but this is how strong the multifaceted chain of our own life is. If the last of bees died today*… You can be sure havoc would ensue in our lives. For one: you could count on famine, not to mention diseases and distress that would come with it.

One thing though about worker bees; they don’t mind getting down and dirty in their work. In fact, they take yellow dust or more appropriately, pollen, everywhere they go. That, tiny pollen stalks or grains, are actually mature, lovesick individuals in the lookout for maidens (pistils) to kiss, penetrate and be one with them (fecund-fertilise) ovules to generate new life, is lost to the bees.

But then, even if they knew… Who can, in his or her right mind, really stand against individuals seeking each other…? Who can stand against love? Besides; pollen, by itself, is a potent nibbling treat that can feed hordes of squirming siblings!

"What’s his name" is standing beside me. I don’t care why he is with me. As long as he doesn’t do anything untoward, such as grabbing sly and covertly my behind; he can stay until I have better things to do or I am gone.

What is his business? He hasn’t stated it. Yet it is simple enough to gauge. He hungers for my plasticity and the way the Lord has finished me. I am decked in a rather long, dark grey skirt which is figure hugging that can’t hide the generous curves the Lord willed on me; in fact it highlights and accentuates them; while a white, short sleeved blouse, fitting me comfortably, adorns and delineates my bust. I have black, closed, formal, moderately heeled shoes.

Most of my arms and a small part of my lower legs are being wholesomely sun kissed; and, I am holding the very fashionable and latest light blue Gray-Hammond designed baggy handbag with its distinctive steel GH monogram etched on a glistening clasping square plate that straddles and snaps it closed.

Inside the bag are my beauty assortments and work gear that include mascara, dark brown lipstick, midget mirror, makeup colour pallet, note book, pen and purse with my modest possessions, among others items.

My charcoal coloured hair is writhing; beautifully you may wish to say, all over my oval shaped head, weaved in tiny intricate threads, like tiny pebbles are encrusted all over it. I do not always set my hair in this fashion, preferring to comb it in a simple ball around my head. Today I am feeling devilish and decadently attractive. It might have something to do with my hairdo.

My facial features, though not strikingly beautiful, are fairly set and could satisfy the most demanding of critics.

My eyes are oblong, longitudinal and equidistantly set. While the white colour of the sclera is clear yet dense, giving an intensity and brilliance to the brown iris that people say, makes me seem to be smiling from deep inside and caressing them with my look, and makes me friendly, warm and irresistible to them.

My eye lashes and brows are almost indistinct but, very much, part of the smooth, all round, feminine facial features of my face; in that, a rather masterly sleight of strokes pencilled them on spot, to ornament and protect my face. I can do with them, in ways to entice, astonish and ‘hook’ the male species than with the gorgeously deceptive, fake, ones.

The cheekbone’s scant, smooth flesh and dimples on them that melt people’s hearts, are not prominent; blending well with the whole face. The lips, though not massive as some of my sisters’, can do a good job of kissing. I certainly enjoy kisses. Lots of them! My skin tone is oily dark, all-round.

I can hear well from my rather diminutive, dainty appendages I like to festoon and dangle with tiny, subtle, deceptive and artistically encrusted earrings.

Compliments of all kinds, intended or expressed; especially those laudatory of my persona, character, accomplishments and uniqueness, are music to my ears and likely to land anyone bestowing them on my good books to certainly be rewarded with a beaming, if not covert, demure, enamoured smile of my own if not with a heartfelt, warm, lips impressed, blown; thank you. My verbal response, if feasible and opportune, would certainly be warm-hearted and in kind.

I am not greedy, possessive or ostensive with jewellery, garments or worldly properties; partly due to lack of opulent means but also because I don’t believe in flaunting wealth in material things.

I prefer rather to rejoice and banter in good natured, God given assets and qualities but, all in good measure and humour. After all, a natural talent that resides in us is really not of our own making to gloat about, but a gracious bequest from the Lord.

While one can appreciate and justifiably feel honoured by such bequests, possibly put them to good use and profit; they are to be handled with generosity and humble pose; in as much as they were granted to us. It is crass and shallow to brag, show off and luxuriate in them.

We seem to forget that the best things in life, of inestimable value, without which we would not even have a life, are in abundance and at our gratuitous disposal:

No amount of money can pay for a healthy body and sound mind. No amount of prestige can bestow a fond and endearing heart. And, no amount of wealth can twist the hand of fate when it has determined that our days on earth are over! We forget and err… At our own peril!

But, after all; I am a woman, and I cannot do without a touch of artistry in me; denoting the simple yet engaging if not arrestingly beautiful artefacts of life; be they jewellery, garments or plain, good and sensible style of living; which in a way heralds, compliments, symbolises, what is good, captivating and fascinating about my gender and life.

Other than my short height, about which I can do nothing, the lord having chosen instead to be generous and glorify me with a well-rounded, curvelicious behind and; ample, luscious breasts. I can say that I am happy with myself even though a rather niggling matter has been bothering me of late. I am not a young girl but I am certainly in my prime; definitely not in my thirties, not yet! Let’s say I am a grown up, healthy and attractive woman!

But let me tell you… It is not about looking outwardly beautiful and glamorous; desirable and self-gratifying this might be. It is also about inner peace; having good relationships with others, especially significant others; you could say, the whole world in fact. Being in tune and harmony with Mother Nature, our Omnipotent creator; and, living life, undeniably, to the fullest.

Meaning: able to earn a decent living and afford material things not to stress much. That is: not starve; having something not shabby to wear, a place to call your own, not necessarily a mansion or shack, for that matter. Have dignity, heritage, history and culture to be proud of, and really; being in good spirits and health to indulge in your thing.

Of course you cannot do without tending, wholesome, your body, and nourishing-feeding the heart; you wish for a soul mate; a strong arm or bosom (a spouse-life partner) on which to rest, offload life’s troubles and share in this adventure that, honestly, life is; which is not ‘given’ but often, one has to work hard, sweat and fight for it. Ultimately, one has to fulfil one’s destiny and meet her fate.

You might say I am brooding… That is the problem with the perpetual consciousness of the mind; it can just go on these memory line pursuits, pitiful or righteous endeavours if not regurgitate and or hold on to what is dear to it.

This day of the Lord is warm with clear skies; an absolute African gem. In a while it will dip and hide itself out of sight. It has been releasing its charming brilliance all day long. It is only fair that it gets to rest and perhaps charm other recesses of the world to weave its magic and warm brilliance on them.

What’s his name can’t help standing beside me in this bus stop. He is attracted to me like a fly to fresh manure; even though he is making a valiant effort to hide it, I can see right through his mask.

He is not the first; others have come and gone, perhaps daunted by the prospect of getting my attention and getting me into the swing of things. This one might either be in a very bad way or he really cannot help what his eyes are showing him.

Wherever he was going, possibly home from a stroll, a stretching of legs or whatever; he has been swayed out of his way and he is going to try his luck into something with me.

He is not bad looking. He is tall, dark and well-formed and is sporting short combed hair, brown trousers, light blue shirt; thick, brown, plastic rimmed glasses and is rather fresh faced. I would say average handsome perhaps a bit more than average.

He is not a bad piece of male meat. I can have this kind of meat any time. I mean: on weekends or after work. But I don’t need it. I have my plate full this instant; another Handsome, but not as tall as the one standing beside me is keeping me busy.

My Handsome has a body that I am happy with. I love his skin tone and facial features and his being squat, almost bulldoggish. His skin is yellow like the sun and, the face is fairly and proudly set, somewhat dismissive; you might think he is a scion of kings or princes.

Handsome is only but slightly taller than me which makes him nicely reachable. I can imagine stepping up just to caress What’s his name’ lips. Not that I am averse to working myself up but why get into a lot of trouble when you can easily pluck your apples at your leisure?

Not that I think this will actually happen with What’s his name. It is just a precautionary thought; more like a pre-run. I could handle it if I had to. I can give him plenty kisses, amorous kisses; tiptoeing on my legs. In that, I am covered.

Anyway, when my Handsome is clamming on me, his skin kinda irradiates and illuminates my rather darker skin shade. It feels well and happily rubbed and I like that. His golden skin tone radiance brightens and flatters my vanity. It gives me hope that in the business of life it might impact on our underlings. I think this skin tone to be beautiful, attractive and worth of my misgivings.

What he might have up there or down under may not be impressive but, to be honest, it works well for me. What else can you ask for in life? I can hold my own in the stakes of life and cannot pretend that all are as endowed and enlightened as I am, regardless of what is dangling between their legs or covering their scalps, I know better.

My Handsome is not as eager as What’s his name. We transact, I and him, fairly often, so he does not have to stress much about the engagements of the business of life. But it is high time we put this partnership of ours into more solid grounds.

These loose engagements are disconcerting me. There is nothing in black and white that tie us. He may walk any time and day and I would be left with no life business partner, I don’t want that.

I think our relationship should rest on a contractual basis, call it a marriage contract or traditional wedding I wouldn’t mind which.

Whether we do it with a white wedding dress under a giant cake accompanied by a wedding band and march, with family and friends as witnesses and guests; or in traditional garb, regalia and amusement; I honestly wouldn’t give a hoot. I just don’t like the uncertainty of our present status; that is all.

He gives me no choice but to consider and explore other options. In fact I am suspecting that he is not for the long haul and is transacting me for his own transient and selfish enjoyment. Let’s see what this What’s his name has got. He may, as well, entertain me while I wait for the bus to come.

There is nothing preventing a bloke trying his chances. There are no laws against it; you could even say that it is encouraged by society. As long as all is done above board, it is no sweat, really.

Anything without permission is bound to spoil and ruins his chances anyway. He wants to showcase his fare? By all means I will give him a chance. It is only fair. After all I am also on the lookout for what is out there with the aim of settling my life business.

As for the engagements and transactions I and Handsome indulge in, it is all good and well but we are not in any way related, not at this stage anyway, I am not his mother or sister and a have a business to run. It is called living. No one in her right mind wants to go about in life on shaky grounds.

If Handsome does not up his stakes something ‘nasty" might happen. Not that I have any evil thoughts, designs or anything on my beau, on the contrary; but who is to tell if a gallant knight in shining armour was to come along and swept me off my feet? I would have no grounds to resist him.

This is the kind of niggling problem I have to contend with in my life business; sitting on uncertain hopes and promises. It is not enough to just get into these engagements and transactions without much of a promise of a future. I, for one, still dream in living happily ever after with my prince charming. Who doesn’t?

Greetings, how do you do? ‘What’s his name’ wants to know; I am fine, thank you. I am Roger Mgijimi Malandela… You are? I am Thokozile Mabuza. It is a pleasure to make my acquaintance with you Ms Mabuza. Well… The pleasure is mine Mr. Malandela. You can call me Roger, most people call me that, I suppose it is rather short and sweet. You can call me Thoko, most people and I too like that. So, Thoko it is.

You are from work aren’t you?, Yes, I am. How was it?, The usual. You’re waiting for your transport, for the bus?, This is a bus stop and yes. I am waiting for the bus. Have you been waiting long? Not really but usually it doesn’t take this long. I have been waiting a good 20 minutes now.

What do you do when you get home Thoko? Why do you ask? It depends what time I get there. I usually check on my daughter and get to spend quality time with her or alternatively I sit down to watch TV or even cook if there is nothing cooked on the day and then just relax in the house. I often like to spend time with my friend who is also my neighbour.

The bus is not coming. What is making it take so long? Let’s move to the next stop because this standing here, in the same place, is killing me. We will soon run out of conversation topics and then what? This way we might come across it on its way up and then we will know what to expect. We might even be able to catch the one that makes the half way down run.

If you say so Thoko, I am certainly not committed to anything right now and I can walk with you. What is happening today? None of the buses are showing up. Could both (the up and down) be broken or something? Look let’s keep moving they will find us on the way. Sure.

We turn West