Change From Start

By Elisabeth S Fergunson

If you have ever reached the point where you think that life is unfair, that others are fortunate to be nice, attractive, and successful, while you must battle with misfortune, keep in mind that perhaps you are seeing reality in the wrong way.

You have tried to change every new year, but you remain the same. You copy external postures, you imitate those you like, you modify what you think doesn't work for you... but you stay the same and soon you abandon yourself in a spiral of negativity and darkness.

The solution is not so complicated, if you are not satisfied with yourself, well, get to work learning correctly what is the behavior that others admire, identify your strengths and weaknesses, and begin the change in yourself.

Starting from scratch is a guidebook that will teach you that we can all improve in a short time, regardless of your body or your age, you just need will and commitment.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ediciones Afrodita
• Release date: Apr 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215066553

Book preview

Change from the start

-The transformation necessary to be happy-

Elisabeth S. Fergunson

Ediciones Afrodita

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Chap. 1 Desire for change

Chap. 2 Fear Of Change

Chap. 3 Loving oneself

Chap. 4 Overcome shyness

Chap. 5 Motivation and character

Chap. 6 Healthy Social Relationships

Chap. 7 be happy

Chapter 1

wish for change

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Can you really change your life? First of all, we must also ask ourselves about personal resistance to change and the strange repetitions of the same driving scenarios throughout life.

Change your life... Change yourself... Everyone wants to, one day or another, but only some take action. Why? How? Or what needs to be changed?

Changing your life and changing yourself are very similar approaches, because one affects the other.

The need to change responds to a negative motivation: escape from a situation that you can no longer stand, leave a partner, a job that you no longer like... The need to change often appears in a second stage: when the one who suffers his situation realizes that it is his own personality that has led him and/or keeps him locked up there. This is the case of the negative and overwhelming life scenarios that torture him, such as repeated conflicts with others, repeated choices of unsatisfactory partners, inability to make decisions, feeling rejected, etc.

The desire for change responds to a positive motivation: to go to another place that attracts. It progresses silently, it lurks in night dreams, in waking fantasies, or it appears suddenly as a religious revelation, or sentimental desire for the other. A love at first sight that not only refers to another, but can be a place or occupation.

We must distinguish between desires for change with planning and the desire for compulsive change, of which the Don Juan complex is a good example: Don Juan leaves Julie to go with Catherine because Catherine is new in his life; if he had met her first, he would leave her for Julie. Other change addicts go from country to country, from apartment to apartment... from flower to flower.

Material obstacles exist, of course: lack of money, time, the necessary diploma...

There are also the barriers resistances, cognitive schemes or internal prisons - different names for very similar realities. They are set in motion from childhood, in general, by the way we have been treated, the parental models that we have imbued, the family values that we have internalized. They have become beliefs that guide our actions without us realizing it: a woman should not try to outdo men, a man should not appear weak, I don't deserve it. nobody loves me, I'm boring.

We often overlook internal barriers to change because our subconscious uses trickery to hide them from us. The most frequent camouflage is rationalization: we give ourselves rational explanations. Anna lives alone at 35; she would like to get married, she is even considering using a marriage agency, but she finds good reasons to delay those wishes: in her company, there are only men, she will lose all authority over them if they see that she is pregnant. This is how he manages to hide his fear of men. Rationalization works all the better when it is self-sustaining, particularly thanks to selective attention: a person who justifies his perpetual distrust by claiming that there are thieves everywhere and that he will never find honest ones,

Fear of change is not always unreasonable. Any change carries a risk and has a cost; therefore, it is normal to hesitate, to weigh the pros and cons. But if the results of this test are positive, and we are not able to change, and, above all, if this is a repeated scenario, it is better to admit that reasonable fear camouflages irrational fears.

The first condition for change is to really want it. We all dream, one day or another, of changing our lives. There's nothing wrong with that... as long as we don't fool ourselves. This happens sometimes: by dint of dreaming of a change of life, of fine-tuning the project in your thoughts, you end up convincing yourself that it is worth doing, even though you have not taken any steps. That is why an American, creator of a seminar to help people realize their dream, had imposed on the participants to take a step in the direction of achievement after each session, even if it was a very small step. Change is action, first and foremost.

Really wanting to change is therefore necessary, but is it enough? No, in cases where an internal barrier is an obstacle, it will often be necessary to resort to therapy to understand where the obstacle comes from and overcome it. Cognitive therapy, which focuses not on exploring the past, but on changing behaviors and mental representations, can be very helpful. There are also other therapies that can be used depending on