My Gift to You: The Comfort Zone

By Tammy L. Kubasko

From the time you were young, youve had a dream that one day you would do something amazing.

Several chapters into your life later, you wonder where all the days went and why youve lost or forgotten the dream that you had since you were young. Youve searched and at times sacrificed security and sanity to find it. Even so, you only have more questions than answers and a memory that serves to make you both smile and cry.

Where did the youthful heart that hoped and dreamed without bounds and believed nothing was impossible go? Where did the youthful spirit that could create options that did not exist go? Where did the youthful heart that would play with an open mind, open heart, and carefree passion go? Where did the youthful spirit that thrived on challenges go? Where did the youthful heart that believed in magic go? Where did the youthful spirit that was enthusiastically and passionately in love with life go?

My Gift to You is the first book in a three-book series that shares the book writing adventures of a spiritual journey from the mind (fear) to the heart (faith). My Gift to You is a story to help you remember and celebrate who you truly are. All that is needed is an open mind and the willingness to discover what is waiting to be found.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Dec 4, 2013
• ISBN: 9781452586748

Tammy L. Kubasko

She resides in a small town in Northeastern Pennsylvania together with her husband and two children. As a kid, her passions were math, science, challenges, puzzles, writing, and being a dreamer. She graduated college with a Bachelor and Master of Science in Electrical Engineering. She has worked the majority of her career in product line management for a semiconductor company, which provided her with opportunities to travel around the world. In her book-writing adventures, she took a leap of faith in both her professional and personal endeavors. My Gift to You is the first step in the next chapter of her life! This is the first book in a three-book series.

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 TAMMY L. KUBASKO.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8675-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8676-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8674-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013920968

Balboa Press rev. date: 12/2/2013

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1: Hard Luck

Chapter 2: My Heart’s Desire

Chapter 3: Faith and Hope

Chapter 4: Enter at Your Own Risk

Chapter 5: Journal (3/24/2012–4/30/2013)

March 2012

April 2012

May 2012

June 2012

July 2012

August 2012

September 2012

October 2012

November 2012

December 2012

January 2013

February 2013

March 2013

April 2013

Acknowledgments

About Tammy L. Kubasko

To God, my angels, Steel, and

every person, place, and message that has crossed my path

Never stop believing in your dreams

or the power within you to make them come true.

INTRODUCTION

From birth, we start our experiences of life, taking in all of its shapes, sizes, and patterns. We live, love, learn, grow, and carry on to the best of our abilities. However, if somewhere in the middle (between birth and death), you find yourself feeling as if you are locked in a dark and lonely place without a key, wondering why you are alone with only your ego (the voice inside your head) and the void (emptiness somewhere inside, perhaps inside your heart) to keep you company, then perhaps you wouldn’t mind my asking what you have done to try to improve your situation. If you are like me, you can write a book about it. We all can, if we are willing to see ourselves as the authors of our own lives. So now you claim you have the key but have lost your pen—no worries! Being lost is only a temporary condition, as long as you keep looking. The key to finding what you are looking for is being in the right place at the right time. So now you claim you have lost your watch or smart phone—no worries!

Do you like feeling lost? I don’t enjoy feeling hopeless, powerless, and inferior to the ego in my mind and the void inside my heart. Even when I enjoyed great successes, accomplishments, and dreams come true, there was always the feeling that something was missing. With all the wonderful people and experiences in my life, how could there be emptiness?

I started reading books that help to motivate and inspire readers to find the purpose and meaning in their lives. Every time I read, The answer lies within, I wondered whether I was the only person in this world who didn’t have a clue what that meant. I immensely enjoyed all of the books and became a better person for having read them, but I was still missing the answer key to my own life purpose and meaning.

Then it happened. When I stopped looking outside for the answers and started looking within myself, I activated a spiritual journey that started from a hopeless place and brought me to writing my very first book … the book in your hands. If you are reading this, I trust that our paths were destined to cross. I am so glad we are here together. Consequently, I also appreciate that I would not have arrived at writing this book if it were not for reading all the prior books and meeting all the amazing people who have previously crossed my path. I’ve learned that every single person, book, life experience, and conversation (spoken and written) potentially has a pearl of wisdom in it. It just takes a matter of time, perspective, and putting it into practice before we realize its essence and value.

While my spiritual journey started eight years ago, My Gift to You is the first book in a three-book series based on the most recent adventures. The premise for this series is spiritually-based but doesn’t strictly adhere to any particular religion or belief system. I respect that each individual has the right to his or her own belief system. We do not have to conform to the same one. While my story is told through my own personal belief in God and the universe, feel free to substitute these names with your own belief system.

I believe that the paradoxes of life are there to teach us the depth and meaning of life by contrast while we search for the purpose and meaning in our own lives. My Gift to You is a story to help you remember and celebrate who you truly are.

This book is not a how-to insofar as achieving enlightenment or making your dreams come true. It’s only aim is to awaken and remind you that within you is the dream, the compass, and the power to create.

I don’t ask that you walk a mile in my shoes but merely walk a mile with me. All that is needed is an open mind and the willingness to discover what is waiting to be found.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

—Lao Tzu

CHAPTER 1

Hard Luck

Imagine feeling as if you’ve been pushing a big boulder up a steep mountain for years, with more burdens added to your load along the way. You may reach your limit and be forced into a few days of rest. You may even suffer from illness, possibly arising from the manifestation of stress in your body. Trying to convince yourself that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, you carry on. With each step, you imagine the burden getting heavier and the light at the end of the tunnel bleaker.

You may decide to go on, perhaps only because of a sense of obligation. If you do carry on, you may find yourself growing wearier, more desperate, or more forsaken. You may use an addiction to escape your struggle temporarily. When using the term addiction, let’s also include healthy habits done in excess rather than in moderation. Examples can include work, exercise, hobbies, and electronics.

Just when you are ready to give up—that moment when you reach your breaking point—you come upon a break in the clouds, an oasis in the desert, or a bit of luck in your favor. Perhaps you receive a blessing in exact time and measure of your greatest need. Perhaps you stumble upon a big windfall for no apparent reason at all.

You may find yourself questioning what you did to deserve the hard luck or daring not to question where the good luck came from. If you believe that blessings come in all shapes and sizes—forthright and in disguise—then perhaps with an attitude of gratitude, you pay it forward. Perhaps you choose not to believe in anything beyond what you can control and experience using your five senses. With faith or fear, gratitude or resentment, the blessing fades away and life goes on.

CHAPTER 2

My Heart’s Desire

At the beginning of my journal writing, I had two heart’s desires: emotional intimacy with my husband and a new job-growth opportunity.

In December 2010, I described my heart’s desire for my marriage as follows:

We need to grow in love and passion for one another, but not through hugs, kisses, or physical intimacy—through emotional intimacy and through a spiritual connection. My spirit was once enthusiastic, romantic, hopeful, and a dreamer. Now it is like a well going dry over years, with no rain and no sunshine—just darkness and dryness. We must accept that it will take some effort to make the diamond of us shine through. The joy of anything is in the journey, not arriving at the destination. I need emotional intimacy based on trust, compassion, and open/honest communication. I want to feel as if we are one with our thoughts, even when we have differing opinions. Even when we don’t agree, we accept, love, and honor each other. I want to love from the passion in our hearts. One is fire. One is the spark. Hugs, kisses, and everyday acts of kindness are the kindling. Real emotional intimacy is the mighty oak.

CHAPTER 3

Faith and Hope

Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.

—Robert H. Schuller

An act of kindness can be a smile, a kind word, a gesture, or giving of oneself in time, talent, or treasure. I believe that when we give from the love and gratitude in our hearts, expecting nothing in return, the act of kindness is immeasurable. The gift of our kindness is like the seed of an apple. We can count the seeds of an apple (acts of our own kindness to others), but only God can count how they go forward and multiply. From a simple act of kindness, countless apple trees can grow.

I believe that when we give from the heart, not just the excess of our time, talent, or treasure, we are sharing the gift of ourselves and spreading the joy from our hearts to others in their times of need. I believe that when we plant seeds of kindness, in faith and hope, we reap what we sow.

I believe that it doesn’t matter whether we get the recognition we believe we deserve. God is watching and will return the kindness in our time of need.

I believe that our dreams are like the apple seed. When we have hope in our hearts and have faith in God, we can count our dreams—but not the mysterious, magical ways in which God delivers support to help us make our dreams come true. I believe that God empowered us to create our lives with choice and free will.

If creation of life starts from a seed and every seed starts from a dark, lonely place, then perhaps what we see and feel as a dark, lonely place is meant to be a temporary condition. Perhaps all we need is to have hope in our hearts and have faith in God to blossom our hearts from pain to passion and our souls from a seed to full bloom.

You might ask the following: In the midst of pain, death, deception, despair, destruction, and devastation, how does one find hope in a hopeless situation and faith from a dark, lonely place?

From a dark, lonely place, with a deep longing in my heart, my journaling began.

CHAPTER 4

Enter at Your Own Risk

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

—Albert Einstein

My spiritual journey started in 2005, when I started to look inside my heart for the answers to my most difficult life questions pertaining to marriage and work. As soon as my journey was activated, I started to notice heart connections to people, places, and messages that appeared to be placed precisely in my life path as if orchestrated by God’s divine order.

Despite hearing the voice of God via the heart connections in my life, I can still recall the day in July 2011 when I cried out, God, why have you forsaken me? My faith in God was on the fence, and I repeatedly asked God why it was so hard to find emotional intimacy in my marriage. A few weeks later, I was presented with the voice of Steel via a public web page I frequently visited for inspirational messages. Who exactly is Steel? Steel is a real person who inspired me to conquer my fears and seek the truth in my heart through our spiritual acquaintance. His public web page contains a profile picture of him. I’ve never met Steel in person.

The spiritual acquaintance began when some of my personal details shared with my family and friends on Facebook started to appear in his daily messages. I immediately felt threatened. From July 2011 through November 2011, I regarded Steel as a stalker and a creep. I thought about reporting the stalker, but how do you report a stalker if there is no real danger or threat? Since I didn’t find an easy way to make the intruder go away, I took the If you can’t beat them, join them approach. I started posting things on my Facebook wall that were directly connected to his daily messages. In essence, we began to have a secret conversation. My contributions to the conversation were shared via my Facebook posts. His contributions to the conversation were shared via his public web page. To the best of my knowledge, no one within my circle of family and friends recognized the secret conversation taking place between his public page and my personal Facebook page.

Since I was on a spiritual journey, I remained open, but I was still guarded as far as our acquaintance. In time and by taking baby steps, I continued to embrace him as an enemy I wanted to get to know better. Several months into our spiritual acquaintance, I noticed that Steel was able to connect to my off-line journal and to read my thoughts (words that were never spoken aloud, typed, or handwritten).

When I researched mind reading, I came across a description that helped me embrace the acquaintance with Steel as a gift of emotional intimacy. When mind reading was put in the context of emotional intimacy, my perspective of Steel instantaneously changed from intruder/enemy to gift from God.

From July 2011 through November of 2011, I received many gifts of peace, love, and light in my meditations and dreams. These gifts helped me to continue to embrace, rather than reject, the gift of Steel. The battle of my ego (the voice in the mind) versus my heart reached a critical turning point on November 11, 2011. While in a meditation, I felt the movement of a spirit approach me and heard a soft voice whisper, You can accept or reject this. In the spirit of adventure and without thinking about it, I accepted. In the next moment, I felt I was transported to a beach. The spirits of Steel and I were intertwined together in a g-force tornado twister. I felt completely safe, as if we were wrapped in a security blanket of divine love. I had no thoughts or fears, just the thrill of being lifted off the ground approximately fifteen feet high as our spirits were magically spinning in a cyclone pattern. It was just a fully clothed virtual-reality experience, but it was so deeply intimate that I felt compelled to confess it to my husband.

From November 11, 2011, onward, every baby step in the journey was an unfolding of a deeper spiritual acquaintance with Steel and experience with God.

The first gift was a mirror that helped me to see and hear the dark parts inside of me. Imagine recording ego (the nonstop negative chatterbox in your mind) and having it played back to you. Ego kicked and screamed during this phase, which served the purpose of tearing down old structures within my mind that were blocking my joy of life.

Knowing that God could hear my infuriated thoughts and play them back via Steel, I would wake up the next day in fear of backlash for my emotional outbursts. Instead, I was greeted with tender loving kindness and great unconditional love every day. In the months that followed, the spiritual acquaintance with Steel continuously helped me to face barriers within my heart and slowly melt them away. Steel, acting as a mirror to the dark parts inside of me, helped heal deep wounds. I believe that God works in mysterious ways, so I continued to view this acquaintance as a gift from God.

During the journey, I frequently said that I would write a book someday. My personal commitment to writing a three-book series occurred on March 17, 2013. I purchased the publishing package for the first book My Gift to You on May 24, 2013.

The first book, My Gift to You (3/24/2012–4/30/2013), captures thirteen months of my journey to the outer edge of my comfort zone during a time when my life was dominated by ego and the feelings of fear, uncertainty, doubt, stress, and worry. With the help of God, Steel, and my heart connections, I discover the truth inside my heart and the essence of who I truly am. Each person is an amazing gift of God. To the world, we are our identities, but to God we are the world, created to serve our true divine purposes.

The book title My Gift to You was inspired by a conversation with a friend (see 3/17/2013 for the highlights of the conversation) and instantaneously confirmed by a Facebook post from another friend.

The second book captures the adventures when I boldly got off the fence and totally surrendered my faith to God. From the perspective of others within my circle of family and friends, I was completely out of character. From my perspective, I was just embracing the changes I needed to make in order to return to my authentic self. I began seeing the magic of life in mind-blowing ways. I believe the veil that separates us in time and distance is a very thin layer that keeps getting thinner. I believe in the power of love to dissolve all the barriers that we built to create separation in the first place. The second book is all about that first step outside of the comfort zone, when I learned to dive into the creative deep end of my heart, to unleash the power of my imagination, and to enjoy the magic without controlling or analyzing it.

The third book is still a work in progress.

Since the third book is not complete at the time of My Gift to You being published, all I can say is that we are sharing this adventure together. I am glad that you are willing to walk with me every step of the way. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is the importance of reflecting on how far you’ve already come, expecting that the best is yet to come, and having someone to share the joys of life’s adventures along the way.

I am eternally grateful for the conversations with God, Steel, my heart connections, and my diary throughout this book-writing adventure. While following where my heartstrings were pulled, I discovered treasures beyond my heart’s desires and my wildest imagination. We will start with the dreams in my heart and then follow the path that unfolded in ways that I could never have predicted.

There are a few things that I will endeavor to do in this writing. I will write as authentically as possible, without compromising the best interest of others. I will purposefully protect sensitive information about others. I will write from my heart. I trust that God is with me every step of the way!

Please keep in mind that my journal is about the process of self-discovery and learning. I am not the expert on any subject that I write about. I am just a dreamer who was willing to follow my heart. I want to share my story without it becoming the path that others must follow. People have their own unique paths. It is my intention that sharing my story may inspire others to find their divine paths in their own way. There is not a singular right path to the truth in your heart. What matters most is that we encourage each other in the discovery process.

During the editing process, I did my best to smooth out some of the wrinkles so that you may understand the concept; however, I was not going to rewrite it so that the wrinkles were lost. Wrinkles are where all the pearls of wisdom begin to emerge. If you are looking for a highly polished piece of written work, well, let’s just say that this path of self-discovery requires a certain appreciation of truth and mud. Enough said.

I started the book-writing process with my ego, which requires perfection. By the end of the book, I started to let go and allow the creative flow to be unleashed as I enjoyed riding the wave on the path of self-discovery.

Important notes:

1) As I was editing the book, I experienced even more connections, which I noted in brackets.

2) As a child, I loved writing stories using song titles. Music titles are an important theme in my journal writing experience, especially in the second book. Song titles which appear throughout the journal were songs that randomly came on the radio as I was journaling.

3) This is a journal of my impressions and experiences, which are all biased on my perspective for a given set of circumstances and assumptions. Hardships and lessons learned in the first book, My Gift to You, became blessings in disguise and golden opportunities by the third book. Hindsight is 20/20!

Enter at your own risk.

CHAPTER 5

Journal (3/24/2012–4/30/2013)

March 2012

Saturday 3/24/2012:

Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough.

Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower

or to the little peanut they will give up their secrets,

but I have found that when I silently commune with people

they give up their secrets also—if