Seasons Change, so Can You: A Guide to Instigating Life-Changing Transformations

By Alfreta Sailor

Author Alfreta Sailor knows life can be challenging at times. With a goal of motivating others to make small changes that have the power to make big differences, Sailor shares a thought-provoking guide filled with wisdom and advice drawn from her more than sixty years of life experiences.
Sailor offers encouragement to anyone looking to be the voice of change not only in their own lives, but also in the lives of others in the form of relatable scenarios that provide a glimpse into such characters as Teenager Tonya, Suspicious Sam, Slacker Steve, and Model Daughter Daisy. These figures vividly illustrate how both good and bad choices affect not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us. Through in-depth examination of common emotions such as jealously, insecurity, and pride, Sailor explores the foundation of relationships, provides possible outcomes, and suggests simple solutions that she hopes will instigate positive change.
Seasons Change, So Can You speaks to anyone desiring practical advice on how to look inward and make life-changing transformations.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
• Release date: Nov 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9781489700704

Alfreta Sailor

Alfreta Sailor is a retired businesswoman, mother, grandmother, and world traveler with more than sixty years of life experiences. She has been featured in television programs and newspaper articles and now shares her advice and anecdotes online for an international audience. She currently lives in California.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Play With the Cards You Are Dealt In Life

What’s wrong with you?

W HAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? NO, seriously, what’s wrong with you, or better still, what do you think is wrong with you? Are you…a man of short stature , an unusually tall woman ? What about your ears , have they been compared to Dumbo’s, your nose , has it been call bulbous, flat, or too pointy? Are your feet considered too big for your size, or flat, maybe you think your legs are too little, or too big. How about your figure ? Maybe no matter how much weight you lose, or gain, you’ll never look like a super model or professional athlete or never even achieve the look that you are striving for. Then there’s your head , have you been called pea head, basketball head? Y our hands , men, do they say that you have girly hands, and women, what about you, man hands, is that what they say? By the way who are THEY? (Just asking)? Oh yes, your skin , too light, too dark, pot marked, rough, dry, oily, is that what they are saying? Let’s not forget those lips , oh so, thin, no, too big? Left anything out? You take it from here. Today an inordinate amount of emphasis is placed on physical appearance. The validity of that statement is borne out by the proliferation of cosmetic surgeries publicized in the media.

Are you, or were you teased in school or work, about what was considered to be less than perfect features. Young people, and adults alike, do you have a particular shortcoming that is the bane of your existence? Perhaps you feel, at times, your life is not worth living, due to this shortcoming. Well shame on you! Why, you ask? I’ll explain later.

Playing with the cards you’re dealt

What do I mean, by the statement, play with the cards you’re dealt? Card players can understand what I mean. One of my favorite games is a card game called Bid Whist. It’s a poor man’s version of Bridge. In the game, there are four players, only one wins the chance to change their hand. The other three players must play with the cards they are dealt. To some, the game is very serious. According to the expert players there are no bad hands, just bad players. You see, with that bad hand, according to the player who has it, must, if nothing else know when to play each card, to help their partner. Complaining about your bad hand, is unacceptable, you simply must make the best of it. These rules are strictly adhered to by the serious players. I do like to play the game; however, I am by no means a serious player, so yes I do have a bad hand at times.

Well, for some, life is like that hand of cards, no matter what you get, you must learn to live with it, and make the best of it. And why not, most of the things heretofore mentioned can’t be altered, and even those that can be changed most wouldn’t do so. Not being able or willing to alter their physical features, most people spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on them, wasting time that could be spent in positive pursuits which could bring happiness to themselves or others.

Now, I could interject here, physical appearances should not be that important, but let’s face it, to some they are, and for those ones who feel that way read on.

Consider this

While we are bemoaning our shortcomings, we should take a look around. First of all, consider this, if THEY are teasing you, maybe THEY are trying to divert attention away from a shortcoming of their own, take a closer look at them, and don’t judge, just as you would not want them to judge you. Let’s get this out of the way now, as THEY say, beauty is only skin deep. I know that doesn’t make it any easier, so we won’t spend a lot of time focusing on that aspect of physical appearances.

Suppose you are complaining about your height, legs or feet. Consider this, what about the man who has no legs. Think he’d give just about anything to have legs, and feet, regardless of what they looked like. What about your head, think about the person who has had an accident, and is unable to think clearly, he probably doesn’t care what size his head is now, if only he could use his the way he used it before.

Perhaps you’re complaining about those hands, what are they used for, can you give a gentle back rub, feel the soft skin of a newborn baby? What about those girly/man hands now? You say, your ears are your worst problem, can you hear beautiful music, or the soft whisper of your beloved ones? So to those with these supposed maladies, you have reasons to be thankful. Search yourself. What are they? The features mentioned herein are, up till now, impossible, or nearly impossible to change. That being the case, why would you allow those things to dictate the extent of your happiness?

Change what

Instead of constantly lamenting the fault you find with your appearance, why not Change. Not necessarily physically, (through cosmetic surgery), change your outlook. For instance, even if you do have one or more of those shortcomings, you quite possibly have a feature you can be proud to show. Do you have a head of hair that would make shampoo manufacturers want you to advertise for them? What about your hands, and feet, maybe you have the most beautiful extremities anyone’s ever seen. Those muscular arms, those gams, (legs) need I say fashion model worthy? Oh that skin, smooth, milky white, olive, warm brown, beautifully dark as night? What about that small waistline, those beautiful, green, blue, brown eyes? Can you see where I’m going with this? In other words, look at yourself in the mirror and find something that is your pride and joy and play that up for all it’s worth!

Conclusion

Now, after close scrutiny, you’ve not found that elusive beauty feature, ask someone. Yes that’s what I said; ask someone, preferable a trusted friend, or a loved one, someone who has your best interest at heart. Be open, upfront, let them know that you are struggling with your shortcoming, and need some encouragement. Hopefully, you choose the right one. If you don’t, I don’t know what to tell you. Just kidding. With or without their help, just simply learn to "play with the cards that you are dealt."

CHAPTER 2

I Have No Friends

No friends

"I HAVE NO FRIENDS." THAT’S THE lament I’ve heard over the years from various associates. When I was young I had friends who said I was their only friend, or some who said they had no friends. Through the years I’ve experienced the same thing a number of times. For some, friendship is a precious, elusive commodity, that no matter how hard they try, they can never acquire it, and if acquired, it’s not sustainable. You see, friendship is not automatic; it must be cultivated and nurtured. So when that statement is made, it could mean, time and effort hasn’t been extended sufficiently enough to accomplish their goal.

Have you ever said, I have no friends, or felt that way? If so, did you analyze why that could be the case? Does it seem, no matter how hard you try you cannot maintain a quality relationship with anyone for any length of time? Have you said I’ve tried, but I can’t make friends, no matter what I do? Have you given thought to maybe it could begin and end with you?

Making friends

Let’s examine why it might be that we don’t have friends. When some say they don’t have friends they may not mean it in the truest sense of the word; they have associates, but no one they can share their inner most feelings with. No one they can call on in a moment of need, either emotionally or otherwise. So, if you mean, no real friends that can be remedied. It’s been said, to have a friend, you must be a friend. My take on that is, you will first have to act like a friend, meaning do the things for others that you want done for you. For instance, if you want a shoulder to cry on, you must provide one, if you want a listening ear, you must have one, if you need a helping hand, extend one. In other words, apply the Golden Rule; do to others as you want them to do to you.

Some Suggestions

A few suggestions. Laugh when someone laughs, practically speaking, if your desired friend has no sense of humor whatsoever, but they think they do, what’s the harm in laughing when they tell what they think is a funny story. Try to find humor in the things they find humor in; cultivate a liking for the things they find funny. It’s not hard, just put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you told your funniest joke or story that always made you crack up, and no one laughed? See, that wasn’t hard, was it. What if your friend came to you needing a shoulder to cry on and you only cry when you’re sad. Well, pretend that it is you this time; pretend what your friend is saying is actually happening to you. Are you feeling it now? If so go on shed a few tears. Now your friend comes to you in dire need but you’ve made it a practice to never loan money to anyone for any reason. Well, don’t loan them anything, just give it to them, (providing of course you can afford it). Remember, this is a person you feel is worthy of your calling them a friend, they’ve proven themselves, and, they are deserving of any one’s friendship. Ta, dah, you’ve got a friend, and you know why, because you’ve acted like a friend.

Maintaining friendship

Now that you’ve acquired that new friend, how do you sustain the friendship? Remember what you did to acquire the friend, and then pile it on, go overboard. I was told by a wise older woman when I was young, Fake it till you make it, meaning act like you like the things they like, feel the way they feel. In time it will be real, think about it as practice. Let’s say you’re proficient in a particular area, were you born that way, or did you acquire the skill through diligent study and, or, practice? See, you can apply that to your efforts in maintaining the precious new friendship you’ve acquired. One real important element in keeping this friendship is never, ever, betray a confidence. You see, once the trust is broken, there is no going back. Think about it, maybe you’ve had someone come to you and say, They told me not to tell anyone, but I’m only telling you, and when you tell somebody else, tell them not to tell anybody else. I’m adding a little levity here, but you can see where I’m going with this, be a confidant, if you want one!

Another all important element is, don’t wear your feelings on your sleeves, or be too thin skinned. Some of us have a tendency to speak before we think, not meaning any harm, so don’t take everything they say to heart, try to understand why, what was said, was said. In some cases, just let it go, and if you can’t do that, sit down and have a heart to heart, get it all out in the open. You’ll probably find that they didn’t mean it the way it came out, or maybe they had their facts wrong, in other words, give them a break, after all you would want one too.

The importance of listening can’t be over emphasized, listening with, not just your ears, but with your heart, not planning on your next statement. Don’t wait with bated breath for your turn to tell your story, it’s all about them at this point. Don’t have one better, no matter how anxious you are to tell a similar story, one that can top theirs, one day you’ll have a chance to tell your story, then you’ll want them to give you their undivided attention. Listen carefully, it might be all they want, not advice. So, don’t give advice if it’s not solicited. You see, your friend just might need a listening ear at this time, and think, they picked you. Wow! You got a friend, a real one, now be one.

One more thing, don’t smother them, don’t hold on to them for dear life, you’ve got them now. Don’t