The Ex Parade: A Tongue-In-Cheek but Truthful Dating Memoir

By T.G. Pinheiro

The Ex Parade is a true story of one womans journey to find true love. Now 42, T.G. finds herself single and disillusioned after recently ending her most destructive relationship. Is she picking the wrong men, attracting the wrong men or just blinded by her desire to not be alone?

T.G. breaks down each relationship from beginning to end looking for those Red Flags she missed before. Questioning if she has learned anything along the way and why she continues to repeat the same mistakes. Will she ever figure out the key to a lasting relationship?

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Nov 13, 2012
• ISBN: 9781475957686

T.G. Pinheiro

T.G. Pinheiro is a registered nurse who holds a Bachelor’s degree from SUNY Brooklyn. This is Ms. Pinheiro’s first book. She is a divorced mother of two currently living in Queens, NY.

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The Ex

Parade

A Tongue-In-Cheek but Truthful Dating Memoir

By T.G. Pinheiro

iUniverse, Inc.

Bloomington

The Ex Parade

A Tongue-In-Cheek but Truthful Dating Memoir

Copyright © 2012 by T.G. Pinheiro.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4759-5767-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-5768-6 (ebk)

iUniverse rev. date: 11/09/2012

Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1      The early contenders

Chapter 2      My Baby Daddy

Chapter 3      Could Woulda Shoulda

Chapter 4      The Correction Officer?

Chapter 5      The One That I Married

Chapter 6      The Wuss

Chapter 7      The Jamaican

Chapter 8      Daddy of the Year

Chapter 9      Bubbalicious

Chapter 10      Daddy of the Year, Take 2

Chapter 11      The End or is it the beginning?

This book is dedicated to Kievyn & Alondra,

the reasons for everything that I do

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my mom for always encouraging me in everything that I’ve ever done. For listening to me over the years and always giving me great advice even if I didn’t know at the time that it was great advice. I’d also like to thank her for reading and commenting on the final draft of this book; I know that must have been difficult for her. Whether we’re 42 or 14, we are always going to be their babies.

I want to thank my friend Simone and my sister-in-law Soroya for listening to me talk on and on, vent, complain and break promises about every relationship that I’ve had in the last 15 years. Though their approaches and opinions were vastly different, each managed to listen without criticism or judgment and usually never made me feel stupid. They both gave good advice though it wasn’t always realized immediately. There’s nothing like girl talk to make you feel better.

Sean, when I need a reality check, you give it to me. You hold no punches and though your words and opinions are sometimes harsh, they’re always on point. You make me look at things from an entirely different point of view and pull me up when I start to regress. Ours is an untraditional friendship but one that I cherish.

LT, you lit a fire under me when I almost gave up on this project. Thanks for the encouragement.

Last but never least, thanks to the Most High, Jah; where would I be without you watching over me?

Introduction

This is not a male-bashing book nor is it a manual on how to find, marry or keep a man. It’s simply a documentation of one woman’s journey to find love. Love, that seemingly possible yet usually unattainable thing we are raised to believe we will inevitably find. Not just love but the whole package; the house, the cars, the kids, the vacations, the PTA meetings and let’s not forget, the hot sex every night. True, we’re faced with the daunting statistics of high divorce rates, the probable infidelity of our men, the increasing acceptance of same-sex couples and the many who are jailed, under-educated and/or generally unfit to be called men. But most of us choose to look past those daunting statistics and focus on the task, the task of finding a man and living the dream. The lucky ones find him or some watered-down version fairly easily while the rest of us sift through the remnants. Wondering how and why we can’t find someone who’ll sweep us off our feet just like in the movies. Reality bites and we soon realize that Prince Charming isn’t sitting outside our door on his white horse. After a while we’re forced to remove our rose-colored glasses and reevaluate the list that we’ve had in our head for so long, that now seems over the top. You know the one that says:

1.   MBA or PHD

2.   6-figure salary with good credit

3.   6 feet 2 inches, minimum

4.   Drop dead gorgeous

5.   Great in bed

6.   Sensitive to my needs

7.   Heterosexual

8.   I could go on

So we cut back on some things and compromise; okay, he doesn’t have to have an MBA as long as he’s graduated college. Okay, so he’s 5 feet 8 inches, I could wear my heels when I’m going out with the girls. We tell ourselves that we are strong women, we are independent and we can fix these men or train them to be exactly how we want them to be. Train them? I’m in awe of women who claim to be able to do this. I can’t even train my poodle and I’ve had him for 6 years, almost as long as my husband. I still believe in the fairy tale and though my Prince Charming hasn’t revealed himself yet, I refuse to become totally jaded.

They say that today, 1 in 6 relationships have started with online dating therefore there must be something to it; but I’m not there yet. I haven’t reached the point of online or speed dating or any of those extreme measures but I totally respect those that put themselves out there like that. I admire a woman who can strike up a conversation with a man that they find attractive or to just have a chat with. A woman that can slip their phone number to someone or even ask them out on a date. Easy for some but not for me, even at this age I find that an amazing challenge. One day I’ll do it though when I’m feeling particularly brave. I should be like my sister-in-law who within minutes of entering a club, bar or lounge will be surrounded by guys. Is it that she’s drop-dead gorgeous or is it that she exudes an energy that says I’m drop-dead gorgeous and I know it. She’s not afraid to speak first. Confidence is a hell of thing. It is so important and such an attractive quality, one that resonates from within and not easily faked. Faking it usually comes off as insecurity. I’m not sure one can learn to be confident, one can learn to look it but feeling it takes some work. That’s something I’m still working on.

When I was about 2, my father moved back to Trinidad so I did not grow up with him as a constant presence in my life. I visited him often though, spending quite a few summers with him but we never really developed that father-daughter bond. I love him and I know that he loves me but I wonder what effect his absence had on me and my ability to form long-lasting relationships. He has four other children by three different women but I am the only child for my mother and I grew up an only child. I don’t recall my mother having any boyfriends, if she did, they were not significant in my life or I have just blanked them out. My family was strict and my early years were pretty uneventful.

When I was fourteen, I got myself into trouble hanging out with a fast crowd smoking marijuana on a daily basis