False and True Understanding of Love

By Sunday Adelaja

All dream about love! In the entire universe, there is no man who would not dream to love and be loved. No other aspect, perhaps, of human life was ever devoted much thought, discussion, dream, and debate on as the aspect of true love. Love is everywhere: in our songs, and book, in televisions and cinemas. The theme of love is not coming from our mouths, not leaving our thoughts, and even our conversations.
Dear readers, let’s think about the depth of this feeling and its concepts. We offer many different concepts of love, but that is as far as they can be trusted! Western popular culture tends to equate the love of warm feelings, physical attractions, and sexual feelings. This view of love everyday hammered into our heads through books and magazines that we read, the songs we listen to, movies and the television programs that we watch. This epidemic destroys relationships, failed marriages and broken homes that characterize today’s society. It tells us that our view of love is something quite erroneous.
Our understanding of love was too selfish! Sometimes, a person thinks that he loves, but he/she is actually destroying their loved ones. People are destroying each other these days because they do not understand the difference between true and false love. Let us see these approaches to love:
a.“I love you, so listen to me”
b.“I love you, so I’d better know what you need”
c.“I love you, so you do as I say”
d.“I love you, I’ll tell you what to do”
How often do we hear these statements! In the name of love, people become manipulators on people, using and exploiting each other. Most people are under the notion that love mean anything, but it’s just not what it actually is.
On these pages, we will look at what the true understanding of love that you know is, than a true representation of LOVE WHICH IS DIFFERENT FROM FALSE. You will also see how the consequences of a false understanding of love come in a person’s life. When you apply this knowledge into practice, you can avoid many problems, conflicts, insults, quarrels, and disappointments. You will also learn about the secrets of happiness and longevity, good health, and a happy family life. There are some practical assignments and tests after each chapter, which will help you to better understand yourself and some raised topics; see their mistakes and apply this knowledge into practice.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Golden Truth
• Release date: Aug 25, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463477960

Sunday Adelaja

Sunday Adelaja is the founder and senior pastor of the Embassy of God in Kiev Ukraine and the author of more than 300 books which are translated in several languages including Chinese, German, French, Arabic, etc. A fatherless child from a 40 hut village in Nigeria, Sunday was recruited by communist Russia to ignite a revolution, instead he was saved just before leaving for the USSR where he secretly trained himself in the Bible while earning a Master’s degree in journalism. By age thirty-three he had built the largest church in Europe. Today, his church in Kiev has planted over a thousand daughter churches in over fifty countries of the world. Right now they plant four new churches every week. He is known to be the only person in the world pastoring a cross cultural church where 99% of his twenty five thousand members are white Caucasians. His work has been widely reported by world media outlets like Washington Post, The wall street Journal, Forbes, New York times, Associated Press, Reuters, CNN, BBC, German, Dutch, French National television, etc. Pastor Sunday had the opportunity to speak on a number of occasions in the United Nations. In 2007 he had the rare privilege of opening the United States Senate with prayers. He has spoken in the Israeli Knesset and the Japanese parliament along with several other countries. Pastor Sunday is known as an expert in national transformation through biblical principles and values. Pastor Sunday is happily married to his “princess’ Pastor Bose Adelaja. They are blessed with three children, Perez, Zoe and Pearl.

Book preview

FalseAndTrueUnderstandingOfLove_Cover_Preview2_3.jpg

FALSE AND TRUE UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE

SUNDAY ADELAJA

Sunday Adelaja

False and True Understanding of Love

©2018 Sunday Adelaja

ISBN 978-1726008662

Copyright © Golden Truth Publishing

Kiev, Ukraine. All rights reserved

www.goldentruth.pro

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise - without prior written permission of the author.

Cover design by Alexander Bondaruk

Interior design by Olena Kotelnykova

© Sunday Adelaja, 2018,

False and True Understanding of Love

-

Kiev, Ukraine:

Golden Truth Publishing, 2018

All rights reserved.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction to the English Edition 7

Prologue 9

Chapter One: True and False Love 11

1. Hothouse Custody Kind of Love 12

2. Illusionary Love 17

3. The Consumer Kind of Love 22

4. Perverted Kind of Love 27

Chapter Two: Characteristics of those with False

Understanding of Love 33

Emotional People 34

The Tragic End of People with False

Understanding of Love 38

Characteristics of an Integral Person 41

How to Become a Whole Person 45

Chapter Three: Consequences of a False

Understanding of Love 53

Narcissism and Self-Worship 53

Idolatry 61

False Understanding of Love in Marriage and

Consequences 64

Chapter Four: A True View of Love 75

What is True Love 75

Love is Patient 76

Love does not Envy 81

Love does not Boast 83

Love is not Proud 84

Symptoms of Pride: 85

Love is not Rude 89

True Love Respects Others 91

Chapter Five: There is a Beast in Each

One of Us 103

Don’t Awaken the Beast in Me 103

Love Turns to Hatred... 106

When does a Man Become a Murderer? 111

Why do People Get Sick 117

How to Get Rid of Hate 120

Chapter Six: The Most Important

Commandment - a Love that Sacrifices 131

Till Death do us Part... 132

A Mother's Love 136

Manifesting Love for People 139

Sacrificial Love 140

Chapter Seven: How to Love when it’s Painful 153

Pain is Inevitable in our Lives 154

The Blessings of Rebukes and Chastisements 158

How to Respond to Rebukes and Criticisms 161

Gain Through Loss 163

How to Set Boundaries in Your Life 166

Change Yourself Instead of Others 170

Epilogue 177

Introduction to the English Edition

This book was originally written in Russian language however lot of people have put in their time and energy to make sure those of you who don't speak Russian could have access to this unique material

It is a known fact that love often turns to hate. Most of us have personally experienced this truth. To a large percentage of people in our world this surely is a mystery. We often cannot explain the reasons for this phenomenon. The rate of divorce world over is a clear proof that love does change to hate.

This book will provide you with a lot of reasonable explanation why love will always turn to hate

I must however warn you that the English usage might not be perfect but good enough to convene the message

So please don't judge us too harshly we just want to make sure you are able to access this unprecedented information

May God richly bless you as you enjoy your read

Blessings!

The author

Prologue

All dream about love! In the entire universe, there is no man who would not dream to love and be loved. No other aspect, perhaps, of human life was ever devoted much thought, discussion, dream, and debate on as the aspect of true love. Love is everywhere: in our songs, and book, in televisions and cinemas. The theme of love is not coming from our mouths, not leaving our thoughts, and even our conversations.

Dear readers, let’s think about the depth of this feeling and its concepts. We offer many different concepts of love, but that is as far as they can be trusted! Western popular culture tends to equate the love of warm feelings, physical attractions, and sexual feelings. This view of love everyday hammered into our heads through books and magazines that we read, the songs we listen to, movies and the television programs that we watch. This epidemic destroys relationships, failed marriages and broken homes that characterize today’s society. It tells us that our view of love is something quite erroneous.

Our understanding of love was too selfish! Sometimes, a person thinks that he loves, but he/she is actually destroying their loved ones. People are destroying each other these days because they do not understand the difference between true and false love. Let us see these approaches to love:

I love you, so listen to me.

I love you, so I’d better know what you need.

I love you, so you do as I say.

I love you; I’ll tell you what to do.

How often do we hear these statements! In the name of love, people become manipulators on people, using and exploiting each other. Most people are under the notion that love means anything, but it’s just not what it actually is.

On these pages, we will look at what the true understanding of love that you know is than a true representation of LOVE WHICH IS DIFFERENT FROM FALSE. You will also see how the consequences of a false understanding of love come in a person’s life. When you apply this knowledge into practice, you can avoid many problems, conflicts, insults, quarrels, and disappointments. You will also learn about the secrets of happiness and longevity, good health, and happy family life. There are some practical assignments and tests after each chapter, which will help you to understand yourself better and some raised topics; see their mistakes and apply this knowledge into practice.

one

True and False Love

When it comes to love and relationships, most people believe they are real experts. This unwavering conviction on what love and relationships between partners, children, parents, and friends should be like is certain to cause many disagreements and mutual disputes due to the wide variety of opinions on the matter.

The majority of people in this position are those who have implemented their standpoint into society. People take pleasure in the fantasy of love they have consumed through the media and entertainment outlets, as well as the concepts that were built in their childhood through fairytales.

Many youngsters and young families see love as a great sense of light, meaning that once you have love, everything moves like clockwork. There is complete harmony, no one is offended, and all desires are satisfied. But this is not always the case. And when they are suddenly faced with the conflicts, discomfort, and difficulties of reality, along with the assumption that your partner may be the cause, different thoughts like there’s no need to love again, and the idea of love is a past thing suddenly come to mind. The most common consequence of this has become a divorce!

The following statistics emphasize the problem with people having the false understanding of love:

In the US, 46% of married couples split.

In the UK, 42% of married couples split.

In France, 38% of married couples split

Divorce has become a much more common end to a marriage, but what does it mean when we say people divorce? I can say with all certainty that one or both partners had the wrong understanding of love.

In this chapter, we will look at several aspects in which people get the wrong idea about love. And these are discussed as follows:

1. HOTHOUSE CUSTODY KIND OF LOVE

In this kind of love, a person always acts in a positive, supportive and loving way to the other and always avoids offending the other person through complains, questions or correction of mistakes.

For example, let’s look at the case of this character, Miriam. While bringing up her son Jason, she never punished or disciplined him if he had done something wrong. She always tried to please her son; she spoilt him with expensive gifts, praised him and spoke only pleasant words to his whims. As far as she was concerned, her child was the best. If he ever acted wrongly, she would find an excuse as to why he did what he did and never correct him for his actions. No matter how he acted, she always responded with love, care, and positivity.

Of course, as a mother, she believed that the son would become reliable support for her, in her old age. But to Miriam’s surprise and disappointment, when Jason grew up, he became a selfish and bad person. He had gotten used to getting his way and getting away with things so when she asked for help, he paid her no attention.

Dear reader, I am sure you might have heard of stories like this before. Let us look at it and analyze what happens so that we can learn from Miriam’s mistake in raising her son. In the story, Miriam’s behavior exemplified the incorrect approach to and demonstration of love. We saw this in how she only showed good and pleasant emotions to her son and, as a consequence, it didn’t help his development as an independent young man at all.

These people that we have mentioned do not want to discipline their children at all. The purpose of discipline is to help the person in mind to achieve a level of maturity that will allow them to be independent and more responsible in future, allowing them to become a full and active member of society.

Unfortunately, many people think that punishment and discipline are synonymous, so when people with a false understanding of love are disciplined, they are often offended. They don’t properly respond very well as they don’t understand that the man who disciplines truly loves and cares for them.

What does it mean to discipline someone? It means to establish credibility, to give punishment or training that benefits, to give instructions on how to behave, to set the rules, and finally, to help him to live in accordance with those instructions and rules. It is a way of correcting someone through training and adjustment to their current behavior.

Discipline requires a well behaved and educated person who loves and respects the interest of others. True love is shown through discipline, and it limits bad actions in the future. For example, if the wife of an alcoholic covers up for him by telling his boss that he is ill, instead of honestly saying that he didn’t go to work because he has a drinking problem, he won’t receive the proper correction for his behavior and bad habits and he won’t be able to grow and learn from his mistakes.

(Someone, who does not know the truth, but thinking it in his mind, does a great harm).

Can you remember, dear reader, how often parents would write notes to schools, telling them about the unproven illness of their children? Maybe you also do that! Because of the way these adults behave, their children would begin to think that they don’t need to obey the rules and do whatever they want. But success in this life only pertains to those people who allowed themselves to be disciplined. For example, good results in sports are only attainable to those who, no matter how they feel, will attend their training sessions regularly.

Without discipline, no matter how good you are, you are nothing! Someday you will meet a tough guy who will sustain most of your best shots. And he will continue to advance because he is stronger than you. Do not deprive fortitude and courage, because this is the time when discipline comes into action.

That's part of what can be learnt about the discipline of Mike Tyson, the famous boxer, and heavyweight world champion. He may have won several fights through discipline in training and practice, but because of the lack of discipline in his personal life, he experienced some problems such as imprisonment, scandals, and losses in the ring. So, anyone that rejects discipline rejects the kind of love that will help them succeed in life.

One day, my 10 years old daughter had some homework to do. My wife was meant to help her with it and only after she had finished, go to bed. My daughter finished all the tasks at three o'clock in the morning and went