Lopsided Laughs

By Tina Glasner and Rick Duncan

LOPSIDED LAUGHS, a collaboration of author Rick Duncan and illustrator/editor Tina Glasner, is a book of 100 humorous poems and illustrations.

This book is for adults who have a sense of fun and love of engaging visual imagery, paired with clever writing. Topics vary from observations about the life of an artist, love, bad habits, doctors, cats, playing games, organized religion, differences between men and women, to much more. The mood ranges from playful to ironic to lovable, giving this an added appeal. This is for people who like puns, people in and out of relationships, and people who relish a poke at an absurd society's customs. Due to the triple punch of poem, punning byline, and illustration, people take time with ita call to the puzzle solvers among us.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 7, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452090184

Tina Glasner

Rick Duncan is a poet, musician, songwriter, arranger, and parody writer. Many of the poems featured in LOPSIDED LAUGHS are an offshoot of his songs. He has written over 300 original songs, 300 poems, and 1,100 parodies, mostly in a humorous or sarcastic vein. With his poetry, Rick Duncan expresses unique views about many aspects of our experience, including the romantic, wry, embarrassing, silly, and poignant. Rick specializes in experimenting with rhyme, meter, and wordplay. See www.Duncansong.com. Tina Glasner, an editor, writer, and graphic designer, extends the poem concepts, portraying situations never seen in real life. Readers have confirmed that the drawings complement the fun and impact of each poem. She has created cartoons, logos, and portraits; designed and produced books; edited everything from manuscripts to technical documentation, and published over 50 nonfiction articles. See www.DreadedMomLady.com. Rick and Tina met in September 2008 in San Jose CA and then discovered they had attended the same Los Angeles area high school at the same time, Canoga Park High, in the early 70s. Since then, they've discovered other “near miss” connections in people they each know, proving it is indeed a strange and small world.

Book preview

Contents

ACCIDENTAL LOVE

NO ONE LAUGHED

TRAINS OF LOVE

BLOOD AND GORE

DARTS

GRIFFITH PARK BLUES

F-WORD

PRIZEFIGHTER LOVE

IT’S LIKE THIS

BIRD WITH A BROKEN WING

KEPT ALIVE

SCRABBLE

BLACK MARIAH

JUSTICE IS FOR LAWYERS

OBLIVIOUS, WHO, ME?

MIXED MESSAGES

THE SQUEAKY WHEEL GETS THE GREASE

BLIND SQUIRREL

REDUCING INVENTORY

THE VANILLA FOLDER

ORGAN RECITAL

ALL IN THE FAMILY

THE CROWN

FEED THE FELONS

THE LORD AND THE SNAKE

GREYHOUND THERAPY

A CURE WORSE THAN THE DECEASED

I’M A DOCTOR, DAMMIT!

AWAY FROM IT ALL

GREAT DINNER

GOD GETS THE CREDIT

TIME TO MOVE

WITHOUT U

THREE CHANCES

ZODIAC

THE NOISIEST TOY

ANARCHY

MEN’S FANTASIES

DRIVES ME SANE

BARBIE Q

VISTA POINT

SENSES

LETTERBOX

NAUGHTY FOLKS

A BRUSH WITH DEATH

PRAISE THE LORD

CASTING COUCH

THE MENACE

LUDWIG

THE HONEYMOON IS OVER

FEED THE WORLD

CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME

* OR GET OFF THE POT

PEARLS BEFORE SWINE

POTION LOCOMOTION

QUESTIONS

THE AUCTIONEER

WHAT A MAN NEEDS

DOG INTO A FOX

IN LOVE WITH YOU

HIT SONGS ARE MADE

LIFE OF THE PARTY

IT’S BACK

I ATE, D’JEW?

THE PRICE OF FAME

HEARTFELT

GEEZ, THAT THING WAS HUGE

MORMON GIRL

RAP MUSIC

WAY TOO MANY TIMES

NEVER GAINED A POUND

STEPMOM

IT’S SAD WHAT WE ACCEPT

A DAY AT THE DENTIST

ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER

THE GREATEST SKILL

MY LOVE FOR YOU

GOT STINKUS

I DON’T TELL HER

BLANK PAGES

QUITS

DO I LOOK FAT?

HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD

EZRA’S ROUND

UPHILL

THE GIFT

A TIRISH BALLAD

DEATHBED

WHAT A PLUMBER NEEDS TO KNOW

MEASURING UP

MAKIN’ IT COMPLICATED

MY CAT

CUTE AS A BUTTON

NEWS BULLETIN

SCREAMING LEAD GUITAR

IDEAS ARE CHEAP

SCAPEGOATS

NO WONDER

DON’T PUSH AWAY

ADOPTIVE PARENTS

RICK DUNCAN

TINA GLASNER

ACCIDENTAL LOVE

By Prone Rick

I met my love by accident

While driving home one day

I noticed someone on my tail

And couldn’t get away

I tried to let her pass me

But it was against the law

When a kid ran out, I hit the brakes

He was the last thing that I saw

She rear ended my car

She near ended my life

I thought a lot of strange things

While I was under the knife

I awoke a long time later

In a bright white room and bed

I looked around and realized

That I was not quite dead

A lovely woman entered

Said "Glad that you’re alive

For I’m the one that put you here

It was a lousy day to drive

Is there something I can do for you?

Some bills that I might pay?"

And when I spoke, three words came out

Marry me today

Well I may have been delirious

But I have no real regrets

She did what I had asked her

She evened up her debts

Yes, we’ve been pretty happy

We live a life of ease

There’s just one thing she doesn’t have

And that’s ignition keys

She rear ended my car

She near ended my life

But I was right in my head

When I made her my wife

missing image file

NO ONE LAUGHED

By M.T. Arena

All my life I wished to be a clown

My family had no humor

And neither did my town

So I used to make up jokes

And kept a notebook for my quips

I did standup for the beer and the chips

But no one laughed

No one even cracked a smile

All the geeky kids at school

Got a million laughs a mile

Whenever I heard the words

Stop laughing at me

I was filled with a sense of jealousy

I grew up and got myself employment

But it seemed my sense of humor

Was for no boss’s enjoyment

So I worked the clubs

For experience and tips

But still I found no market for my quips

Yes, no one laughed

No one even made a chuckle

There were times I found

My face on someone’s knuckle

When I heard the words

Get the hell out of here

I pretended that those words I didn’t hear

Yes, no one laughed

No one even made a hee hee

But I got a job

Writing for national T.V.

Now I’ll never play for

Another smokey dive

I now write for Saturday Night Live

missing image file

TRAINS OF LOVE

By Conductor Rick

I met this woman in the downtown station

We boarded on the wrong side of the tracks

But it wasn’t very long before I fell in love with her

It must have taken thirty-seven clacks

She was good in looks but thin as a rail

We both had on the same color ties

As we approached the tunnel and the horn sounded an alarm

I could see the red lights flashing in her eyes

Soon we were a-kissing in the diner

We moved from car to car and became loose

And pretty soon discovered we had now gone all the way

From the engine to the end of the caboose

We lost ourselves in forward and e-motion

As we shivered in the cold of the outside

The rumbling of the cars was quite a powerful love potion

I’m glad I bought a ticket for this ride

But it had to end, we’d reached our destination

I asked if she would join me at the pub

She said sorry, she must leave, and now all I have to show

For our romance is her crumpled ticket stub

So now I travel lonely in a car or a plane

I can’t erase the memory, the anguish, or the pain

I have to think of other things to occupy my brain

I no longer can abide the thought of a train

missing image file

BLOOD AND GORE

By Jason Krueger

When I go to the movies

I don’t want to see romance

I don’t want no fancy plot

Or some lame-o song and dance

There is just one type of movie

That doesn’t make me snore

And that’s the one that features

Blood and gore

I want to see a headless torso

With the neck still showing veins

I want violence even more so

And carpets showing stains

I just love the guns and knives

And