The Eclipse of Love, Pain, and Happiness: "Everything Should Be Done in Love, for It Is the Greatest of All Things."

By Jac'Quail Mayes

The Eclipse of Love, Pain, and Happiness is the depiction of what happens when life tends to amalgamate these elements. From personal relationships, to friendships and political issues, thepoetry exhibited in thisbook will take you on a journey. It reflects the author's growth in life and in writing. The challenges, struggles, encouraging and pivotal moments of the author's life are recorded in this book. As you embark on this exciting read, experience Jac'Quail's life changes, spiritual and emotional growth from chapter to chapter.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 28, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452064697

Jac'Quail Mayes

Jac’Quail Mayes is a published author who has shared her poetry on many platforms. As the author of the Eclipse of Love, Pain, and Happiness, she has made a mark in the literary society. Jac’Quail believes that her gift of writing is a purposed mechanism to be used to share wisdom, positivity, encouragement, and inspiration to others who find her style of writing relatable. With an authentic, soulful, and sensible poetic style, Jac’Quail’s poetry definitely grabs and holds your attention intriguing your thoughts and emotions. Born and raised in Portsmouth, Virginia, Jac’Quail is a leading example of how determination and faith can transpire into dreams becoming a reality. Poetry is a passion for Jac’Quail and she intends to continue to share this gift with the world. Through her poetry she hopes to inspire and challenge others to face their obstacles and in turn use their voice to tell the testimony of their victory to empower others.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Ever since I heard him flow, speak, share, spit, or deliver I knew I had to write. I have so many influences in my life but my main influence is life itself. Without a doubt, I knew it was meant to be that I share this part of myself with the world. I thank you for accepting me and my thoughts in your heart and mind.

Growing up for me, well, I can’t even say it was bad at all. I had the regular hood life. I was born and raised in the Ida Barbour projects in downtown Portsmouth, Virginia. Although times were tough, I loved my childhood. I stayed with my grandmother but I lived with my mother. Some people might not understand that statement. My mother worked two jobs ever since I could remember but she always made her way to pick us, my brother and myself, up regardless of the time or how tired she may have been. My mother is my bridge over troubled waters. Growing up in the projects had its ups and down but it prepared you for the real world. It didn’t play with you. It either drug you through the mud with drugs, poverty, and killing or it made you stronger. Personally, it made me stronger and ready for any and everything that life would try to throw in my way to stop me from achieving my goals. I thank God for keeping His hedge around me.

The first thing that made me want to write was reciting poems. In the fourth and fifth grade I had the same teacher. His name was Brian Wright. Every week we had to learn a poem and recite it on Friday. I loved doing this because I felt like I had a voice that wanted to be heard. I always put a little extra umph to my poems and because of that umph Mr. Wright asked me to recite Still I Rise, by Maya Angelou, at our fifth grade graduation. This was one of my proudest moments. Mr. Wright played such a serious role in most of his student’s lives because he genuinely cared. This is a quality that most teachers don’t carry in their lesson plans. He showed us that there was more to life than just where we come from. He introduced me, and kids just like me, to life outside the hood. He taught us sophistication and class by being an example. One thing he definitely taught me how to do is tell it how it is and that you have to work for everything you get in life. While paying attention in class I think I paid more attention to him because he proved that a black man could make it, be real, honest, and strong willed in life and not let NOBODY or NOTHING break him down. A male figure, a girl growing up with no father needed to see. Feel me?

I met my father when I was ten years old. For a while I was angry and then I was lost. After feeling lost it was like I just didn’t care anymore. I grew up thinking that I was just unimportant to him. After turning six-teen is where I think my feelings toward my daddy got worse. I felt I wasn’t good enough for him. When I matured a little more I had to understand that even parents make stupid, wrong, and hurtful decisions. We are still working on our relationship but it has definitely blossomed into a great bond. I love my daddy and I guess I got some of this writing stuff from him. My mama still says it mostly came from her. She throws down when the pen hits the paper too. My father gives me inspiration and a push that I need every now and then. When my daddy sent me a copy of his book, I knew I had to stop playing and start making things happen.

My desire to really start writing came after I heard Saul Williams recite on a movie called Slam. I had to be about fifteen. The feeling I felt was so over my head. I stand on the corner slingin’ amethyst rocks. That was so invigorating to me. My first impression was, I got to write something like that. As I got older I realized that trying to write like someone else was fake and impractical. So I started writing like me. I like to say that Saul Williams had a part in helping me find my voice. I bought all his books and finally got me a copy of the movie that sparked that poetry flame in me. That flame ignited fireworks in me that just won’t stop.

So many things added fuel to the fire. The movie Love Jones was such a soulful movie. Soul, jazz, poetry, art, and love were what I took from the movie. Jill Scott is an image of greatness. She is so many things in my eyes. Her music is poetry and when she finally dropped her poetry book I spent my last twenty dollars on it. She makes me want to do what I do. In school we didn’t read about Nikki Giovanni, Sonia Sanchez, or Audre Lorde. The only time Maya Angelou or Langston Hughes came up was black history month. So when I was given a piece of poetry I tried to swallow it whole. Reading from people like this was like drinking from heaven’s rivers. It was like that for me! When Def Poetry Jam hit HBO my eyes were glued to the T.V. every Sunday night at ten o’clock. When the show made it to DVD I bought every season I could get my hands on. Mos Def is the bomb to me too. I started diggin’ Mos Def from his music. He was not like most rappers. Another person who just does it for me is Andre 3000. His freedom in his craft is so dope to me. Go Outkast!!! Someone who made my world just stop, when I heard her, is a poet named Sunni Patterson. She also recited on Def Poetry Jam. She made me want to just try that much harder. Def Poetry Jam in itself gave poets a bigger voice and I love everything about it. Go Russell!!! The whole Jazz era played a part in my life. Jazz and blues music is like poetry to me. I dig it!!! In my freshman year of college my English professor, Ms. Jackson, had a great impact on me. She challenged my writing skills so much and it made me a better writer. Actually, every English teacher I had molded the writer in me, but, like I said, life is my biggest motivation to write because it gives me something to say. The things I go through in life are what I write about. The people I meet, the people who play roles in my life, my experiences, love, hurt, pain, family, everything. God placed things and people in my life for a reason and I show my emotions on paper. So many things and people have influenced me and I’m just happy I was blessed with the gift and a voice in the first place.

With these few years that God has blessed me with, I have seen and experienced a lot of things. I thank my family (Wallace - Mayes - Warren - Horn) for always being there through all our crazy times. My mother (Joyce) and brother (Jer’Nard) are my stability. When there is nothing else, I have them. I want to thank my friends for loving somebody like me. To my church family of Twine Memorial Holy Temple, thanks for being a rock for me to always stand firmly on. Brandon you mean more to me than you’ll ever know. Thank you for always having my back. I couldn’t ask God for anyone better to play the role that you have played in my life. Jermaine thank you for your unconditional love and support, I love you and thank God for blessing me with you. To everybody who helped me reach my level of wisdom, who listened, or inspired I thank you regardless of your level of contribution. God I would be absolutely NOTHING without you. Thank you for blessing me and allowing me to make it this far. To you who are reading this, thank you for the support and I hope you enjoy the read. Finally, I want to thank the poet in me for never giving up and always knowing that the world needed to hear my story and that my words and emotions were worthy enough to hit the page. Peace, Faith, and Love!!

Table of Contents

THE BEGINNING: YOUNG GIRL AND HER FEELINGS

Love Disease (inspired by Lady That Sings the Blues)

A Real Woman’s Man

A Stupid Brotha

IF I

The Aftermath

True Deepness

Caught In The Storm

Needing New

Sister 2 Sister

TIRED RAP

He Was Mine…Then Her

The Chronicle of My Present State of Mind

The Not Needed

Our Love

Decisions to be Made

My Heart’s Gratitude

Playa Mentality

Forbidden

Any Circumstance

Why I Chill

So In Love

INTIMATE MOMENTS: MATURING INTO A YOUNG WOMAN

My Immortality

When I Was Falling Asleep

My Craving

NOW

Good Morning Baby

Empty #1

Think About It

A Lost Poet

A Lil’ Something

The Bayou

Who I Am

Message

Thinking Deep Thoughts of You

Waiting For The Move

STATE YOUR CLAIM

The A.A. Meeting

It’s Crying Out

Dear Pookie (Dedicated to Mordecae Wright R.I.P)

One Night In September

I Need A Cigarette

Have You?

Searching For What’s Searching For Me

First Step to Moving On

My Happiness

Showing Proof of Nothing Better

I Am a Dreamer

My Dope Line

It’s On You

First Knowledge of Wisdom

My Candle

After I Heard Her Speak

He’ll Say Anything

She Carried Her Own Coffin

In The Moments

Mocking Bird Blues

Period - Point - Blank

WOMAN

Reassure Me

LOVE PAINS

Earth Music

You’ll Know When It’s Real

NEW STAGE: FINDING MYSELF

Open Your Eyes

Love Without Question

Stop Replacing & Start Restoring

Crime 101

A Storm Is Coming

Closed Chapter

Some Kinda Love

Making My Way Home

Not Afraid To Look In His Eyes

Think Twice

My Business

Time and Change Promotes Progress

One Question

There Was One

It Never Ends…That Feeling

Back Again

Make-Up Sex

Love Endued Calamity

First Time Meet

Possibly - Maybe (written for Big Maine)

Blindfolded Friend

Intimacy

LIBERATION: SOME THINGS YOU JUST GOTTA GET OFF YOUR CHEST

S . A . U. L (inspired by the Motion Picture SLAM starring Saul Williams)

Beans & Rice

GOT TO COME CORRECT

Lord I Need You

Epiphany

A Place I’ve Been

Infiltration to Pain’s Liberation

Hear My Voice

Kingdom Assignment (Dedicated to Elder Eunice Semple & Deacon Stanley Semple)

MY PAIN

Why Not You

Faith Over Privation

AIDS

A Writer’s Call

Something’s Got A Hold On Me

Remember My Name

My Angels

FINALE: MISS. MAYES

Defining The Moment

Bitter Sweet

Change at Sunset

Skip the Small Talk

Embezzled Love

Change In You

This Love

Never Trust a Niggard

Love Contract

Riding Solo

Pick Up The Pieces

BLUES #1

Blue and Green (Inspired by Miles Davis)

Science Fiction

EMPTY #2

I Used to Love Him

Love Bound

Caught In My Shadow

I Took Off My Cool & So Did He (Inspired by Andre 3000)

Another Friday Night

Another Shot At It

Another Form of Missing You

Love Fanatic

Loving Double

What’s After a Liar

Who’s Happy Now

A Woman’s Decision

EMPTY #3

Are We Still Trying…Love

Completion

State Yo Case

Question and Answer (for Teddy)

Family Reunion (Dedicated to My Family)

Before I Go On

…come here she said "I’ll teach you a poem:

I see the moon

the moon sees me

God bless the moon

and God bless me"

I taught that poem to my son

who recited it for her

just to say we must learn

to bear the pleasures

as we have borne the pains"

-Nikki Giovanni

THE BEGINNING: YOUNG GIRL AND HER FEELINGS

Love Disease (inspired by Lady That Sings the Blues)

I loved him like he was a diamond on my finger

I loved him so much I would lay down my profession and become the world’s greatest blues singer

Why do I love him like this?

Because he cooks for me when I’m hungry

He lays me down when I’m tired

He gives me whatever I want whenever I say please

and he is the cure to this thing I have called the love disease

You know the feeling you get when the person you want is not by you

The shaky feeling you get when he didn’t say I Love You

But when he kisses you that feeling is gone

When he is laying next to you after caressing every inch and centimeter of your body that pain is gone

When he says the words so soft and sweet like a drop of water falling from a rose

I love you, that pain is gone

This love is like snow in the summer

It’s so unusual

This love this person has given me is non re-useable

No one can take it

No one can misuse it and no one can love it but me

No one can take the years, the feelings, and no one can take him away from me

I get tongue tied just looking in his eyes

I get blank minded when he expresses to me what’s really inside

I memorize the memories

And when I come out of this love coma or should I just say, a daze

and return to my right state of mind I realize that my mind is his mind and no one can take that out of my mind cause we are one

Do you understand?

And if you don’t you must don’t have the disease

Cause my heart beats everyday just knowing that his love is in me

And if your mind is telling your heart that this disease is not in you, you are loveless

This love this person has given me is a done deed

So if you’re anything like me you’ll never want to lose the cure to thing I have called the love disease

A Real Woman’s Man

She walks around like she is the only person in the world

She walks with pride and beauty

Her hair flipped bouncing from left to right

Walking in her six inch stiletto heels and her denim jeans that stay skin tight

Her words…

I am who I am

Not ashamed of where I come from

Comfortable with my life now and know where I’m going

Don’t knock me because I’m confident, independent, and intelligent

Love the woman in me and don’t disrespect it

Be glad to have a woman like me by your side

Don’t play games and don’t take me for no ride

Be real with me and tell me the truth instead of meaningless lies

Understand my intellectual side as well as my sex appeal

After dinner don’t look stupid and on a sly try to slide me the bill

Take the responsibilities of a man if you want to call yourself one

Be a man, live life as a man, act like man

Don’t act young

Keep our business exactly what it is, our business

Understand that your friends ain’t got nothing to do with us

We keep us together

When I’m hurting be there to ease the pain

Understand that you are my man and for you I’ll do anything but don’t step on my kindness

Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness

Cause you are not immune to my wrath

Aside from the business suits, sassy clothes, cute smile, and drop dead gorgeous eyes is one crazy black woman that don’t take no mess

Deal with no mess and definitely don’t deal with somebody that can’t decide if he wants’ to be a boy