Tainted Love

By Bernadette Casey

A sad true story of a small town girl growing up in an abusive life. First by an alcoholic father, then an abusive uncle, and mentally by her first husband.
Then there were the bouts of depression that were brought on by these situations. Especially when her son got cancer and died at a young age. And the long haul to try to get herself back to a normal life. It is very hard but she keeps on trying.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jun 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481754446

Bernadette Casey

I have written this book because I am the person who aslo lived this kind of life. My nerves are very bad because of all the things that have happened to me in my life and I needed to get it all out of my system; in hopes that it would help me. I am hoping that my book will show others that they are not alone when it comes to being abused, which is how I always felt and sometimes still do. I have taken a course in Creative Writing a few years back to learn more about writing. I now live in a small royal town in Nova Scotia, Canada. I have been put off work because of my nerves but am working hard at trying to help myself. I have three children, one step-daughter and eight wonderful grandchildren.

Book preview

About Me

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I was born in a little fishing town called Canso in Nova Scotia, Canada. It is a laid back peaceful place where everyone knows everyone. Someone will stop you on the street on their way to the grocery store or too pick up their mail at the post office, just so they can talk for a few minutes.

As a child we could run and play pretty much anywhere we wanted too because everyone knew everyone and looked after everyone else’s children as well as their own. Parents did not have the worries they have today. I had a happy life at times and at others my life was very hard.

My Dad was an alcoholic and it was no fun living in that house at times. He was great when he was sober, there was nobody better but when he drank, look out. I chose to move and got married and travelled too some different places too work and try to bring up my family. My marriage ended after fifteen years and I decided I needed to come back home and regain my sanity that I felt I had lost somewhere along the way.

I never knew how much I had missed this little town that is nestled here beside the sea until I finally got back here. It has a much slower pace with everything. There is time to stop and enjoy the view of the water, or some new flowers growing or just too sit on your deck and sip a coffee while reading a book. You really don’t know how much you love something or how much you miss it, until after it’s not there anymore.

I have been writing poems and short stories most of my life. As far back as I can remember anyway. But I have wanted to write Tainted Love for a very long time now. So when Michael died at such a young age I thought I had better get a start on it. It has really helped me to get through the pain of Michael’s death plus all the pain that I had from years ago. I have been working at this book for almost two years now and it is finally finished. Growing up I use too say that my life would make a good book, so here it is.

I have three children of my own and one step daughter, eight grandchildren and one wonderful husband. And though he is my husband, Bruce is also my best friend. I dearly love my family with All of my Heart!

I hope that anyone who reads my book enjoys it to the fullest. It has helped me through a very deep depression, sadness and broken heart. Most of all, I hope it will help anyone who has been through, or is going through a hard time such as I have been through, too know that they are not alone. I have been through a lot but I am finally coming back around. Each new person that I meet now; I honestly wonder what kind of a story they have on the inside. I had one all my life and hid it well, up until now. Everyone has a story and I really hope you enjoy reading mine. Thank you too everyone who takes the time too read it. And if you feel joy, anger or sadness, then I did my job well because I have made you feel something.

Bernadette

Heartbroken

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Deep inside of me something started too come apart,

It was slowly breaking in half and it was my heart,

For so hurt was I that I just could not heal,

Too be thrown aside like that, just didn’t seem real.

So scared was I that I never knew what to do,

When someone so much stronger grabs hold of you,

And breaks you on the inside right to your very core,

So badly hurt that you don’t want to live anymore.

My nerves of steel were now everyday getting weak,

And the tears of sadness rolled down both of my cheeks,

As I turned to the couple and gave my daughter away,

The pain ripping my insides a part, was here to stay.

Finally I meet this great guy and we tie the knot,

But he ran around on me and he finally got caught,

When he did, my heart was broken all over again,

All I had now were my children and a lot of pain.

Once again God calls and again I get even more pain,

My son has cancer and my tears are falling like rain,

So deeply broken am I inside, as though I have died,

I had to bury my son, how will I ever survive?

But I think I’m coming around now, a new cycle has began,

For standing here right beside me is my wonderful man,

He is helping me by loving me straight from his heart,

He stands here at my side helping to mend my broken heart.

Bernadette

 1

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W here were you last night? Who were you out whoring around with?

I heard my Dad yelling as I opened my eyes first thing in the morning.

Oh no, he was already drinking and yelling at my Mum, I thought.

I rolled over and covered my head with my pillow and tried not to hear. But it didn’t work. He was so loud and the house was so small; you could hear everything.

I told you where I was. I took Blanche to bingo. I’m not telling you again, my Mum answered.

Who were you whoring around with? I heard Dad yell again.

I told you, no one, she answered.

I lay awake listening and waited for a while hoping that he would just go back to bed and it all would be over. He ranted and raved for a bit longer but he did go back to bed eventually. I got out of bed and crept down the stairs as quietly as I could. A few of the steps creaked and I thought Dad would yell at me, but I got down without any yelling. I didn’t want to wake him up and have him come downstairs again. He would have his mouth going, yelling at Mum again. Then it would be our turn after hers.

The boys were awake now too. We had eaten our breakfast and turned the television on to watch the Saturday morning cartoons. I was around twelve I guess by then. My oldest brother Joe had moved to Toronto so that he didn’t have to put up with Dad’s drinking and hitting anymore.

My brother Pat was planning to move there this summer also. So there would only be the three of us there then. I hated it at home when Dad was drinking. You never knew what was going to happen. This morning he was just hateful and taking it out on Mum. We knew to stay in our beds and to be quiet when he was like that. If not he would take it out on us.

We heard the footsteps thumping down the stairs. Here he comes again. We heard him swear as his foot missed a step. Finally he made it to the bottom and staggered out into the kitchen. He had to hold onto the wall so that he would not fall down. He looked an awful sight. His hair was a mess, standing up all over the place. His clothes were not tucked in neatly like they were when he was sober. They were hanging crookedly off him. The zipper in his pants was down and sometimes he was so drunk that he pissed himself because he couldn’t make it to the bathroom. It was disgusting to see. He would fall down in the middle of the floor where we would have to walk over him while he was sound asleep. I felt like kicking him so hard when I had to do that. It was so embarrassing. My father was an alcoholic and we had to see all of these things. It was so embarrassing to me to have to see him like that. I never took many friends home with me. I didn’t want them to see him like that or to hear him swearing at all of us like he did. They knew he drank but they never saw it very often.

I went to school every day at the proper time. I was so tired more times than not. The year I was in grade seven, my classmates had chosen two students to run for junior queen. I was one of them. We had to wait out in the hall for them to decide which one of us they wanted to choose. We were called back into the classroom a few minutes later. The teacher told me that I had been chosen to represent our class. I was stunned! I was so happy they had chosen me and I was so excited… . for about five minutes.

I started to think about what that meant. I would have to stand up in front of the whole school and all the parents and tell them about myself and what I wanted to do when I got out of school and with the rest of my life. I just couldn’t tell them my dreams. At that time in my life I wanted to go too Nashville and be a star just like Charlie Pride, to sing on stage for everyone. Oh how I loved to sing. But everyone would just laugh at me and what I wanted because they would know that I would never get it. They all knew that Dad drank a lot and that there was not much money for me to do anything. We were kind of poor and we certainly never had a lot, except for each other. Mum tried so hard to take good care of us. But it didn’t make up for my embarrassment of Dad’s drinking. Nothing could.

Do you accept the nomination to run for junior queen Emily? my teacher asked.

What? I asked coming back to reality.

Do you accept the nomination? she asked again.

Oh yes I would love to, I said in my mind.

But when I opened my mouth to say it, the words came out differently.

No, thank you. I can’t do that. I could never stand up in front of everyone like that. I would faint on the spot. I’m sorry everyone but I just can’t do it. But I thank you very much for choosing me. I am sorry I have to let you all down. I said and I went to my seat and sat down holding back my tears. At that moment I hated my dad for all the drinking that he did. I just wished and wished that he would stop drinking.

I couldn’t tell them the real reason was because of Dad’s drinking it would be too embarrassing. I was so hurt on the inside. I really, really wanted to run for junior queen but Emma got to go instead. I was happy for her. She won the title too. But I have always wondered if I had run would I have been the one to win or not.

I went home feeling really down that day. I never mentioned it to anyone at home. I tried to act normal but I was so hurt. I couldn’t run for queen when my classmates had wanted me to. They would never believe my life if I told them about it. So I just kept everything inside.

The school year ended and my brother Pat moved away to Toronto also. The summer went on as most summers did. We three younger kids went about playing, mowing grass, we picked berries to sell, and anything else we could think of doing that could give us some spending money. Mum never had anything extra most times. Dad drank that. But she always managed to have enough for all of us to go to the Saturday matinee and to get a treat while we were there.

I would babysit for a lot of people also. I had some good times when I was out of the house. We had some good times at home also. We would play board games or cards with Dad when he was sober. Saturday night was Hockey Night in Canada night on television. That was always fun. Dad would be lying on the sofa and all five of us kids would be sitting on the floor of the living room and cheering every time our team put the puck in the net. That was always fun to do together. We always had something to do to keep us busy when the weather was bad and we couldn’t venture outside.

We never stayed in the house though if it was nice outside. In the summer we went fishing off the wharf, to the beach and Mum would cook hotdogs over a campfire and we would have juice drinks. We would play in the sand and pretend we were swimming in the ocean but not one of us could swim then. But it sure was fun. The sandy beach was on one side of the sand dune and the other side of the dune the waves came crashing to the shoreline and we would run right into the waves as they came ashore. We were so tired by the time that we would get home in the late afternoon. We would sleep well that night.

We also made houses in the trees to play in. We took branches from small trees and we would stand them up around the trunk of the larger trees. The larger trees had lots of space under the bottom branches so that we could all sit under there, sometimes even stand up under them. So we made little rooms and played inside those tree houses for hours. Mum would make us some peanut butter and jam sandwiches and we would eat our lunch out there at times.

We had lots of different games to play and also lots of friends around to play with. We played red rover, tag, hopscotch, tug of war, cowboys and Indians, marbles and a lot more games. We did anything we could rather than stay inside on the weekends when Dad was drinking. We never had to worry about anyone coming to steal us away, or getting killed by a drive-by-shooting, or anything like that. We had our freedom to play as we wanted too. We lived in such a small town that we never had the worries that came with living in the city. We never even really knew anything about city life until we grew into our teenage years and even then we never knew a lot about it. We never had to travel there.

I walked into the kitchen from outside one summer day to get my lunch. Dad was drunk again and yelling at Mum once again. He was so drunk you could hardly make out the slur of his words. You could barely understand half of what he was saying. As I was walking in he grabbed Mom by the arm and would not let her go, yelling at her all the time he was doing so. He saw me come in.

Get out! Dad yelled at me.

I stayed where I was. I thought he wouldn’t do anything to Mum if I stayed where I was standing. I was scared but I wouldn’t go anywhere.

I told you to get the fuck outside, he yelled again.

No! I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going to hurt Mum while I’m around. You let her go right now! I screamed at him.

This is none of your business, he said. Now get out like I told you!

No, I am not going, I told him.

He let go of Mum and started toward me. I never moved. He hit me in the face. My head went sideways and tears started to roll down my face but I stayed right where I was. At least he was leaving Mum alone now.

Does that make you feel better now? I said. Big man you are slapping around your wife and daughter, aren’t you?" He slapped me again. Probably for answering him back. I didn’t care as long as he left Mum alone. She was so tiny that I thought he would kill her if he hit her too much.

He grabbed me by the arm and he pulled his other hand back to slap me again when Mum grabbed it.

You leave her alone you bastard! she said. Take your hands off of her!

He shook her hand away, and then turned to hit me again. I gained control by then and I pushed him instead.

You will not hit me again this day, you bastard! I screamed.

He fell down and got back up again. Mum was closest to him and he grabbed hold of her. But this time she never gave him a chance. She pushed him away from her.

Crack! Is the only sound we could hear in the room, and we just looked at each other.

Dad hit the corner of the door case and just slid down to the floor. He never moved. I looked at Mum and she looked at me, then we both looked at him.

Is he dead Mum? I asked her.

I don’t know, she answered. She went over and looked at him and shook his shoulder. He moaned.

No, he’s still alive, she said and told me to go and eat something. Your father will wake up eventually.

I went to get something to eat and we just left him there to wake up on his own. When he did awaken he just crawled over to the steps and went upstairs to bed and that made us very happy. We would have a little peace for a while. I was going to go outside with my friend but I stayed home with Mum instead. Kim came over and we just talked and listened to music in my room. We heard Dad when he got up. He stumbled downstairs a bit slower this time. He had calmed down now that he had some sleep and was a bit more sober.

Kim and I went downstairs to the living room. I wanted to make sure that he did not hit Mum again. He didn’t. We could hear them talking and he acted as if nothing happened. The next morning when I got up I asked Mum where Dad had gone or if he was back in bed again already.

He went to see the doctor, Mum said.

Why? I asked. "What happened?

He told me that his ribs were very sore and he was going to have them checked, she answered.

It must have happened when he hit the door case, I said.

Don’t you mention a word about that to anyone, okay? she said. If he finds out that I pushed him and made that happen, he would be furious. It would start all over again. We don’t need that, she said.

Don’t worry Mum I won’t say anything to anyone. I don’t want you to be hurt, I said.

So it was agreed right then. Dad arrived back home not long after and said the doctor told him he had somehow cracked three ribs. We looked at him and never said a word.

I wonder what I did to get cracked ribs? he said more to himself than to us.

You fell a few times yesterday, Mum told him. It may have happened on one of those falls.

Yes, I guess it must have, he answered. He turned and went upstairs to lie down.

Mum and I had some peace for a little while until the next time something happened. And something would happen because something always did. I wonder if every father who drank did these things to their family. I sure hope not.

What’s wrong with Dad he’s not going to work? the boys asked.

Oh he fell somewhere and he cracked a few ribs so he can’t work this week, Mum said.

Oh, they said and sat down to eat their breakfast.

We could relax for that long at least.

 2

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W e actually got a few months before the next episode. I was upstairs getting ready to go out to my friend’s house. I went downstairs and stopped in my tracks. Dad was drunk again and he was actually walking toward Mum with a huge filleting knife held in his hand pointing toward her.

You slut, who were you running around with again last night? he said.

I couldn’t understand why he even asked her that question because she was home last night.

I told you I was home, I wasn’t running anywhere with anyone, she said as she was backing away from him. I hoped she didn’t trip and fall because he may stab her if she did, who knows?

You were not home, he said. I never saw you here,

That’s because you got drunk and went to bed, she answered.

He went closer to her.

You’re a liar, he said. I’ll kill you for lying to me you slut. He jabbed the knife at her. She opened the door and backed out into the porch. He couldn’t reach her with the knife there. But he kept going after her. I was so damn scared.

What the hell was going on in this house anyway? Was that man fucking crazy? What could I do to help Mum? I wondered.

With out even thinking about it I grabbed hold of the broom. I swung it as hard as I could, with all the fear that was in me. And I hit Dad across the back. He fell to the floor. The knife flew out of his hand and landed on the floor a few feet away from him. Mum grabbed it and held onto it so that if he woke up he wouldn’t get hold of it. I couldn’t move. I just stood there stunned at what I had done to my own father. But he asked for it by attacking my Mother. I was not going to let him hurt her.

Did I kill him? I asked. He isn’t moving. He’s going to kill me when he wakes up again.

I don’t know if he’s dead or not, Mum said. Probably not, the bastard’s too damn stubborn to die.

Then we saw him move and heard him moan. Without thinking, I ran. I was scared what he would do to me when he saw me. I didn’t even run out the door that was right beside me. I was too afraid that he would grab hold of me when I went past where he lay.

So I ran across the kitchen and through the living room, up the stairs into Mum and Dad’s bedroom. I threw open the window far enough for me to climb through and then went out onto the roof of the porch. Then I hung over the edge of the roof and let myself drop to the ground. Man was I scared! My heart was pounding so fast and so hard. I looked all around to see if Dad was anywhere near me. I didn’t know which way to go. So I decided to run too see Kim. And I did, as fast as my legs would carry me. I stopped outside her house beside the back wall where no one could see me. I had to catch my breath and I looked around to see if Dad was following. I had run as if the devil himself was chasing me. My breath was slowing down at last. It took me a few minutes but I did calm myself down enough to go inside. I was trying to act as normal as I could because I knew Kim’s Mom would be in the kitchen.

Is Kim home? I asked her.

Yes, she’s up in her room. You can just go up there if you want, she said.

Okay I will, thanks, I answered her.

I went upstairs and knocked on her door and opened it. She knew something was wrong the minute I walked into the room.

Hi, what’s the matter with you? she asked me.

I started telling her everything and I was crying by the time I was finished.

I don’t know if I killed Dad or not. I’m going to go to jail if I did. I don’t want to go to jail. I’m scared to death and I can’t even go home, I cried.

She just shook her head and hugged me until I stopped crying. A little while later she asked me if I wanted to do something.

Do you want to go for a walk or something? It may make you feel better, she said.

Yes I guess so. It would take my mind off things maybe, I told her.

A few minutes later we got ready and left. We walked around town for a while. We talked to a few friends that we had seen. Then I spotted a police car parked beside the road. The officer was just keeping an eye on what was going on. They used to talk to us teenagers every now and then to make sure things were going okay. So we decided to stop and say hi. It was Officer Brown.

How are you girls doing today? he asked us.

Fine, Kim answered.

And how about you? he asked looking towards me.

I guess I’m okay to, I answered. Can I ask you a question?

Sure you can, go ahead, he said.

I hesitated for a minute but then I decided to go for it.

If you know someone who is being beaten by their father, is that a crime? I asked him.

Yes it is. Do you know someone that that’s happening to? he asked me. He was watching me very closely.

Yes I do, I answered. Can their father go to jail for doing that too them?

He sure can, Officer Brown answered.

Can he go for a long time? I asked again.

That would be up to a judge. Do you need some help for your friend? he asked.

No, not right now, I answered looking at Kim. But I will let them know that he can go to jail for doing this to her. That will make her feel better just to know that, I’m sure. Thank you for your help,

You’re welcome, he replied. You know where I am if either of you ever need me.

I turned around and started to walk away. I felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.

Now I know he is not allowed to hurt me, I thought. That bastard will not hurt me ever again, nor my brothers nor my Mum. He would be going to jail if he did and I would be the one to put him there.

Things went okay again for a little while. On the weekend when he drank he would get the guitar out and sing songs. Those were the good times. We even had some friends in a few times also. Everything went well until they went home. Then he would get mad because they left and he would start to swear and yell at all of us once again. And sometimes he just went straight to bed. That was best for all of us, when he decided to go to bed.

Then the phone call came. Bad news! My brother Pat was in an accident and was in the hospital in Toronto in very serious condition. Mum had to get ready and go to see him. They weren’t sure if he was going to make it or not, or what would happen to him if he did make it through. Mum arranged for Paul and David to go to my grandmother’s until she came back. I was to go too my friend Kim’s house. I could come home and clean the house in the daytime for Dad. That was fine. I could do that. I told Mum not too worry I would take care of that. Dad was going to stay home and work and Mum would fly to Toronto the next day. She would go right to the hospital to find out the information about Pat.

Dad never went to work after she had been gone three days. He got drunk and stayed drunk. Mom would call every night with an update for him. But that wasn’t good enough for him. No, he had to call her a dozen times a day. Then he would get really mad when no one answered the phone up there. She was automatically out whoring around on him.

She wasn’t even at my uncle’s house during the day because she was at the hospital. But he didn’t understand that or if he did he didn’t care. He just kept getting even madder every time he didn’t get an answer.

I went home every day as Mum had asked me. I cleaned and sometimes I even had supper ready for him. This one particular day I went in and he was in a rage. I looked at Kim and she looked at me. I was about to turn around and walk back out the door when Dad spotted us.

Come here, he said to me.

Hi Dad, I answered.

Will you call your mother and ask her how Pat is doing for me? Dad asked.

She never called yet today? I asked him.

No, not yet, he said.

Okay then I’ll give her a call, then do the dishes and clean up a little bit, okay? I told him.

Okay, he said. He was loaded drunk. His head hung down almost to the table. I’m not even sure how he stayed sitting on the chair and had not fallen to the floor.

I called and got hold of Mum and she was just getting ready to go back to the hospital.

Tell your father I will give him a call when I get back here to let him know how Pat’s doing okay. Ernie and Sadie are already in the car waiting for me, she said.

Okay Mum, tell him we all say hi, I told her.

I will. I have to go now they are waiting for me in the car. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, she said and we hung up. She sounded so tired.

What did she say? Dad asked.

I repeated what she told me to tell him. I told him she was gone back to the hospital now. I had just caught her on her way out the door and she would call him when she got back. Then I turned around to go wash the dishes for him. Kim was drying them as I washed and we were just talking as we done them. Dad was ranting again behind us but I never paid much attention because I was used to it.

Emily, Kim screamed.

Before I had the chance to answer her, Dad grabbed me by the hair and hauled me from the sink.

You little bitch, don’t ignore me when I’m talking to you. I told you too call your mother back, now go and do it! he yelled.

I can’t Dad. They are at the hospital. They are not home, I told him as the tears started to fill my eyes and my heart started too pound so fast with fear. Now he was going to start on me once again. I saw Kim huddle in the corner of the cupboards. She was scared to death and didn’t know what to do. I looked at her and shook my head slightly for her not to say a word in case Dad decided to hit her to. I felt so bad for her that she had to see him do this to me. Now I had no secrets from her.

I told you to call again, he yelled at me again.

They are not home. I just called her Dad. They went to the hospital and won’t be back yet. I told him.

Next thing I knew my head went sideways from the slap that he gave me in the face. I was stunned at first. I didn’t expect it. I threw up my hands to cover my face. He hit me again and again. In the head, the face, the stomach and then he threw me down on the floor. He was so mad. I had not seen him this bad before. I tried to get up but I couldn’t get clear of him. Dad was just too big for me to move him. I turned my head to try avoiding another hit from him when I noticed Kim talking to someone on the phone. I suppose she was calling for help but I couldn’t hear anything she was saying with Dad ranting and raving in my ears. He was swearing at me and the rest of the world along with me. He was hitting me with one fist after the other. I covered my face as best as I could. I prayed.

Please God, I ask you to make sure I have no bruises, at least none where anyone can see them, I prayed. I don’t want to have to explain them to everyone. Please God I need your help. Can you please help me? I begged him.

I opened my eyes and saw Kim hanging up the phone. Dad was still hitting me and she was crying so hard. She was so scared and didn’t know what to do. Then I got an arm free. I punched Dad in the face. I didn’t want to do that to my own father but look what he was doing too me. I had to try to protect myself. I was starting to get very mad now. This went on for long enough.

I started moving my head around looking for something, anything too use to stop him from beating on me. I didn’t see anything close enough to me. I tried to shift my position to look in different places. I got hold of the table leg and pulled myself closer to the table. Through my tears I looked up and saw the handle of a knife on the table. I tried to reach it but it was just a little too far away for me to reach. So I kept squirming myself around in that direction. Dad didn’t even realize what I was doing because he just kept hitting me steadily. Finally I reached up and wrapped my fingers around the handle of the knife. I was yelling for Dad to stop hitting me but he couldn’t even hear me anymore. I put my arm up over my head and swung with everything I had in me. I heard a scream as I did. I was crying as my arm came down. The knife grazed his shoulder and I pulled it down so it cut his arm. Finally he stopped punching me. Thank God. He started too swear at me again. The second he stopped hitting me I moved and rolled away from him. I couldn’t get up right away though.

You little bitch, I’ll kill you! he yelled.

You don’t have to do that my dear sweet Daddy. You have just killed any spirit I had left with your fists, I thought as I lay sprawled on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. I was so damn sore. Every bone in my body was hurting. I cried so hard. I sobbed and sobbed. I tried again to get up and Kim took hold of my arm and helped me.

Come on Emily. Let’s get out of here before he hits you again, she said with tears rolling down her face.

Yes get the fuck out, both of you and don’t ever come back, Dad yelled at us as we went out the door. I was so relieved to get out of there.

I had to walk slow as I was so sore. We got to the neighbour’s yard about a hundred yards from our house when I fell down on the grass. I was too weak to hold myself up any longer.

Are you okay? Kim asked me.

I shook my head and started to cry again. I sobbed and sobbed. She just hugged me until I stopped. My other neighbour saw me fall and came out to check on me. Kim told her what had happened.

That fucking bastard! she said. I’m calling the police on him.

I shook my head and said. No don’t. It will only make matters worse for me when I go home again. He will only blame me for calling them.

Are you sure? she asked. He deserves to be punished and go to jail.

I nodded my head. I’m sure, I told her.

I looked down at the ground. I was so embarrassed that she had seen me like this and that Kim had seen everything that had happened. My hair was long and down too my waist so it hid my face. I kept my head down until I felt like I was strong enough to get up and continue too Kim’s house.

In a bit I was okay to get up. When we got there we just went right up to her room to listen to some music and talk. She was like a mother hen to me. She watched over me. I was so exhausted. I guess I fell asleep and she stayed there with me. She probably went and told her Mom but she never told me if she did. It had scared her too. I woke up a while later and felt so sad and sore. That was the worst time yet.

My own father beating me like that, I said to Kim while I just sat on the bed shaking my head in disbelief. I just can’t believe he did that to me. It was like I was a punching bag or something.

I know. I was so fucking scared that I couldn’t even move, she said. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t help you,

I’m glad that you never, because then he would have turned on you also. I would have felt so guilty then, I said. Who were you talking to on the phone anyway? I asked her.

Oh, that was your Mum. I told her what was going on and she said your brother Joe would be home on the next plane out. So you don’t have to worry anymore. Just stay here until Joe gets here, okay, she answered.

I hugged her and thanked her so much.

I will be glad to see him but I wish it was Mum coming home, I told her.

I know, she said.

I will have to go clean the house up whenever Dad leaves tomorrow, I told her. We can just keep an eye on the house from your Mom’s room. If we see Dad leave or see Joe come home, then I will go over and clean up a bit. Then we’ll come back here. How does that sound?

That sounds good to me, she answered.

We settled in for the night and finally fell asleep. But I had terrible dreams all night and woke up crying a few times. Finally morning arrived and we got up and went downstairs for breakfast. When we were done we returned to her room and listened to music and talked as teenage girls usually do. Next thing we know lunch time had arrived. So we ate and went back upstairs.

We went into her parent’s room and looked out the window just in time to see Dad leave the house. We waited a few minutes to see if he would go back inside but he walked out the driveway. So we got ready and walked over to clean up before he returned. We got there and I double checked the driveway too make sure that he wasn’t on his way back home. We went inside and I started to do the dishes and Kim swept the floors. The house was not a new house by any means. Actually it was over one hundred and twenty years old I had been told. The floors were a bit crooked, and the rooms were a bit small but it was home and it was warm in the winter. It was all we had. I watched out the window at the driveway to make sure I could see Dad if he was coming back. That way we could get out of the house before he got there. He wasn’t coming yet so I kept washing the dishes. We were almost finished when we heard the door open again. I turned around to see Dad coming across the room toward us.

What the fuck are you doing here you little bitch? he said with a sneer.

All right Dad we are going to leave now. I was just cleaning up for you. I’ll see you later okay, I said as I started to walk past him with Kim following close behind me.

His hand reached out quick as lightening and he had hold of me once again.

You are not going anywhere just yet, he said. I’m not done with you.

I started to shake but calmly tried to talk to him.

Come on Dad, just let me go and I will leave until Mum comes home, okay, I said.

I’ll make sure you won’t come back this time, he said and he punched me in the side of the head. I could see stars. I fell down to the floor again.

Run out Kim, I yelled.

I didn’t want her to get hurt. But she would be okay anyway because Dad didn’t want to hurt her; he just wanted to hurt me. He did that in more ways than one. Hitting with his hands may have hurt but the pain inside my heart and soul hurt a lot more.

I started to get up and he hauled his fist back to hurt me again when all of a sudden he was gone. I covered my head and face as best as I could with my arms and rolled onto my side waiting for the next blow to my body. I was waiting for the pain from his fist but it never came. I took my hands away from my face and seen my brother Joe. He had Dad by the throat up against the wall choking him. I was so relieved he was there.

If I ever catch you putting your hands on her again you bastard, I’ll kill you where you stand! Joe said too Dad.

Dad was so surprised that Joe was there. He looked like he had a hard time getting his breath.

Stop it Joe! Stop it! You’ll kill him! I screamed. Stop it!

He doesn’t deserve to live anyway for everything he’s done the bastard! Joe said. But he did let him go after I kept asking him too, to my relief. I didn’t want to be the blame for my own Dad being killed and Joe going to jail for killing him. I could never live with that no matter what my Dad had done to me. I still loved him, he was my Dad.

You don’t deserve to go to jail either for the rest of your life because of him, I said.

Dad slid to the floor swearing at Joe and at me. We didn’t pay any attention to him. Joe came over and hugged me and made sure I was okay. I just started crying. I was so relieved that he made it home in time to stop another bad beating.

I thought I could get things cleaned up and get out of here before he got back, I sobbed. He came back faster than we thought. We were so scared.

We talked with Joe for a while. Dad had kept quiet and finally just got up and went to bed. He must have fallen asleep because we never heard anything from him for the rest of the time we were there.

It was almost supper time so Kim and I went back to her place. I stayed there at night but I went back home to see Joe during the day for an hour or so. Dad was finally sobered up after three weeks. I don’t know what Joe had said too him but Dad never said much too me at all. He just let on that he remembered nothing at all. But I’m sure he could remember. How could he forget beating up his own daughter the way he did? I could never forget!

Mum called while I was there and I got to talk to her when Dad and Joe were done. I assured her that I was okay.

When are you coming home? I asked.

We should be able to go home in a few days, she said. We have to stay near the hospital for a few days to make sure everything is okay. If he is, then we can come home. You just hang in there okay, she said.

I will Mum. Don’t worry about me. You have enough to worry about, I told her.

Sure enough they arrived home four days later. Pat looked very pale but he looked okay. I don’t know what I expected but I didn’t think he would look normal. I didn’t think that he would be able to walk. He did look like himself and he could walk also, which I was so glad to see. I gave him a big hug and said Welcome Home. I offered to carry his suitcase in the house.

I think I can still carry my own suitcase, he said.

We all laughed. I hugged him and Mum too. It was a huge hug.

I’m so glad that you’re home now, I said with tears in my eyes.

We all went into the house together and Mum told us all what had happened as far as the doctors could tell. They said he had a concussion and he couldn’t remember anything that had happened to him. He was beaten pretty bad and looked like someone had run over his feet by the marks that were left on his feet. Whoever had hurt him didn’t rob him because he had all his money still