Laura's Look 1998-2000

By Laura Ware

Since 1998, readers of “Laura’s Look” in the "Highlands News Sun" have been treated to Laura Ware’s slightly warped view of life. From politics to pets and everything in between, she shares her thoughts in a way that will have you laughing out loud one moment and thinking quietly the next.

Sit down, grab a cup of coffee, and treat yourself to some of her earliest columns.

• Language: English
• Publisher: JJ Press
• Release date: Feb 8, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370989317

Laura Ware

Laura Ware writes in a variety of genres. Her novels are mostly inspirational fiction, although she is currently working on a fantasy series as well. Her short fiction ranges from mainstream to fantasy/science fiction and several things in between. Her stories have been published in a number of Fiction River anthologies, including Past Crime, Last Stand, Editor’s Choice and Feel the Fear. Laura also writes a weekly column for the Highlands News-Sun and her essay “Touched by an Angel” was published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Random Acts of Kindness in 2017.

Book preview

DEDICATION

To Romona Washington.

Thanks for giving me a chance.

INTRODUCTION

The year was 1998. I was a full–time mom with two active boys to take care of. I hadn’t held any job outside of mommy for a year, and I was casting about for a change of some kind.

While researching something on the Internet, I came across a place that syndicated comic strips. Perusing their website, I discovered they also syndicated columnists.

I was a big fan of several columnists at the time: Erma Bombeck, Dave Barry, Lewis Grizzard. They made me laugh and sometimes made me think.

I also enjoyed writing, though at the time I wasn’t doing it in any official capacity except for helping out with the church bulletin. Aside from dipping my pen into fanfiction on occasion, my real fiction writing days were still ahead of me.

Could I do this? I asked myself.

I made little goals for myself. I’ll give this a shot if you can come up with x number of ideas. I’ll give this a shot if I can write 20 columns in x number of days. Before I knew it, I had 20 sample columns written and no more excuses. With fear and trembling, I sent them out to the syndicate.

I was quickly rejected.

Unsure of my next step, I happened to mention my dilemma to Barry Foster, a local talk show host I’d befriended during my brief stint on radio. He suggested I approach one of our local papers with the columns and see what happened.

I chose to go to the News Sun first because I’d known a former editor of that paper. I met with Romona Washington, current editor of the paper (who would go on to become its publisher). We talked for a bit, she perused my sample columns, and agreed to give the thing a try.

I left one of the samples to start off the column, and Laura’s Look was born.

Over 17 years later, except for a brief hiatus, the column has appeared in the News Sun. At first, it came out every other month. At the end of 2000, it switched to a weekly status and has continued ever since.

Over the years, I’ve tried to entertain and inform. I have learned to meet deadlines. Hopefully, my writing has improved. And overall, it’s been a blast.

In these pages you will find those first columns from years ago. My hope is that they will give you something to smile or think about.

Enjoy.

Laura Ware

Sebring, Florida, November 2015

A LESSON ABOUT CAREGIVERS

Normally, I like February. My birthday is in February (I was born on Groundhog’s Day, which means if I see my shadow, we get 6 more weeks of winter), as was my youngest child, my father, sister, and both in–laws. Throw in Valentine’s and Presidents’ Day, and I could spend half this short month celebrating something.

But I would not have minded skipping this particular February.

It started early in the month. My youngest was complaining of not feeling well on a Monday morning. Having heard similar complaints on school days, and seeing nothing wrong with him at the time, I drove him to school.

About an hour or so later, I get a call.

Mrs. Ware, this is the school nurse. James is here. He is breaking out in a rash and says he has never had chicken pox before.

"He hasn’t," I replied, mentally sighing. I had, as had my husband. But neither of my children had managed to catch it yet.

I found my car keys, drove to the school, picked up my child (who had no trouble saying, I told you I was sick,) and went to the doctor who examined him and confirmed the diagnosis of chicken pox. He sent me on my way with prescriptions and instructions.

How long will he be laid up with this? I asked anxiously.

A week, 10 days, was the cheery reply.

Great, I thought in a not–so–cheery manner.

I admit my thoughts at this point were less than noble. I had made plans for those days; they would have to be postponed or canceled. My life as I saw it was going to be on temporary hold. And his brother hadn’t had it yet.

Please, God, I prayed. Let his brother come down with them tomorrow so I can get this over with.

His brother didn’t. I think God was trying to teach me something with this.

That week was spent in getting James through the rough day or two of fever, getting his medicine down him, getting him into oatmeal baths, reminding him not to scratch (and finding myself itching in sympathy) and trying to entertain a child who was sick enough to stay home but well enough to be bored.

By the following Wednesday, he returned to school and I dared hope life would be back to normal. Maybe the older one wouldn’t get it this time, I thought.

Fat chance. That Friday, the older one was ill enough to stay home from school. By late afternoon, his chicken pox was clearly visible.

Finally, it was over. Both kids were well and able to get back to school. I expressed my relief to the preacher at my church. He commented to me, Now you know how it feels for someone to take care of a loved one with a long–term illness.

I thought about that for a bit. Then I felt like a total jerk.

My stint had been temporary. My children had a mild disease I knew would not have long–term effects on them. I knew they would get better. I wasn’t stuck at home the entire time—my husband and I took turns going to church and he even sent me off for an afternoon by myself during this time while he watched the kids (yes, I married a gem).

But those involved with long–term care? They don’t have to cancel plans—because they don’t make any. They understand and accept that their life has narrowed to the care of this human being. And so many times, they do not have the hope this person will get better—they are on a path that they understand will end when this loved one leaves this life. And they know their world will be altered forever.

Many labor alone, forgotten by others. They are reluctant to bother others, and if someone asks, Is there anything I can do? they honestly can’t come up with an answer. They willingly surrender their wants for the sake of this other. Yet often when prayers are asked, no one thinks to mention the caregiver.

If you are a caregiver, God bless you. You are involved in a labor of love that deserves far more attention and credit than it gets.

If you are not having to care for a loved one, hold those you love close—and then bring a plate of brownies, a card, or even a hug to a caregiver you know.

Let’s not forget them anymore.

CELEBRATE THE FOURTH—VOTE

Did you hear that Iraq had an election not too long ago?

An Iraqi citizen obediently went to his local polling place, where he was handed a sealed envelope and instructed to drop it in the ballot box. The citizen walked over to the box, but before dropping it in began to open the envelope. Immediately an election official was at his side.

What are you doing? he demanded.

I just wanted to see who I was voting for, the citizen explained.

Idiot! hissed the official. Don’t you know this is a secret ballot?!

That joke came to mind as I contemplated this article, scheduled to come out the day before the Fourth of July. This year, our country will celebrate its 222th birthday—young in terms of the world, but it seems like a long time to us.

Of course, we will celebrate. There will be barbeques, activities, and fireworks (but please honor the state ban and don’t set them off yourself). We will look at our flag and remember what men all those years ago risked so that we could mold our own destiny.

I don’t have any problem celebrating in any of these ways—undoubtedly I will be engaging in some of them myself tomorrow—but I would like to suggest a very special way to commemorate the birth of this nation and the hopes and dreams of those who pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

I would like every eligible voter in Highlands County to pledge that they will gather information regarding the upcoming elections this year and vote. Notice I do not merely say, vote. I’m not talking about getting a ballot and stepping into a voting booth without a clue.

I don’t want you to go in there and flip a coin, or pick someone because their last name starts with the same letter as yours, or by closing your eyes and stabbing the ballot. I want you to put some work into this. I want you to examine those who would like to obtain these positions. I want you to find out what they intend to do with the job. I want you to be an informed voter, and make an intelligent decision.

Maybe you think this is hard. If you can read this column, you can find out about those who are running for office. The Democratic and Republican parties have offices right here in Highlands County (You can call the Democratic headquarters at 471–2322; the Republicans can be reached at 382–0229).

We have newspapers. We have the Internet. We have television. We have talk radio (and say what you will about Barry Foster, he makes every effort to get candidates running for office on his show at least once, available to any voter with a phone and a question). The information is there for you to get. Maybe you feel powerless. My one vote doesn’t matter, you think. But we aren’t taking about just one vote, but thousands of votes of people who don’t vote because they think my one vote doesn’t matter. That adds up to thousands of votes—votes that could change the outcome of an election.

One of the reasons the Founding Fathers did what they did that hot day over 200 years ago was to secure for themselves (and eventually us) the right to determine how and by whom we would be led.

Your right to vote is too precious a thing to be tossed aside lightly. Honor those who won us the rights and freedoms we take so much for granted—inform yourself and vote.

I cannot end this column without a word of thanks to the members of the Sebring Firecracker Committee. Without your hard work, Sebring might have had no fireworks to celebrate the holiday with. My personal thanks to you all.

MAKE SURE YOU SCREEN IT!

It’s a familiar scenario. You have a free evening, and you figure you want to spend quality time with your spouse and kids. You decide that what you want to do is go to a movie. So you whip out your local paper and scan the movie titles.

As you look over the listed titles you start asking yourself, Will this movie be OK for the kids? And of course, you don’t know, because the only guideline you are given are a bunch of letters and possibly numbers that rate" the movie.

Movie ratings are to assist parents in choosing movies, people will say.

Excuse me while I collapse on the floor in hysterical laughter. The ratings tell you almost nothing. Nothing useful, anyway.

The current ratings that parents are asked to interpret are the following:

G: It is probably safe.

PG: Parental Guidance—sometimes means it’s OK, sometimes it means that you guide your little darling out of the theater and away from the trash posing as an innocent film.

PG13: Worse than PG, but not quite bad enough to deserve an R rating.

R: No one under 17 admitted unless with an adult, a bribe, or a clever plan to beat the system.

NC17: A classy X. To get this, the maker of the film has to go before the ratings board and state This film is artistic and makes a powerful statement that has nothing to do with the fact that people are getting naked and having orgies with a completely straight face.

X: An unclassy X. The maker of the film kept snickering through the statement.

(We once made the mistake of seeing My Fellow Americans. As we left the theater, my husband muttered, That should have been rated ‘BP.’

‘BP?’ I asked.

Yeah, the ‘Brillo Pad’ rating. That’s what their mouths should’ve been washed out with.)

The thing is, movies within the various ratings range widely.

Armageddon is rated PG13. So is Small Soldiers. So is Dr. Doolittle. The content of these films vary widely. So, how do you tell what is appropriate for your family and what isn’t?

Well, you have several choices. You can read the reviews and try to puzzle it out. You can take your chances and hope for the best. You can swear off moviegoing forever. Or, if you have access to the Internet, you can log on to http://www.screenit.com and get the facts about the movie you need to make an intelligent decision about the movies your family go to.

According to its info page, Screen it! was created to give parents a way to access the content of popular entertainment their kids are exposed to. They do not tell you what to see and what not to see; instead, they supply the parent with the best weapon against improper content: information. Screen it! reviews movies, videos, and music (with future plans to expand into other areas such as TV programming).

When you log on, you will find not only the movie’s rating, a review of the movie and a brief plot synopsis, but you will also find a wealth of information that a parent can use to evaluate a film. For some, there may be too much information—some plot points can be given away in the ratings—but I have yet to have important plot points spoiled for me by Screen it!

Movie content is divided into 15 categories, among them disrespectful/bad attitude, imitative behavior, tense family scenes, and inappropriate music. There are of course categories for blood/gore, violence, and profanity. All the categories are rated from None to Extreme, with details from the movie explaining the rating.

The detail in this is stunning. For example, in the Profanity category, they not only list how many times and what curse words are used, they even tell you if God’s name is uttered as an exclamation and how many times it is so used.

Screen It! has helped me decide on the appropriateness of a movie