A Dog's Blog

By Ginny Stone

Greetings and salutations! I am Zed – the most adorable Basset Hound that ever existed. Well – that’s what “Mom” says, so obviously it’s true. Before you go any further you should know that you have to read this in a low voice because that’s how I speak – none of this squeaky high pitched stuff – that’s for the punky little mutt, Skunk, that I have to share my basket with...

This book is the first in a compilation of blogs that ran as a weekly newspaper column for many years. A hilarious look at the life of Zed, the most adorable Basset Hound in the world and Skunk, the flying punk, two of the most irresistibly wicked, ridiculously naughty South African canines.
The blogs are written by the dogs!

If you are a grammar freak you should probably skip this story because some of the text is in Doglish with bits of it Catlish too. However, if you love your pets as much as we do – you’ll totally relate to this book.

“I loved it when the column landed on my desk. Quirky, funny, stubborn, opinionated Zed’s take on living in the Stone household, and his observations of the two-legged creatures who shared his space, was a wonderful reprieve from complaints about potholes and reports of hijackings.” –says Cathy Grosvenor, editor of The Springs Advertiser at that time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ginny Stone
• Release date: Dec 16, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370196210

Ginny Stone

Ginny Stone lives in Connecticut and works as a technical editor. Her love of animals, especially cats, prompted her to write this story. She once lost her kitty for eight months. Then, miraculously, the cat showed itself to a thoughtful person who contacted Ginny, and the two friends were reunited.

Book preview

Foreword

Ten years ago, I was the editor of a well-read community newspaper. The Springs Advertiser was fondly called the Addie by the community of this Gauteng mining town. As do all local papers, the Addie carried a mix of news – serious political and crime articles, light-hearted community events, sport and entertainment. What really pushed our readers’ buttons; however, were stories about animals. This was a town that loved its four-legged inhabitants.

Enter Ginny Stone, a new transplant to the town. In November 2007, she pitched a weekly column to us, ‘written’ by her Basset Hound Zed, with some co-authoring by Skunk the flying punk dog. Within the shortest space of time, the Dog’s Blog was as entrenched in the town as are its famous art deco buildings. I loved it when the column landed on my desk. Quirky, funny, stubborn, opinionated Zed’s take on living in the Stone household, and his observations of the two-legged creatures who shared his space, was a wonderful reprieve from complaints about potholes and reports of hijackings.

Tragedy struck, however, with the family losing both Zed and Skunk within a short space of time. We raged, mourned and commiserated but it was clear the show had to go on, and so the Dog’s Blog continued. Zed’s successor was a well-fed, sweet mutt aptly called Fudges, and her co-conspirator was Looseyfur, the little red devil of a cat.

I trust you will enjoy as much as I did this wonderful compilation of stories that capture a bit of the magic pets bring to our lives.

Cathy Grosvenor

Disclaimer

All characters in this blog – both furry and human are factual and actually do, or did exist.

All episodes referred to are true although they may just have been ever so slightly embellished on occasion. Photographic evidence can be supplied.

Any words that you may not have come across before reading this blog could probably be attributed to being Doglish or perhaps even Catlish. (Feel free to consult the glossary at the back of this book for translations – you won’t find them in any dictionary.)

The Dog’s Blog really did run as a weekly column in The Springs Advertiser, a community newspaper in Springs, South Africa for more than nine years.

This is the first section… it is by no means the last!

Table of Contents

Foreword

Glossary of Characters

Blog #1 ~ I am Zed

Blog #2 ~ Vegetable Garden

Blog #3 ~ Food

Blog #4 ~ Sick as a Dog

Blog #5 ~ Wickedness!

Blog #6 ~ Seriously Sad Hounds

Blog #7 ~ Christmas

Blog #8 ~ Stuck

Blog #9 ~ Stuff

Blog #10 ~ Toys

Blog #11 ~ Looseyfur

Blog #12 ~Sneakier than Sneaky

Blog #13 ~Bath Time

Blog #14 ~ Full of Nonsense

Blog #15 ~ Bedtime

Blog #16 ~ Not Such a Lazy Hound

Blog #17 ~ Snakey Wires that Bite

Blog #18 ~ Wrinkly Crinkly

Blog #19 ~ Balls!

Blog #20 ~ The Dress

Blog #21 ~ Who Ate the Easter Bunny

Blog #22 ~ Mr Zed

Blog #23 ~ Put in the Pound

Blog #24 ~ Insecure Hounds

Blog #25 ~ Gimme that Rabbit

Blog #26 ~ Plastic Box

Blog #27 ~ Bamboo Toothbrushes

Blog #28 ~ Flying Skunk the Punk

Blog #29 ~ Little Drummer Girl

Blog #30 ~ Biting Balls

Blog #31 ~ Myknitting

Blog #32 ~ Slobbers and Stuff

Blog #33 ~ Sucks to be a Dog

Blog #34 ~ Parental Agents and Aunties

Blog #35 ~ Nasty Habits

Blog #36 ~ Walkies

Blog #37 ~ Barking Boring

Blog #38 ~ Lean Mean Skunk Machine

Blog #39 ~ Tatty Fur Goes AWOL

Blog #40 ~ Caveman Style Cooking

Blog #41 ~ My Favorite Old Wrinkly

Blog #42 ~ Oh-Limb-Picks

Blog #43 ~ Oh Zed

Blog #44 ~ Psst! You! Black Dog

Blog #45 ~ Hairy Bath

Blog #46 ~ Driving Master Skunk

Blog #47 ~ Fur in a Flap

Blog #48 ~ Only a Lonely Dog Sometimes

Blog #49 ~ Farm Dog

Blog #50 ~ Play Ball

Blog #51 ~ Life is like Toilet Paper

Blog #52 ~ Skunk the Junk Eating Punk

Blog #53 ~ Scaring My Own Furry Knickers

Blog #54 ~ Fly Well, My Darling Skunk

Glossary of Odd Words

Glossary of Characters

(Just so that you know who is who. You don’t have to read this blog all at once – you can pick it up and read a blog or two at a time!)

The Furry ones

Zed – me, the adorable Basset Hound, of course.

Skunk – the flying Punk – some sort of XXX sheepdog type mutt.

Slayer – Emma’s spoilt black cat.

Looseyfur – Emma’s little red devil of a cat.

The human ones

Mom – The person, who feeds us, loves us and generally looks after us – essentially the boss.

Alpha – Mom’s husband (Chris), who thinks he’s the boss – we humor him – mostly.

Emma – aka Em – Mom’s youngest daughter who lives in the house with us (Chris is her parental agent).

Ernest – the dude that helps out in the garden.

Luan – Chris’s son who lives in Cape Town and comes to visit often. (Mom is his parental agent).

Jock-Boy – Em’s boyfriend at the time.

Lauren aka Lolla aka The Bossy Teacher Type – Mom’s oldest daughter who also lives in Cape Town because she works there – as a teacher – duh!

Mike – Lolla’s man.

Granma – Mom’s mom.

The old wrinklie – Grandma’s hubby, Keith.

The Dressing Gown Dude – the local vet.

Auntie Cathy – The Editor of The Springs Advertiser - she does not really get mentioned in the blog but had it not been for her impeccable taste deciding to run this as a weekly column – the blog would probably not exist.

Auntie Natasha – Mom’s friendly journalist at the Addie.

Blog #1 ~ I am Zed

Greetings and salutations! I am Zed – the most adorable Basset Hound that ever existed. Well – that’s what Mom says, so obviously it’s true. Before you go any further you should know that you have to read this in a low voice because that’s how I speak – none of this squeaky high pitched stuff – that’s for the mutt that I share my basket with.

I’ll save you the bother of wondering why I’m named Zed – quite nifty actually. Before me, there used to be some naffy little Daschund dog named Omega who came to a sticky end – not that I don’t feel bad about that, but if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t be living here. The big male in our house thinks he’s the Alpha dog. He’s not, of course, Mom is, but we all humor him and let him bask in his delusions. Omega is the last letter of the Greek alphabet – so Mom thought it would be kind of neat to call me Zed – the last letter of the normal old alphabet. Nobody really argues with Mom, so, as I said earlier… I am Zed.

I have stuff. Humans, a house, lots of garden, several baskets, socks and plenty of chew toys. The humans are a mixed bunch. There’s Alpha, Mom and Emma – who is a pain in the tail because she keeps her bedroom door closed. I know there are lots of things I could do for her in there. Then there’s the boy child, Luan who comes and goes – a bit confusing actually but I’m rather fond of them all. I also count Ernest as my stuff too – he’s the guy that keeps the garden in order. It’s pretty cool when he’s been to visit because the grass gets cut and doesn’t wet my belly in the early morning.

Oh – there’s the mutt too – his name is Skunk – think Mom slipped up there because it should have been Punk - the pavement special. He’s not a thoroughbred like me and has the manners of a sewer rat. Yeah - and the cat, Slayer – she gets to sleep in Emma’s room on her bed, so we slobber on her whenever we can catch her, with the odd nip or two thrown in.

Arrival

I was frolicking around the garage with my siblings when the creaky groany noise of the doors opening made us all stop and squint at the daylight. There stood my stuff.

I trotted up - carefully – it’s easy to make a complete ass of oneself falling over either your big feet or long ears - and slobbered on their shoes adoringly. Hmm… those are going to be good to chew. Yup, I smiled at them too, wondering if I should show them how manly I was and piddle a little bit. Overkill perhaps. Mom picked me up and crumpled my nose – aw shucks, not a very elegant way to greet your new dog now, is it? Then she put me down and checked out the siblings. She jabbered on to Alpha about how maybe a female would be better.

What?

Insanity!

I was The Dog.

Alpha looked around a bit too – but then said nah – the first one is cute. Naturally. Me!

Of course it was not quite that simple – they left. Without me. Two seconds later the owners bundled us into one of those moving couches and next thing I was rudely being jabbed by a man still wearing his dressing gown. Hulloooo – what about my rights – you can’t just do what you like with this fine furry body of mine. I was still a tad miffed about this shabby treatment, when my stuff magically appeared again.

They got me home in one piece – barely – quite a bit of bickering about whose lap I was going to sit on. On the way they stopped and bought me quite a nice basket – had some sissy bears on it – but it would do.

For a while.

Shock and horror – I’d swapped my nice cozy garage for a huge house with cold tiles. Yuk. Humans only get cold feet – I was getting cold feet, cold ears and putting my furry seat on the ground took a huge amount of willpower. Worse, I kept getting lost, so I stuck to their feet and then they’d fall over me.

Mom fed me. A bit embarrassing that was too – my ears dangled in my porridge – all sticky and eergh – so she held them up whilst I gobbled it all down. Quite good this – a whole bowl to myself – no sharing with siblings.

Was a bit of a rough night, that first one – pretty lonely without the greedy sibs. I chunked and whined a fair bit just to let them know I was not a happy chappy. Then Alpha mumbled something about letting me sleep in the scullery instead of the bedroom so I snuggled deeper into the bears and fell asleep.

Skunk the Punk

One afternoon was lying in my