The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: how to free yourself and your family from a lifetime of clutter

By Margareta Magnusson

The basis for the wonderfully funny and moving TV series developed by Amy Poehler and Scout Productions.

A charming approach to putting your life in order so your loved ones won’t have to. There’s a word for it in Swedish: döstädning, literally, ‘death cleaning’.

Swedish-born Margareta Magnusson is, in her words, ‘aged between 80 and 100’. When her husband died, she had to downsize her home. The experience forced her to recognise the power of ‘death cleaning’ and the concerns that must be addressed in order to do it with thought and care. Done well, the approach not only makes things easier for your loved ones later on, it allows you to revisit the lifetime of memories accumulated with your things.

From clothes and books to stuff you just can’t get rid of, stuff that only matters to you, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning offers indispensable advice on questions you will inevitably face when sorting through a lifetime of objects: How do you deal with your secrets? Tackle photographs and letters? Avoid heirs fighting over your belongings after you are gone? This charming, practical book based on personal experience and anecdotes will guide you in making the process uplifting rather than overwhelming: it focuses on the importance of living — even through death cleaning.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Scribe Publications
• Release date: Oct 2, 2017
• ISBN: 9781925548563

Margareta Magnusson

Margareta Magnusson is, in her own words, aged between 80 and 100. Born in Sweden, she has lived all over the world. Margareta graduated from Beckman’s College of Design and her art has been exhibited in galleries from Hong Kong to Singapore. She has five children and lives in Stockholm. She is the author of The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning and The Swedish Art of Aging Well.

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Scribe Publications

18–20 Edward St, Brunswick, Victoria 3056, Australia

2 John St, Clerkenwell, London, WC1N 2ES, United Kingdom

Published by Scribe 2017

Text and illustrations copyright © 2017 Margareta Magnusson and Jane Magnusson

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publishers of this book.

The moral right of the authors have been asserted

Back-cover epigraph taken from ‘How the Light Gets In’, The New Yorker, 17 October 2016, reproduced by kind permission of David Remnick

9781925322330 (Australian edition)

9781925548563 (e-book)

A CiP entry for this title is available from the National Library of Australia.

scribepublications.com.au

scribepublications.co.uk

To my five children

Contents

Preface

Death cleaning is not sad

Why I am writing this book

Precious time and helping parents

To start

A small piece of advice

What to keep and what not to

Sort and sort out

More organising

It is no fun to play ‘hide the key’ when you have hidden it from yourself

A very good approach

Happy people

Seeking help while you begin

My third death cleaning

Death cleaning on your own

How to discuss the topic of death cleaning

Did the Vikings know the real secret of death cleaning?

Only count the happy moments

The little optimist

A woman’s job

Don’t forget yourself

Making the move to a smaller space

Mapping out your new space

Home

A few thoughts on accumulation

Things

Clothes

A note on children’s clothes

Books

The kitchen

Cookbooks and family recipes

Things, things, and more things

If it was your secret, keep it that way (or How to death clean hidden, dangerous, and secret things)

The perils of man caves

Gifts that you maybe did not want in the first place, but that you did not have the heart to throw away

Collections, collectors, and hoarders

In the garden

Pets

The story of Klumpeduns

At last: photographs

Stuff you can’t get rid of

The Throw Away box

Correspondence and communication

Written things

My little black book

Death cleaning is as much (or more!) for you as for the people who come after

The story of one’s life

After life

Acknowledgements

Biography of Margareta Magnusson

Preface

The only thing we know for sure is that we will die one day. But before that we can try to do almost anything.

You have probably been given this little book by one of your children, or as a gift from someone in the same situation as you and me. Or perhaps you’ve picked up a copy for yourself, because it struck a chord.

There is a reason for this. You have collected so much wonderful stuff in your life — stuff that your family and friends can’t evaluate or take care of.

Let me help make your loved ones’ memories of you affectionate, rather than upsetting.

Death cleaning is not sad

I am doing death cleaning, or, as we call it in Swedish, döstädning.

Dö is death and städning is cleaning. In Swedish, it is a term that refers to removing unnecessary things and making your home nice and orderly when you think the time is coming closer for you to leave the planet.

It is so important that I have to tell you about it. Maybe I can pass on a few tips in the process, since this is something that we will all have to face, sooner or later. We really must if we want to save precious time for our loved ones after we are gone.

So what is death cleaning? For me, it means going through all my belongings and deciding how to get rid of the things I do not want anymore. Just look around you. Several of your things have probably been there for so long that you do not even see or value them anymore.

I think the term döstädning is quite new, but not the act of döstädning. It is a word that is used when you or someone else does a good, thorough cleaning and gets rid of things to make life easier and less crowded. It does not necessarily have to do with your age or death, but often does. Sometimes you just realise that you can hardly close your drawers or barely shut your closet door. When that happens, it is definitely time to do something, even if you are only in your thirties. You could call that kind of cleaning döstädning, too, even if you are many, many years away from dying.

I think women have always death cleaned, but women’s work is not often in the spotlight, and should be appreciated more. When it comes to death cleaning, in my generation and those before me, women tend to clean up after their husbands first, and then they clean up before they themselves are no more. While one would usually say ‘clean up after yourself,’ here we are dealing with the odd situation of cleaning up before … we die.

Some people can’t wrap their heads around death. And these people leave a mess after them. Do they think, all that time, that they are immortal?

Many adult children do not want to talk about death with their parents. They should not be afraid. We must all talk about death. If it’s too difficult to address, raising the subject of death cleaning can be a way to start the conversation in a less blunt fashion.

The other day, I told one of my sons that I was death cleaning and writing a book about it. He wondered if it was going to be a sad book and whether it made me sad to write it.

No, no, I said. It is not sad at all. Neither the cleaning nor the writing of the book.

Sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable with how unappreciative I am being about some of the things I want to rid myself of. Some of these things have brought benefits to me.

But I’ve discovered that it is rewarding to spend time with these objects one last time and then dispose of them. Each item has its own history, and remembering that history is often enjoyable. When I was younger, I never used to have the time to sit and think about what an object meant to me in my life, or where it came from, or when and how it came into my possession. The difference between death cleaning and just a big clean-up is the amount of time they consume. Death cleaning is not about dusting or mopping up; it is about a permanent form of organisation that makes your everyday life run more smoothly.

Now, when I am not running around Stockholm, taking part in all that the city has to offer, I have time to take part in all that my apartment has to offer, which is a reflection of my life.

The world

Reviews for The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning

[lucaconti-1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

It's a short book, full of useless not inspiring personal anecdotes. Not recommended even if I love the topic

[brangwinn · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Clearly, I’m secretly Swedish. I’ve been death cleaning all my life. Sadly, as I try to give things away, people don’t cherish them as much, and I end up keeping too many memories.

[salsabrarian · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Not nearly as practical-minded as "Spark Joy," this book is more oriented towards her memories with a few useful tips along the way, such as when downsizing, only keep as many place settings as your table will have room for. The idea of death cleaning is a good one though and when the time comes for me to do so, I will only save the things that bring me joy or that I will definitely use again and again.

[ajhackwith · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

I went into this expecting a philosophical approach to downsizing I could apply to my (distinctly not end of) life. However, since it focus more on things like what to save for your children and the like, I didn't get a lot from it.

[thewestwing-864351 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The book basically just says get rid of your stuff before you die so your loved ones/other people don’t have to deal with your junk. It’s very light on strategy. But it’s nicely written.

[Jasmine Flett · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

A gentle and enjoyable read, not so big on strategy though which was what I was really looking for.

[Kate Johnston · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a great book for people of a mature age, when discarding possessions is motivated by mortality instead of overwhelm. It triggers issues that society prefers to ignore, death and the stuff you leave behind. Unless you are of the age where there is more time behind you than ahead, this book may not be for you, it’s for us who need to minimise for an organised, tidy death. I love this book and I am now thinking of what will be left when I go.

[course8 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

This gentle book tells gentle stories from the author's life and how death cleaning became important to her. She writes about how she came to understand the need for reducing possessions, particularly when she had to go through households after the deaths of several loved ones and when she had to downsize and move to a smaller home. However she does not provide specific ideas, methodology or tips that are not generally known. The stories are interesting but the book was not useful to me. Some of her suggestions are counter productive. One suggestion that I particularly dislike is to give your unwanted items and knick knacks to others as hostess gifts or to relatives when they come to visit. It seems if you don't want to keep an item then you should not gift it to others unless they have specifically expressed strong interest in it. Otherwise you are just transferring your stuff to someone else's death cleaning pile. The truth that she tells is that if you don't do your own death cleaning and thereby show your heirs what is important to you then, once you die, it is likely everything will just be hauled away in a big truck because no-one will have the time or knowledge to winnow out the important items. The other truth she tells is that we should share our cherished stories now with our children and grand children rather than hope they will appreciate our items after we are gone.

[adzebill · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Charming, meandering, and slightly dotty Nordic alternative to awful Marie Kondo.

[mrs.soule · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book is hilarious and fascinating. It's not just a book on getting rid of stuff you don't need so your relatives won't be saddled with doing it for you. It's about Swedish culture, raising a family around the world in the 20th century, and the Magnusson family. I read it in what my brain thinks is a Swedish Grandma Accent and it made sentences like this, from the "If It Was Your Secret, Then Keep It That Way" chapter, the best thing ever: "Save your favorite dildo - but throw away the other fifteen!"

[circlestonesbooks · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

„Manchmal muss man sich von liebgewonnenen Dingen trennen und kann nur hoffen, dass sie bei jemandem landen, der bald eigene schöne Erinnerungen damit verbindet.“ (Zitat Seite 57)Inhalt:Die Schweden haben ein eigenes Wort dafür: döstädning, das Aufräumen des Lebens. Genau darum geht es in diesem Buch. Wir Menschen neigen dazu, nicht nur Erinnerungen, sondern auch Dinge zu sammeln, aufzubewahren. Wir alle tun dies, einerseits, weil wir vermuten, einen Gegenstand, der noch in Ordnung ist, vielleicht doch irgendwann wieder brauchen zu können, andererseits, weil uns etwas gefällt, wir es gerne in unserem Wohnraum haben, um uns daran zu erfreuen. Im Laufe des Lebens sammelt sich da vieles an, Hausrat, Erinnerungsstücke und auch Dachboden, Keller, Garage und Werkzeugschuppen füllen sich. Genau über diese Situation machte sich die Autorin Gedanken und begann mit dem Sortieren und Aufräumen. Ihre Erfahrungen und Tipps hat sie in diesem Buch gesammelt.Thema:In diesem Buch geht es darum, wie wir besser Ordnung halten können und was man speziell mit fortschreitenden Alter tun kann, um den Nachkommen eines Tages ein langwieriges Auflösen des Haushaltes zu ersparen oder dies wenigstens zu erleichtern. Eine Möglichkeit dazu ergibt sich, wenn man ohnedies aus einer großen Wohnung oder Haus in eine kleinere Wohnung zieht. Doch im Grunde ist es jederzeit sinnvoll, den persönlichen Besitz in Ruhe durchzusehen, sich zu erinnern und dann loszulassen – oder den einen oder anderen Gegenstand bewusst zu behalten. In kurzen, übersichtlichen Kapiteln spannt die Autorin den Bogen ihrer Themen, vom Möbelstück über Bücher bis zu Küchenutensilien in mehrfacher Ausführung. Auch Haustiere sind ein Thema. Viele unterschiedliche Anregungen und Tipps sorgen dafür, dass Leserinnern und Leser die jeweils für die persönliche Situation passenden Ideen und Vorschläge finden. Anders als bei diesem Thema vielleicht vermutet, handelt es sich hier keineswegs um ein trauriges Buch, sondern die Autorin schreibt mit viel Einfühlungsvermögen, lebensbejahend und humorvoll. Fazit:„Nach ihrem Tod wird niemand seine kostbare Zeit damit verschwenden müssen, den Krempel zu entsorgen, den Sie schon jetzt nicht mehr benötigen.“ (Zitat Seite 155). Dieses praktische, humorvolle Buch ist für alle Leser, die diese Ansicht teilen.

[kittyjay · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

If you're looking for a how-to manual on decluttering your house in preparation of your own eventual demise, this is not that book.

If you want a book that has a strong impression of being a cozy chat with a grandmother who offers you tea and says semi-scandalous things while you chortle over a biscuit, this is that book.

With a wry, sometimes delightfully passive-aggressive tone, Margareta shares her life wisdom with a gentle and often funny meandering book. The whole book was like wrapping yourself in a warm quilt and spending time with a loved one.

[kayanelson · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

A quick cute read but it wasn’t filled with steps of how to do it like the Marie Kondo books.

[fliss88_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

4 stars from me but not for the tips and advice. Decluttering has been done to death over recent years and Margareta Magnusson hasn’t really come up with anything new. However, the whole point of decluttering, to her mind, is to get it done so that the job isn’t left to your spouse or children after your death! Very sensible idea if you ask me! My eldest daughter has already made comment to this effect “I’m going to have to deal with - all this - one day, you realise”. Don’t tell her I’ve told you this!

[clara53_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A remarkable, inspiring, and useful little book - especially for people over a certain age, myself included. I finished it in one afternoon. Unabashed frankness about the subject of death is so refreshing.  The Swedish author makes such a great point, while reminding us a few times throughout the book that she is between 80 and 100 years old! Great sense of humor too! Her suggestions on "death cleaning" (no need to be shocked at the phrase at all...) are so reasonable and completely up my alley. I agree with everything she says. Has to be done (for everybody's sake) - and better earlier than later. It's simply rude to leave a mess for somebody to take care of when we are gone - when we can easily do it the decluttering ourselves while we still can.

[sgtcat · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I enjoyed this. There's not much here that isn't common sense, but it's written very well.

[whybehave2002 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I love to listen to books that will help me to be better at something and I love to do that while cleaning, thus this book called to me. I will say I was disappointed. Other than it being a spin on my quarterly big cleans, I really didn't glean any cleaning tips. These tips were more about the emotional, or in this case lessening of emotions, when getting rid of things. I do this anyway but maybe others would find occasional learning moments in the book.

[omnomnomtea · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Helped me to communicate with my grandma, who is a hoarder. Worth 5 stars just for that, but also a good read and as it says, very gentle.

[juva_3 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is a charming little book about a Swedish tradition of minimizing and organizing ones possessions before death. The author has lots of little helpful tips usually drawn from her own life experiences. It's a thoughtful book about the way times changes, lives change, and the calm way one should prepare for the inevitable.

[isabelx_21 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Sometimes I think it must have been much easier to live and die at the time of our ancestors, the Vikings. When they buried their relatives, they also buried many objects together with the body. This was to be sure that the dead would not miss anything in their new environment. It was also an assurance for the family members who remained that they would not become obsessed with spirits of the dead and constantly be reminded of them because their possessions were still scattered all over the tent or mud hut. Very clever.Can you imagine the same scenario today? With all the skräp (Swedish for “junk”) people have now, they would have to be buried in Olympic-sized swimming pools so that their stuff could go with them!Swedish death cleaning is a way of decluttering your possessions in advance of your death, so that you do not leave it all for your heirs to do. If you do not want to pass on loved furniture or other items to your friends and relations now, you can make a list or label items with the name of the person you would like to have them after your death.But if you're famous, maybe you shoudn't do too much death cleaning, or scholars won't have anything to work with when trying to write about you later on. Incidentally, I discovered that Ingmar Bergman thought about his death all the time, as is evident in some of his films, but didn't bother to do any death cleaning. In Stockholm we now have a huge Ingmar Bergman archive as a result.Interesting idea. I must try it at some point.