Shooting Your Boyfriend: A Guide

By Cammy May Hunnicutt

Probably the definitive book on the rationale, reasoning, procedure, ramifications, and euphoria or shooting one's paramour in areas most responsible for getting him shot, "Considerations Prior To Shooting Your Boyfriend Right In The Nuts" is a bid for respectability for this under-utilized, but satisfactory of maintaining a woman's mental hygiene.
No aspect of nutshots goes unexamined in this seminal work, including choice of proper weapons, a Hall of Fame of successful ballblasters, case studies of justifiable nuticide, and all things considered about this rather exciting, if often misunderstood, practice.
Ms. Hunnicutt joins historical satirists with ideas whose time had come, such as Swift, Orwell, Carlin, the Unabomber.
If you have a boyfriend, or recently got dumped by one, this book is certainly worth the money...and your "consideration".

• Language: English
• Publisher: Escrit Lit
• Release date: Feb 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781465912213

Cammy May Hunnicutt

Originally a deep south preacher's kid, Cammy May Hunnicutt backslid spectacularly: from college athletics, to international modeling of swimware and lingerie, to movie doubling and nude posing, to, in her words, "much much worse". Coming to writing through her involvement with online serials, she is finding recognition as a dark, if not downright nasty, humorist, and working on a series of crime novels.

Book preview

Confessional Preface

(Non Actionable)

You could take this as a confession. If it applied to actual alleged events or any persons living or (more to the point) dead or dismembered. Which it doesn't, you hear me? Except in your mind. Which is really the whole point of selling you a book: to get into your head, and vice versa.

Or you could take it as a cautionary tale. A memoir mori. If you need to.

It's not, let me emphasize, a how to book. Nothing like that. Purely hypothetical. Several disclaimers insisted upon by the publisher's lawyers are embedded in the background code of the ebook. Any crimes or torts that might result from applying the wisdom of this book to real-life simulations is a product of your own expectations. Your expectations, and their lackadaisical fulfillment, having been part of the problem in the first place and requiring this book to aggravate the solution. So if your boyfriend should turn up with his McNuggets pulverized, you didn't hear it here, hear? Hear, hear.

--We neither condone nor endorse such acts or attitudes

--Side effects can include euphoria, notoriety and stress loss

-- Objects in those briefs may be closer than they appear

--Do not try this at home

--Your results may vary

--Batteries not included

--Get best prices at our ammunition store on eBay

I truly don't know about the title. Dropping off the right in the nuts part was suggested, sometimes with great force and really abusive language and gesticulations, but the phrase was also supported by other sectors in the workplace and this is the result: what I wanted all along. Things so frequently turn out that way, and when they do I am happy and non-lethal. I am hoping to dedicate the fame that I achieve for my name and message to positive purposes, such as making it much easier for me to get what I want all along. Or else. Editors have a lot in common with boyfriends.

Another title tweak was suggested in some idiotic free promo info-webinar I took. One of their big obsessions was that it's best for titles to have numbers in them. Like David Letterman (why on earth do people watch that uber-Geek, anyway? Or Conan? Or any of them? Why the hell don't they get some guys for those late night chairs that are easy on the eyes? You want to keep us up at night, why not get George Clooney or Colin Farrell or somebody like that?)

But I tried it on, fooled with things like, 12 Things To Think Twice About Before Popping a Cap on Your Squeeze and 25 Top Reasons To Blow That Jerk Away Right Now, Not Later and 99 Reasons It'll Probably Be Ruled Justifiable but I kept coming up with more reasons than numbers. Why do you never see any odd numbers on these spammer lists? Or three digits: ever notice that? Well, if you're just chomping on your bit for 143 ways to get people to like your stupid FaceBook page for whatever good that does you, you have to just add them up from all those moronic articles. I'm sticking with, Right in the nuts: let me count the ways.

But enough of that nonsense. Let's move on to more sensible nonsense. Like the question, "Since shooting boyfriends is so obviously a good idea and the only sure-fire way to keep them from screwing up, why waste time and energy with all these considerations? And, of course, it's an excellent question. And the answer is not because I'm some all things considered" Stepford snoot, it's because it's only fair. It is their seed pearls, we're talking about and most men tend to be very attached to them. (Too bad they're not better at learning how to keep them attached, but that's what this book is all about, isn't it?) We are women, not unfeeling, impulsive animals like some genders I could mention. Our default is to think things over, to strive for balance, to care and nurture.

So. We consider it, then we pull out our nine and demonstrate its problem-solving capacity.

So if anybody really needs numbers to make sense out of the whole Boyfriend Scare, I've got a few for you right here: .22, .32, .38, .357, .44, .45, .50, 9mm, 10mm, 105mm, 3000 rounds per minute.

Some Technical Terms Used In This Book

They say that whoever defines the terms of a discussion, wins. So I'll