Play the Rules: Book ONE - Empowerment

By Monica Armillotta

https://play.therules.club

Play the Rules is the self-help book for people who hate self-help books! Offering a colorful mix between the semi-autobiographical, humor and provocative genres and advocating a counter-intuitive approach to life, Play the Rules delivers on its promise by defining its own ca

• Language: English
• Publisher: Non Applicable
• Release date: Nov 18, 2020
• ISBN: 9781951490850

Monica Armillotta

Dr. Monica Armillotta is a senior corporate lawyer, passionate writer and owner of a lively blog, daring you with a counterintuitive approach to life: https://play.therules.club Born in Italy and currently living in Germany, her travels across Europe, Asia and the US offer unspoiled material for her first semi-autobiographical, highly whimsical and defiant book: Play the Rules. Challenging conventional stereotypes and humorously defining herself as a "writer at heart, challenger by nature, and lawyer by profession (and chance)," Monica has worked with major multinational companies as a senior legal advisor and negotiator.

Book preview

The Mission

Play the Rules is narrative nonfiction, an autobiography, humor, and motivational self-help. It defiantly breaks the publishing industry’s rule that dictates to writers that they should choose a genre and stick to it so that readers get what they expect. Why? Because that’s what rules are for: to be played.

If you only want to read what you expect, this probably isn’t the book for you. Let me be clear; there’s no missing word in the title. Don’t read it as Play BY the Rules. That’s not the name of this game.

This book proposes a counterintuitive approach to life; it’s a modern success story, an antidote to conventional fairy tales. By mercilessly putting some of the most common stereotypes to the test, I will shed light on the alternatives hidden in the choices we face every day, the elusive third option in a world ruled by yes or no. The memory in your computer is binary—you aren’t. When you come to a fork in the road you must choose: one or two, stick or twist, left or right? But there is always a third way.

My goal is to reach those who are daring enough to step off the beaten path. Don’t just think outside the box—live outside it. Take the third way, chase the boldest dreams.

In Play the Rules, you’ll get a no-nonsense, humorous glimpse into our messy lives, which are full of surprises, and where the only constant is the unexpected!

My role? Well, while outlining these thirty-three Rules, all aimed at shaking up the stereotypes that are so common most people never question them, I will share an array of autobiographical anecdotes, handpicked from encounters and urban adventures I’ve had during my travels for both business and enjoyment.

Every life is a never-ending sequence of opportunities. People miss them most of the time. Because they just don’t see them? Because they’re afraid of the unknown? Because taking the opportunity is against the rules? Because people might talk? All of those things, probably. But if we take the time to stop and think about our next move, we can reinvent ourselves. All it takes is courage from the part of us that we often disguise: our true self, waiting to emerge and take back control of our life. Each of us can be the champion.

The Magic Three

This book is the first part of a compelling trilogy, where the anecdotes all gravitate around The Magic Three. Each milestone represents a key step toward breaking free and living—not just thinking—outside the box. I call each of these enchantments because they are geared toward breaking the spell society has cast on all of us. The Magic Three are:

1. EMPOWERMENT. This first book will use eleven Charms and thirty-three Rules to highlight our constant polarization between faith and fear, and how this plays into our daily life.

2. CONNECTION. The second book will show that none of us exists in isolation, and how finding the invisible bond through which we are all interlinked can change our lives.

3. FREEDOM. The third and final book will highlight the liberating power of embracing our uniqueness and show us that whenever we’re presented with two options, we should always consider a third—the one that nobody ever suggests to us.

So, with this book, let’s invite empowerment to work its magic upon our too orderly world. May the daring Rule Player inside us awake!

Mind your powers, though, because you are holding the key to defying conventional boundaries and common stereotypes, not to mention opening up new ways of life beyond the constraints of our society.

About the Author

Who am I?

That is the million-dollar question, the one we might ask ourselves every day, only to come up with a different answer. Often, we are just left wondering.

In a nutshell, I define myself today as a writer at heart, a challenger by nature, and a lawyer by chance.

The long-winded version is that I love getting to know new people, being outside, exploring, surfing, jogging, feeling the breeze on my skin and my pulse thundering after a workout, doing yoga, having a good laugh, and enjoying good food with friends.

Not much beats any of that in my view!

When I’m not writing, my work as an international corporate lawyer keeps me busy with traveling, meeting customers to close business deals, wrapping those deals up in a nice, neat packages—ribbons and all—and sealing them with my legal blessing. Yes, that would be a pretty accurate description of what I do for a living.

I am lucky, because I love to travel!

Yet, what I love even more is building connections with the people I meet, creating bridges between seemingly different sides. If I know anything, whether personally or professionally, it is that there can be no real winning when one side loses. The greatest victories are always win-win.

At any rate, it is always the people I meet, more than the places I visit, that make each experience truly memorable and unique.

My frequent travels come in handy when I’m searching for inspiration for my own real-life stories. Being a lawyer, despite the bad jokes (OK, some of them could be funny), contributes to the matter-of-fact, no-nonsense approach I take to recount my adventures and the insight they leave me with. My hope is that the perspectives I share, along with those of the amazing people I have met along the way, may shed some light on the ups and downs in your life, too.

In the same upbeat spirit, and as a companion to this book, you will also find some spicy bits of my story on my personal blog:

https://play.therules.club.

Dedicated to You and Your Inner Superhero/ine!

I want this to be our book, so I’m going to dedicate it to you and your inner superhero/ine. You and I both know he or she is there, just waiting to suit up and fly. You two should get to know one another, because you’re about to become best pals.

Your adventure—in which you play the starring role—awaits!

This is for you.

Put your superhero/ine’s picture here—yes, I mean it! Go ahead and strike your best superhero/ine pose.

Trust me; this is going to be epic. You’re going to want to capture this moment.

Enchantment ONE:

YOUR POWER

You Are the Only ONE Who Can Do It.

How to Stop Doubting Yourself

Yes, I Am Speaking to You, Little Daredevil!

BE YOUR OWN SUPERHERO/INE

# Fear # Faith # Your Action

Charms Nrs 1 - 11

Playing Rules #1 - 33

Charm Number 1

Fear can Stand for

Forget Everything and Run, or

Face Everything and Rise.

It’s Your Choice!

How to Challenge Your Fears and Redefine Your Limits

Rule #1

Rise to Become the Person You’d Want on Your Side.

Have you ever felt like you missed out on something you wanted to do because you were unsure or scared to take the leap? Perhaps it was a trip you fantasized taking on your own, a date with that beautiful stranger you met once, or a change in the workplace that a colleague immediately seized as a chance, while for you it was an obstacle? It happens to all of us all of the time, and we usually don’t even notice until the moment is gone!

The good news is that it is still up to you because you hold the power to break the cycle. All you need to do in order to get closer to your goal is shift your perspective and step into the shoes of the person you wish to become. Instead of waiting for somebody to save you, take control of the situation and do it yourself.

Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands.

- Clint Eastwood

It was a Friday evening, and I was at an airport returning home from a business trip. I was looking forward to a cozy, long weekend at home. There were clear skies over Brussels—not a single cloud in sight! But then I heard the announcement; there was a technical problem in the control tower, and flights were being canceled one after another.

My flight was next in line, and I could not possibly miss it! So what did I do? I engaged in a little magical thinking. I decided I wasn’t going to miss my Friday evening flight home. By sheer force of will, I would get my aircraft into the air with me inside it, and on time, too. I had dreamed about a weekend at home, and that was what I was going to have.

Wonderful stuff, that magical thinking. Right?

Wrong! My flight was eventually canceled, just like everyone else’s. Surprise, surprise! But, even knowing this might happen, I chose to try and will away the problem instead of preparing for the alternative. I chose to cling to my plan for a cozy weekend at home instead of embracing the unexpected detour. I was numbed by the false sense of comfort we often feel when we stick with the crowd, and while I stood in a seemingly endless queue of airport transfers, I realized that I was losing precious time I could have spent taking things into my own hands.

Come on! I’m a lawyer; I should know what my passenger rights are when a flight is canceled. And, when in doubt, you should always check for more information and search options online instead of sending helpless status updates to your friends and family! Think about it—how many times do you rely on the help and questionable expertise of complete strangers, rather than proactively search for a solution yourself?

And as this might come in handy for the travelers among you, just so you’re aware, in the case of a delayed or canceled flight you often have the right to compensation (except in the event of force majeure, which is outside the airline’s control), and, if the delay causes you to stay overnight, you have the right to lodging, including transport to and from the airport as well as food.

So, here are your options:

You could wait at the transfer desk for hours on end, letting that poor exhausted desk employee eventually organize everything for you. Eventually, you’ll be taken care of and shepherded to the nearest hotel, where you will arrive along with all the other unfortunates, exhausted and grumpy, and then wait in yet another line to finally check into your room.

Or, take things into your own hands—think ahead. Find out what your options are and, assuming that you are going to be reimbursed later anyway, pick a hotel to your liking for the night. Then, you can claim a seat on the next comfortable, late morning flight (most airlines will make it easy for you to directly check your options and rebook online). Even better, you could head straight downtown and into the heart of a lively city, completely unaffected by airport chaos, to amuse yourself by hanging out with the locals! You might even choose to take even a later flight the next day, which you can bet will be far less crowded than the first available ones in the morning. Have a good night’s sleep and a leisurely morning strolling downtown after a plentiful hotel breakfast buffet to recharge your batteries and enjoy a great start into a new day.

When we pursue the second course of action, we shake off that false sense of comfort that we feel when we blindly conform to other people’s instructions and meekly follow the crowd. Instead, when we choose our own course of action, we are likely to be better off anyway, as is often the case when we act consciously and take matters into our own hands.

In fact, we can apply this Rule to most areas of our lives. Think about something as ordinary as a meal, for example. The question arises in most people’s lives over and over again: eat in, or go to a restaurant? You can bet that, provided you have some rudimentary skills, whatever you cook yourself will be better and healthier than something prepared for you, either in a can or in an ordinary restaurant. So why rely on other people’s help more than your own?

After all, when you have a choice, who is best suited to take care of you, know your needs, and have your best interests at heart? A complete stranger, or you?

But then comes that voice we all know too well, whispering our doubts in our ears.

She does this better than you.

Are you sure you can pull this off?

Ignore that voice; stop putting yourself down! If another person can do it, so can you. If you take things into your own hands, you will rise to the occasion. It takes courage, the first few times you do it, but it’s actually really simple.

1. Imagine the person you would want to have by your side, acting with confidence even (and especially!) in stressful situations.

2. Now, be that person!

Think of your fondest memories or fun stories you love telling your friends. Looking back, isn’t it true that it’s often the unexpected things you remember and cherish the most?

Maybe it was something you didn’t really want at the time. Perhaps it created an obstacle for you. Well, that’s how it often happens in life. But don’t think of it as an inconvenience. Instead, embrace the unplanned detour as an extra adventure that livens things up. Why? Well, for starters, it’s more fun! Look at the bright side. It happened, you can’t change that, but what you can do is let the unplanned perk up your day.

Speaking of perks: when I was unexpectedly overnighted in Brussels, the experience turned into a pleasant surprise because it ultimately brought me to an exceptionally exotic Chinese hotel, which is not the first thing that comes to mind when you think about Belgium. The hotel happened to be part of a luxury Chinese chain with authentic decor I’ve never seen in any other hotel! The food was not just appealing to the eye, but absolutely delicious. To this day, I have no idea what I ate, but it tasted wonderful. I even met a jovial fellow traveler, and we spent a lovely evening dining together—and all courtesy of the airline!

The next morning, just before a plentiful breakfast as exotic and delightful as dinner had been and then the trip back to the airport, I took full advantage of a semi-Olympic pool. I had it to myself. The other guests probably didn’t have any energy left for exercise after the agonizing wait at the transfer desk the day before—the wait I skipped when I picked and reached my hotel of choice with no intermediaries to do it for me.

So, the next time something doesn’t go according to plan, remember that an opportunity may be waiting for you just around the corner. Seize it! What we make out of any experience is always up to us.

Sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together.

- Marilyn Monroe

Rule #2

Ask Yourself, Why Not?

Be Daring!

We often move through life as if we’re working through an algorithm. We expect a certain result in response to any given input, and we try to define our course of action as if there are no variables. This is because we seek comfort in planning things neatly, and many of us—including me, I plead guilty here—tend to be over-optimizers, overthinking everything in view of achieving an optimal result.

However, things often take a course of their own, and there are too many variables at play that are outside our control, such as the overlapping actions and plans of others. Luckily for us, I would add, as otherwise life would be way too predictable and dull.

Life is not an exact science, but more of an improvisation, like any other art form (and living is an art). For us busy bees roaming from flower to flower in pursuit of nectar, the best approach is that of golfers; aim straight down the middle. The trick is keeping a good balance so that:

1. We don’t turn our backs on planning, but make mindful choices with the intention of improving our lives and the lives of those around us.

2. But at the same time, we remain open to the unplanned events that pop up along the way, welcoming them as refreshing changes to our daily routines.

Do you always feel the need to be in control? I know I have a penchant for that. If so, here is my best tip: once in a while, try just letting go.

It may be terrifying at first, but you’ll find that the more you loosen your grip, the better you’ll feel. Life is an adventure with an open ending. With all of the uncertainties and many variables we stumble across, life is a lot like water; the waves, or its fluctuations, are far from being irregularities. Rather, they are inherent parts of the experience. So why not enjoy the splash?

Most of us spend too much time thinking, I don’t know how to do that. What we should be thinking is, I can learn to do that. Chances are, you can. All it takes is three things:

1. You have to really want it.

2. You have to believe you can do it.

3. And, most importantly, you have to do it. Give it a try!

Let’s vacate the little corners we’ve put ourselves into and focus on the bigger picture when we have doubts or fears about doing or not doing something. Don’t ask, Should I do it? Instead, say, Let’s do it.

In the end, we won’t know anyway unless we try, right?

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Your mission is: go conquer it!

We can look at it this way: in the great scheme of things (assuming there is one!), we are infinitely small beings who live for the blink of an eye on an old planet in a solar system close to the far end of one arm of a mysterious galaxy, which—luckily for us—is located far away from the universe’s most dramatic events. And we don’t even know whether this is the only universe there is! We are all minute particles of matter, like stardust. And, when our time here ends, we’ll become part of the universe again. So, will rationalizing and magnifying every decision take us that much further in the grand scheme of life? Ultimately, is there any good reason not to just go with the flow and enjoy ourselves by trying something new?

You know the answer already, right?

If not for the fun of trying (which could be a reason in its own right), then we might choose to embrace the daring just to see how much we