DEAR NEIL HUMPHREYS, AGED 18-AND-A-HALF, You have just been mugged inside an East London McDonald’s. The farcical crime was emasculating for several reasons. First, you are 18. Your mugger was 12. You dropped your wallet to an aggressor whose balls haven’t dropped yet. Second, he threatened to stab you with a weapon that was a cross between a Swiss Army knife and a nail file. And finally, he was part of a much larger gang, whose members were observing this surreal initiation ritual. He was, in effect, a virgin mugger. He was losing his cherry with your wallet.
In the small and you’re wondering if you’ll eventually try every position (you won’t).