Helpmeet

By Lola Babalola

Helpmeet is the complete marriage prep-school handbook, providing you with insight into how to prepare logistically, emotionally and spiritually for the journey of a life-time. If you have ever wondered why some marriages succeed while others do not, Helpmeet helps you to understand the perspectives that can snatch your marriage from the road to failure and set it on the track to success.

Marriage takes two, and then one more! Discover the absolutely non-negotiable ingredient to make your marriage and home a place of joy, a refuge from the storms of life and an inspiration to your friends, neighbours and generations of your progeny. Helpmeet puts you within reach of a marriage made in heaven.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 23, 2016
• ISBN: 9781483583440

Book preview

Prayer

PREFACE

The Modern Woman in Marriage

Marriage in past generations appears to be very different from modern conceptions of marriage. The most overt evidence of this difference lies in the wedding vows itself. In the days of old, marriage vows featured commitments clearly expressed: "… to love, honour and obey, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part". The contract that guides the union between man and wife has been modified in modern times and edited to exclude any kind of inconvenience such as obedience, honour, sickness, poverty or death. While they tend to be very original and exciting to hear, it is no longer a surprise to hear couples exchange personalized vows that speak about how one makes the other happy, takes their breath away and completes them but might say nothing to suggest that the commitment would last longer than the fleeting emotions expressed in those exciting, wordy vows.

A few generations ago, marriage was greatly admired and aspirational. All around the world, certain public offices and leadership positions were reserved only for the married, as the institution of marriage was seen as one that conferred respectability on those within it. However, that view has changed over the years and it is not uncommon to hear marriage referred to with disdain as ‘an archaic institution’, ‘ball and chain’, or ‘a piece of paper’. It appears that marriage no longer confers any advantage on its subscribers and all around the western world, more and more public positions of leadership are being held by persons who have either opted for cohabitation arrangements, common law partnerships or other alternative lifestyles. Has the institution of marriage become redundant? Are the traditional roles of men and women obsolete? Does the cosmopolitan lifestyle with its metro-sexual propositions offer a viable option to marriage? Is the institution of marriage really dead, as its critics say? Perhaps so, or perhaps the problem and the disillusionment with marriage stems from its abuse and misuse, the misunderstanding of the institution and the divine purpose for its design?

With so much going against it, how does the modern woman fare in marriage compared to her counterparts from past generations and how might she transcend the challenges and contradictions of modern life to fulfil her calling to be a helpmeet? What does it mean to be a helpmeet and what is the difference between a wife and a helpmeet, anyhow? In a world where a woman who desires a child can choose an anonymous donor to father her child, more women are at a loss as to why marriage is necessary for them today. More women than ever are opting to pursue career goals to the total exclusion of marriage. If that is you, this book might not be of any interest to you.

However, there are some women who have chosen the path of marriage, those who desire marriage in spite of its bad rap or who hope to find a good man in spite of multiple disappointments, or those who continue to believe that there is a man out there for them. This book is for you. It addresses the issue of marriage from the perspective of wives or those who desire to become wives. It addresses the most commonly asked questions about being a helpmeet, arming wives with a clear understanding of their calling to be a helpmeet and helping them to identify and address some of the challenges that the modern woman faces today in her quest to fulfil the divine purpose for which she was designed.

This book is written in response to the call of the Lord to inspire hope and faith in the hearts of women all around the world. This is a call to women to understand that God wants a wonderful life for them and that marriage does not need to be excluded from that life. You do not need to give up on your ideal of marriage. This book is written to give you a clear vision of God’s purpose in designing marriage and will help you to understand that purpose in order to give focus to your desires and aspirations. It will help you to contend for the marriage that God intended for you to have, one in which you are fulfilling purpose and within that purpose, you will be able to enter into peace, all round prosperity and walk in your destiny.

There is a beautiful mystery hidden in marriage and you can discover the joy embedded in this much misunderstood institution that typifies the most sacred of all human relationships: that of Christ and His Church.

CHAPTER ONE

‘HE WILL PROMOTE YOU AT THE RIGHT TIME’

I have a special concern for you Woman… that you care for your husband with all the diligence of a shepherd. Not because you have to, but because you want to please God. Not calculating what you can get out of it, but acting spontaneously. Not bossily telling him what to do, but tenderly showing him the way. When God, who is the best shepherd of all, comes out in the open with his rule, he’ll see that you’ve done it right and commend you lavishly. And you who are wives must follow your husbands. But all of you, husbands and wives alike, are to be down to earth with each other for God is opposed to the proud (the disdainful, the presumptuous, and He defeats them), but He gives grace to the humble. So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God (set aside self-righteous pride), so that He may exalt you (to a place of honor in His service). God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time.

Casting all your cares (all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares about you (with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully). Be sober (well balanced and self-disciplined), be alert and cautious at all times. That enemy of yours, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion (fiercely hungry), seeking someone to devour.  But resist him, be firm in your faith (against his attack—rooted, established, immovable), knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being experienced by your brothers and sisters throughout the world. (You do not suffer alone.) After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace (who imparts His blessing and favor), who called you to His own eternal glory in Christ, will Himself complete, confirm, strengthen, and establish you (making you what you ought to be).

1 Peter 5:1-10

(Paraphrased from the Message and Amplified Bibles)

One shall put to flight a thousand and two their tens of thousands. This means that two persons who are united in purpose are able to accomplish more together than the sum of their individual efforts. There is no place where this is more true than within the union of marriage. A woman who understands her role as a helpmeet to her husband will find that together, they will attain a level of greatness that she could not have accomplished by herself even with her best efforts. It is not good for man to be alone, Marriage is an honourable estate, He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God are some of the Bible scriptures to which both Christians and unbelievers alike refer when the desire for marriage is expressed. Incidentally, only one of these three scriptures suggests that any benefit accrues to a woman from marriage.

Arguably, there are more women who remain single throughout their lives than men. Research points to the fact that men who remain unattached after becoming widowed or divorced are more likely to die earlier than women in similar circumstances, showing that women do better on their own than men. Moreover, after divorce women tend to be financially worse off than men. Yet women typically desire marriage more actively than men. Is this true and if so, why is it that women desire marriage so much in spite of all its bad press? The answer lies in the design.

God’s Exhortation to You

Woman, you are not an accident. You are uniquely designed to be part of a whole, to be a catalyst for the family and also to ensure the continuation of dynasties. God views you through the eyes of eternity. He regards you generationally. When He called Abraham, He was thinking of the plan He had for the redemption of mankind and was unveiling His plan for those who will live in the homes He had prepared in heaven for His children who were at that time from our temporal perspective, not yet conceived. The probability that you would be born is such a statistical rarity in eternity’s odds that you must be persuaded that you exist by design. You are a piece in a puzzle, a beautiful strand of thread in a complex and magnificent tapestry. On your own you might not be much, but you are a significant part of a whole. Sister, you are an enabler, a completer, the finest piece of a beautiful collection of art. You have a purpose, a unique function and a destiny that does not begin with you, neither does it end when you die. Long after your body’s remains have rotted in the ground from which it came, you continue in how you affect your progeny. You are an ancestor to generations yet unborn. Your every decision shapes the future of your seed after you. When you were still an incomplete egg in your Mother’s ovary, the piece that was to complete you was hidden by God in your Father’s loins. Long, long before your parents even met, the design for your life existed in God’s heart from the beginning of time.

When you become part of the divine whole for which you were designed, you will find that you are uniquely and specifically fashioned to complete another person. Your quirkiness is a deliberate, well thought out design that complements, builds up and makes perfect the other