Preparing for Marriage: A Paradigm Shift

By Wumi Ajayi and Kunle Ajayi

Marriage is one of the most important institutions and one of the oldest in our society. We are in no doubt about the blessedness of a happy marriage. However, the traditional concept of waiting till marital problems develop before intervention needs an overhaul. We need a paradigm shift.
The authors strongly believe that a solid education and thoughtful consideration of the important matters of marriage beforehand will not only avert many of the calamities that marriage counsellors often have to battle with but will also better inform vision and expectation in marriage. This book looks at preparation for marriage well before it is time to say “I do.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Sep 20, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546295501

Wumi Ajayi

Kunle and Wumi Ajayi have been married for 18 years. They consider themselves fortunate in that they had a very good foundation that prepared them for their marriage journey. They are both very passionate about the marriage institution and believe that marriage should be enjoyed and not endured. This book is borne out of this passion and from their personal experiences and involvements with marriage counselling over the years. They are committed Christians and have served in different capacities in various churches including involvement in coordinating/organizing married and engaged couples forum and developmental conferences both in Nigeria and in the United Kingdom. They continue to champion and share the need for preparation before going into marriage and other marriage related issues. Kunle is an obstetrician and gynaecologist and Wumi is a nurse. They are blessed with two children, Samuel and Shalom.

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© 2018 Kunle and Wumi Ajayi. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Scriptures marked NIV are taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION (NIV):

Scripture taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®. Copyright©

1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™. Used by permission of Zondervan

Published by AuthorHouse   09/19/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-9549-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-9548-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-9550-1 (e)

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This book is a

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DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to all young people who are looking forward to marriage and to all who continue to promote and protect marriage as an institution.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

We acknowledge the Triune God, the author of marriage and of our faith.

Samuel and Shalom, our blessed children for your support, contributions and being there as a sounding board for some ideas. Our marriage mentors, Prof and Dr (Mrs) Oluwatosin, the seed you nurtured over two decades ago is providing a shade for others! Pastor (Mrs) Olaitan Adesiyan, for believing in us and encouraging us to complete the writing of this book and for Pleasant Adesiyan for your valuable ideas. Friends and family too numerous to mention who have encouraged us along the way.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Preface

How to use this book

Chapter 1   Can one really prepare for marriage?

Chapter 2   Foundation Matters

Chapter 3   When is the optimal time to begin preparation?

Chapter 4   What do I want my marriage to be like?

Chapter 5   What do I want in my future partner?

Chapter 6   What should I prepare for my marriage?

Chapter 7   Essential principles of marriage

Chapter 8   Know thyself

Chapter 9   Train yourself

Chapter 10 Allow others to help you: Mentoring

Chapter 11 Allow God to help you

Chapter 12 Can I prepare for sex?

Chapter 13 Pursue excellence

FOREWORD

When my wife and I were invited to a Marriage Weekend in Nottingham, UK a few years ago by the writers, I had mixed feelings, primarily because of my work schedule at the time which left little room for family life. Thankfully, we made the right decision learning the Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman), danced our first salsa dance and took some ideas back to our church Couples’ Ministry. We have continued to share notes in this key area of life: … a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (NIV)

Kunle is one of those privileged physicians who routinely look after two or more lives. He knows a thing or two about making adequate antenatal, labour and postnatal plans for the commencement of life on earth. Along with his wife Wumi, he makes a strong case for a paradigm shift in Preparing for Marriage.

Marriage is a marathon, a union of two imperfect people who can only find perfection in Jesus Christ. Despite the opposition to God’s laid down plan for marriage in Genesis Chapter 2 and the increasing divorce rates all over the world, we have an opportunity to rethink the way we prepare for marriage. The current fast-food style drive-through approach is a shortcut to marital disharmony.

This book leaves no one in doubt that there is no substitute for adequate preparation for marriage, starting from the home. Our conduct as parents is the relationship bible that our children are first exposed to, and in their formative years, the foundation stone laid for their future marriage.

The reader would quickly find answers to the who, what, why, when, where and how questions on building a foundation for marriage and I recommend this book to young people and adults alike.

Abiye Hector-Goma

Leeds, UK

2018

PREFACE

Marriage is one of the most important institutions and one of the oldest in our society. Many have experienced untold joy and comfort in marriage. Yet many authors have recognised the danger being faced by this all-important institution in our day and age.

Social media has brought the world together and blurred the traditional demarcation of the developmental stages of the young. Millennials are bombarded every minute with information over the internet. As a result, there is an increasing tendency to devote more time or to focus more on sensational news and celebrities’ achievements rather than devote ample time to discover one’s own individuality. Youth is a period to figure oneself out and learn how to be prepared to fit in and contribute to society. More often than not, attention is directed to education, vocational training, and entertainment. Less attention is paid to developing personal values that will sustain one through life.

As globalisation has brought prosperity to many, it has also brought untold hardship and challenges to individuals as well as the society at large. The institution of marriage has not been spared this blight. With globalisation comes diversity and juxtaposition of cultures and practices. Individual families adapt to changing demands. Some values are rightly done away with, while others are simply lost. Family support is not always there. Thus, many couples receive a wake-up call only when the trajectory of their marriage is far away from their