Intimate Recovery

By Michael Dadourian

Intimate Recovery is about recovery from substance abuse. The goal of Intimate Recovery is to help those readers willing to get sober and stay sober, by giving them a clear blueprint of success. This book is for those people that have admitted they need help and are willing to do whatever it takes to change their life for the better. Michael Dadourian offers his very personal account of what has kept him alive and sober.

Each chapter is a guide that one person followed, while paying close attention to those people that have attained long-term sobriety. The book can be read from beginning to end or it can be read out of order, if some of the subjects need extra attention.

Intimate Recovery is meant to shed light on addiction and the stigma that surrounds it. Through his continued sobriety, Michael offers readers the chance to learn what he, has himself, learned. Through trial and error, readers can take what Michael has done and tweak certain aspects to make their own. This is a must read for all people willing to get and stay sober.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Dadourian
• Release date: Jul 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370101641

Michael Dadourian

Detroit, Michigan is the birthplace of many creative, innovative and entrepreneurial spirited people; so it comes as no surprise that Michael Dadourian was born in Detroit. It was on November 5, 1980 that Michael probably invented his first unique sound and movement, had his first innovative thoughts and creative dreams... and it was probably then that Michael chose to take control of his own fate. He has not stopped creating, inventing or directing his life ever since that first day. Michael is a doer... an achiever. He is persistent and resistant – white flags are but a canvas for him to re-create new things with fresh ideas. He never gives up. So when an injury forced Michael to end his promising career as a semi-pro soccer player; he focused on the coaching aspect – he coached boys’ soccer and varsity girls’ soccer for three years – while he studied to become a fitness professional. Upon completion of his Physical Education studies and after having received the proper credentials; Michael directed his attention toward personal fitness, conditioning and training. In addition to training soccer teams and their players, Michael now continues to share his passion for fitness with others as a full-time personal fitness trainer as well as a group fitness instructor and motivator. As Michael went about his fitness career, and as word of mouth of his abilities and talents quickly spread, he was discovered by Talent/Modeling Agency, MYFM, in Phoenix, Arizona. And, another career took off: Modeling. Michael’s image was soon gracing the pages of magazines and other commercial and promotional works. His toned athletic body made it naturally easy for him to transition into runway modeling, as well. Michael remains extremely grateful for the amount of exposure he received in affiliation with the MYFM Agency which helped boost his career to new levels. For Michael, his new-found experiences and the contacts he made throughout his modeling career served as a platform for yet another new career path: party and event planning and hosting. He soon began doing promotional work for nightclubs, agencies and individual clients. The more experience he gathered, the more exposure he received, the more opportunities he discovered... fueled Michael’s entrepreneurial fires. So what is next? A line of clothing, of course! A line of clothing created to express the epitome of what Michael is all about. Built upon an attitude, an energy, a feeling... a lifestyle. So Crucial came to be – out of a need to be. (Read and discover what So Crucial really means, and what it means to be So Crucial.) Michael Dadourian, in addition to being true to himself by following his passion, living his dreams and owning his own life; realized early on the importance of an education and the role it would play in helping him attain all he wanted and dreamed of. He attended Eastern Michigan University where he studied and minored in communications, language arts and theater arts and subsequently earned a BA in Language, Literature and Writing – writing another of his life’s passions. Michael is always in the process of creating, doing, experiencing, planning. He currently finished and published his first manuscript, detailing his journey in recovery from substance abuse. He has said it has been his most personal, professional project of his entire life.

Book preview

INTIMATE RECOVERY

Dedication

Dedicated to Luke, Helena, Dalton and to all the families affected by the disease of addiction

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

Walking somewhere, feet blistered, bleeding, walking nowhere. Raindrops pelted my forehead, as I must have disregarded my umbrella on my long walk, through the night. Where was I walking to? I could have sworn there was a predestined destination, prior to setting out. Unfortunately, what I did not realize at that time, was the extent of where my addiction was taking me that last night out. Subconsciously, I was on a one way trip out of this world via traffic and one highway overpass.

The days leading up to this walk of the subconscious was a mess of empty bottles, mixed with hallucinations and extreme paranoia. I could no longer function unless I had alcohol in my system, my body would withdraw, violently, by shaking and disengaging my body’s movement. My hands would tremble in their own way, as if to tell me I was missing something. My legs were beginning to fail, one leg would not move in front of the other. I was cold and then I was hot, sweating in both states became normal.

My hygiene was getting worse; I looked and smelled the part of someone that had no home and no facilities. My shower was not working at the time, or I did not know how to use it anymore. I would barely brush my teeth, brush my hair, or do anything that would require the slightest effort. My home was just getting messier and messier. I was not maintaining anything, except my ability to try and find all of the empty bottles to throw away. Even then, I always found bottles, everywhere.

Some of the bottles would be empty, some would have a few drops left and sometimes there would be one a quarter full. The ones that were a quarter full, were a real find, especially if the store was still closed. I could just add the little bit from each bottle, into the bottle that was a quarter full and I would be all set to wait for the store to open in the morning.

If I had no plans that day, I would begin early, I would drink to live or rather just to function. Without alcohol in my system, I was less than helpless. I just needed that fix and planned my day according to my drinking. Drinking was also my escape from life. It was my way of dealing with my self-destruction and my impending demise.

When I ran out of bottles, my walk was not of the corner store variety. When I ran out of the bottles, my foray into the depths of insanity was chaotic. My subconscious was taking me on a death march. Subconsciously I met new people on my walk, which took holographic form. Sub-consciously, my paranoia had me looking at everyone with suspicion, making me look over my shoulder. My death walk had me subconsciously hallucinating the most terrifying things. What little logic was left in my mid-brain, was nearly all gone.

The raindrops that pelted my forehead, might as well have penetrated my skull because my brain was nearly wet. I did not know where I was anymore. I did not know what year it was. I did not know anything. All I knew is before I was saved, I had an unexplained gash on my head, bloodied blisters on my feet, and I was last seen looking over an overpass. Was I trying to end it all? Subconsciously I most likely was trying to take the next, last, exit.

I had to be saved from myself. The symptoms of my addiction had taken me almost as far as many others that are no longer here on Earth. I was not out of the clear when I arrived at the hospital. I am sure I was still out of my mind and body, ripping out IV’s and probably still trying to find the ledges that led to finality. If it was not for the doctors, nurses, caregivers and the energy from the concerned that surrounded me, I may have succeeded on my final attempt to end my life. If it was not for all those people who worked together to save my life when all I was trying to do was end it, I would not be here today. It was a collective effort by those people, that was the only reason I made it back home.

This book is for those people affected, directly or indirectly by addiction and substance abuse. Alcoholism is addiction; addiction manifests itself in many forms, alcohol is just one of those symptoms. My main goal is to save someone’s life who is struggling with addiction. If I can help to change and get rid of the stigma that surrounds addiction, then maybe as humans we can stop sweeping it under the rug. I did not write this book to cover my drinking and using career. I wrote this book for those who want to live in the solution, not the problem. This book will not work for those people who are not willing to do whatever it takes to recover. If you’re ready to live, I’ll show you what it’s like beyond the bottles.

CHAPTER 1

Realization

People attempt to get sober for many reasons. I have seen people try and get sober because the law and court system required it from them. I have also seen people try and do it for their families. The key word is try. If a person is not willing to do what it takes to get sober and stay sober, sadly there’s a strong chance that he or she will fall back into the abyss that is addiction. Everyone who suffers from addiction hits some kind of bottom. If they haven’t hit bottom, then there’s always a yet, to be