On Life's Terms: A small book to make big changes

By Daniel Gallagher

Does it feel like you are fighting against life? Like life is not going the direction you want it? Do you feel like this drives you to act out, misuse food, drugs, alcohol or commit crime?
It could be time to stop living life on your terms, and start living on life's terms.
On Life's Terms is a 4-stage program, using well established psychological theories, which will help bring your awareness on what your role is in your life, exploring what other people's roles are in your life and how you can begin to live life on life's terms.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Sep 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781398402904

Daniel Gallagher

Daniel Gallagher is a recovery advocate from the North East of England. He had struggled with substance misuse before starting a new journey exploring his way of living. He has since worked with homeless families, in prisons and currently in a local drug and alcohol service supporting others to make positive changes and exploring their substance use.

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About the Author

Daniel Gallagher is a recovery advocate from the North East of England. He had struggled with substance misuse before starting a new journey exploring his way of living. He has since worked with homeless families, in prisons and currently in a local drug and alcohol service supporting others to make positive changes and exploring their substance use.

Dedication

To Shannon

Copyright Information ©

Daniel Gallagher 2021

The right of Daniel Gallagher to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781398402898 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781398402904 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2021

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

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Canary Wharf

London

E14 5AA

Acknowledgement

I would like to thank all of those who had a part in the creation of this book, every person who has helped me with my own journey (whether you know it or not).

A simple guide to change your behaviour

Introduction

Pain is a great motivator. Pain forced me to find relief in drugs, alcohol, food and people, but the pain continued. That pain persuaded me to look at my behaviours and explore how I could change them, pain motivated me to get well.

Sat in a deserted bar, cold, feeling the intense effects of withdrawals from a range of substances, curled in the foetal position, shivering, and crying, I didn’t know it at the time, but these are the last days of using any ‘mind altering substances’. I was still praying for something to help, praying I could think of another source of drugs or money, racking my brain for a solution I haven’t thought of yet. When once again came up empty-handed, so, I was forced to look internally, look for change, look for hope, look to permanently take the pain away.

From outside, the choice to use drugs or not may have looked easy. Life with joy and connection compared to a shivering blubbering mess, the choice is clear, just DON’T DO IT. However, before I first drank alcohol or took any drugs, I was anxious and fearful, I communicated with others as little as possible, and immersed myself in TV, movies and food. I didn’t know why I felt the way I did and was too afraid to find out. My connections with others were few, I reflected negatively on every action and thought I had, just dragging myself down at every opportunity, when this became too much, I resorted to dragging others down to help me feel better.

I continued this way of operating until I discovered I could misuse food, then cigarettes, then alcohol, then gambling, then cocaine, with all these behaviours, ever so briefly, I felt at peace, I was relived from negative reflecting and I had the ability to ease my anxiety long enough to communicate with others, only to fall into a sense of guilt and shame later.

It didn’t matter if I was 12 years old, sat alone in my home secretly indulging on cakes and chocolate, or it was the 30- year-old me, sat alone on the floor of a drug dealer’s living room snorting my last ever line of cocaine, the parallels are obvious, I need to feel peace.

After decades of this, I was left, alone, afraid and with my own damaging thoughts again. The pain relief I had mastered had stopped working, now what?

So began this journey of education, reflection, communication, and connection, and what I learned where quick tools to explain, easy to learn but challenging to master.

Over time I developed a program of change, for the sake of clarification and to separate this from other programs we will call it the E.R.C.C. program of change.

This program consists of four stages, briefly these are:

Education – "Learning, what am I willing to learn? What do I not know about myself? What in my behaviour is genetics?

What is biological? What is cultural? What is learnt? And acknowledging that all of these may play a part in the decisions I make and for some, sometimes just by knowing this can bring much needed relief."

Reflection – How do I communicate with myself? How do I see myself? Who do I want to be? How do I feel about myself? Why do I continue to drag up my past? All of these reflecting questions can have a negative impact, but if reflected positively, can help you grow and bring peace.

Communication – How do I communicate with others? How does my communication has an impact on me? Understanding anger, frustration, and how these negative emotions affect me, and the people around me, all brought on by communication (or lack of communication) with others.

Connection – Where do I fit in? Why don’t I feel part of? Understanding where this urge to connect comes from, why lack of connection can have an overwhelming negative impact on us, leading to a search for that connection wherever we can get it, regardless of the impact, making it important to have positive connections available in your life.

This book came to be because my recovery is one made through trial and error and simplified to its essential components.