More Correctly Political Fairy Tales: Correctly Political Tales

By Gregory Inkelaar

The next book in the series that takes a satirical look at politcs by shoving them into classic stories.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gregory Inkelaar
• Release date: Aug 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781536563214

Book preview

Introduction

Hello, dear reader.  Welcome to More Correctly Political Fairy Tales.  The original Correctly Political Fairy Tales was first (self)published in January 2016.  I know that it's kind of poor taste to publish a second book in the same series so shortly after publishing the first.  However, this is an election year, and there are so many things going wrong in this year's election cycle that the jokes pretty much write themselves.

In the first book, I tried to stick to classic fairy tales that would be familiar to most readers.  In this volume, I will mostly be using fairy tales that are a bit more obscure, at least to American readers.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy More Correctly Political Fairy Tales.  Unless you don't like political humor, in which case I have to wonder why you're reading this book in the first place.

Puss in Boots

One day a long time ago, a miller had passed away.  At the reading of his will were his three sons.  The attorney was just finishing up reading the will.

To my eldest son, I leave the mill. the attorney said.

Alright.  the eldest son said.

To my middle child, I leave my mules.  the attorney said.

Sounds fair.  the middle son said.

And to my youngest son, I leave my Miles.  the attorney said.

His miles?  What the hell does he mean by that?  the youngest son said.

Miles is your late father's cat.  the attorney said.

Well, I'm not standing for this.  the youngest son said.

The youngest son filed multiple lawsuits to contest the will, but only managed to make himself poorer.  So eventually he took his late father's cat home with him.  The young man sat around his home for a couple of days, utterly infuriated.

I can't believe it, the man would shout daily, my stupid brothers get the mill and some mules, and all I get is a stupid cat!

Yeah, from what I've seen so far, you're the last person who should be calling someone stupid.  the cat finally said.

You can talk?  the man asked.

No, the fireplace is just a really good ventriloquist.  Of course I can talk!  the cat replied.

I've never heard of a talking cat before.  the man said.

You need to read more fairy tales.  the cat said.

Who can read?  the man shrugged.

You see my point about calling people stupid?  the cat asked.

Oh, shut up!  What use is a talking cat anyway? the man replied.

I'll show you what use I can be.  First, I will need a sack and a pair of boots.  the cat said.

Boots?  What do you need those for?  the man asked.

Look buster, do I go around telling you how to do your job?  the cat asked.

I don't have a job. the man said.

Exactly.  Now make with the boots.  the cat said.

So the man gave the cat a sack and a pair of boots.  The cat immediately ran out and started hunting for wild game.  Within a few hours, the cat had managed to catch a wild goose.  The cat stuffed the goose into his sack and ran straight to the king's castle.

Greetings!  I have a gift for the king!  the cat said to the castle guards.

Wait here.  the guard said.

The guard walked to the throne room and knelt before the king.

There is a cat wearing boots at the gate.  He says that he has a gift for you.  the guard said.

A little early in the day to be drinking, isn't it?  the king asked.

I swear, it's the truth.  the guard said.

Very well.  Bring the cat in.  the king said.

Yes, your majesty.  the guard said.

So the guard left, and returned shortly with the cat.

Greetings, your majesty.  the cat said.

Huh, so there really is a talking cat after all.  the king said.

Yes, your majesty.  I bring you a gift from the Marquis de Sade.  the cat said.

Isn't he that rather unpleasant fellow who goes around torturing women? the king asked.

I mean the Marquis de Mark.  the cat said.

You realize that if we use that, we'll have to make a bunch of 90's jokes that no one will get, right? the king said.

Good point.  What I really meant was the Don Deficiente de la Drumpf.  the cat said.

I'm pretty sure that means the author is going to be sued for libel. the king said.

I don't remember caring. the cat said.

OK, your loss,  the king said, clearing his throat, who is this Don Deficiente de la Drumpf?

The Don Deficiente de la Drumpf is a truly great man, a man of great wisdom and character.  the cat said.

Is that so?  the king said.

No, but that's what he always tells people.  the cat replied.

Funny.  So what gift does he send?  the king asked.

He sends this wild goose, with his regards. the cat said.

The cat handed the sack with the goose to one of the king's men.

Where exactly is Drumpf, anyway? the king asked.

It is a land far to the east.  It is a land of great wealth and beauty that the Don Deficiente de la Drumpf rules wisely and well. the cat said.

Truly?  the king asked.

No, but he'll fire me if I don't say otherwise. the cat said.

Ha! You are truly an amusing fellow. the king said.

By your leave, I must return to my master. the cat said.

The cat bowed to the king and made his way out of the castle.

Do you honestly believe that the cat is telling you the truth about this Don Deficiente de la Drumpf? the king's adviser asked.

"Normally I would say no, but the cat was wearing boots." the king said.

You have a good point there. the king's adviser said.

And so it went for a week, with the cat catching wild game and delivering it to the king in the name of the Don Deficiente de la Drumpf.  One day, as the cat was making his delivery, he overheard that the king and his daughter would be taking a carriage ride through the country.  The cat ran back to his young owner.

Where the hell have you been? I haven't seen you in about a week. the man asked.

Never mind that, idiot.  Get on your feet and follow me. the cat said.

Why?  What's the rush? the man asked.

"The king and his daughter are going to be taking a carriage ride