From Unspoken to Unbroken: A Story of Hope - A Study of Healing

By TAMMY ENDRES

From Unspoken to Unbroken: A Story of Hope – A Study of Healing begins with the story of a fictional couple named Caleb and Sahara.

In Part 1, you will access their private thoughts and come to know each of them in ways that they do not yet know one another. While your issues and circumstances may differ from Caleb’s and Sahara’s, you will be able to relate to the thoughts they have when battling shame over behaviors they can’t change, pain from childhood memories, fear of being trapped in a lonely marriage, and anger over feeling misunderstood.

In Part 2, you will eavesdrop on their words as they endeavor to discover themselves and one another. You will join them as the Spirit of God reveals emotions they didn’t know they felt and beliefs they didn’t know they held. Likely, you will see yourself in them. Their issues are not gender specific. You may relate more to Caleb in one chapter and then more to Sahara in another.

Part 3 of From Unspoken to Unbroken takes you out of the story portion of the book and into a practical guide which will lead you step-by-step into a time of hope-filled reflection. By following the principles provided you can be brought to a place of growth and change. You will learn what the Bible says about forgiving, honoring parents, judging, making unhealthy inner vows, forming ungodly soul ties and the effects of generational sin. There are prayers that you can use in your personal time with the Lord or in praying with your spouse which will help to set you free through repentance and continual reliance on the Holy Spirit.

The inspiration for the title comes from the following Bible passage:

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.  If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.  If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:5-9 NIV)

When we keep our hurts, struggles, doubts and fears secret or Unspoken we live in a dark and lonely place, separated from God and from one another. But there is a journey awaiting you in the following pages that can bring you out of darkness and into clarity. This journey will require a choice of your will to pursue. It offers provision for hope and change. No one else can take this journey for you. You can be brought out of the loneliness and become Unbroken.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HOJM Publishing
• Release date: Aug 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781536536041

Book preview

FROM UNSPOKEN TO UNBROKEN

A Story of Hope – A Study of Healing

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TAMMY ENDRES

Copyright

This product is available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchase or sales promotions and educational needs. Contact info located at: www.handofjesus.org

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NIVUK are from the New International Version® Anglicized, NIV® Copyright © 1979, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked NAS are from the New American Standard Bible, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are from the New King James Version of the Bible. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc., publishers. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The English Standard Version - The Holy Bible Online and is published with the permission of Good News Publishers.

Cover design by: Angela R. Garrett

Visit the author’s website at handofjesus.org

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my husband, Mark. We could not have become one without our personal journey "from unspoken to unbroken." Thank you for valuing me and for helping to make my dreams a reality. Most of all, thank you for your prayers. I can say, with all integrity, that there’s no one on earth I’d rather spend my time with.

Acknowledgements

To my wonderful daughter, Angela Garrett: thank you for the awesome cover design.

To my dear friend, Kim Stovall: thank you for editing and being joyful about it.

To the many precious friends who read my first drafts: thank you for the encouragement to keep going! I would have given up without you.

First and foremost, to my Lord: thank You for loving me and inspiring me. It’s been a joy writing with You! Let’s write some more.

Contents

Part 1: Keeping Secrets – Believing Lies

Chapter 1: Shame

Chapter 2: Pain

Chapter 3: Fear

Chapter 4: Anger

Part 2: Open Hearts – Embracing Truth

Chapter 5: Vulnerable

Chapter 6: Willing

Chapter 7: Transparent

Chapter 8: Forgiven

Chapter 9: Aware

Chapter 10: Compassionate

Chapter 11: Expectant

Part 3: Out of Darkness – Into Light

Chapter 12: Releasing

Chapter 13: Renouncing

Chapter 14: Removing

Chapter 15: Renewed

Introduction

From Unspoken to Unbroken: A Story of Hope – A Study of Healing begins with the story of a fictional couple named Caleb and Sahara.

In Part 1, you will access their private thoughts and come to know each of them in ways that they do not yet know one another. While your issues and circumstances may differ from Caleb’s and Sahara’s, you will be able to relate to the thoughts they have when battling shame over behaviors they can’t change, pain from childhood memories, fear of being trapped in a lonely marriage, and anger over feeling misunderstood.

In Part 2, you will eavesdrop on their words as they endeavor to discover themselves and one another. You will join them as the Spirit of God reveals emotions they didn’t know they felt and beliefs they didn’t know they held. Likely, you will see yourself in them. Their issues are not gender specific. You may relate more to Caleb in one chapter and then more to Sahara in another.

Part 3 of From Unspoken to Unbroken takes you out of the story portion of the book and into a practical guide which will lead you step-by-step into a time of hope-filled reflection. By following the principles provided you can be brought to a place of growth and change. You will learn what the Bible says about forgiving, honoring parents, judging, making unhealthy inner vows, forming ungodly soul ties and the effects of generational sin. There are prayers that you can use in your personal time with the Lord or in praying with your spouse which will help to set you free through repentance and continual reliance on the Holy Spirit.

The inspiration for the title comes from the following Bible passage:

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.  If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.  If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:5-9 NIV)

When you keep your hurts, struggles, doubts and fears secret or Unspoken you live in a dark and lonely place, separated from God and from others. But there is a journey that can bring you out of your loneliness. You can become Unbroken.

I pray that as you read this book, you will find the courage to be open and honest with yourself. God desires to lovingly lead you on your journey From Unspoken to Unbroken.

Part 1

Keeping Secrets—Believing Lies

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.  If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.

(1 John 1:5-6 NIV)

Chapter 1

Shame

Sahara’s Shame

Sahara woke up to the alarm and got her shower in before getting the kids up and moving. Caleb slept an extra half hour while she was in the kitchen making sack lunches for everyone. She had another one of those dreams last night, the kind that left her shaken and disoriented.

What is the matter with me? What if it’s true that you dream what you subconsciously want? What if I want him and not Caleb? Oh for heaven’s sake... of course I don’t.

There was a sense of relief once the kids were awake. They had a way of jolting Sahara out of her introspection as she made sure they looked halfway decent for school. Once they were safely buckled into the car and on their way to pick up the carpool kids, Sahara’s thoughts became reflective again. She barely heard the children fussing over whose turn it was to choose what DVD to watch.

Did I kiss Caleb goodbye before he left for work? Did I tell him I love him? I have no doubt that God brought us together. He’s an awesome husband. Why can’t I shake these stupid dreams?

With everyone unbuckled, winter coats zipped, backpacks on shoulders, jelly wiped off faces, inconspicuous kisses given to her own, and reminders to listen to the teacher, Sahara found herself alone in the car. It was a moment she usually relished except on the mornings that she was feeling guilty over her dreams. They were coming more often these days.

Why should I feel guilty? It’s not like I can help it? But we did sleep together without being married. I do deserve this. It’s a consequence for my sin. I may be forgiven but consequences don’t just go away. I deserve much worse actually—I could have gotten pregnant.

Pulling into the parking lot at her office brought Sahara’s mind to the long to-do list that awaited her, once again a welcomed relief. There was certainly no time to ponder the past or the annoying dreams during her eight-hour work day. The evening agenda was set as well: dinner, soccer practice, baths and a load of laundry or two. That is if everything went as she hoped. More likely, one of the kids would need help with homework resulting in a trip to the store for poster board and new markers. Life was crazy but Sahara was happy—most of the time.

Sahara flopped on the bed realizing she barely had a chance to ask Caleb about his day. He was watching a game on TV. She thought about checking in on him but came to the conclusion that she would be interrupting his time to unwind. If he talked to her it would be out of obligation. He knew she cared. It just wasn’t the right time. Maybe tomorrow. Then she recalled the dream she had the night before.

Oh God—I don’t want to have another dream like that tonight. Please guard my thoughts. Do battle on my behalf, Lord. (Tell Caleb.) Is that You, Lord? Wouldn’t this devastate my husband? (Tell Caleb.)

Sahara drifted off to sleep.

It didn’t occur to her until later the next day that she did not have a dream about her ex. Of course, the fact that it occurred to her at all was an indication that he was still on her mind at some level. Several nights went by without the haunting dream.

No dream again—I should be thrilled. How messed up am I to miss not having one? In my dreams, when my ex holds me in his arms I feel I am right back where I belong. When he rejects me again my world comes crashing down, but those few minutes of feeling his warmth are worth the pain. And besides—it’s not real—just a secret and beautiful place that no one else knows about. It’s all I have left of him. If the dreams go away he will be lost to me forever.

The next evening brought a beautiful night of intimacy with Caleb leaving Sahara satisfied, content and grateful. She drifted off to sleep with peaceful thoughts.

I’m married to the man of my dreams—God gave me the desire of my heart—a man who loves Him and who will never leave me. Thank You so much Lord. Good night.

Then with a jolt she was awakened.

This doesn’t make sense! I was feeling so close to Caleb. How could I have dreamt the same stupid dream? (Tell Caleb.) Oh right—I’m supposed to talk to my husband about this fantasy world I live in on the morning after we were together for the first time in weeks. He’ll hate me. He has every right to.

At work the next day a fleeting thought passed through Sahara’s mind.

Maybe, during my lunch break, I’ll go on Facebook and see if any of my friends are friends with him. When I see that he is happily married and living in Timbuktu somewhere I’ll be able to put him behind me once and for all. Caleb won’t find out about it if I check here at work. It will give me closure. (No Facebook—tell Caleb.)

Sahara’s lunch break was interrupted by a phone call from the school nurse. Her daughter was running a fever and needed to be picked up. The fleeting thought of checking out Facebook was completely overshadowed by concern for her daughter.

Does she have another ear infection? Maybe it is time to follow the doctor’s advice and get tubes put in her ears. Would that mess up swimming this summer? Swimming is one thing both kids enjoy. They actually play together without fighting.

It was Saturday morning and Sahara’s daughter was feeling better. Caleb decided to take the kids to the Home Improvement store. He loved it when his dad took him there as a kid. Sahara breathed a contented sigh. She was in her own home alone—a rare treat.

One more cup of coffee and some French vanilla creamer won’t add that many calories. I can do laundry when the kids are around—it can wait. Hmmm—I don’t have to kick anyone off of the family computer. I can get the latest scoop on Facebook. Am I seeing that right? Is he friends with Cindy? (Don’t open it.)

Just then Sahara heard the garage door open. Caleb came slamming in the door exasperated. Can you believe I forgot the measurements? He grabbed the paper off the counter and headed back out the door. He was finally getting around to building an end table for the guest bedroom. Sahara’s old college roommate was coming to visit from out of town and would be staying with them. She had asked Caleb to build the table before she arrived.

OK Lord—I get it! I won’t look him up on Facebook. I guess I could pick up Your Word. It’s been a long time—sorry about that. But You must admit there’s not much in there that actually applies to my life.

Sahara settled in feeling hypocritical on the one hand and proud of herself on the other hand. She didn’t expect any big revelation. She just knew she was finally doing what she was supposed to do. She had last month’s church bulletin in the book of John so she decided to start there. Her eyes fell on John 10:27. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. She didn’t read any further.

You have been speaking to me, haven’t You Lord? I’m supposed to tell Caleb about the dreams. (I will be with you.) This scares me to death, but I’ll do it.

In the car on the way to church the next morning Sahara broke the silence.

Hey Caleb, do you think we can talk tonight after the kids are asleep?

Wow—you’re making an appointment with me. Must be important. I haven’t done anything wrong have I?

No, it’s just been a while.

OK, I can DVR the game and watch it later.

The bedtime routine seemed to be taking longer than usual and right in the middle of it Sahara’s phone rang. She answered it without thinking. Holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder, she turned down the bed sheets.

"Of course, I will be right over. Caleb, can you finish up here? Linda has to