The Love Tones: Finding Identity

By Nicole Noelle

At a critical point in her life, author Nicole Noelle begins to journal, trying to make sense of the noise in her brain. It’s the documentation of her experience during the fallout, a collection of data as she understands it. It’s not pretty, but it’s reality.

She’s guilty of adultery, but knows she’s been forgiven by a God whose love knows no bounds. Nicole lives in an alternating cycle of depression, anxiety, confusion, and numbness. She’s in love with a man who isn’t her husband—but her husband still loves her and wants to make the marriage work.

In The Love Tones, Nicole offers a real-life narrative of overcoming infidelity in relationships, managing chronic illness, and trusting in the sovereignty of Jesus Christ. It dives deep into hard issues and faith development and demonstrates the mercy, grace, and never-failing love of God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664275201

Nicole Noelle

Nicole Noelle is a daughter of God, wife, and mother of three. She enjoys reading, camping, hiking, the rain, soul food, and time with her family, whether chosen or by blood.

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The

Love

Tones

FINDING IDENTITY

NICOLE NOELLE

Copyright © 2022 Nicole Noelle.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system

without the written permission of the author except in the case of

brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author

and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of

the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of

people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or

links contained in this book may have changed since publication and

may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those

of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,

and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International

Version® NIV® Copyright © 1973 1978 1984 2011 by Biblica, Inc.

TM. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-7519-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-7518-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-7520-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022915136

WestBow Press rev. date:  09/07/2022

Contents

Foreword

Prologue

Chapter 1     Of (Waking) Dreams

Chapter 2     Subterfuge

Chapter 3     Intention

Chapter 4     Magnetism

Chapter 5     Deeper

Chapter 6     To Make Right A Wrong

Chapter 7     Fallout

Chapter 8     Waiting

Chapter 9     The Love Tones

Chapter 10   On Guard

Chapter 11   Hope

Chapter 12   Surrender

Chapter 13   Deja Vu

Chapter 14   Room 4257

Chapter 15   Something New

Epilogue

Foreword

It took courage to write this book. No one wants to tell a story like the one told in these pages. No one, including Nicole, the author of this book wants to tell such a raw, heartbreaking, life-shattering tale. And, no one should take delight in the drama that will unfold. Not you, not me, no one.

Yet, I commend this book to you and hope you will read it thoughtfully and prayerfully (even if you are not the praying type). This story could preserve your integrity, protect your marriage, restore your family, connect you to the Living God, and save your life. I know this is Nicole’s hope and prayer and I believe the reason she decided to tell her story.

I have been a writer and editor for over three decades now. I have worked on several projects written by a variety of authors of our day. This book is different than anything I have encountered in my writing and editing career. It is a window into the spiritual world. It is a story of the age-old sin problem that started with Adam and Eve, yet reveals Satan’s deceptive lures and the destructive nature of sin… all candy-coated by the enemy of our souls.

As you read The Love Tones, recognize that this could be your story if you are not on your guard. As I reflected on each page of this book, I was reminded, on a deep and personal level, that Satan’s tactics are real and I could have fallen prey to life-shattering enticements on many occasions through my life…but for the grace of God. The beauty of this book is on God’s ability to save us from our sin lives and through grace, find life whole again.

Many years ago, I felt led by the Spirit of the Living God to read Ephesians 6:10-18 each morning before beginning my day to be aware of how we win the battle against Satan’s lure to follow his ways instead of God’s. This rhythm of reflection has been transformational. It is a practice I hope you will consider adopting as well.

My prayer for you is that reading this book will open your eyes to the greatness of God’s grace. I pray that learning from Nicole’s journey will spare you the devastation the devil wants to bring to your heart, your loved ones, and your life. I ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to the places you are facing spiritual enticements that look delicious and promise to satisfy but are demonic to the core and lead only to death…of endless sorts.

Read these words slowly and let them reside in your heart as you read this book:

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests... (Ephesians 6:10-18)

May the God of grace, light, and hope speak to your soul through the story you are about to read.

Sherry Harney

Prologue

It’s the palest gray. A drop of color on a blank canvas. Muted. Subtle.

Insidious.

It’s a tone of voice. A blurred definition. A lie wrapped in innocence, a desire kept secret, a thought concealed and justified. A foothold disguised.

Given time and negligence, it deepens and spreads. Slowly, softly at first, then as a steady stream unchecked once you embrace its presence as truth. Once you welcome it in.

Then it darkens and draws you into its velvet depths. Down, down, down until the canvas becomes as onyx and opaque as a new moon at midnight.

Not that you notice, cocooned and cozy as you are.

No, you only notice when the obsidian blanket begins suffocating you, forcing you down and tearing you apart. When the haven becomes a dungeon and the velvet turns to razor-edged blades.

There the darkness shreds you to pieces, leaving you eviscerated and reeling with the remnants of everything you thought you were. A broken shell desperate for wholeness.

The light flickers at the edges of your conscience, glows in the dark, but you barely notice, consumed as you are with frantically trying to hold the scraps of yourself together.

It’s a futile effort. The darkness always comes back. Eventually your strength fails and movement ceases.

Everything stills.

Here you exist, suspended in a hollow dwelling that has become both agony and oasis. Here the fade of palest gray to darkest black begins.

Chapter 1

OF (WAKING) DREAMS

A three-inch thorn in my flesh, digging deep into my left side past layers of skin and severed muscle. Every breath sends pain shooting through my ribs. I writhe, twisting and contorting my upper body in a series of vain attempts to loosen it. Each movement is torture, moving the thorn further into me than out. Time loses meaning. How long has it been? Hours? Days? I collapse, exhausted, to the dirty floor beneath me, slick with my own sweat and blood as darkness begins to tinge black the edges of my blurry vision.

I gasp, waking from the dream. So vivid. Breathing hard, I kick off the heavy comforter on top of me, covered in my own sweat though thankfully not my own blood. I lie still in my bed trying to calm my still too fast heart rate. Where did that come from? As my pulse slows, I think back on the events of the night prior: the Bible study I went to at my church, the prayer I prayed, the warning I received. I groan out loud. That must have been it.

We had been looking into 2 Corinthians, the passage about Paul receiving a thorn in his flesh in order to keep him from becoming boastful and proud regarding the visions and revelations he had received from God. What was the verse? I close my eyes so I can see the words in my head.

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. (2 Corinthians 12:8–9)

That was the one. I remember feeling so full, so confident reading those words. At the end of the evening, I told the woman leading the study on this particular night that I had prayed for the Lord to make me weak. If his strength works best in weakness, then the weaker I am, the more powerful he becomes, right? Her eyes held surprise, and her voice was a blend of caution and concern.

Nicole, that’s a bold prayer, she’d said to me softly.

I rub my eyes and groan again, shaking off the unease her words arose in me. Well, that explains the dream anyway. I roll over lazily in bed and repeatedly slap at my nightstand until I find my phone. How many times did I hit snooze? I have forty-five minutes to shower and get ready for work. My feet hit the ground, my hand subconsciously rubbing back and forth over my left side, and the day is begun.

Headed out, babe! I holler down the hallway of the fixer-upper I own with my husband of five years. What was once a ramshackle foreclosure has been made into a cozy home full of hand-me-down furniture and bargain décor. It’s coming together on the inside, at least, I think as I snag my car keys from the kitchen table on my way to the living room. Outside is another story; I’ve never been much of a gardener.

Coming! he calls back. I hear his footfalls coming nearer as I buckle up our sweet new addition.

Daddy’s coming to say bye-bye to you, honey!

Haven gurgles and coos cheerily back at me before her bright-blue eyes lock on her father and it’s all over. Her six-month-old roly-poly legs kick into hyperdrive while her pudgy cheeks break into the biggest smile she