The Search for the White Picket Fence

By Peter Markgraaff

This book will spark the curiosity you may have for a life of miraculous living and awaken you to a fresh revival in your own walk with God. This is a must-read if you hunger for more. 

The Search for the White Picket Fence is a powerful retelling of

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Sep 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887388878

Peter Markgraaff

Peter Markgraaff is a devoted family man who cannot believe he is now a grandfather. He thrives on it and cannot wait to have more. He is also an author, mentor, speaker, and coach. Peter loves to be called "babes" by his wife, "dad" by his kids, and "pops" by his grandchildren. His friends call him Pete. He loves good coffee and going on long walks with the love of his life, Ilana.

Book preview

To Ilana. My wife, my best friend, and fellow seeker.

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank all the voices in our lives who have cheered us on and encouraged us along the way on our journey. There are too many to mention. Thank you for your love, prayers, and generosity in our lives. You know who you are.

I would like to honor our parents, Pieter and Connie Markgraaff and Edgar and Delene Wendt, who lived their lives as an example to all. They modeled and instilled a love and reverence for God, planting seeds in us that would be watered by others and ready for God to bring the increase.

A special mention must go to my mother-in-law, Delene, and my late father-in-law, Edgar. Without fail you ran alongside us through it all and were consistent and faithful in prayer, constantly encouraging us to keep going. We are not there yet, but thanks to you, we are very close.

Our children, Matthew, Jonathan, and Benjamin, the seed carriers of our faith and the promises of God. You are the most courageous young men I have ever known. I could only wish I had the courage you have. All I could do as a young boy was dream, but you actually lived it and were the greatest encouragers of all. Each assignment we embraced we would rely on the fact that you heard God too. And without fail you did. Your response… Let’s go!

Preface

You can never truly understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it (Atticus Finch).

This journey of living memory has been shared countless times. This is a story of love. Falling in love and the times I have come close to falling out of love. If that is possible. But each story layered into this book is a story about choices. A singular choice that led us down this path we now live on.

I carried a burden, and sometimes this burden was an agony. Maya Angelou, a woman who grew up in the Jim Crowe south, said it best, There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

I am embarrassed to mention the number of times I was told that our story needed to be told, and I hesitated to tell it. The words and encouragements would echo in me. It needs to become a book! You need to write about your story. These voices would bounce around me like hello yelled at the entrance to a cave. But I would hear no reply. I lacked the belief that our story had value. Would people actually read it? Why would they?

But something shifted over time as I came to realize the fear of what may be inside the cave need not be feared but explored and discovered. That I could step in and discover what the light in my hand would reveal in the darkness and the shadows it cast. The greatest find has been the things I have learned from telling the story. Layers upon layers of lessons have been unearthed in the memories I had buried. The value is the beauty, the glory, inside each one, ready to be revealed.

Two forces have now aligned.

One: I have realized I need to tell the story.

Two: A space has been created for me to tell it. A space in time, a space in the now.

I have finally woken up to the imagination and courage in my life.

My intention is to help you so that while reading our story, you may remember moments in your life when God has called you and develop the courage and muscle in your spirit to live yours. When you listen to our story, the hope is that you expand your imagination to develop a spiritual muscle memory to win your life.

I’m hoping you want to listen because then my story will truly be alive. Your listening and the expanding of your own imagination will let this story live on. It’s a testimony of an eternal soul whose life and story will live on in you. And your story will live on in me.

The Spirit and life of God keep our consciousness alive and our conscience alive. Stories of God do that.

Prologue

What have I seen in others?

Over the years, I have observed the reaction of the various audiences we have had relaying our stories. I’ve observed and finally have come to the realization of the need to study such reactions. This has given me feedback. Those who listen radiate love, and by listening a gateway opens to their soul. If you look into their soul, you will see wonder. Out of wonder will arise curiosity, and from curiosity will arise desire. You see the flickering of a flame, a glowing ember, or sometimes a smoking flax. Even a momentary spark. But when you see the spark, it shows life. That’s all you need because your story is the fuel that will help start the fire.

I’ve also learned that people forget what you say. They may even forget the things you’ve done and the things you’ve accomplished. But through observation, I have seen firsthand, when telling this story, how it’s made people feel. What they take away in that moment of feeling something alive creates a shift inside of them. And that, my friend, is evidence that they will never forget.

So this is why we produced this work. We have spent years telling our story. Dinner tables, pulpits, parks, kitchen chats, parking lots, passenger seats.

Over this period we have connected with many people, learned from them, and observed. It’s working in relation to what we have observed and studied in others. Everyone has a fire they are to carry.

We grow in courage and wonder, and boldness has its own genius in it. It’s creative and powerful, filled with magic, the mysterious universe of God and His kingdom revealed to us through the eyes of faith and the working of the Holy Spirit in us.

You listening and reading our story means to me that being heard means I am being loved.

The following is the story of a lifelong search for the ideal. A journey of discovery, exploring possibilities. Over time, becoming a message. Redefining normality and walking in the reconciled and restored original intent of God.

These are the events of seeing God in the eleventh hour. An account of the works of the Spirit of God revealing the wisdom of God. The record of these events could be described as both a memoir and a live biography of current events.

When I said, Yes, Lord. I will go for You! I felt like, at the time, I had nothing to lose.

Over time I softened to the fear of losing something! But if you trust Him alone, you find yourself back at that place of nothing to lose. Faith is not presumption but an uncompromising bond with the truth.

Write the vision down, it says in Habakkuk. We had a vision and a hope when we set out on this journey. It was a vision of a future where we will be in a land, a promise, a place, or a state of being where Jesus is king. This is not a place authored by man’s own attempts, not a place fashioned by the imagination of a fallen mind. The authentic, the original, had been diluted by the agenda of a misdirected hope.

Introduction

Lekh Lekah—I Have Been Waiting for You!

By faith Abraham, when he was called [by God], obeyed by going to a place which he was to receive as an inheritance; and he went, not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as a foreigner in the promised land as in a strange land, living in tents [as nomads] with Isaac and Jacob, who were fellow heirs of the same promise. For he was [waiting expectantly and confidently] looking forward to the city which has foundations, [an eternal, heavenly city] whose architect and builder is God.

Hebrews 11:8–10 (AMP)

The idea that a man from a land of a people who worshiped pagan gods (Josh 24:2) would obey God and simply go, not knowing where he was going, has always had me curious.

What was it about Abram that God chose him? From Noah to Abram, there were ten generations, and God chose Abram to make a covenant promise that he would be led to a land and God would make of him a great nation. That he would be blessed, and through him all the nations of the earth will be blessed (Genesis 12:1–3). It seems so random. It seemed that for ten generations God was looking for someone. Each generation being sifted, Noah’s being the first. The Scriptures tell us that Noah was a just and righteous man…blameless in his [evil] generation; Noah walked…[in habitual fellowship] with God (Genesis 6:8–9, AMP). But He did not choose Noah. He was looking for His Abram.

Interestingly, we know nothing of Abram when God called him. Genesis chapter 12 (AMP) starts with, Now…the Lord said to Abram, ‘Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.’ All we are told about Abram is that he was the son of Terah and he married Sarai. His father, Terah, took Abram, Sarai, and Lot on a journey to Canaan, but he stopped and settled in Haran. It is interesting to know that God appeared to Abram in Mesopotamia before he settled in Haran with his father (Acts 7:2).

The introduction to Abram is God saying to him, Go forth! In Hebrew it is the words Lekh Lekha, which means Go, for you (Genesis 12:1). It is on account of you… or I have been waiting for you… Nehemiah’s prayer (Nehemiah 9:7–8, ESV), You are the Lord, the God who chose Abram and brought him out of Ur of the Chaldeans and gave him the name Abraham. You found his heart faithful before you, and made with him the covenant to give to his offspring the land, explains that God saw Abram’s faith and chose him. In Genesis 15 verse 6, it says that Abram believed the Lord, and it was accounted to him as righteousness.

So what was it that God saw in Abram? It seems that Abram did nothing on his own merit to deserve God’s choosing him. We do not read the same of Abram that we do of Noah. We could assume that perhaps he was a strategic man, a dreamer, and a man that had drive and a good head for leadership. But that is an assumption.

But Abram was chosen because of faith. The writer of Hebrews also tells us that by faith, Abraham…when he was called (Hebrews 11:8, ESV). These scriptures are clear in their description that it was not by works that God chose Abram. Our works do not merit a gift; our works are our dues, but our faith is what is counted as righteousness. God blessed Abram before his circumcision. The sign of circumcision was a seal of the righteousness he had received by faith (Romans 4).

Walking in the steps of faith and believing God that He who calls is faithful and He who covenants a promise to the faithful is Himself the guarantee of the promise. It is this faith that attributes the righteousness of God upon us.

Scripture teaches us this, and in ancient rabbinical texts such as the Bereshit (Genesis) Rabbah (great), a midrash (commentary or exposition of teachings in the Talmud), it argues that Abram was a model of faith.

Abraham is a patriarch revered by the three monotheistic religions, Christianity, Islam, and of course, Judaism. Others like Noah, Moses, and David are also honored, but Abraham is the most notable one. Abraham is a founding father.

He is the one who established a covenant and intimate relationship with the Hebrew people. A covenant made before the law was given 430 years later. It was a promise made by God. An inheritance given to Abraham by God has a promise.

He is the one who connects the relationship between Adam and Muhammad for Islam.

For the Christian, he is the begetter, the progenitor of all believers. The old covenant God made with Abraham was fulfilled through Jesus and became the new covenant. Paul teaches that all believers in Christ are Abraham’s seed (Galatians 3:15–29).

He is honored for his obedience, his faithfulness, and his submissiveness.

Remembering that he is a patriarch, a father, and a begetter helps us to keep in mind that there were no monotheistic religions in his day. When God spoke to him and promised him an inheritance of land and offspring, placing a seed inside of him, the faith he had to obey God was attributed as righteousness. So Abraham’s mission was not to establish a religion. His mission was to carry a seed, and his search was for a place where that seed could establish a way of life living in the promised fulfillment of God’s word to him.

He sought not a place made by man but a kingdom ruled by God. He sought not a religion that would define and explain God but a posture and a place that kept him at the foot of the throne of who God is and left an inheritance for his offspring. This offspring would become a chosen people, a kingdom of priests, a holy nation (1 Peter 2:9, Exodus 19:5–6). A special people who are the possession of God to declare (living prophetically) His praises. This righteousness and calling have been imputed to us who believe in Jesus, all because of the seed of promise placed in Abraham, born through Sarah, a woman once barren, her womb brought to life through God.

In Abraham’s story of searching, it strikes me that the things of this world are mere distractions that can easily become affections to derail us from our true course and trajectory. Abraham was determined to be obedient and always honor God (building alters as reminders) and, in his sojourning, ensure the temporal nature of this life. He lived by faith in the land of promise, as in a foreign land with his heirs, waiting for a city with heavenly foundations. His search was not for the things of this world. His search and desire were to live obediently and go where God would send him, not knowing where he was going (Hebrews 11:8, ESV) at times or even why, but he knew he had a word from God. That word was not only for him, but it might come to fulfillment so that others might live in the realities of who God is and what He can do when we choose to trust Him.

Was it an ideal that he pursued? Or an ideology, an idea, or an opportunity that possibly motivated him and gave him his drive? I think not.

At the time he had a wife who could not bear children, and God’s word to him was that he would receive as an inheritance a land for his offspring. He knew the God of the Word was the only answer able to perform this word.

God even warned Abram that his offspring would also dwell in the land as foreigners and be taken captive and exiled. Four generations later, they would return to the land.

The promise given was a promise fulfilled, just not in Abraham’s lifetime, yet Abraham lived prophetically in search of this promise.

In today’s terms, if we were called as Abram was, would it be life behind a white picket fence we seek? Is it Haran, the place of comfort, that we would settle in, or would we sojourn as foreigners in this world but not of it, seeking first the Kingdom of God?

We seek solutions. We seek the ideal. When defined as a noun (people, place, or thing), ideal means the following, A standard of perfection, beauty or excellence. A goal, an ultimate object, aim or endeavor (Merriam-Webster).

When used as an adjective (describing the noun), it removes the veil of mystery and reveals the power in what it could be for us. It suddenly creates powerful, tempting images, bringing our flesh to life through tastes, ideas, concepts, experiences, and more.

We seek the ideal world where poverty no longer exists. Because it cannot be ideal unless it is eliminated.

We seek the ideal relationship, which means it would need to be perfect. Our partner then would also need to be perfect.

Anything less than perfect can no longer be ideal. If such a thing exists, then we should seek it out and pursue it.

Therefore I can only reach the conclusion that our ultimate goal in life can be the only One who is and has ever been perfect. Our only hope can be Jesus. Our only goal can be the Lord. For He alone is able to do exceedingly more than we could ask, seek, and imagine.

The treasure of God’s kingdom, which alone belongs to God and is the rule of God, is the only thing that is perfect or ideal. It is the pearl of great price. It is the only thing worth seeking. Why would we not leave the land of our fathers, the land of false gods, and by faith walk with God in obedience to seek the land (His kingdom) He would show us?

History holds in its hands innumerable stories, told and untold, of mankind in pursuit of something. Exploring, discovering, searching. We crave connection and long to find our place in this world, knowing our purpose and value.

We all pursue something, and in some way we have all been pursued.

John Locke coined the phrase the pursuit of happiness, and Thomas Jefferson was clear in his mind to include that when drafting the United States of America’s Declaration of Independence. He included that there are inalienable truths, sacred and undeniable. We were all created equal and independent and are called to the preservation of life, of liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Perhaps the ideal pursues us.

Life can be unpredictable because it is a constellation of choices. I discovered that quickly as I hastened the countdown to my launch into adulthood. Impatient and impulsive, I thought all I needed was a star to aim at and a tank full of rocket propellant. The sheer thrust of ambition would defy gravity and propel me into another galaxy.

But every pursuit, every journey, has a beginning, and that beginning must start with the first step. If we have to rely on the tales we have read and heard that others had lived and not begin to experience our own, what would it be worth?

Yet life takes us on a path, a path of unpredictability, of not knowing what lies around the corner or over the next hill. Especially when we travel a road we have never been on before. But who accompanies us on this journey? We can take it all in while seeing and discovering new places, new faces. Is it not who is with us that matters? What is life if we cannot share it with those we love? What is life if we cannot experience it with those who also love us? What is life if we are not walking living it for God?

What about the journey we are sent on or asked to travel? Without a map. Is the One sending us not mindful, not aware of what lies beyond what is for us the unknown?

And so began my pursuit and search for the ideal. I discovered that my journey started out to find something. Something I knew existed somewhere.

The only thing in my possession at the time was the experience I had that told me that I still had not found what I was looking for. A little cliché for a guy who had a love affair with the ’80s.

This book is a story about my sacred space. It hits the nerve.

You are about to enter the orbit of my universe, and the door that has opened to you has been cracked open, unlocked by the act of will and the grace of God. I have found life, liberty, healing, peace, joy, and contentment. For me life was just happening. I took it as it came. Sure, I had a plan, but I had to roll with the punches. The outcomes and results from my choices. Some good, some terrible, others just bad, rotten bad.

But what I came to discover was the stories of our lives are shaped by us.

Now, at fifty-six, I realize that all I really have left to tell is my story and a future that still holds a journey of discovery and a life I believe is going to be far more powerful and influential than the past I have lived in.

I am joined in covenant, not just in our vows on our marriage day but covenantal because we both made the same decision. To live a life together being radically obedient to God.

She is not only beautiful, an absolute stunner (no jokes—she turns my knees to jelly), on the outside, but on the inside she is gloriously beautiful, wise, bold, brave, courageous, humble, kind, faithful, faith-filled, and more godly than I could ever be. She is the one human I owe it all to. Because without her this life would never have been possible.

Our incredibly brave children, who sacrificed so much, have walked this path with us, their eyes wide open to the marvels of God’s faithfulness. They have witnessed it all. They have seen us at our worst and at our best, but what blesses us the most is their unwavering faith in the Lord, who has always revealed Himself to them as the One who is faithful.

I soon realized that if I did not embrace and ultimately own my own story, others would inevitably wallpaper their desires, wishes, cultures, expectations, and interpretations over mine. I had to step out and live. Really live.

Anxiety and fear are the thieves of life. These thieves are amplified by our inability to imagine the future. When all we can do is wallow in the wonderment of apparent problems, all we do is heighten our anxiety. There are terrible things taking place in this world. History tells us that, and right now some are facing head-on, daily being confronted by something demonic and horrific. I do not deny that. I have seen that and experienced that myself. But there is something greater. There is someone greater.

When Jesus taught us to seek first His kingdom, He knew that anxious thoughts would create an anxious reality. A reality we can all know too well when we endeavor to succumb to the false promises of this world and the peace it offers. There is no real validity to the peace in this world. It makes sense. It always makes sense and convinces the carnal mind of this by the power of its promises. Promises that satisfy the flesh. Promises are made possible, within reach, if you just agree and begin the endless journey of its pursuit.

But you soon find yourself exhausted unless, of course, you believe the next lie, which keeps you going in a cycle of self-destruction. This peace, the peace the world gives, never satisfies. It perpetuates an atmosphere, an air of anxiety. The fruit…is fear.

Abraham began his journey with a willingness to be led by God. That’s all it took. He showed up!

So I hope that this book will do justice and tell our story about how we did our best—that when God called, we showed up!

Part One: The Call

Wrestling with the Call

My hand rested gently on her shoulder, and then I began to squeeze.

Here we go again! I thought.

She squeezed right back. She heard it too.

The words were a trigger, like gluten to a celiac. To most people, they were harmless words. In fact, one would argue they were encouraging. But to us, we had heard these words so many times over so many years, and we developed such an intolerance for them, it catalyzed an unwelcome reaction. The regular rendezvous we have had with words from God has coached us in the race. The discovery that this is a marathon, not run in a stadium of cheering crowds but on lonely roads and trails and sometimes with no path at all but only the lamp to our feet and the light to our path. There would be the marshals, the heavenly witnesses, posted on the route to pass on a message, the good news, to add to our epistle. We would see these emissaries as we approached and would know why they were sent to mark our trail and remind us we were on the right path, but the brief or edict that had to dispatch was not always well received. The news was often a reminder to us—we were not in a sprint, and there was still a long way to go. The journey ahead would require more stamina because the fruit against which there is no law was under cultivation. Because since we belong to Christ Jesus, the flesh has been crucified (by us) with its passions and desires.

How could mere words unleash the kraken of frustration in us so much? Once it was in the system, the reaction was inevitable.

We simultaneously shifted in the couch and gave each other a familiar knowing look. It could have easily been seen as choreographed, but we had developed a language of our own. It was our way of adapting.

Peter and Ilana…this is a season of preparation for you.

There they were. Those intolerable words…a season of preparation!

You are being prepared for something great! the prophet extolled.

Year after year, season after season, we would hear these words. In the beginning they were awesome. We feasted off them, but now, fifteen years later, still stumbling to discover their meaning, they had become bland and unpalatable.

Oblivious to its effects, the visiting prophet enthusiastically continued with what the Lord had encouraged her to share with us. She smiled broadly and continued.

Bless her, I thought as I fought the frustration in me.

There was an endless flow of encouragement and plenty of hope as she prophesied over us. The details were deep and descriptive, but I remained stuck on the opening stanza. It felt as if I were clinging to the top of the rapids, not wanting to lose my grip and allow the river current to take me where I needed to go. I was tired of clinging on and being wet.

The Lord is preparing you both for something great!

Again and again, my hand would squeeze Ilana’s shoulder, and she would reply in earnest. Anchored with the thought, Why are we still being prepared? What have I done wrong that we are still being prepared after fifteen years of being in the school of preparation! Which, by the way, were the other words frequently used…the school (or university) of preparation.

There were seven leaders in the room that afternoon. Three couples and the visiting prophet. We had just had lunch, and with dessert in hand, we moved to the living room. Ilana and I sat snuggly together on a well-used oversized leather sofa. The years of use had caused a natural dip in its center, swallowing us up and encouraging us to eagerly lean into each other.

The meeting would continue, building up to the final course where we now sipped on warm drinks and enjoyed our dessert while Chanelle, the prophet, shared the words the Lord had for each of us as couples.

Like a fine meal, it would be remembered by how it ended. Expectation filled the room, making it feel so much smaller, and you realized you were exposed and could not hide.

The used dessert plates with remnants of cream and crumbs and well-licked spoons balanced awkwardly on the coffee table, begging my OCD to react and take them to the kitchen. The smell of freshly made coffee still filled the room, and the