Spinsterella

By Shawn James

Matilda Crowley has earned the nickname Spinsterella at Amalgamated Consolidated for her unique style and fashion sense. But when an enigmatic new hire starts working on her floor, the Goth Monster is eager to get closer to the silent stranger many in the office have called the Quiet Man. Is it love at first bite for the Black Widow? Or is she destined to die an old maid?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shawn James
• Release date: Jan 30, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310628375

Shawn James

Shawn James is the author of over seventy Books. A graduate of Monroe College he's been writing fiction and nonfiction for twenty years.

Book preview

Chapter 1

We call him the quiet man. And the only way you know he’s here is by the scent of his lunch.

The aroma of Italian spices wafts through the air as the husky toast colored man darts past the door of my office carrying a pizza box. I wonder what he’s having today. Pizza? Calzone? Or maybe lasagna.

If I could only get a chance to talk to him. Maybe I could get him to share his lunch with me. Or maybe even just tell me his name. Nearly a year on the job and he hasn’t said a word to anyone. All anyone knows about Amalgamated Consolidated’s enigmatic new Claims Associate is that he comes in at around eight-forty, leaves his desk around eleven-forty-five for lunch, comes back around noon with a pizza box and at five on the dot he goes home. I don’t see how anyone could just come and go to work without talking to anyone. It’d make me go insane being by myself in a big place like this.

I have to wonder if dude is crazy. You’d have to be to stay to yourself like that all the time. Like that guy in Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. Or Edgar Allen Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart. I just can’t see how someone can go and come to work and not say a single word to anyone unless there was something wrong with them.

I’m pondering the mystery of the silent stranger who stalks the halls of Amalgamated Consolidated when Nancy, my best friend from the Claims Department strolls into my office. The tall thin blonde woman dressed in a red cardigan sweater, navy gabardine skirt and black heels flashes a smile at me as she checks her watch. Hey Matilda, you ready for lunch?

"Is it that time? I say springing up out of my office chair.

The Quiet Man passed by me in the hall. So I’d say it’s about that time.

I give her a look. You set your watch to him?

Hey, he’s more accurate than most of the clocks around here-

I wonder what he does all day in that cubicle of his-

Probably plotting the deaths of us all in a shooting rampage-

The thought of him going psycho and killing all my friends sends a chill down my spine. Come on Nance, don’t joke like that-

Hey, he probably does what the rest of us do all day in The Pit. Process these damn claims forms. Lunch is probably the high point of the day for him-

It’s the high point of the day for any of us. The archaic offices of Amalgamated Consolidated are like being stuck in a time warp that never ends. Everything from the White Formica topped steel desks, off-white painted walls, lite elevator music, and overly bright florescent lighting are like something out of the 1950’s. It’s like nothing in this company has changed since my Mom worked here. These offices are so stifling when I’m not working I’m counting down the hours to the time when I can get out of here.

I wonder what’s eating him.

What do you mean?

Junk food every day? Clearly dude has issues-

Says the woman dressed in all black-

I give my best friend a look on the jab. "This is a fashion statement." I say pointing to myself.

Yeah right Spinsterella, Halloween ended two months ago-

For us Goths every day is Halloween. Hey, I’m gonna get festive for the Christmas party tonight-

What? You gonna put your Santa hat on to add a little color to your dead wardrobe?

Damn. She knows me too well. Hey, I bought a little red dress just for the party-

Wow, you’re gonna be wearing a color other than black? I definitely need to capture that moment in pixels-

Everything at the Christmas party usually stays at the Christmas party. So I can get away with being a little daring-

You know that’s a great opportunity to talk to Mr. Mysterious.

I don’t think I’m that bold. With him being a newbie, I doubt he even knows about our annual Christmas bash-

Well, Ms. Events Manager I doubt anyone knows about the Christmas party with all the invitations still next to your outbox-"

I look over at the box of invitations on my desk next to my outbox and my eyes grow wide. "Shit, these were supposed to go out in the inter-office mail last week!

Nancy smiles at me as she heads towards the door. Well, it looks like you’re gonna be working through lunch.

Come on Nancy, help me get these out and I’ll buy you a sandwich-

Sorry Mattie, but it’s not my department.

Dude, I can’t believe you’re gonna go all official company policy on me-

Hey, I only get one hour out of this shithole and I’m not giving that up for anyone.

Come on, I don’t want to be alone in the office with him-

Think of it this way. Hand-delivered invitations from our hardworking Events Manager adds a nice personal touch.

Nancy-

Tell the Quiet Man I said Hi. Nancy says darting out of my office.

Chapter 2

Tell the Quiet Man I said Hi. Fuck you Nancy.

Nancy smiles as she heads down the hall to the elevator bank. I huff a sigh, suck my teeth, and reach into my bottom desk drawer for the Santa hat I wore when I hosted last year’s Christmas party. If anyone sees me in the hall, I’ll just tell them I’m going the extra mile by personally delivering the invitations this time. It’ll be better than telling them that I fucked up and forgot to actually put the invitations in the inter-office mail to be circulated last week. If I’m lucky I’ll be able to hit all the offices and the reception desk before the lunch hour ends around here.

I slap the Santa hat on my head, grab the box of invitations off the desk, and storm out of my office. Since everyone’s out to lunch, I’ll start with the silent stranger who stalks our halls. Maybe I’ll make it out of his cubicle alive. And maybe he’ll tell me his name.

Chapter 3

325 days on the job. Only forty more to more to go before I make it to a year here at Amalgamated Consolidated.

This is the longest I’ve been at any job in years. I want this job to work out. I need this job to work out. No one is gonna hire a 40-year-old man to do much of anything these days. Especially one with a tarnished work history like mine. It’s a miracle I got this job. And I’m doing everything in my power to keep it. If I can get a year in here, it might actually be possible for me to finally start my life.

I thought I was on my way to starting things when I graduated Summa Cum Laude from college with a 3.95 GPA twenty years ago. But I’ve had so many bad breaks in the job market over the last two decades I’ve lost count. When I got fired from that Civil Service job at City College six years ago, I thought I was done. But somehow God worked out a miracle for me ten months ago. The way I see it this is probably my last shot at a career. I’ve got to make it count.

I’m about to open up my pizza box and have my lunch when my fellow Claims Associate Sevante strolls by my cubicle on his way out to lunch. The tall chocolate colored brother’s dreadlocks fall in front of his face as he pops his head in and greets me with a smile. Hey Shawn, working through lunch again? He inquires.

These claims forms come like the mail Sevante. As long as they keep coming, I gotta keep working. I reply.

Dude, you know you can come up for air.

I’d love to do that. But I have no idea how long I’m going to be here. Since I don’t know who any of the players on the Amalgamated Consolidated chessboard are yet, I can’t afford to make any mistakes. The best things for me to do is mind my business, do my job, and keep a low profile until it’s clear I’m going to be here long enough to find out what the game is here.

I’ve heard that on too many jobs I’ve lost man. The last thing I want to do is get fired here over something stupid.

Hey, it’s not that serious around here.

That’s what they said about Civil Service. But here I am.

Most of the people here are pretty cool. You should take some time to talk to some of them.

I’d love to introduce myself to some of my fellow co-workers. But there’s no need to get close to anyone until I know I’ve got some form of job security. Ten months into a job isn’t that long, and if I have to leave again, having no personal connections to anyone will make it easier for me if I have to move on.

I’ve got work to do.

You do know you can have lunch outside sometimes-

I can’t afford that luxury. I have no idea how long I’m even going to be here.

I think you should consider setting down some roots man. This is a good company. The pay and benefits are so good here usually most people stay here until they die.

I have to admit that was one of the reasons I sent my resume here. $55,000 a year for processing paperwork and data entry is more money than I’ve seen in my lifetime. I’m just hoping I can stay here long enough to take advantage of some of those benefits.

I think you’ll definitely last a lot longer here than in Civil Service man. The way you’re working, you might be on your way to a promotion sooner than later.

I can only dream of that Sevante. Until then I’m just putting my nose to the grindstone-

Our conversation is interrupted by an attractive chalk colored brunette woman dressed in a black crewneck sweater, white blouse, black kilted miniskirt, black and white striped tights, black wingtip Mary Jane high heels and a red Santa hat. The ebony lips and dark shadowed brown eyes of the pale stranger flash a nervous smile at me as she steps into my cubicle carrying a box of envelopes. Looks like I’m going to meet one of my co-workers sooner rather than later.

Chapter 4

I’m a bundle of nerves as I step into the thirty-sixth chamber of death. Oh my God, The Quiet Man can talk!

Think of something witty Mattie, something to keep the conversation flowing. Don’t work too hard. You won’t have any energy to dance at our Christmas party this afternoon. I joke.

On hearing my playful comment the husky man eases out of his office chair and looks me up and down. As his bashful brown eyes meet mine, he gives me an anxious look. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to make it. He tells me.

Crap, he’s shutting the conversation down. I’ve got to keep the connection open. At least long enough to get him to tell me his name. Dude, you have to come to our Christmas party tonight. Amalgamated Consolidated always throws this awesome bash at the Roosevelt Hotel. Lots of food, drinks, and every employee who attends gets awesome gift bags filled with swag.

I don’t know, I really wouldn’t know anyone there-

You’d know me. I’m Matilda. I say extending my hand.

I’m Shawn. He says shaking it.

Shawn. So that’s his name. Shawn. Maybe I can ask Ernest in HR to dig into his personnel files to find out his last name.

I look over at the desk in his cubicle and outside of the pizza box there’s nothing on his desk to even denote he’s even been here for any period of time. It looks just like it did the day after Old Jacob retired. No pictures, no toys, or any kind of personal effects of any kind to tell me anything about him. Not even a coffee mug. Weird.

Nice to meet you Shawn. I say. So what’s for lunch?

Pizza.

Mmmmm…So that’s what he’s having today. I’d ask him for a slice, but it’s not a cheat day. You’re new here right?

Not really. I started working here about a year ago.

So how are you liking working at Amalgamated Consolidated so far?

Just taking it day-by-day Matilda.

That’s not the answer I usually get from most of the newbies when I introduce myself to them. From the ambiguous answers he gives and the impassive expression on his face, he’s next to impossible to read. What’s he hiding?

I’m trying to get through the day myself. I say reaching into the box. I’ve got to deliver all these invitations to the Christmas party before lunch is over. Here’s yours. I say handing him the red envelope.

Thanks. You know you can just send everybody an e-mail. Shawn suggests taking it.

That’s kind of impersonal. But it could to get me out of the jam I put myself in. If it works, I’ll have to thank him for the tip.

I could, but then I wouldn’t be able to meet all my co-workers I planned the party for face-to-face. I definitely would like to see you there.

Since you took the time to plan the party I might be able to stop in for a few minutes.

That’s all I’m asking. Great. I guess I’ll see you then.

Chapter 5

Matilda gives me a nervous smile as she rushes out of my cubicle. If an oddball like her can walk around here in ghoulish makeup like that then I might have a chance of making it to a year here.

She’s interesting. I tell Sevante.

Matilda’s got her own style. Sevante replies. But she’s a good woman.

"Are all the other people who work here as interesting as Matilda?"

They’re not as expressive about their style as Mattie, but they’re good people.

He must be very comfortable with her to call her by a nickname. I guess I have to get to know her.

Best way to do that is at the Christmas party. So are you serious about coming big man?

I might stop by.

Sevante gives me a look. I had planned to cut out early this afternoon and get an early start on my Christmas vacation, but the last thing I want to do is offend the only person I’m on good terms with here. C’mon man, Mattie’s good people. You don’t want to leave her hanging-

He’s got a point. And as weird as she looks, Matilda the oddball still has feelings. And I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings by not showing up. All right I’ll come. Just for a few minutes.

Sevante smiles on hearing about my commitment to attend. Cool.

So what do I have to expect at the big holiday bash this afternoon?

You’re definitely gonna enjoy yourself. Sevante continues. Amalgamated Consolidated throws the best parties. Mattie makes sure everyone has fun.

From the way he talks about Matilda it sounds like she’s a big wheel around here. I’m just hoping I don’t offend some big executive there.

Hey, no worries man. What happens at the Christmas party usually stays at the Christmas party.

Chapter 6

Okay…That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Sort of like ripping off a Band-Aid. It hurt, but I got through it.

At least Shawn told me his name. I would have asked what kind of pizza he was having for lunch, but I didn’t want to push him. Dude looked like he was in agony trying to talk to me. Whatever’s eating him on the inside must be what’s causing him to go out and eat so much junk food.

But he can’t be hurting too bad; he seems to be able to manage to talk to Sevante. So he’s not a complete antisocial basket case. I still wonder what his issue is. Maybe Sevante can give me some answers to that question after I make my way around the office delivering these invitations.

Chapter 7

She’s creepy and she’s kooky…Mysterious and spooky…

I’m still trying to figure out how a weirdo like Matilda got a job here. And I’m more curious to find out how she made her way into management. This company must have absolutely no standards if someone like her can make her way up the corporate ladder here. In most of the places where I’ve worked before someone like her wouldn’t have made it past the interview.

Clearly she’s got to have issues to dress like she does and wear that kind of ghoulish make-up at her age. I can see a twentysomething kid parading around in Goth getup like that, but she’s got to be around my age. I’d think she’d understand business protocol and how to dress appropriately for work by now.

But if the bosses here let her get away with dressing like that I don’t have a problem with it. I’ll give it up to her though; she does have the legs for that miniskirt. I never thought creepy could be sexy, but somehow she makes it work.

Yeah, she’s weird, but I don’t think she’s a complete nutcase. She did take the time to introduce herself to me personally. That’s more than I can say for most of the other employees here outside of Sevante. Most people go out of their way to avoid me just like at all my other jobs. But I didn’t come here to make friends. I came here to work. And you don’t go to work to be liked or make friends. You go to work to make a living.

Still, I wonder what the deal is with the mysterious Matilda. Maybe I’ll find out what’s going on with her and the oddball corporate culture of Amalgamated Consolidated at the Christmas party.

Chapter 8