Words from the 'Rents

By Kimberly Adams-Francis

Take two snarky octogenarians, throw in a 20-something smart aleck, add a dash of other entertaining people and combine them all with a mumble-mumble-aged woman who misses nothing, and what do you get?

Conversations worth remembering. “Words From the ‘Rents” is a collection of conversations between author Kimberly Adams-Francis, her parents, her daughter and other cast and crew members. Proving that art does imitate life, Adams-Francis paints a picture of what life with Skip and Mary Belle must have been like growing up and how odd senses of humor seem to run in families.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kimberly Adams-Francis
• Release date: May 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311516992

Kimberly Adams-Francis

Kimberly Adams-Francis has been writing since she could put a pen on paper and write discernible words. She first realized she wanted to write for a living when she reduced her parents to quivering masses of hysterical laughter when she read them her story about vegetarian cannibals stranded on a deserted island. She doesn’t remember what the story was about, but she remembered the reaction.Ms. Adams-Francis graduated from West Liberty University in 1995 with a degree in English Liberal Arts. Later, she attained a Masters in Adult Education and Training. During her writing career she wrote an award-winning online column from 2000 to 2002, dozens of business and marketing plans and feature articles for regional and trade publications. Her goals in life are to leave her audience more educated and entertained than when she first met them, to achieve world peace and perfect the art of grilled potatoes.She resides in West Virginia, surrounded by her parents, daughter, granddaughter, pets, lots of hills and way too much cold and snow in the winter.

Book preview

Introduction

When I first started sharing snippets of my conversations with family members on Facebook, I did it because the conversations amused me. Not in a ha ha, look at how funny my family is! way, but more in a Can you believe the craziness I deal with? way. I mean, we all have those moments with our families, right?

Well, my Facebook friends thought the conversations were hilarious, and the requests for a book started somewhere around share number three. The more I shared, the more requests I got. Finally, after roughly five years of sharing, I decided, What the hell, let’s give the people what they want.

And that’s how Words From the ’Rents came to be.

These stories really aren’t in any particular order, though I did group them together a bit. Considering the conversations weren’t planned, it made sense that they should be shared in a somewhat random order. After all, some of the best things in life happen out of the blue.

To my mom, Mary Belle, and my dad, Skip; my sister, Cheryl, and my daughter, Taylor, thank you for the material. Without you, this book literally would not exist. To my Facebook friends who pestered, um…I mean badgered…um…I mean insisted these snippets were worthy of a book, thank you for the vote of confidence. To my awesome editor, Katie, thanks for making my chicken scratch understandable.

And to all of you who bought the book and are reading this right now, thank you most of all. There are still conversations to have, stories to retell, memories to make and laughs to share. So stay tuned…there’s more where this came from.

All ’Rents, All the Time

(And the people to whom they are talking.)

I freely admit that I’m an odd person. Countless times I’ve been told that I think, for lack of a better explanation, weird. But I can’t take all the credit (or blame, depending on how you look at it). Although I might have my own special way of processing the things around me, my gray matter’s genetic makeup is the meld of two of the strangest people I’ve ever known, my parents. I call them the ’Rents.

My mother is five foot nothing, while my dad is over six feet tall. Mom worries, while Dad is so laid back he’s almost horizontal.

Mom’s a retired nurse, and Dad was a drill sergeant in the Army. My mother gave me a clinical reason not to do anything. My father told me how to prepare, in case I didn’t listen to my mother. Case in point:

Mom: Between the hole in the ozone layer, the chemicals our industrial complex is throwing up in the air and your love of Aqua Net, we’re destroying our air quality. You might want to breathe carefully and only when necessary.

Me: You’re kidding, right?

Mom: Sorta. But I wouldn’t take any breaths I didn’t have to.

*

Dad: You know, if you get a runny