Harm OCD: Turning Your Darkness Inside Out

By Paul A. Toth

Having experienced Harm OCD his entire life, the author explains how and why it becomes so unmanageable with examples from his own experience, then provides the tools that will help readers transform Harm OCD into a valuable and life-enhancing asset. His perspective is unique: The thoughts really do have some basis in reality, essentially exaggerating themselves to let the sufferer know that to be human is to be imperfect, an idea entirely alien to those who live with any form of OCD. Harm OCD is almost entirely unknown to the public, as its torments can't be shown on TV like those of a cleanliness compulsion. Yet Harm OCD's fears of harming those we love most make life at least as difficult. And while most suffer Harm OCD in silence, their "horrible" thoughts are quite normal. It's only the persistence of those thoughts that differentiates those who live with Harm OCD from anyone else. This book seeks to give a light switch to Harm OCD sufferers, one they can use to illuminate the darkness and find their way back to their entirely normal and quite possibly enhanced humanity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul A. Toth
• Release date: Aug 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301704767

Paul A. Toth

Paul A. Toth is the author of four novels. Shelf Unbound Magazine selected his latest, Airplane Novel, as the 4th Best Independent Novel of 2011. His first three novels form the freewheeling trilogy of Fizz, Fishnet and Finale. Toth graduated from Gonzaga University with a Master's Degree In Communication & Leadership. He is a media literacy consultant and multimedia producer.

Book preview

Harm OCD

Turning Darkness Inside Out

by Paul A. Toth

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2014 Paul A. Toth

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Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

When we are not sure, we are alive.

~ Graham Greene

About the Author

Paul A. Toth is the author of four novels, including his 9/11-based Airplane Novel, noted by USA Today as the 4th Best Independent Novel of 2011. His latest is Let's Go Shopping, The War Is Over, a collection of his best short stories. His stories and poetry have appeared in The Barcelona Review, Exquisite Corpse, nth position, The Antigonish Review, and many others journals. Visit Toth's official site at PaulAToth.com.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Interview with Dr. Stephen A. Diamond

Is It Really Harm OCD?

Harm OCD: My Inside Story

What Harm OCD Is Telling You

Bearing the Human Burden

The Decision You Must Make

Your Human Capacity for Good

Being Human: The Race You Don't Have to Win

When Harm OCD Comes True

Darkness Is a Journey

Creativity: The Gift of OCD

Beating OCD at Your Own Game

The Medicine Show

Conclusion: Imperfectly Perfect

Endnotes

AN INTRODUCTION TO HARM OCD

Let's begin simply. If you're reading this book, it's likely that you're having recurring episodes of violent obsessions. You may think – even have the impulse but without wanting it or the images – that you want to kill a loved one or anyone – absolutely anyone – you deem innocent. The more innocent the imagined victim, the worse your obsessions. Or you may think you want to kill yourself even though you've no desire to do so. You imagine yourself committing suicide and all the tragedy and misery you'll leave behind. The more you try to rid yourself of these obsessions, the worse they get.

Now come the questions you want answered and I will answer them.

Do I really want to do these things? Am I crazy or evil?

The answer is no. No, you are not crazy and evil.

And here's something else. Everyone, I mean everyone on earth, has had the same thoughts and likely will again.

Your next question may be: Then what's wrong with me?

I cannot diagnose you, but you're almost assuredly experiencing what is called obsessive-compulsive disorder. One subset or form of obsessions involves just what you experience, unwanted and repetitive thoughts of harming oneself or others.

Some call these obsessions Harm OCD. That's simply a shortcut to describe a particular type of obsession that frequently occurs but is often hidden from others, including family, friends and medical professionals. You almost assuredly experience other types of obsessions or compulsive behaviors because only rarely does one form of OCD exist in solitude.

How can I know it's OCD for sure?

Unless you enjoy these obsessions, await their return with impassioned impatience, it's highly unlikely you're experiencing anything more than a greater intensity and frequency of thoughts everyone has now and again.

That said – and this is the purpose of this book – if you truly want to be free of these obsessions, you must work with them, and likely with a therapist. It's my personal