Why Me?

By Marlize Schmidt

When bad things happen you ask yourself 'WHY ME?' How do you cope when bad things happen? Where is God and why does God allow suffering? Bad things can have a huge impact on your life and are usually difficult to cope with. The idea of this book is to give you hope and strength to survive the bad things in life. This book will give you the answers on your questions, how to cope and survive, why we fear bad things, the reasons why bad things happen, why God allow bad things, how to support children, the impact it has on a family, some beliefs, hope and more... (Bad things in life included in this book are: Serious Illness/Disease, Lost of a loved one, Suicide attempts, Disability, Divorce, Crime, Child Abuse, Job Loss, Tragic Disasters and Bad Luck)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marlize Schmidt
• Release date: Mar 6, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301913848

Book preview

WHY ME?

By Marlize Schmidt

Copyright © 2013, Marlize Schmidt

Smashwords License Statement

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

ISBN: 9781301913848

Smashwords Edition

First Edition

***-***

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

INTRODUCTION

W-H-Y

REASONS WHY YOU ASK QUESTIONS

WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN?

DIFFERENT HEALING STAGES

Stages of Acceptance

Stages of Acceptance for Family

Stages of Grief

Stages of Trauma

TRAUMA

Normal Symptoms of Trauma

Tips to Survive Trauma

The Stages of Trauma

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

Symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress

GRIEF

Normal Grief Symptoms

Tips to Survive Grief

The Stages of Grief

WHEN CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED

EXPLAINING SOMETHING BAD TO CHILDREN

CHILDREN AND DEATH

Normal Signs of Grief in Children

When to Worry About a Grieving Child

Supporting a Grieving Child

Things to Avoid

CHILDREN AND CRIME

Helping an Abused Child

Warning Signs of Abuse

Reporting Child Abuse

Reasons Why People Don't Want to Report Child Abuse

BEHAVIOUR TRAITS IN CHILDREN

Behaviour to Worry About

WARNING SIGNS IN TEENS AND ADOLESCENTS

YOUR EMOTIONS

A LOOK AT BAD ENCOUNTERS

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

WHY DO WE FEAR BAD THINGS?

WHERE IS GOD?

VARIOUS RELIGION BELIEVES ON SUFFERING

IS THERE A REASON WHY BAD THINGS HAPPEN?

MOST ASKED QUESTIONS

HOW TO COPE

HOW TO BE THE CAREGIVER / SUPPORTER

Taking Care of an Ill Person

Supporting Someone in Grief

The Stages of Acceptance for Caregiver

Stress Signs of Caregiver

Burnout Signs of Caregiver

THE IMPORTANCE OF A FAMILY

ENDNOTE

MORE BOOKS FROM AUTHOR

***-***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I’m a stay home mother of 3 children. I love the outdoors and being creative. I’m author of a few books about Auditory Processing Disorder, Kidney Failure and more fun books for young and old.

My son was diagnosed with Auditory Processing Disorder when he was 8 years old, the bad news was a shock and I even blamed myself. I’ve learned to accept it over time, although I still wonder from time to time why he has to suffer, he doesn’t deserve this. Another setback was when my husband was diagnosed with kidney failure. The disease had a huge impact on the whole family.

(back to top)

INTRODUCTION

Why a book about Why Me?? I have heard people ask the question why me? a lot, it is a question everyone asks at some stage. I have experienced bad things too in my life and realized that when bad things happen there are always the same stages you have to follow to reach a point of acceptance. I experienced a lot of plain bad luck and also a few really life changing situations. The fact that bad things happen to you or someone very close to you affect everyone around you, family and friends. Even if you are not directly affected your emotions will take a rollercoaster ride when it happens to someone you care about.

I wrote this book as a result of a view setbacks that happened in my life and the question when something bad happens is always why me?. All kinds of questions like what have I done to deserve this?, why is it happening to me?, am I punished? and why is it happening now? pop up in your mind and sometimes you want an answer to make sense of the bad thing. I’m sure we all asked the ‘why me’ question when things didn’t go exactly the way we expected.

Bad things are part of life. You cannot avoid bad things from happening to you or your loved ones. When bad things are threatening our lives or the ones we care about most, we go through emotional stages to accept what has happened.

With this book, I want to help you to understand what happens when bad things happen to us. Bad things can be as serious as death, a life threatening disease, a disability, a tragedy, a serious accident or maybe a job loss or just plain bad luck such as a broken car, broken stove or damage to something precious which can land you into financial distress, etc. Any kind of bad thing that happens to you will cause you to react with shock, stress, denial, anger, depression before you can accept what had happened. Yes believe it or not but even small bad luck that happens from time to time causes you to go through emotional changes to help you accept the situation. The only emotional difference between a serious bad event and a less serious bad thing are the time it takes you to accept it. The reason is that it is easier to accept something small that happens comparing to something serious like a life changing incident.

It is human nature to ask Why Me, because that is one way of coping with a bad situation, as you read this book you will start to understand how it all works.

(back to top)

W-H-Y

Why do we ask WHY? Why do we need answers? The reason is simple:

W = wisdom

H = helps

Y = you

WISDOM is needed to cope with a bad event and wisdom will on the end determine how you are going to deal with the bad situation. The more questions you ask the more you will learn and you will have more WISDOM. The wisdom will help you to cope and understand it better, which in the end will help you to accept the bad situation. The bad thing that happened is unknown to you, therefore you need more knowledge and more wisdom to cope with the bad situation.

Asking why questions will on the end HELP you to make peace within yourself. When something bad happened you need HELP. You need help to understand the bad thing, you need help to cope with your emotions and you need help to deal with all the stress. You could find help by reading about the bad thing you are experiencing to get more knowledge. You could find help by talking to others about your emotions. You could help yourself by asking questions. You could find help by finding ways to lower your stress levels.

When something bad happens to you - YOU need the answers. You are trying to cope with your emotions. Asking ‘why’ questions help YOU to make peace within yourself. Doesn’t matter if people think it is silly or unnecessary to ask all the ‘why’ questions, because you are not asking ‘why’ questions to make them feel better, but to make YOU feel better. Coping with a bad situation is about YOU and how you are going to deal with it and how you are going to make peace with it.

When you ask WHY you are looking for answers and by asking why you could find an answer in your healing process - the answer would be something that would make the most sense for you. Everyone could have a different reason WHY they think it is happening to them. Some may not find the answer but asking WHY keep them looking for something that could satisfy their own believes around ‘Why Me?’

We also ask questions because humans are all curious by nature. It is human nature to ask WHY even though we could not have all the answers or will ever find all the answers, it still plays a very important role in understanding and coping with a bad situation. Asking questions like ‘why?’ could give you a sense of control because you are seeking answers to something you find hard to understand.

When you ask WHY you could start to do more research. By doing research you will eventually have more knowledge about the bad thing that happened. You could follow a support groups or get in contact with others who have similar experiences with the situation you are going through. You could read books to gain more knowledge. If you never ask WHY you will just go with the flow without being curious as to why things happen in life. If you are never asking questions and are not curious you could have difficulty to cope with serious bad experiences.

Don’t worry if you keep asking questions, like ‘why me?’, ‘why is it happening?’, ‘why now?’ or ‘why my child?’ Don’t let other people make you feel bad for having all these why questions, it is all part of a process to accept something bad that happened.

Asking questions are your way to survive in situations which you fear or situations that is unknown to you. People all fear the unknown, thus making serious bad things very fearful. The only way to get through a bad thing is to ask questions, it is part of gaining knowledge and part of accepting the bad thing. It is always easier to accept a bad thing when you understand it better or if you don't fear the situation as much. That is why when less serious bad things happen to you, you undergo the stages of acceptance often unnoticed, because it was not as fearful and something you needed knowledge about.

Asking question and getting more knowledge will help you get through bad things. You can also help yourself getting through a bad thing by taking wise decisions like to give yourself time to work through the healing process.

(back to top)

REASONS WHY YOU ASK QUESTIONS

* You are in shock.

When something bad happens or you get bad news or even when back luck hits you, the first thing that happens in your brain and body is shock. Receiving bad news or when something bad happens it can surely make your heart skip a beat, even if you don’t realize it. Shock could leave you feeling numb or make your heart beat fast. Shock is your body’s way of saying this can’t be happening, it is a shield your body is using from protecting yourself from overwhelming pain. This will make you ask questions like did I hear you correctly? or are you sure? or what? this can’t be, etc.

* You are disbelieving.

This can happen shortly after you encounter the bad situation, bad news or bad luck. Your brain has not yet processed the information. It feels unreal. You could experience the bad thing physically but mentally your body is protecting you from crushing. You still need to make decisions therefore your mind is ‘ignoring’ reality, which leaves you a little confused and also in disbelieve. You could ask questions like was there a mistake? or how could this happened? or is this a bad joke? or they made a mistake, etc.

* You don’t understand.

The bad event doesn’t make sense to you. You don’t understand how it could happen or why it happened. Sometimes it is hard to understand why a healthy person suddenly got cancer or maybe a heart attack. You can’t understand why bad luck is following you. You want a reason why bad things happen, because it is human nature to dislike bad experiences. You could ask questions like why me? or why is this happening or am I punished?, etc.

* You are angry.

You could be angry at yourself, medical research, the police, the doctors, your boss, the world and even God. You have the right to feel angry. Nobody said you have to accept bad things with a smile. Sometimes bad things are just part of life and nobody is to blame. Even when someone is to blame like in a case of negligence or some accidents you have to realize that it's too late to change that even though you are angry. Anger is part of your emotions when bad things happen. Anger is part of the healing process, but the way you deal with your anger is what’s important. It is natural to be angry with everyone around you, it doesn’t mean you have no respect or trust in them. Anger happens because you are feeling uncertain. You could ask questions like why haven’t the doctors/police done more?, my boss doesn’t know what he is doing, the world is an evil place or why did God not stop this from happening?, why did God allow it?, why me?, etc.

* You are not ready to deal with the situation.

You could feel that the bad thing is coming at the worst time ever. You could feel you are not financially stable to deal with it. You could feel that you are not strong enough to deal with it. You could feel that everything happens at once and it is too much to handle at the moment. You could have questions like why is it happening now?, how am I going to survive this?, how will I live with this?, "how can I ever be happy again?, etc.

* You feel you don’t deserve it.

Every person feels they don’t deserve any bad things to happen to them, especially if you are a good person. You could feel that you don't deserve to be ill, because