Billabrook Traps

By Lindsay Laurie

a long and arduous journey seeking riches again results from a little aside by burra's grandson 'stinky,' who provides burra with a wisp of information on the huge benefits on offer from wildlife smuggling and spoken in confidence by a friend who's father is deeply involved. with figures in his head of vast riches from trapping wildlife, burra, along with cliffy, and sons archie and arty take the gamble and join the kangaroo shooter's cult hoping to benefit from trapping endangered wildlife, but on arrival in billabrook discover trapping wildlife is only a part of a large illegal organization involved in many different fields, and they are advised to not venture into areas controlled by their arch rivals, the barramundi fishermen.

burra, cliffy, archie and arty quickly discover that those who employed them are basically only themselves on the bottom rung of a very long ladder and as they meet those higher on the hierarchy scale, the creeks are split up and forced to perform duties for the good of the kangaroo shooters cult, but not necessarily for the good of burra, his boys, and cliffy.

burra’s inability to stay away from members of the opposite sex tend to lead him into temptation, but then the temptation leads him into more precarious situations that push him to the abyss on expeditions that he has been seconded to. cliffy finds a niche working in the clubhouse as a cleaner, and archie along with arty have been placed under the control of an abrupt and impatient german named adolf who is in charge of dispatch.

the creeks final act of employment is to swap a dog that burra had finally tracked down. once the swap has been made, they are free to drive home, but with all the gains made by burra, certain incidents quickly eat into any of these gains he has made after arriving home. funnily, archie, arty and cliffy do quite well out of the billabrook traps.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lindsay Laurie
• Release date: Nov 18, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301943715

Lindsay Laurie

Born in the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne in 1946 and as a child I lived at Deer Park before my family moved to Longwarry in West Gippsland. I have one brother who was born at the Warragul Hospital in 1948. For forty-five years I lived at Longwarry, being educated at the Longwarry State School and the Drouin High School. I left school at sixteen and for thirty years worked in the dairy industry at Longwarry Milk Factory, employed by four company’s working as a butter maker, dryer operator and at times either a cream room or milk room operator. I never moved but the companies did. For four tomato seasons I worked for White Crow as an evaporator operator. Ill health with a muscle wasting disease forced me to retire eventually. My sporting interests have always been Australian Rules football, Cricket and playing Basketball. I played all my football and cricket for Longwarry, but played basketball for a number of clubs. My hobbies over the years have ranged from keeping aviary birds, especially finches, growing native fruit plants as well as attempting to grow everything I could from either seed or cuttings. I am one of the founding members of the modern and very successful Longwarry fishing club that in it’s first three years won a number of state trophies. My preference was river fishing for either blackfish or the Gippsland freshwater crayfish. I have been married twice. My first marriage failed after seven years and from that marriage I have three children, Karen, Janet and Brad. My second marriage with Joy has seen a long and happy period of thirty-two years. We have three children, Teresa, Glenn and Megan, plus nine grand children, and a tenth grand child due. I also keep in constant touch with my brother Ron, who lives in Melbourne. He is a constant source of information toward my writing. From 1993 until 2010 I lived in Irymple Victoria, and today, I am back in my home town Longwarry in Gippsland and because of my disability, I spend most of my time writing about the people in my life, and of course as you will read, fictional people who I do not wish to have in my life through this Creek family. November 1 2012 Lindsay Laurie.

Book preview

WHEN THE CREEKS ARE RUNNING

BILLABROOK TRAPS

Fictional dark humour

by

Lindsay Laurie

This fourth ebook in a series of ‘Creek’ plots is possibly best suited for sexist men who are incapacitated with a broken leg or maybe suffering a kneecapping. On the other hand they might be classed as a recent figure of torture when being forced to read through an indiscretion towards the better half. If there is any possibility that the characters in these plots represent any living character then I sincerely apologize because it is purely coincidental.

******

INTRODUCTION TO THE CREEKS

THE CREEK FAMILY:

Dysfunctional, untrustworthy, lacking morals, and extremely unpredictable is best how to describe the Creek family. The men folk are prone to get themselves caught up in stings, swindles and fraudulent behaviour, and the women folk are prepared to live off the ill-gotten gains…however, lack of thought and preparation tend to dispense them bother on almost every occasion, and the law is always just that one step behind any venture that extends into grey areas.

Perhaps some of us do have neighbours like the Creeks, or we do know a family that resembles the Creeks culture. This family has that wonderful attitude to irritate us all no end with their unreliability, untrustworthiness and undeniable attraction to petty criminal acts. Their unpredictability and selfish acts amongst themselves for their own personal gains destroys any semblance of loyalty that one would expect in a close knit family. No functional family can live like the Creeks…or can they?

SMASHWORDS EDITION

PUBLISHED BY:

Lindsay Laurie on Smashwords

Billabrook Traps

© Lindsay Laurie November 2012

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

******

CHAPTER ONE

A promise of gold at the end of a fauna rainbow…

i

Grandpa, frightened the living daylights out of Burra who bellows out in retaliation, Do yer want a smack in the ear kid?

Stinky scowls and then drops his bottom lip No Grandpa.

Well don’t go frightenin’ the bloody hell out of me like that again, Burra growls. Yer old grandpa could have ended up havin’ a heart attack.

Stinky sobs I’m sorry Grandpa…what are you making?

What am I makin’? Burra muses for a second. It’s a wigwam fer a goose’s bridle.

Stinky steps into the shed What’s that?

Don’t worry about it son Burra chuckles, Now what is it that yer want?

Stinky pauses for a few seconds with his body swaying from side to side above his feet standing rigid on the floor. Can you make me a cage Grandpa?

A cage Burra raises his eyebrows. Yer want yer old grandpa to make yer a cage?

Stinky nods Yes Grandpa.

Okay Stinky Burra leans back against the bench with his arms folded. And what are yer gunna keep in this cage?

Stinky shrugs I dunno yet Grandpa. Maybe a Bird; maybe a Lizard, or maybe a Snake.

A bloody Snake has the hairs on the back of Burra’s neck lift. Now listen here son. I won’t be makin’ any bloody cage fer yer if its gunna have a Snake in it. What if it got out? Think of mum and yer sister and if one of ‘em got bit…or worse still, if the bloody thing bit me!

Stinky coyly grins, I wouldn’t keep a poisonous Snake Grandpa.

How would yer know the bloody difference? Burra warily doubts Stinky.

Stinky sighs, Easy Grandpa. Mr. Ellicott would tell me.

Listen son, the only good snake is a dead bugger, so don’t think…hold on, who in the blue blazes is Mr. Ellicott? Burra scuffs beneath his chin.

Stinky adds He’s Jimmy Ellicott’s dad.

Yer tellin’ me nothin’ Stinky Burra shook his head. So who’s Jimmy Ellicott?

Stinky’s voice lifts Jimmy’s my best friend and his dad keeps lots of Birds and Animals.

What? Like Cats and Dogs, and Budgies? Burra imagines.

Stinky vigorously shakes his head Oh no Grandpa. Mr. Ellicott keeps Birds and Animals that are worth millions of dollars.

Aye Burra’s attention lifts. Has Jimmy’s dad got a zoo or somethin’?

Stinky replies in a whiny tone No Grandpa! He sells ‘em.

To who? Burra asked.

Stinky faces the floor I’m not supposed to say Grandpa.

Yer not supposed to say Burra smiles. So Stinky is Jimmy’s dad a bit like Archie and Arty. Is he gettin’ up to no good?

Stinky shuffles his feet I’m not supposed to say anything Grandpa.

Of course yer not Stinky Burra scuffs his hair. But this is yer old grandpa here, a bloke yer can trust with yer life son. Now, why can’t yer tell yer grandpa what’s goin’ on?

Stinky nervously replies Cause Mr. Ellicott warned me if he finds out I said one word about what I’ve seen he’ll put me in with the Western Taipans.

The what! Burra glares fiercely at Stinky. What in blue blazes is a Western Taipan?

Stinky sighs Just the most deadliest snake in the world…and worth ten thousand dollars each.

Fer one bloody snake! A disbelieving Burra utters. Stinky, what have I told yer before about lyin’ to yer grandpa.

Stinky whimpers But I’m not lying Grandpa.

Who would pay that sort of money fer a Snake? Burra scoffs.

Stinky answers People overseas Grandpa.

Are yer sayin’ this bloke…now hold on a second Stinky Burra adds two and two together. Is this bloke a smuggler?

Stinky looks down at the floor, I’m not allowed to say Grandpa.

Of course yer not Stinky. Let’s go inside and have a drink aye. Burra gently pushes Stinky toward the shed door exit.

Stinky frowns But what about me cage Grandpa?

Don’t worry son. Yer’ll get yer cage all right, and with a bit of luck it will be the biggest and best in the whole world.

Stinky’s eyes widen Even better than Mr. Ellicott’s.

I think so Stinky Burra promises, and then adds under his breath I really do think so.

G’day Dad Julia welcomes Burra into the kitchen, followed by Trixie rushing to Burra’s side and cuddling one leg.

Burra scuffs Trixie’s hair So little girl, yer’ve got rid of all yer nits, have yer?

Yeah Grandpa Trixie’s wide eyes look up. The teacher reckons they’re the biggest nits she’s ever seen.

Burra sighs, That was nice of her.

I think Trixie’s having you on Dad Julia laughs.

Trixie whines, I am not Mum. The teacher said I could probably get a lot of money for them.

Fer Nits! Burra chuckles. I don’t think so love.

Archie interrupts How would you know old man. Are you an expert on animals?

Nits aren’t animal’s yer dill Archie, Burra scoffs. Anyway what would yer know about animals. Stinky would know more than you three air-heads all put together…wouldn’t yer Stinky?

Stinky puffs his chest out Yep.

This is heading somewhere a wary Arty glares at Burra.

Edith puts her head in her hands Don’t even go there Arty.

Go where? Burra’s tone lifts.

Stinky takes a deep breath Grandpa’s building me a cage.

Is he now Julia grins. And what do you intend to keep in this cage?

Stinky adds Snakes.

Hold on a minute Burra’s voice lifts. I never said anythin’ about makin’ yer a cage to put Snakes in. I said the only good snake is a dead Snake…remember Stinky. Well, maybe not a Western Taipan.

Julia lights up a cigarette And don’t think for one minute you’ll be keeping Snakes at our house.

Why not Stinky bellows. They’re worth a lot of money.

Burra clears his throat Now yer talkin’ sense boy, so just button yer lip fer a minute… now boys.

Are you talking to us old man? Arty leans back in his chair.

Burra takes a deep breath Yeah…now do any of yer blokes know um…Stinky…step up to the plate boy.

Yes Grandpa Stinky makes eye contact with Burra.

What is yer mates name again? Burra quizzes.

Stinky grins, Jimmy…you mean Jimmy don’t you?

Um Burra muses. More like Jimmy’s dad.

Stinky’s eyes flare Grandpa, are you talking about Jimmy’s dad Mr. Ellicott?

That’s him Burra throws his head back. Right fellows…have any of you blokes met Mr. Ellicott?

Archie and Arty make eye contact. Scott shrugs Yeah, I’ve heard the name.

Yer have! Burra frowns.

Scotty sighs Yeah.

Well don’t keep it as a bloody secret Scott Burra lifts his voice with an annoyed tone "Who is he?’

Scotty draws in a deep breath Ask Stinky, he knows him better than I do.

Bloody hell Scott Burra growls, I know that, but I’m lookin’ fer an adult opinion. I suppose I should have known better than askin’ yer…yer such a bloody juvenile…and put delinquent on the end of that.

Good one you old fart Scotty scowls.

Burra leans forward and places his nose against Scott’s. Enough of the kiddy crap little boy. Tell me what yer know about this Mr. Ellicott.

Dad Archie intervenes I have heard of a bloke named Ellicott. He’s got a property about five miles out of town.

Burra faces Archie Oh yeah, and what’s he do fer a crust?

Fair go Archie chuckles Like I said, I’ve only heard the name.

Burra grunts, More than likely he’s got a twenty year old daughter.

Archie frowns and seeks Edith’s attention Aren’t you keeping this frustrated old bugger happy Mum?

Don’t bring me into your filthy dialogue Edith places her hands up in a defensive mode. I haven’t a clue about what is going on here.

Burra chuckles Sorry love, I was only baitin’ the randy young bugger. No, this is all about wildlife.

Wildlife! A confused Arty scratches his head.

Julia quickly becomes interested I love wildlife, especially when the grog is flowing and the drugs have taken effect…there’s nothing like it when the music’s loud.

Hey Julia Burra scolds his daughter. Don’t talk like that in front of yer kids! Anyway, that’s not the bloody wildlife I’m talkin’ about.

Julia scowls What other wildlife is there?

Struth Burra throws his hands in the air. Stinky, I think you and I are the only one’s with an environmental brain here.

Stinky laughs, I know Grandpa.

You don’t have to get so haughty-taughty about it old man an indignant Julia mopes. And as for you Stinky, you just remember that I’m your mother…I’m the only one who can teach you what you need to know.

Burra chuckles loudly Bloody hell Julia; give us a break will yer. If young Stinky keeps listenin’ to yer he’ll end up bein’ the village idiot…wildlife me darlin’ daughter in this case is Birds, Animals,Spiders, Snakes and any other bloody creepy thing that moves.

I knew that Julia snarls But I don’t want my boy getting mixed up with nasty creatures that you can’t trust.

Burra mocks, Yer can’t trust! Me beautiful daughter…I would trust any bloody wildlife against most of the deranged drug affected morons that yer have crawlin’ all over yer naked body near every weekend.

And so would I little Trixie agreed.

Julia clasps Trixie’s arm That’s enough of that you little trollop.

Steady! Steady! Steady Julia Burra’s voice firms. Trixie’s only a little girl.

Julia replies Well tell her to act like a little girl and not lie or admonish her mother.

I think we can end this conversation here and now, don’t you all agree Edith intervenes.

Scotty laughs, I dunno. I was just starting to enjoy it.

Yer would yer stirrin’ mongrel Burra glares at Scott.

Anyway old man Archie enters the conversation What’s all the sudden interest in this Ellicott fellow and the environment?

Edith approaches Burra and makes eye contact I have seen you in this position a million times and it all ends up in tears. What hair brained bloody scheme have you got in mind this time?

Edith, Burra places his hands on her shoulders. As true as I’m ridin’ me bike, I have no intentions of gettin’ involved in any hair brain scheme.

Edith sighs, I believe you Burra.

Yer do! A surprised Burra responds.

Edith chuckles and then shakes her head Of course, before lifting her voice I bloody don’t! I know the smell of a Rat Burra.

Well a bloke has to look after his family doesn’t he Burra counteracts. These bloody layabouts only work when they feel like it, and yer such a bloody high maintenance woman who would be out the door in a flash if I never had fistfuls of dollars to hurl at yer.

Edith stares, mouth agape and pondering over Burra’s thoughtless statement. Did I hear you right Burra?

Well Burra clears his throat and then replies in a softer tone I’m sorry darl, I think I um…overstepped the mark a little bit.

Edith chortles, A little bit…would you like me to write up a balance sheet Burra?

No dear a humble Burra sucks in a deep breath, Anyway, let’s get on with the job at hand. Stinky would yer like to go fer a drive with grandpa?

Arty chimes in Now let me guess where you’re going. Would grandpa be taking you to see….

Burra interrupts Shut yer cakehole Arty. Come on Stinky, on yer bike.

Before you go anywhere Burra Edith claps her hands together to gain attention. I have a surprise for you all.

Burra lifts his voice See, I told youse. I’m not handin’ over enough money.

Don’t be bloody stupid Burra Edith whines.

Burra walks from the kitchen Keep yer surprise until I get back then. Come on Stinky, I’m sure Jimmy would love to see yer.

But Burra Edith pleads.

Burra stands in the kitchen doorway When I get back. Anyway, yer know how much I detest surprises.

Mum’s pregnant Scotty interjects.

Burra winks at Edith That’s no bloody wonder with a stud like me in bed with her every night. Come on Stinky.

God Archie’s voice crackles and a bemused group hear the back door close.

ii

Under instructions from Stinky, Burra drives away from home at a leisurely pace, and has the honour of performing one act that he could never recall doing in his lifetime. Burra drove past the pub without stopping. To perform this action, Burra feels warmth within himself, knowing that by his action, no one in or out of the family can call him an alcoholic with any conviction. Leaving the confines of the urban area, and being instructed to turn onto an unsealed road, concerns Burra over the distance from home, and Stinky walking on his own. ‘Yer never know who’s about these days,’ crosses Burra’s mind.

How much further Stinky? Burra dodges a pothole.

Stinky points, Just a bit further down the road…see that bush Grandpa. Just on the other side of that…I think.

Yer think! It’s a bloody long walk fer a little bloke like you Stinky Burra remonstrates.

Stinky debates Not really Grandpa…I walk across the paddocks.

But it’s still a good five miles from home Burra argues back.

Stinky indicates Hey turn down there Grandpa.

Burra slams his foot down hard on the brake pedal causing a cloud of dust to rise around the Kingswood. Bloody hell Stinky. Yer’ve got to give me a bit more warnin’ than that. I could have ended up against a bloody tree.

I told you back before the bush where to turn Grandpa, Stinky stands on his dig.

Burra places the Kingswood in reverse So yer did son…hang on, this is Dudley Treason’s farm…we used to come out shootin’ rabbits here.

No Stinky disagrees. This is Jimmy’s dads’ place.

Burra stops at the farm entrance. Do they milk Cows as well?

Of course not Stinky laughs Mr. Ellicott said that there’s no way he’s getting up at four o’clock every morning to milk Cows. Gee Grandpa, you wouldn’t even do that.

Burra takes a deep breath Don’t yer worry about that son. In me younger days I’ve handled some Cows at four o’clock in the mornin’.

Did you milk Cows Grandpa? Stinky asks with surprise.

Burra muses for a short while More to the point Stinky, I milked farmers.

There’s Jimmy Stinky points toward a swing set with a young boy sitting on the seat.

Burra pulls up and Stinky is off like a shot. Jimmy leaps from the swing seat and quickly joins Stinky. Burra steps out of the Kingswood and leans against the front mudguard with his arms folded.

Hey Stinky Burra shouts. Haven’t yer fergotten somethin’?

Stinky replies, No…come on Jimmy, let’s go and feed the Snakes.

Stinky! Burra’s voice responds harshly. You get that skinny bum of yours back here.

Stinky whines, Why Grandpa, you can wait there for me. I’ll only be an hour.

Be buggered yer will yer little twerp an irritated Burra growls. Now yer’ve got two choices. Yer either introduce me to yer friends or its back in the car and off home.

Despondently Stinky trudges back to the Kingswood with Jimmy by his side. Burra places his hands on his hips and glares down at the two boys. Right Stinky, now who am I about to meet.

Stinky and Jimmy make eye contact and then Stinky looks up Grandpa, this is my friend Jimmy.

Burra winks It’s nice to meet yer son.

You too Jimmy screws his nose up But you’re a grumpy bugger.

Burra laughs No, not really. Sometimes I just have to pull Stinky into line…don’t I Stinky?

Yeah…can we go now? Stinky passes off Burra’s quip.

Burra vigorously shakes his head No! No! No Stinky. I’m not gunna be left here like a shag on a rock waitin’ fer yer. I think we might…

Hello there a female voice interrupts Burra.

Burra’s attention is directed to an attractive auburn haired woman in her mid thirties stepping from the veranda. Although dressed in a pair of blue overalls, her sexuality appeals to Burra as she quickly strides across the lawn with a model like sway of her buttocks.

Burra licks his lips and bows slightly Um…young Stinky here um…asked me if I wouldn’t mind drivin’ him out to catch up with young Jimmy here.

No I didn’t Grandpa! Stinky’s voice lifts. You wanted to see the wildlife… remember.

Burra winces Oh that’s right…no wait a minute. I was just askin’…oh it doesn’t matter… and um…are you Jimmy’s sister?

The young woman coyly giggles Of course not.

She’s me mum Jimmy chuckles.

Burra’s eyebrows lift Yer mum! No, yer look way too young to be Jimmy’s mum.

Thank you the young lady twitters nervously and holds her small silky skinned hand out My name is Sabina…Sabina Ellicott…Jimmy’s mum too I might add.

Burra shakes Sabina’s hand Sabina…that’s such a lovely name to match yer looks.

Oh cut it out Sabina’s face begins to blush.

Burra winks, No pretty lady, I cannot tell yer a lie. I am bein’ totally honest.

And who is being totally honest? Sabina pouts.

Burra points to his chest Me.

And who are you? Sabina asks.

Burra remains silent for a short moment Oh how silly of me, I got carried away by yer gorgeous looks. Me name is Burra Creek, Stinky’s grandfather.

Oh Mr. Creek Sabina throws her head back slightly. My husband Kurt and I have wanted to meet up with you for some time.

Burra is taken aback Youse have!

Yes Sabina giggles, and then becomes straight faced I think um…we all tramp around within the same circle.

Burra is slightly confused, although his eyes are beginning to focus on Stinky And what circle would that be Sabina?

Would you like to come in for a cup of tea? Sabina changes the subject.

Burra cannot gain Stinky’s attention to make eye contact Yeah a cup of tea would be nice while listenin’ to a few home truths about meself.

Sabina places her arm around Burra’s waist and urges him toward the house Don’t worry Mr. Creek, you’re amongst friends here.

Am I? Burra chuckles.

Sabina kisses Burra lightly on the cheek Put it this way, there’ll be no discussion on how much tax either of us pay.

If that subject does come up in conversation it won’t get off the ground Burra laughs.

Sabina releases her hold on Burra and leads him inside the house. I’ll just give…no I won’t. Jimmy, you and Stinky go and tell your father there’s someone here I’m sure he’d like to meet.

Burra, sitting at the kitchen table, turns his head to face the backdoor when he hears it shut. Kurt saunters into the kitchen and gives Burra a nod and a wink. Burra smiles and then stands up. The two men shake hands.

This is the infamous Mr. Creek, Kurt, Sabina pours hot water into a teapot.

Burra clears his throat I don’t know about this infamous business.

Kurt chuckles Well we’ve heard different Mr. Creek.

Burra…Burra’s the name.

Kurt lifts his eyebrows Burra! That’s an unusual name. Did you get that moniker when you were in gaol?

What! Burra’s face reddens. That bloody Stinky’s been tellin’ tales out of school by the sound of it.

Kurt’s attitude changes He better not be.

Sabina places cups of tea in front of Burra and Kurt, before retrieving her own. He’s just a little boy. He wants everyone to be proud of his grandfather.

I’m not talking about his grandfather Kurt stirs a spoonful of sugar into his tea. I’m talking about our interests love.

Burra butts in Yeah well, the little bugger wouldn’t open his gob when I tried to find out what you lot are up to.

Wouldn’t he Kurt lifts his cup to his mouth.

Burra sighs No, he was too worried about spendin’ his last hour or so in a cage full of… a cage full of um…

Western Taipans Kurt laughs.

Burra snaps his fingers That’s them, and then spends a few silent moments. Are they really worth what Stinky says they are?

Western Taipans? Kurt leans back on his chair. What price did Stinky mention?

Burra chuckles Ten thousand dollars each.

That’s about um… Kurt ponders for a few seconds. But we can do a deal.

Burra’s brow furrows A deal! What sort of a deal.

If you take two of these beaut creatures, you can have them for eighteen grand Kurt offers.

A look of horror appears on Burra’s face Do yer think I’m interested in buyin’ bloody Snakes. Hells bells mate! Gawd, I think I’m about to have a heart attack.

Uh-oh Kurt makes eye contact with Sabina. I think we better change the subject aye.

Burra takes a deep breath No, it’s all right. It’s just that Snakes and I have a distance problem.

A what? A confused Sabina asks.

Burra closes his eyes and tilts his head back A distance problem…there can never be enough distance between me and a snake.

Oh Sabina laughs.

Burra adds, I’m sorry, but Snakes, Spiders and all those other bloody creepy crawly Bugs send shivers up me spine.

What a bloody pity a despondent Kurt lowers his voice.

Burra warily asks, Why is that?

Well, it’s like this Burra Kurt continues. If only half of what Stinky has told us about you is true, then you are the right man for our little organized business, but unfortunately if you’re a little timid amongst our Animal friends then um…

Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute Burra interjects Look…I know it’s a shame, but I can’t help the way I am.

Kurt grins, Of course not Burra, but it’s a lot of money you’re handballing across to someone else.

What are yer talkin’ about? A confused Burra queries.

Kurt puffs his cheeks out You’re fair-dinkum aren’t you. Young Stinky hasn’t told you a bloody thing has he?

Obviously not Burra acknowledges.

Kurt holds his cup up Um…Sabby, what about another cuppa. What about you…

Dad! Dad! Interrupts the discussion in the kitchen when Jimmy and Stinky fling open the back door and burst into the kitchen. An exited Jimmy’s high-pitched voice drowns out the conversation. Dad, the Dactylopsila trivirgata has got two babies in its pouch.

Kurt quickly stands up They’ve what? Are you sure Jimmy?

Yeah, Stinky and me seen ‘em, didn’t we Stinky? Jimmy’s chest expands.

Kurt gives Jimmy a pat on the head We better go and have a look aye son.

Hold on fer one second Burra’s eyes narrow. What in the blue blazes are we talkin’ about here?

Jimmy answers A Striped Possum…rare as hen’s teeth and worth fifteen grand on the European market. Isn’t that right Dad?

Crikey! Burra sucks in air. A Striped Possum.

Kurt chuckles Hold your horses young Jimmy. You’re letting the Cat out of the bag a bit early I think

It’s all right Burra apologises. It’s my fault I’m sorry. I got carried away when I heard fifteen grand mentioned.

Kurt grins, Ah, do I detect a hint of renewed interest Burra?

Well Burra licks his lips A Possum is not exactly a Snake is it.

Kurt replies No Burra…you’re dead right…but a dollar is a dollar.

True Burra nods. "That is true Kurt, so now the Cats head is stickin’ out of the bag, is there any chance that I might get to see the tip of the iceberg?’

Kurt takes a deep sigh Have you ever had your lips sealed with superglue Burra?

Superglue! Burra suspiciously asks.

Kurt adds From all accounts you can be trusted Burra…that again comes down to half of what young Stinky has been telling us…so, what I’m saying is, if I allow you inside the boundary fence of this organization and show you the tip of the iceberg then it better not go any further.

I think yer message is loud and clear, Burra gathers. Kurt, yer have me full conviction. Me lips are sealed.

Kurt taps Burra on the arm. That’s good Burra…real good. I’d hate you to be found with super glued lips and a body full of Western Taipan venom in the outback somewhere. We dump the enemy in some God forsaken lonely places you know.

Yer do Burra’s voice trembles slightly.

Kurt winks Yes, we do.

Um Kurt Burra adds Just as a matter of interest. How many of these enemies have yer dumped in those lonely places?

Kurt shrugs About eight I suppose…it’s all done by contract…and contractors are business folk, so they’re always ringing up looking for a ninth. Unfortunately we’ve lost a couple as well.

Well it was nice to meet you couple Burra’s Adams apple bounces in his throat. Come on Stinky, I better get yer home.

Kurt’s voice lifts Hey! Steady up Burra. Don’t you want to come and have a look at the product we have for sale?

I don’t think I’d measure up in the livestock market Burra refuses the offer.

Stinky intervenes Come on Grandpa…at least come and have a look.

You should take heed of your grandson, Sabina chortles and her smile break’s Burra’s resistance.

Burra shakes his head I suppose a look wouldn’t hurt.

Burra cautiously eyes the large longhaired German Shepherd cross lingering beside him. Burra is sure he can hear a low menacing growl emitting from the beast. Kurt notices Burra’s concern, so in a strong assertive voice shouts King…get to buggery will you.

Thanks Burra nervously utters.

Kurt sniffs It’s all right Burra. He can smell a thief a mile away.

Can he now Burra replies.

Kurt takes a short breath Not that I’m saying that you’re a thief Burra, but it’s hard to fool a well trained Dog, and then Kurt opens the door. Come on, let Jimmy and I take you on a guided tour.

No problems Kurt Burra eyes the Dog. "Yer not takin’ that Dog in with us are yer?’

Jimmy butts in Are you serious Mr. Creek. We’ve got over two million dollars worth of Animals and Birds in there.

That’s right Burra Kurt agrees Imagine what a Dog that can crush a blokes leg in its jaws would do to the wildlife in there, and besides, just the sight of King would more than likely scare half of them to death.

Burra mumbles, Just like the mongrel did to me.

Good one Burra Kurt laughs Young Stinky here certainly gave us a different perspective of you than that.

Burra is too stunned to answer once he passes through the door. Ahead of him is a multitude of cages designed in different shapes and sizes. The chatter and noises echo off the walls and ceiling into a number of choruses, which blend to an off pitch communal choir.

Jimmy tugs on Burra’s sleeve Hey Mr. Creek have a look at this, these are Leporillus conditors. They’re worth two thousand dollars a pair in Holland.

They just look like Rats to me, Burra frowns.

Kurt taps the cage wire causing the mammals to scurry They are Burra. Greater Stick Nest Rats to be precise. Very rare in the wild.

Mr. Creek! Mr. Creek Jimmy diverts Burra’s attention Look at these Sminthopsis longicaudata’s. Aren’t they beauties?

Burra sighs And how much are they worth Jimmy?

Um Jimmy ponders, tapping his chin with a finger. Um, in Germany they paid um…

Burra grins, Come on Jimmy.

Four thousand for one male and two females. That’s right isn’t it Dad? Jimmy asks for reassurance.

Kurt winks That’s right son. Do you know what they are Burra?

Well Burra takes a deep breath Jimmy’s description sounds like they’re named after the Polish migrant that lived near us when I was a kid.

Kurt laughs Long Tailed Dunnarts Burra. Apparently they took some finding, so the blokes in the field said.

It sounds like a pretty lucrative business this smugglin’ caper, Burra bites his bottom lip.

Kurt winces Don’t use that word Burra. Cripes you’ll end up getting garrotted.

What word? Burra suspiciously asks.

Kurt replies Smuggling. We don’t class ourselves as associates of that lower class riff raff. We like to think we’re a little bit above what those heartless buggers get up to.

But yer smugglin’…I mean despatchin’ native wildlife overseas Burra argues. And that sounds like smugglin’ to me.

Kurt heaves a deep sigh Wrong Burra…just like any other money making industry in life, there are good guys and bad guys. You take that Yellow-footed Rock Wallaby over there. You can bet your bottom dollar, whoever buys it will get that in pristine condition.

How much do you think a Petrogale xanthopus is worth Mr. Creek? Jimmy butts in.

Burra purses his lips Yer talkin’ about that Wallaby aren’t yer Jimmy?

Yep Jimmy nods In France, the Petrogale xanthopus is worth fourteen thousand two hundred and eighteen dollars and fifty-nine cents.

Burra grins How do yer work that out Jimmy?

He’s been on the Internet and worked out the exchange rate in Francs Kurt states.

Jimmy whines No Dad…in Euros.

Back to what I was saying Burra about some of them dodgy smugglers Kurt speaks with contempt. They are the scum of the earth. Three quarters of what leaves Australia ends up dying.

Burra frowns Yer jokin’.

No, they’re cruel bastards Kurt slowly shakes his head. If we catch any of the mongrels out in the field, well it’s ‘goodnight nurse.

Burra stumbles over his words Yer kill ‘em?

Not directly Kurt assures Burra You’ve already heard about the Western Taipan.

Burra shudders Yes I have…well, I’m really impressed Kurt, and I mean really impressed, but…

What do you mean but…Burra? Kurt interrupts.

Burra sniffs I don’t think this is fer me. All this fur and feathers… Burra sneezes…Is givin’ me some sort of an allergy. That’s it, I’m allergic to fur and feathers.

Fair enough Burra Kurt’s eyes twinkle. We’ll put you with the scaly blighters.

Burra laughs Funny bugger.

All right Burra Kurt becomes resigned. But you’re probably doing yourself out of say…twenty grand for just one trip.

Burra whistles Twenty grand. Gee yer make it hard. How long is one trip?

Only a month give or take a few days Kurt brushes aside time.

Burra muses with a low moan I’ll think about it.

Hey Mr. Creek Jimmy slaps Burra’s leg. Do you want to come and have a look at the Snakes and the Lizards or the Birds?

Burra scowls Yer can stick the bloody Snake’s son.

What about the Spiders and the Scorpions? Jimmy continues.

Burra shakes his head This is gettin’ more and more nonsensical mate…no I don’t want to see the bloody Spiders and Scorpions.

Atrax robustus are going for only three hundred dollars each in Japan, but if we send five together we get five hundred dollars each Jimmy proudly states.

Kurt adds, They’re the Sydney Funnel-web Spider Burra.

I don’t particularly care what sort of Spider they are, Burra shivers. I’m not interested in ‘em.

Kurt shrugs You should at least go with the boys and see what these money spinners look like. I mean, it wouldn’t go down too well if we got boxes filled with fauna that are not worth two bob would it.

Come on Stinky, let’s go Burra beckons.

Stinky shouts, No Grandpa, you go. I’ll walk home. I’m gunna help Jimmy feed the Broad-Headed Snakes.

Do you know how much a Hoplocephalus bungaroides is worth? Jimmy mentions to Burra. It’s worth seven thousand five hundred in American dollars.

Burra grimaces Whatever Jimmy, and then in a low tone, Burra asks Kurt Tell me mate, is that boy of yours autistic or just a plain bloody know all?

iii

On the five-mile journey driving alone back home, Burra’s mind is in conflict. On one side of his confused brain, all he can see are the intertwined bodies of striking Snakes; Spiders and Scorpions…similar to a nightmare except he is wide awake but sweating all the same. To balance the scales, from the opposite side of his brain are one hundred, fifty, twenty and ten dollar notes fluttering from the sky directly into his hands. A weak smile appears on Burra’s face, and so it is amongst this confusion that Burra has to make one of the most difficult decisions in his life. Will he forego a small fortune or will he go against his better judgement… of course Burra goes against his better judgement. Twenty thousand dollars is twenty thousand dollars.

But this decision of Burra’s needs clarification, and what better place to clarify any decision he makes as to what is right or wrong is with the barman in the local pub, Willy Mott, and along with his drinking partner Cliffy Hill, although in the past any decision Cliffy passes on is tempered by the fear of his ‘Burra detesting wife’ Mavis, who presides over Cliffy with an iron fist. In Burra’s mind, Cliffy is a sad subject who is downtrodden by petticoat government. In the past it has taken all of Burra’s cunning guile to cut Cliffy from Mavis’ apron strings, leaving him to suffer the consequences alone on return from every money making adventure taken.

Willy Mott on the other hand doesn’t beat about the bush. He tells Burra how it is, and on many occasions has given Burra sound advice to avoid severe consequences. It’s just a pity Burra didn’t take Willy’s advice.

After opening the public bar door, Burra spots Cliffy sitting as a lone figure at the bar caressing a glass of beer. Burra ignores the rest of the clientele and quickly breasts the bar beside Cliffy.

Burra Cliffy grins. Your shout.

Burra grunts, So what else is knew.

Whoa Cliffy chuckles Have you got woman problems?

Burra frowns, What sort of woman problems?

That time of the month Willy Mott pours a beer.

Burra tuts Bloody comedians aren’t youse…no, I’ve got a heap on me mind.

What in the bloody hell is going on now? A wary Cliffy looks away.

Burra sips his beer Yer a bloody cynic aren’t yer Cliffy…I’ve got to make a decision on whether to pick up an easy twenty grand or just let it slip away.

Twenty grand! Willy utters. The only way you’ve ever picked up an easy twenty grand is when your young bloke robbed that bank and put the money on your table.

Burra broods Yeah well I didn’t hold it fer long did I…mongrel coppers.

So come on Burra Cliffy mutters. Give us the good oil.

Burra sniffs I’m not allowed to tell yer.

What! Cliffy sits up straight. Your best mate and you’re gunna keep a secret. Here, you better have this beer back.

Burra whines, Settle down yer silly old bugger Cliffy. I wouldn’t hold back if it wasn’t a matter of life and death.

Life and death! Willy butts in. What in the hell have you got yourself into now?

Burra lifts his eyebrows Nothin’…yet. That’s why I’m here. To get some advice off you blokes.

There’s no worries about giving you advice Burra Willy agrees. However, we can’t give you any advice if we don’t know what you want advice about…now can we.

Burra sheepishly looks down at the floor Yeah yer right Willy…but I don’t want to be thrown into a cage full of Western Taipans.

Western Taipans! Willy near chokes, They’re as scarce as hen’s teeth. Who would have a cage full of Western Taipans?

Cliffy coughs and clears his throat to gain attention. Hold your horses for a second will youse… what is a Western Taipan?

Willy is about to answer, but is interrupted by a raspy voice further along the bar. Hey, what about having a mother’s club meeting smoko you girls. We’re dying to get rid of some of this moolah!

Yer a bit of a cheeky bastard aren’t yer! Burra flares up. Yer walk into a pub and think yer own it.

The raspy voiced bloke stares Burra down I’m in this pub because I want to drink beer, not gas bag and hold up the most important bloke in a pub.

Whoa, stop it Willy interrupts. I’m sorry mate, I apologize…it’s my fault, I should have been on the ball.

The raspy voiced bloke pushes aside his dispute She’s right mate…it’s not worth shooting a bloke over, is it.

Shootin’ a bloke Burra scoffs. What are yer talkin’ about…can’t a couple of blokes have a fist fight these days.

The raspy voiced bloke saunters along the bar It’s interesting what you’re saying mate. It does seem these days a dispute can’t be settled like men any more. There’s got to be guns, knives and in some bloody cases bombs going off to prove a point, and who wins there aye?

That’s right Burra agrees.

The raspy voiced bloke rolls one shirtsleeve up So do you want to step outside and settle this like a man.

Would I be able to settle this? Willy offers.

The raspy voiced bloke, who is now backed up by a young fellow in his early twenties, unshaven and holding a billiard cue, says, Do you want to take that clowns place do you?

No Willy speaks assertively. But what I want to do is make you an offer.

The raspy voiced bloke warily asks What sort of an offer?

A beer on the house for the four of youse if you put your boxing gloves away Willy proposes. I don’t serve fighting beer in here.

The raspy voiced bloke and his sidekick eyeball each other. The sidekick gives an ever so slight nod. The raspy voiced bloke clears his throat All right, we’ll be in that.

Good Willy grins. Now introduce yourselves to each other and maybe when your sessions over, you all might be a bit wiser from the occasion…I’ll dive in first…Willy Motts’ my name.

The young fellow holding the billiard cue follows Potshot…Potshot Gunn is me name.

Potshot! Burra echoes, That’s yer nick-name is it?

Potshot grins Yep, I can shoot the eye out of a needle at a hundred yards. Isn’t that right Bruiser?

So you’re Bruiser Burra faces the raspy voiced bloke.

Bruiser winks Spot on fella…do youse want another beer. Course you do, you wouldn’t be here otherwise would you, and then tosses a one hundred dollar note on to the bar.

Too bloody right we’ll have a beer with you Cliffy licks his top lip. By the way, my names Cliffy, and the antagonist is Burra.

Burra’s eyes widen Hey enough of that language Cliffy…pleased to meet you fellows.

Likewise Bruiser replies in a croaky voice before clearing his throat.

As Willy pours a beer he asks And what are you two fellows doing around here?

Had to bring some stuff down for a bloke, Bruiser mentions. We decided to stop a couple of days and enjoy the local hospitality seeing we got a bit of a windfall.

Burra chuckles Did yer win tattslotto?

Close to it pal Bruiser nods.

Potshot butts in Yeah, and only because of me good eyesight, otherwise we’d be back home checking out the spotlights.

Spotlights! Willy repeats warily You’re not kangaroo shooters are you?

Bruiser confesses Spot on…you’re not barramundi fishermen are you?

Barramundi fishermen! Burra laughs. Not bloody likely…hold on one minute, Burra’s brow furrows, Youse wouldn’t know a fellow by the name of Kurt would yer?

Bruiser straightens up and makes eye contact with Potshot. Listen mate, what about if we find ourselves a nice little quiet corner and um…continue our chat.

What’s going on here? Cliffy’s eyes bounce from Burra to Bruiser. Oh no Burra… what have you got in the pipeline?

Burra’s voice lifts Nothin’!

Can you bring a couple of jugs across to us Bruiser displays a fifty-dollar note to Willy. You better make it four jugs and you can keep the change.

Willy laughs Nice try Bruiser. Four jugs are sixty bucks.

Fair-dinkum! Bruiser bursts out laughing. Here’s another twenty then…and this time you can keep the change.

One by one, Bruiser fills the glasses in silence. Lifting his glass, Bruiser proclaims, Here’s to good health and prosperity.

Yer speaking in riddles Bruiser Burra asserts.

Bruiser shakes his head No I’m not Burra mate. What I’m saying is, there’s no better job than being out in the wide open spaces and while there, making a nice little fortune.

Kangaroo shootin’…no Burra refuses to believe Bruiser.

Bruiser lifts his brow You asked me before if I knew a bloke named Kurt, is that right?

Yeah Burra nods That’s right.

Bruiser looks around before whispering, We’re talking about Kurt Ellicott aren’t we?

That’s him, Burra agrees.

Cliffy chimes in Who are you talking about?

Cliffy, remember Dudley Treason? Burra mumbles.

Cliffy smirks Dudley, you’d know him better than me Burra.

Burra stares at Cliffy in silence.

Remember…you had an ear out for him when you used to visit his wife Cliffy adds.

Burra winces That’s not what I meant Cliffy. I mean, yer know where he used to live.

Until you split Dudley and his missus up you mean Cliffy chuckles.

Burra faces Bruiser Don’t fill his bloody glass up, Cliffy’s gone troppo.

All right Cliffy admits, I’m only having a bit of fun.

Burra growls Yeah, at my bloody expense.

Okay! Okay you pair of jokers Bruiser concludes the debate. I want to see if our knowledge of Kurt Ellicott knits together in a loose fashion.

Burra takes a deep breath I know bugger all about Kurt really.

And I know less Cliffy follows. In fact I’ve never heard the name.

Bruiser stares at Cliffy Well you better just sit there, enjoy your beer and listen Cliffy.

Will do Cliffy replies with satisfaction.

Now Burra Bruiser earnestly makes eye contact. The facts mate.

Burra’s response is instant There are no facts Bruiser. All I have done is taken me grandson out to the Ellicott’s place so he could play with their son Jimmy. I got yakkin’ to Kurt and his wife, um…

Sabina Bruiser helps.

Burra nods Yeah that’s right Sabina, and then one thing led to another. Before long I’m lookin’ over a menagerie of Birds, Animals and bloody Snakes.

Did Kurt offer you a job? Bruiser asks.

Burra shrugs Not in the true sense of the word job, but he did mention a tidy sum fer a months… um, how do I put it, gatherin’ of the species.

Potshot laughs A nice way of putting it…yeah, we’re in clover at the moment.

Shut up! Bruiser glares at Potshot. We could be pouring out our hearts to a couple of coppers here.

Coppers! Burra lets out a raucous laugh. Yer think we’re coppers…did yer hear that Cliffy.

Bruiser puts a lid on Burra Hey, lower the volume will you. Jesus, you don’t know whose in the bar here.

Yeah well we know there’s a bloody comedian Burra’s laugh tapers off.

Bruiser winces All right, I get the message…now…I’ll let you in on a little secret. Potshot and I have just picked up eleven grand off Kurt for a delivery.

Eleven grand Burra whistles. What did yer come across?

Potshot interjects If it hadn’t been for me we wouldn’t have got anywhere near eleven grand.

No we wouldn’t have, would we Potshot Bruiser admits.

Burra chuckles I couldn’t see yer leadin’ the way Potshot.

See is the operative word in this case Burra, Potshot proclaims.

Burra lifts his eyebrows See.

Yeah Bruiser puts one arm around Potshot’s shoulders. We’d been having a light night with the ‘Roos and so we pulled up for a beer. Casually waving the light around I got a couple of eyes and was about to drop the bugger when Potshot here pulled me into gear, and thank Christ he did.

Burra quizzes So it wasn’t a Kangaroo then?

No Potshot’s voice lifts. It was a Northern Hairy Nosed Wombat.

Burra and Cliffy make eye contact A what?

A Northern Hairy Nosed Wombat Potshot repeats. One of the rarest mammals in Australia.

Cliffy sighs I suppose it was better that you grabbed it before they’re extinct by the sound of it.

For our pockets it is Bruiser chortles. We picked up seven grand for that Wombat, and I believe that Kurt will get…maybe if he’s lucky…about thirty grand for it on the American market.

Cliffy coughs Thirty bloody grand for a Wombat. But what’s the good of only one?

Don’t worry about that mate, those Yanks are no fools Bruiser clears his throat again. When it dies they’ll stuff it, and its price will drop to ten grand, but here’s the good news. Once the Hairy Nosed Wombat is no more, the price could rocket to a half a million.

Yer kiddin’ Burra takes a deep breath.

Bruiser slowly shakes his head No Burra, I am not kidding…its good for us too. We just have to wait until it carks it, then the offers should start coming for us kangaroo shooters to wipe the buggers out. Knocking the Hairy Nosed Wombat off will be more lucrative than shooting Kangaroos night after night believe me.

I can’t believe what I’m bloody hearin’ a shocked Burra gazes glassy eyed at Cliffy. What do yer make of it all Cliffy?

Cliffy takes a deep breath Well Burra, if you get involved in this caper, I can see no taxes, three meals a day, plenty of sex and being close to Wild Animals for the rest of your life… unfortunately the Wild Animals will be the human kind.

Get out of here Cliffy Burra bellyaches. If I get involved in this to make a few extra bucks, then it won’t be fer the reason of gettin’ lumbered by coppers…fair go Cliffy.

Bruiser adds, We’re always looking for recruits, especially dedicated blokes like you two obviously are.

Now hang on one minute Cliffy slams on the brakes What makes you think that…

Bruiser’s voice overrides Cliffy. It’s all right. There’s one thing in life I enjoy more than anything else, and that’s a bloke who questions everything, not like you Burra. All you see is dollar signs.

Thanks Bruiser Cliffy acknowledges.

Burra takes a brooding stance Listen here Bruiser; I can see the wood fer the trees yer know. I reckon I’d be a better candidate than Cliffy ever could be huntin’ down rare wildlife. I mean, I can tell the difference between a Horse and a Cow yer know. I don’t think Cliffy could do that.

But Bruiser adds, Can you tell the difference between a thoroughbred and a hack?

A startled Burra stumbles Well…yeah. Any fool could. Thoroughbreds are found at race courses.

Correct Bruiser admits. But where are they found when they’re not at race courses?

Cliffy cackles, I’ll answer that one for you Burra. In the stables where there’s paddocks closed in with rail fences painted white.

And you didn’t know that did you Burra? Bruiser deals a low blow.

Burra stammers, Well err…anyway what’s bloody Horses got to do with the price of Fish in China. I thought we were gettin’ around to yakkin’ about Kurt smugglin’ wildlife out of the country.

What! Cliffy chokes on his beer. Smuggling…oh Burra.

Bruiser consoles Cliffy It’s all right old fellow. We’re the bottom link in the chain. We’re the bronzed Aussies doing the field work.

It sounds a little bit suss to me Cliffy hyperventilates. You read about the buggers losing their boats and fishing gear after being caught netting let alone being caught with Peregrine Falcons for some Baron in Romania. The authorities would rip out your family jewels if you got caught with a Falcon.

Burra taps Cliffy’s arm What’s a Peregrine Falcon…is it some sort of Bear?

No…no…no Burra, Bruiser chuckles. God Burra, you really are still in the bubs when it comes to recognizing a fortune aren’t you?

Burra mumbles, I’m a quick learner mate.

That’s good to hear Bruiser slaps Burra on the arm. And do you know what, I can believe that Burra. You take Potshot here. When I took him on as my assistant, he couldn’t hit the side of a house with a double-barreled shotgun…but now.

That’s right Potshot concedes. A bit of patience and a good teacher has me up there with the best of ‘em now firing a dart. The rest of the gang back at Billabrook really respects me now.

Burra scratches behind his ear Dart! Gang!

Yeah, firing darts takes a lot more skill than a bullet Potshot proudly states.

Burra adds, I suppose it does…but what’s this Billabrook?

That’s um…our base Burra Bruiser admits.

Burra nods I realize that, but what is it, a farm, a district or a town?

Billabrook is a town with two pubs and there’s one hundred and thirty kangaroo shooters in our gang Bruiser describes the place.

Cliffy’s voice lifts What! One hundred and thirty blokes keep two pubs in business… get out of here.

No way Cliffy Bruiser shakes his head and chuckles. There’s heaps of other people there, and besides us kangaroo shooters only frequent the Duckwing Hotel.

Cliffy sighs Like who are these heaps of people for instance?

I love a bloke who questions everything, Bruiser places one hand on Potshot’s shoulder. There’s wives and kids for starters.

Cliffy butts in Yeah but I see a problem here; they’re probably all non drinkers.

Settle down Cliffy Bruiser reprimands, We’ve got ringers off the stations, a half a dozen shopkeepers, um…what else have we got there Potshot?

Potshot replies immediately Nearly all of Australia’s most wanted.

Potshot! That’s enough of that Bruiser castigates his right hand man, and then broods. We’ve certainly got Australia’s most not wanted.

Aye? Burra warily responds.

Bruiser’s voice deepens One bloody copper. He’s the biggest mongrel you’ve ever come across. Do you know what the bastard did? He booked his own grandmother for having bald tyres on her wheelchair.

The low bastard Burra can’t believe what he just heard. It’s a pity yer bulldustin’ Bruiser, although it does come up as a good story.

Bruiser indicates to Potshot Tell ‘em…go on tell ‘em.

It’s bloody true you know Potshot wrinkles his brow.

Burra scoffs You blokes are havin’ us on. On one hand yer sayin’ yer’ve got Australia’s most wanted there, and on the other hand yer sayin’ he’s bookin’ his own grandmother. I think there’s a Maggot in the pie here.

So you haven’t worked this copper out yet you blokes, Bruiser addresses. Logic would tell a bloke of your standing Burra that coppers must have a monthly target of bookings.

Potshot chimes in And this rotten mongrel, Senior Constable Roots is always on the prowl for a soft target.

You see Rootsy is a little bit timid when it comes to real criminals. He’s no bloody bounty hunter that’s for sure. Bruiser grins.

Potshot explains Put it this way, he did make an arrest as soon as he got there on a hard target, and that very night all the lights went out. SC Roots was on sick leave for the next month. He decided in his wisdom not to take on the hard buggers, so went full bore after the truckies.

And that was a big mistake Bruiser laughs. He had his patrol car parked outside the dunnies at a weighbridge and a trucky couldn’t resist the temptation. He locked Rootsy in the dunny and no one bothered to stop for two days mind you.

Potshot chuckles, Did he crack ‘em. There was hell to pay for months after that. He took to the truckies left, right and centre, and, might I add, had a peep hole put into the dunnies, as well as a phone system.

But the truckies done him Bruiser nods assertively A couple of ‘em took him to either the gates of heaven or hell…whichever one we don’t know.

Burra’s interested tone asks, What did the truckies do?

Made his patrol car the meat in a truck sandwich Bruiser speaks softly and slowly. Fair dinkum Burra, the front of the patrol car was two foot shorter and so was the boot before the truckies backed off.

Burra closes his eyes And he never got their numbers?

What numbers Burra? Bruiser asks in a gentle manner.

A quiet aura surrounds the group lasting a good thirty seconds. Burra clears his throat So who has to make his numbers up now.

The dim witted, the druggos, plonkos, and people doing it tough Bruiser moans. You know soft targets…and strangers like you and Cliffy here.

Burra sits back That’s bloody great.

Bruiser lifts his head back and stares into Burra’s eyes Don’t worry, you will be well protected.

Don’t forget Bruiser, at one stage he tried to run the four prostitutes out of town Potshot adds as a last reminder.

Burra’s eyes widen Prostitutes!

Everyone has to live Burra Bruiser advises Besides, not all of us kangaroo shooters are married you know.

Fair enough I suppose Burra muses, Yer know I’ve always believed there’s a place in the world fer prostitutes.

Bruiser grins, I bet you have. Anyway, have you two thought about joining our kangaroo shooting gang?

No, I haven’t Cliffy robustly shakes his head. All that blood and gore doesn’t appeal to me.

Bruiser turns and faces Burra And what about you?

I’m a bit like Cliffy Burra makes a deep sigh. I think I’ll give it a miss.

Bruiser mumbles to himself for a few seconds, and then asks, What about being in a gang that only is kangaroo shooting by name?

I can’t get involved in any of this Cliffy frowns. You see me wife has a few problems with me mate Burra here and um…some of our past indiscretions.

Bruiser faces Burra And?

I’m thinkin’ about it Burra rubs his chin.

Bruiser reminds Burra Twenty grand…one month…the great outdoors…no nagging wives… how could you spend a better month than that?

I couldn’t, but Bruiser Burra’s voice drops. I’m in the same boat as Cliffy. We’ve got ourselves in and out of too many pickles over the past few years to go through that grind again.

Bruiser takes a deep breath Oh well, we’ll just have to find someone else who might be interested in twenty grand.

Burra winces How much longer are yer goin’ to spend here?

Another three days and then its home to Billabrook Bruiser’s voice lifts.

With a sad expression Burra requests Is there any chance that yer might hang off so I can give a definite answer tomorrow night.

Bruiser sucks in air Tomorrow night…yeah, that’ll be good, but that’s the deadline… okay.

Thanks Bruiser Burra grins. Now I better get home and sort out this missus of mine.

Cliffy coughs One more thing…one more thing.

What Cliffy? Bruiser makes eye contact.

Cliffy takes a deep breath You said you got seven grand for a Northern Hairy Nosed Wombat, but you got paid eleven grand. What else did you carry with you?

What else did we drop off at the Ellicott’s Bruiser faces Potshot.

Potshot scratches under his chin, Just a couple of dozen Numbats and Bilbies.

Numbats and Bilbies Cliffy repeats, They’re a little bit light on around the country aren’t they?

Potshot giggles, Not if you know where to go.

Never heard of any of ‘em Burra waves. See youse tomorrow night.

iv

Thinking, thinking, thinking…and Burra’s mind is blending total confusion, although the figure, twenty thousand for a months trapping a few ‘critters’ in the wilderness has a tendency to sway his thoughts toward joining up with Bruiser and Potshot. One month is just a click of the fingers in an adventurous lifestyle…yet one month can also become a tedious gut wrenching waste that tends to stretch until eternity, especially if there are bars, guards, Dogs and insanity providing the benefits for not committing a crime, but for getting caught.

Burra opens his front gate, takes a long hard look at his front door and then strides purposefully along the path. His mind is still struggling to secure the answer in this ‘what should I do?’ situation. Perhaps for the first time in his life he should allow his family to make the decision…on a majority vote of course, because he already knows that Edith’s answer will be a definite no. Taking a deep breath, Burra opens the front door and walks inside his home.

Scott looks away from the television screen Mum, the bloody old man is finally home.

Oh good Edith calls out from the kitchen. Burra, can you come out here.

Burra replies Comin’ darl.

Archie laughs This is gunna be good.

What’s up with yer Archie? Burra glares.

Archie winks at Arty Nothing old man.

"Nothin’