Ghost Train

By Lindsay Laurie

Following archie and arty securing a job for two days at the agricultural show helping out with the running of a side show event... the ghost train, burra is surprised and amazed how much his boys are offered by eddie goldstein the employer for just two days work, but what pleases him more is to see his boys in meaningful employment again.

however, eddie goldstein’s promise is just that, a promise without substance, and this infuriates burra no end. archie and arty have been duped, and in burra’s consciousness, anybody who makes a fool of a creek is in line for summary justice, so burra declares forcefully that he will lead archie and arty to confront eddie goldstein and claim their promised wages.

two unexpected obstacles happen to get into burra’s way before the journey begins, and these needed to be overcome quickly. firstly, his eldest son ‘croppa’ arrived unexpectedly after breaking out of jail again, and secondly, cliffy adamantly and steadfast refuses to even consider joining burra on another fruitless journey, but as always, burra has something up his sleeve for cliffy, and once again cliffy finds himself in the middle of a creek dilemma.

following in the tracks of the ghost train operator eddie goldstein, burra’s informants keep advising him that eddie is one step ahead of him at a fair, carnival or show that the ghost train will be attending, however due to incidents both in and out of his control, burra is constantly frustrated by diversions, so his family continually arrives at the intended destinations too late for a confrontation with eddie goldstein.

when the confrontation finally does arrive between burra and the ghost train operators, the past is not helpful to burra and the consequences are once again dire for him, but nowhere near as embarrassing for burra after a letter arrives in the mail for him that he mistakenly assumes that he is responsible for an act he cannot recall but needs to be resolved.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lindsay Laurie
• Release date: Dec 6, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301973002

Lindsay Laurie

Born in the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne in 1946 and as a child I lived at Deer Park before my family moved to Longwarry in West Gippsland. I have one brother who was born at the Warragul Hospital in 1948. For forty-five years I lived at Longwarry, being educated at the Longwarry State School and the Drouin High School. I left school at sixteen and for thirty years worked in the dairy industry at Longwarry Milk Factory, employed by four company’s working as a butter maker, dryer operator and at times either a cream room or milk room operator. I never moved but the companies did. For four tomato seasons I worked for White Crow as an evaporator operator. Ill health with a muscle wasting disease forced me to retire eventually. My sporting interests have always been Australian Rules football, Cricket and playing Basketball. I played all my football and cricket for Longwarry, but played basketball for a number of clubs. My hobbies over the years have ranged from keeping aviary birds, especially finches, growing native fruit plants as well as attempting to grow everything I could from either seed or cuttings. I am one of the founding members of the modern and very successful Longwarry fishing club that in it’s first three years won a number of state trophies. My preference was river fishing for either blackfish or the Gippsland freshwater crayfish. I have been married twice. My first marriage failed after seven years and from that marriage I have three children, Karen, Janet and Brad. My second marriage with Joy has seen a long and happy period of thirty-two years. We have three children, Teresa, Glenn and Megan, plus nine grand children, and a tenth grand child due. I also keep in constant touch with my brother Ron, who lives in Melbourne. He is a constant source of information toward my writing. From 1993 until 2010 I lived in Irymple Victoria, and today, I am back in my home town Longwarry in Gippsland and because of my disability, I spend most of my time writing about the people in my life, and of course as you will read, fictional people who I do not wish to have in my life through this Creek family. November 1 2012 Lindsay Laurie.

Book preview

WHEN THE CREEKS ARE RUNNING

GHOST TRAIN

Fictional dark humour

by

Lindsay Laurie

This fifth ebook in a series of ‘Creek’ plots is possibly best suited for sexist men who are incapacitated with a broken leg or maybe suffering a kneecapping. On the other hand they might be classed as a recent figure of torture when being forced to read through an indiscretion towards the better half. If there is any possibility that the characters in these plots represent any living character then I sincerely apologize because it is purely coincidental.

******

INTRODUCTION TO THE CREEKS

THE CREEK FAMILY:

Dysfunctional, untrustworthy, lacking morals, and extremely unpredictable is best how to describe the Creek family. The men folk are prone to get themselves caught up in stings, swindles and fraudulent behaviour, and the women folk are prepared to live off the ill-gotten gains…however, lack of thought and preparation tend to dispense them bother on almost every occasion, and the law is always just that one step behind any venture that extends into grey areas.

Perhaps some of us do have neighbours like the Creeks, or we do know a family that resembles the Creeks culture. This family has that wonderful attitude to irritate us all no end with their unreliability, untrustworthiness and undeniable attraction to petty criminal acts. Their unpredictability and selfish acts amongst themselves for their own personal gains destroys any semblance of loyalty that one would expect in a close knit family. No functional family can live like the Creeks… or can they?

SMASHWORDS EDITION

PUBLISHED BY:

Lindsay Laurie on Smashwords

Ghost Train

© Lindsay Laurie November 2012

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

******

CHAPTER ONE

Working for a living at long last…

i

A loud explosion shakes Edith and she drops the cup she is holding and about to place in the dish drainer.

Bloody hell! Edith mumbles, and her mother sitting at the kitchen table frowns Gee whiz, that made a loud bang didn’t it?

A pale-faced Edith stares What do you mean Mum?

When you dropped that cup, Edith’s Mother’s eyes narrow. I hope it was that bastard’s favourite cup too.

Edith wipes her hands It wasn’t me dropping the cup that caused the loud bang Mum… the loud explosion caused me to drop the cup, and Edith’s Mother tilts her head back Oh.

It sounded too close Mum Edith adds with a worried look upon her face. I better go and check on Burra. He’s fiddling about in his shed.

Edith’s Mother cackles You don’t think there’s a chance that the mongrel blew himself up… you’d be better off if he did Edith.

Edith shakes her head For the sake of my sanity, I wish you two would show a little bit of compassion toward each other.

Don’t worry darling daughter Edith’s Mother sips her tea. If he’s blown himself to smithereens I’ll give you all the compassion you’ll ever need.

Edith sighs You just sit there Mum. I’ll go and see if Burra is all right.

Here’s hoping Edith’s Mother leers and then adds, He’s not.

Before Edith reaches the door of Burra’s shed, she can hear groaning, so she quickly increases her pace. Standing in the shed door opening, Edith places her hand to her mouth. Burra, she shouts.

Burra’s body lay twisted across lengths of timber scattered like pick-up-sticks, and slowly he turns his agonized head to face Edith.

What happened? Edith rushes to Burra and falls to her knees.

Burra moans, I dunno love. I opened a tin and leant down to smell what was in it and the next thing I’m sailin’ through the air like a rocket.

Edith stands up and scowls at the decimated one-gallon tin lying against the far wall. That’s the lawn mower fuel tin… you were smoking weren’t you when you stuck your nose in it?

I could have been love, Burra groans. Can yer help me up… geez me ears are ringin’ like the bells of St. Paul’s Cathedral.

Edith takes a deep breath Burra, you are an idiot… you should know better than to smoke cigarettes near petrol.

But the tin was empty Edith Burra laments. Help me to me feet please love… God, I don’t know if I’m Arthur or Martha.

Edith growls as she pulls Burra up by the arm I can tell you now, you’re lucky you’re not greeting Old Nick, and then a dark shadow fills the doorway. Arty excitedly shouts, Guess what Dad, Archie and I have got a job.

Good on yer Burra staggers to his workbench.

Arty looks Burra up and down Struth, what’s wrong with you Old Man?

He bloody near blew himself up, Edith mutters.

Arty frowns Did you? And then changes the subject, Did you hear me Old Man… Archie and I have got ourselves a job, and then Archie enters the shed. Yeah Dad, it’s a ripper job too. The money is almost unbelievable.

Good a disinterested Burra holds his head. Can yer get me inside Edith; I might have to have a lie down, and as Edith places her arm around Burra’s waist, he flinches. Careful, I’ve just been blown up yer know.

Edith retreats, Well if you don’t want my help, you can find your own way into the house.

Dad, Arty interrupts.

Burra ignores Arty Don’t be like that Edith, I’m in shock, and I’m in terrible pain.

That’s fine Edith glares, But I can’t help you if you won’t let me touch you.

Burra’s temper ignites Then yer’ve got to be more careful Edith… I could have internal injuries or anythin’. Archie, get me a beer will yer.

Get you a beer! Edith screams.

Dad Arty whines.

Edith sneers, You’re putting on an act Burra Creek. If you can drink beer, you can walk up to the house.

But I can’t love Burra moans. The beer is only anaesthetic fer the pain.

Arty raises his voice Jesus Dad… I’m trying to tell you something important and all you’re carrying on about is your pain… you’re not dead, so stop carrying on like a baby and listen.

Yer bloody… Burra’s eyes glisten and his face reddens, as Edith places her arm around his waist. Now stand up and let me help you get inside, otherwise we’ll be out here listening to you whimpering all day.

Careful Burra winces again as he feebly attempts to guard himself from Edith’s grasp, but it is all to no avail. Edith is fed up with Burra’s ‘Tommy rot,’ and so without further ado, she jerks Burra to his feet, ignoring his protesting. Burra’s legs wobble and it takes a few seconds for him to gain his balance before taking a few tentative steps with Edith’s assistance.

Arty waits until Burra has made his way from the shed onto the lawn before he attempts to provide his good news again. Dad, guess what?

Oh Burra moans Careful Edith, slow down. It’s not a hundred yard sprint yer know.

Edith scowls All right! All right!

Arty Burra groans Will yer lock the shed door please.

Arty grunts, Bugger you. You can lock the bloody door yourself. I’m trying to give you some good news and you keep fobbing me off. We’ve all been in pain at some stage you know.

That’s right Archie adds, And we still think of others when we are.

Burra places one hand on his ribs Edith, hold me tighter, I’m about to burst out laughin’… did yer hear what these two idiot sons just said.

Well it’s true Arty bleats, All you ever think about is yourself Dad.

Edith shakes her head Listen everyone… shut up… let’s get your father inside and sit him down. Arty, lock the shed… Archie, go inside and tell mum to put the kettle on.

Bloody hell Arty complains.

I’ve rang Sandy and Julia Edith’s Mother greets Burra and Edith struggling into the kitchen.

Burra slumps onto a kitchen chair, Yer what? Why did yer ring Sandy and Julia yer stupid old bag!

Because I thought with a bit of luck you might have killed yourself, Edith’s Mother replies. At least then the kids might have got to see you with your guts half hanging out.

Burra’s brow furrows Hang on yer old bitch… how did yer know I was involved?

Because nobody else around here would be stupid enough to put himself in that position, Edith’s Mother argues.

Arty interrupts Dad.

Shut up Arty Burra growls. Can’t yer see I’m talkin’ to this stealer of oxygen, and immediately Edith flares up, Burra! Don’t you talk about my mother like that!

Edith’s Mother joins in Yeah… have a bit of respect for your elders.

Dad Arty pleads.

Burra whines In a minute Arty… can’t yer see I’m bein’ picked on here. I have to defend meself. Edith… make me a cup of tea.

I thought you were going to have a beer Edith replies.

Burra stammers, Oh that’s right… Arty grab us a stubby out of the fridge.

Bugger you Arty defiantly folds his arms. I’ve been trying to give you a bit of good news, and all you want to do is tell everyone how much pain you’re in, or bag Gran here… you certainly don’t want to hear any good news. It’s all about you isn’t it?

True! True! True! Edith’s Mother cackles. I’ve been saying that for years.

Burra’s face turns scarlet, Listen yer bloody old wrinkly bitch… yer in my house now…

Me! Me! Me! Edith’s Mother mocks.

Burra struggles to his feet That’s it… Edith, take the smart mouthed… but Archie butts in Hullo, I can hear voices.

Oh Jesus Burra moans as the front door opens, and in pile Stinky, Sampson, Rissole and Trixie. Excitedly they rush up to Burra, pushing and shoving their way in for attention. Burra bellows and curses as the kids put pressure on his rib cage. Fer God’s sake kid’s, grandpa is in terrible pain… step back a bit.

Julia appears disappointed Oh gee Dad, by the way Gran spoke I thought you must have been at deaths door.

I bloody well was, and probably still am Burra shouts.

Sandy laughs, Dad, you don’t look too bad to me… I think you’re putting on an act.

What happened Grandpa? Stinky asks. Were you trying to make a bomb?

Burra scoffs If I had have been makin’ a bomb Stinky, it would have been only fer one reason, and one reason only.

What is that Grandpa? Rissole grins.

Burra glares at Edith’s Mother To blow that interferin’ old fool up.

You inconsiderate excuse for a human being Edith’s Mother chuckles, You couldn’t even get that right. I’d gladly get blown to smithereens if it meant getting away from you.

Burra adds Then what are yer doin’ here? Why aren’t yer sittin’ at home in that hovel yer call yer house?

Whoa! Whoa! Edith breaks in. Struth, I hate bloody peace and Arty’s voice rises above Edith’s. Right… now most of the family is here…Archie and I have got a very important announcement to make, so can you all shut your gobs for five minutes."

All conversation stops, and every eye focuses on Arty.

Well come on Burra whines. Don’t keep us in suspense.

Arty makes eye contact with Archie and takes a deep breath. Archie and I have got a job.

Do you mean a job where you actually work? Edith asks and Burra forgets about his dilemma. Yer havin’ us on.

Archie puffs his chest out No, Arty is not. We have joined the ranks of the employed.

Pinch me Edith Burra sighs. I think I’m dreamin’.

Stinky stares up at Archie What sort of a job is it?

It’s only for three days, Archie confesses.

Burra laughs Three days… and yer call that a job. I knew there would be a catch to it. To think that you and Arty have a real job… what a bloody joke.

Laugh all you want Old Man Arty derides Burra. But I’m not scoffing at five thousand bucks.

Burra shakes his head Yer bloody idiot. Yer takin’ me fer a fool. Who would pay you blokes two and a half grand each fer three days work?

Five grand each Archie adds, We’re getting five grand each.

Burra indicates to Edith Has the kettle boiled yet love? And then focuses his attention back on Arty and Archie. Look boys, unless yer a lawyer or a doctor, yer’ll never get paid five grand each fer three days work.

I’m telling you Old Man, Arty argues. We are being paid five thousand dollars each for the three days work… end of story.

Burra scuffs beneath his chin What will youse be doin’?

We’re working at the show on the weekend Arty grins, and then Archie adds On the ghost train.

Burra’s eyes narrow On the ghost train. At the show… blimey that’s right, the show is on this weekend. I fergot all about it.

Are we going Burra? Edith asks. Oh that’s right, we can’t go can we?

Burra shrugs I suppose I could dress up in some disguise and support you boys. What do youse have to do?

Bugger all really Arty lifts his eyebrows. We’ve just got to dress up and frighten the living daylights out of every bugger on the ghost train.

Burra indicates to Edith Come on love, pour me cuppa… the bloody show aye. I worked at the show fer a couple of years yer know, but I never got paid five thousand bucks fer three days.

How much did you get paid Grandpa? Trixie asks.

Burra puffs his cheeks out Well, from what I recall, about five dollars a day.

Five bucks a day! Arty laughs. There’s no way I’d work for five bucks a day.

Archie shakes his head God Old Man. You were ripped off. What did you do?

What did I do? Burra recalls. I had to organize the topless girls fer the bloke who ran the Ferris wheel… what was his name again… Jim, Jim um, Jim Talbot. Yeah it was Jim Talbot who ran the Ferris wheel.

Edith chuckles You never told me about this. When did you work at the show?

It was before I met yer Edith Burra acknowledges.

Arty ponders for a few seconds I don’t get this. You said you worked for a bloke who ran the Ferris wheel and your job was to organize topless girls. It doesn’t add up Dad.

Of course it bloody does Burra points out. Where are yer when yer in a Ferris wheel?

Arty answers Tied into a seat, and Burra shakes his head in disbelief Yer fool Arty… yer up in the air… at least a hundred feet up in the air.

I know that Old Man Arty sighs. So where do the topless sheila’s come into it?

Burra takes a deep breath Actually they were naked sheilas. Jim doubled their pay if they went naked.

In the Ferris wheel Archie’s eyebrows lift.

Burra sips his cup of tea Are yer stupid or somethin’ Archie… of course not in the Ferris wheel. In one of their back yards… how do yer reckon he got so many payin’ customers to go on his Ferris wheel.

That is bloody disgraceful Burra Edith growls, and Edith’s Mother quickly follows with See Edith, I told you the mongrel was depraved. You’re lucky he didn’t get you involved in something like that.

Edith nods Come on Mum, there’s no way I’d get involved in a scam like that.

Thank God fer that Edith Burra sniggers. I’d hate to think any other blokes were pervin’ on yer body.

Edith’s Mother holds one hand up in the air Hold on one minute Edith… weren’t you one of the girls who streaked naked at the Baptist Church Christmas party.

Oh Mum Edith blushes. Thanks for bringing that up, but nobody saw us naked. Everyone looked the other way.

Burra’s jaw drops Edith did yer streak naked… bloody hell! I haven’t seen yer naked fer twenty years, and yer go flashin’ yer body in front of… I can’t believe it.

It was long before I met you darling Edith smiles and Burra responds, I should bloody hope so.

Edith’s Mother cackles I’ve still got a photo of all you girls as you dashed across the grass on that day.

I thought yer said everyone turned away Burra whines, and Edith’s Mother softly replies, The Vicar took a couple of snaps too.

Sandy chuckles Golly Mum, I’ve always looked on you as a saint, and Julia adds Now I know where I got my pole dancing skills from… and all this time I thought it was from you Dad.

Bloody hell a shocked Burra mumbles Yer hear somethin’ new every day don’t yer.

Edith’s Mother cackles There’s a couple of other ripper stories we’ve kept under our hats, isn’t there Edith… and you thought you married a virgin you dimwit.

Shut up yer evil bag of wind Burra growls, but Edith’s Mother continues, I suppose one good point is that at least Edith got to marry a virgin.

An incensed Burra responds I bloody well was not a… ow! Fer God’s sake yer old bitch, can’t yer see I’m sufferin’.

Will you take us four kids to the show Grandpa? Rissole leans on Burra’s leg.

Burra flinches Watch it son… yer grandpa is a little bit sore. Look, I’d love to take yer kids to the show, but I can’t.

Why can’t you Grandpa? Trixie butts in. You could spend lots of money on us, and a knock on the door ends all conversation.

Burra frowns I wonder who that could be? Stinky, go and see who it is, and if it’s Jehovah Witnesses, I’ve told yer what yer have to say to ‘em.

Stinky grins With pleasure Grandpa, and left the kitchen area to open the front door.

Grandpa. Trixie looks into Burra’s eyes, We want you to take us to the show and take us on the ghost train, but before Burra can respond, Stinky bellows, It ain’t those pricks Grandpa, it’s only Mr. Hill.

Burra’s eyes narrow Cliffy… what in the bloody hell is Cliffy doin’ here, and immediately he faces Edith’s Mother. Who in the bloody hell haven’t yer rang up yer interferin’ old bitch.

I rang up as many as I could Edith’s Mother chuckles as Cliffy walks into the kitchen and looks Burra up and down.

Cliffy sucks in air You’re still alive Burra! Um Archie, you wouldn’t have a spare stubby in the fridge would you. I hate to see Burra drinking alone.

I’m drinkin’ a cup of bloody tea yer dill Burra frowns.

Cliffy accepts the stubby of beer from Archie So, we all have different tastes… anyway, what have you done to yourself. I heard you were at deaths door.

I wonder who told yer that Burra replies as he glares at Edith’s Mother. Yes, I did have a bit of bad luck, but apart from a few sore spots I’m goin’ to recover, even if it’s only to annoy the livin’ Christ out of that bloody old hag takin’ up space in me home.

Edith shouts, You are such a rude mongrel to my mother.

I’m only givin’ what I get Burra acts in response. I’d never be rude to her in her own house.

Edith’s Mother reacts promptly No, because I wouldn’t let you in my house.

Burra takes a few deep breaths, until Trixie tapping on his leg attracts his attention Why won’t you take us to the show Grandpa?

Because Burra sighs, Grandpa has hurt himself.

Edith’s Mother chuckles That’s not the reason kids. Your Grandpa’s not allowed to go to the show. He’s been banned for life.

A pin could be heard if dropped. Archie and Arty make eye contact. Burra puts his head in his hands, and Cliffy breaks the silence with a light chuckle. Don’t worry Burra, you and Maxie Thomas are still talked about each year at show time in the pub.

Is this fair dinkum? Archie questions, Have you been banned for life from the show Dad?

Burra puffs his cheeks out and stares at the table.

Arty nods his head I always wondered why you made up excuses why you wouldn’t take us. I thought you were just a lousy bastard.

And so did I Julia adds. Don’t worry Dad; some of those show people I got involved with deserved a decent hiding. They promise you the world but never pay up after the deed is done.

Burra grimaces I don’t want to know Jules. What yer do in yer life is yer own business.

So you belted up someone did you Dad? Archie asks, but before Burra can respond, Edith mumbles No he didn’t, it was much worse than belting the living daylights out of someone.

Arty raises his eyebrows Worse than half killing some bugger?

I never hit anyone Burra opens his hands out. It was just a harmless little joke Maxie thought of, and I went along with him.

Edith scoffs Harmless! It was noted down by the show committee as sexual harassment on Animals.

Sandy puts her hand to her mouth and loudly inhales.

It’s not what yer think Burra quickly defends himself.

Cliffy clears his throat Um, another stubby Arch… Burra’s right, it’s not what you think. Anyway, it was Maxie’s fault.

That’s right Cliffy Burra agrees.

Julia sniffs I think we need a more polished opinion than from you Cliffy seeing you’re dad’s best friend and he’s plying you with grog, and with that, Julia turns to face Edith What do you know about this Mum? Have we got a father who’s guilty of playing around with Animals or not? Oh the shame of it all.

Just wait a bloody minute here Julia Burra roars. If yer think fer one second that I’m into that caper, yer can drag that hot bum of yours out of me home.

Edith butts in Settle down Burra. I’m sure Julia doesn’t think your animal instincts have fallen that low… no Julia; your father has not stooped that low. That is not the reason why he is not allowed back in the showgrounds. He just followed like a fool, that’s all.

What did you do Dad that upset the apple cart? A more passive Sandy asks.

Cliffy coughs It was Maxie Thomas’ fault… there’s no two ways about. He was the cause of the riot.

Riot! Arty laughs. You caused a bloody riot… at the show?

Burra whines No, not me… Maxie Thomas did. Cliffy already told yer that.

I’d like to hear Maxie’s version Archie grins.

Cliffy shrugs Well you can’t… Maxie isn’t with us any more.

Is that right Burra’s eyes narrow. I didn’t know that.

Cliffy nods Yeah, he died twenty years ago… being reckless got him in the end. He was a wild bugger young Maxie. He had no fear of anything or anyone.

Yer tellin’ me nothin’ Cliffy Burra agrees. When we were young bucks I seen some of the dareDevil stupid things he’d do on a tractor.

Arty cuts in On a tractor?

Oh yeah Burra peruses. Maxie worked on farms didn’t he Cliffy?

Cliffy drank from his stubby Oh yes… I’m surprised you didn’t know he died Burra.

So am I Burra sips his tea. He mustn’t have died around here though.

Cliffy takes a deep breath No, it was in South Africa I think.

I’ve got to say yer’ve shocked me Burra ponders. What did Maxie die from Cliffy?

Cliffy points to his empty stubby From what I gather, he got careless and ended up getting tangled in a manure spreader. The coroners report stated that he died of AIDS.

AIDS! Burra chokes No… no way… no bloody way. I don’t believe Maxie was a dung plunger or a druggo. Yer’ve got it wrong Cliffy.

Cliffy opens a stubby handed to him by Archie Just settle down for a second Burra. Wherever he got killed, in that country when someone gets killed on a farm through neglect the coroner calls it AIDS. The longer version is Agricultural Implement Dereliction Syndrome, and that’s what cleaned Maxie up.

Well in future Cliffy, use the longer version won’t yer Burra demands. Fer a minute there I was thinkin’ how lucky I was not to be molested by Maxie.

Archie clears his throat That’s all good and well you blokes getting nostalgic, but we want to know what happened at the show Old Man that caused us kids to be deprived of our rights.

I don’t think I’ve heard the full story either Edith leers at Burra. Something tells me I’ve been fed a little ‘porky’ on this issue.

Burra’s eyes narrow What do yer mean?

Well I’ve never heard anything mentioned about a bloke called Max Thomas before Edith states.

Burra stammers, Well I might have fergot to mention Max.

What really happened Cliffy? Edith’s voice deepens and Burra makes eye contact with a clearly uncomfortable Cliffy.

Cliffy places his empty stubby on a bench Golly is that the time… I’m supposed to take Mavis to the show.

Then go Burra indicates to the front door. Yer can’t hold Mavis up.

Edith folds her arms Cliffy… don’t you dare leave… the show doesn’t start until tomorrow… what happened?

Ask Burra, he was there? Cliffy stammers.

Edith persists I’m asking you Cliffy… Burra doesn’t know how to tell the truth.

All right Burra stands up and winces, Ah! Bloody hell, and slumps down into his chair, grasping at his ribs. I think I better go and lie down.

Edith scoffs Lie! Now that’s a word you are quite comfortable with… okay, you go and have a lie down. Cliffy might be more cooperative if you’re not here… we might even get the truth.

Yeah Julia nods. Dad I’d hate to go home thinking my father plays around with Animals.

Burra can see that the incident is not going to disappear, so he takes a deep breath and utters, Okay everybody, sit down and I’ll tell yer what really happened.

Is it safe for the kids to hear Sandy asks.

Burra nods Of course.

Anyway I’m not interested about the sex side of the story Dad Arty licks his lips. I’m more interested in how you caused the riot.

Burra sighs, Well if yer shut up fer five minutes Arty, I’ll tell yer what happened… Edith, another cup of tea please, and Cliffy mutters I better stay and listen as well I suppose… um… another stubby Arch…please.

Just as long as yer keep yer trap shut Cliffy Burra warns. There’s not much in it really. I followed Maxie like a Sheep actually, because I don’t know anythin’ about Animals comin’ on heat at the time.

Sandy places her fingers in her ears. Ah… too much information… too much information. I can see where this is going and I don’t like it.

Shut up Sandy Burra insists. Yer don’t know what yer talkin’ about… stupid bloody woman… anyway, Maxie reckoned he’d cause a bit of action at the show if he brought a piece of special rag along and we went fer a wander through the Bull pavilion.

Arty laughs, Don’t tell me youse waved a red rag in front of the Bulls.

No I’m not gunna tell yer that Burra continues. Bloody silly Maxie had wiped the rag under the tails of a couple of the Cows that had come on heat and when we wandered into the Bull pavilion, he started rubbin’ the rag on the Bull’s noses.

Julia frowns What! And what would that do?

What would it do Burra lifts his voice. It would, and did, send the Bulls mad. They started bellowin’ and carryin’ on like yer’d never believe. I don’t think Maxie even realized the turmoil he was gunna cause with all those Bulls tryin’ to find the Cow on heat. Fair dinkum, Bulls started rushin’ in all direction with their handlers unable to control ‘em. People were screamin’ their heads off and some of the Bulls took to each other. I tell yer, it was bedlam. Maxie and I were lucky to get out of there with our lives.

And youse got caught? Arty chuckles.

Burra shrugs Maxie did, I didn’t. I just denied I had anythin’ to do with it.

You mean, you let Maxie take the blame Archie frowns.

Burra licks his top lip I was gunna admit to bein’ involved until the coppers mentioned that we had caused over one hundred grand’s worth of damage.

One hundred thousand dollars damage! Arty scoffs.

Burra adds, That’s right. Them show Bulls are all worth a small fortune and once the dust settled, a couple of ‘em had broken legs, a few had their sides ripped open and the story goes that one Bull got killed… of course addin’ to that was the damage to the pavilion and about thirty people got injured.

Struth Archie wheezes. I still can’t believe that you let your mate down though.

Burra moans Well Maxie wasn’t really me mate, in fact he was only an acquaintance, and he’d been in that much trouble with the coppers I knew he’d have some tactic in the back of his head so that he could wheedle his way out of it… besides, I was dead set sure that he’d end up puttin’ all the blame on me so I got in first.

Did Maxie end up in the clink? Archie asks, and Burra takes a deep breath Not as far as I know. Maxie never went to court over it.

Arty shifts in his seat How come?

The magistrate gave Maxie bail, Cliffy chuckles. And I don’t know whether you realize this or not Burra, but Maxie did mention to a couple of blokes that he intended to come back one day and cut your throat.

Burra’s face pales He did… then thank Christ he’s dead.

Sandy stands up Well I better take you two kids home. I’m pleased to see you’re up and about Dad, but be careful in future… come on kids.

I’m off too Julia motions. Stinky, Trixie… out to the car. Say goodbye to everyone first.

Stinky saunters up to Burra Goodbye Grandpa.

See yer later son, and you behave yerself Burra winks and pats Stinky on the head, but Stinky refuses to move and begins to fidget. Are yer okay son? Burra asks.

Stinky speaks softly Grandpa, could you show me how to wipe a rag under a Cows bum so I can stir up some Bulls at the show.

Out to the car! Julia shouts. Just don’t think you’re gunna follow in your grandfather’s footsteps.

Burra looks on bemused; to think that his grandson wants to be just like him. This makes Burra feel as proud as punch knowing that the Creek traditions are alive and well, and so the next chance he gets, he intends to take Stinky aside and begin filling his brain with even more stories on why the Creeks are looked up to and respected in particular circles for their wit, bizarre behaviour, intelligence and ability to defuse a situation that has been handed down in folklore through the generations of Creeks before him.

Once Cliffy has left and the boys are on their way to gain instructions for the next three days employment, Burra struggles to the fridge and opens the door. Oh yer rotten old bastard!

What’s the matter dear? Edith asks.

Burra whines, Cliffy drank all me bloody beer.

He probably paid for it anyway Edith’s Mother laughs.

Burra slams the fridge door shut Ah shut up yer sarcastic old witch… Edith, would yer mind drivin’ down to the pub and pickin’ me up a half dozen stubbies.

Sure Edith grins. Come on Mum… let’s go.

Burra smiles Thanks love, and then sits back quite smug in his lounge room chair. The front door opening catches Burra’s attention. Scott… where have yer been?

I’ve been helping a bloke at the showgrounds. You know, helping put up the sideshow where you drop balls in a clowns mouth Scott replies.

Burra asks, Did he pay yer?

Of course Scott displays a crisp note. Fifty bucks.

Burra nods Good… that’s good. Mum’s just gone down to the pub to grab some beer fer me.

No she hasn’t Scott grins.

Burra argues, Yes she has.

Sorry Dad Scott smirks. I was just talking to mum out the front. She’s taking grandma home and she told me to tell you to get your own tea. She’ll be home in the morning.

ii

Burra isn’t sure what woke him up, but it could have been one of three things… movement in the kitchen, a Kookaburra laughing in a Gum Tree behind the house across the road… ‘I’ll give them buggers a bit of hot tongue when I see ‘em next. If they’re gunna have bloody Birds squawkin’ at day break in that bloody Gum Tree, then its time to cut the bloody tree down’ or maybe it is Edith returnin’ home from her mothers and drivin’ the Kingswood along the drive… ‘Bloody Edith, I ought to tell her to clear off back to that evil mother of hers. She’s startin’ to turn out like her. Bugger it; I might as well get out of bed. With a bit of luck Edith might cook me brekkie,’ and with this in mind, Burra sits up on the edge of his bed, stretching and yawning.

Walking from the bedroom toward the kitchen, Burra’s eyes focus on a sight that he rarely saw, if ever. Archie and Arty are actually out of bed before him, fussing around in the kitchen, preparing toast and cups of coffee for breakfast.

What’s this… the eighth wonder of the world? Burra chortles from the kitchen doorway.

Archie picks up two slices of toast from the toaster and places them on a plate. What are you talking about Old Man?

Well how long is it since you two have been out of bed before me in the mornin’? Burra asks.

Arty shrugs We can’t afford to wait for you to bloody well wake us up today.

Oh that’s right Burra recalls. You two are about to join the workin’ class… and about bloody time too.

Archie pours water into two cups Fair go Old Man, Arty and I have worked before. In fact I reckon we’ve had more jobs than you’ve ever had.

Of course youse have yer pair of useless yobbos Burra chuckles. You pair get sacked after a day or so. Every boss I had pleaded with me to stay… by the way, where’s me cup of tea?

Archie places a cup in front of Arty and sits down Make your bloody own, we haven’t got time to be looking after you as well as getting ready for work.

Typical young yahoos… anyway Burra sighs. Yer mothers home now… she’ll look after me, and with that statement, Edith opens the back door and walks into the kitchen. Burra glares at Edith So yer do know when to come home.

Don’t bloody start Burra Edith’s voice trembles. I can just as easy get back in the car and go back to mums… only this time I’ll stay there a week.

Burra backs off quickly No… no… no Edith, yer misunderstood me. I’m not havin’ a shot at yer. What I meant was yer knew when it was time to come home ‘cause I just got out of bed and you arrived just in time to crook me breakfast.

Are you serious? A shocked Edith replies.

Burra whimpers, I just thought it might be nice, just the two of us havin’ breakfast together seein’ the boys are goin’ to work at the show.

The two of us Edith fills the kettle with water. Didn’t Scott come home last night… of course he did, I spoke to him out the front.

Burra sniffs Yes Scotty did say he spoke to yer. He wouldn’t walk down to the pub and buy me any beer either.

So you had to go without Edith laughs. You could have walked to the pub yourself.

Burra suddenly displays a painful look on his face Me body is too sore Edith. If I got to the pub, I mightn’t have made it home.

That’s never bothered you before Edith pours water from the kettle into two cups, and places one in front of Burra. Archie wolfs down his last piece of toast and stands up. Come on Arty, we better get mobile. We can’t keep Mr. Goldstein and ‘Belter’ waiting.

Burra frowns, Who?

Mr. Goldstein… actually Eddy Goldstein; but we have to call him Mr. Goldstein, Archie replies.

Burra shakes his head No, not the bloody Jew, the other bloke.

Belter Arty takes another bite of his toast.

Burra frowns, Belter! What sort of a name is that? I don’t think I have to be a Rhodes Scholar to work out how he got that name… he’s that Jews minder isn’t he… a bloody thug.

Belter’s a good bloke Dad Archie nods. Mr. Goldstein told us that if some idiot tries to punch Arty or I up, Belter Tyson would knock seven bells out of ‘em.

Burra’s eyes narrow Tyson… he’s not been a boxer in the past has he?

He didn’t say Arty shrugs, but Archie notes No, he wasn’t a boxer Dad, but seeing I was the oldest brother, Mr. Goldstein pulled me aside and said he didn’t want to scare Arty, so he told me in confidence that Belter got off two murder charges due to technicalities. I wasn’t supposed to tell you Arty so don’t say anything.

Burra’s face turns white I don’t like what I’m hearin’ boys. Gettin’ off murder charges on technicalities doesn’t mean he’s innocent.

Do you think you should go and have a talk to him Burra? Edith asks.

Burra coughs into his tea and spills it I can’t Edith… I’m banned from the showgrounds, remember.

But what if he takes to Archie and Arty? Edith adds.

Burra’s Adams apple bounces in his throat Look Edith, as a father it might pay that I give ‘em all the advice that they need at this table before they leave fer work. I think that’s the best and only thing a father should do.

And what sort of advice is that? Edith mocks.

Burra takes a deep breath Well as you boys know, I’ve had a bit of experience at these shows, not personally of course, but I’ve heard stories other blokes have told me about the travellin’ women and um… anyway even though yer’ve heard about me minor bad occurrences, there have been some good experiences too.

You’ve never mentioned any to me Burra Edith grins.

Burra sighs No I haven’t love… okay boys, don’t ferget to take yer ‘ammo,’ ‘cause like I just said, there’s a few seedy type women travellin’ with a show crowd, and they could leave a little present with yer if yer not careful.

What? Edith interrupts, You’re not asking the boys to take guns to the show are you?

Burra grunts, No Edith… I’m talkin’ about condoms. We can’t have the boys takin’ a chance on yer know…

I know what? Edith interrupts.

Burra feels uncomfortable Yer know, catchin’ somethin’. These people travel all over the country and could end up with anythin’.

I’ve got my packet Dad Archie taps his hip pocket. I’ve had these for five years.

Burra’s jaw drops Five years! Crikey Archie… they’d be nearly perished by now.

I’ll grab a packet of yours Dad Arty grins, and Edith immediately flares up Burra what are you doing with condoms?

Burra coughs, splutters and chokes Me… nothin’. I haven’t got any condoms. Jesus Arty, what makes yer think I’ve got condoms?

Why would Arty ask you for a packet Burra? Edith insists on not letting go.

Burra glares at Arty He must have misunderstood… didn’t yer Arty?

Yeah, you must have heard wrong Mum. Why would Dad need condoms? Arty shields Burra.

Edith folds her arms I did not misunderstand at all… why do you have condoms Burra?

I haven’t got any bloody condoms Burra impatiently arcs up. Arty if yer want condoms, yer go and buy yer bloody own.

Arty cringes Where do you buy ‘em?

From the bloody chemist Burra shouts, and then faces a glaring Edith. So I have been told.

There is a short period of silence until Burra breaks it. Look Arty, if need be, why don’t yer just share Archie’s.

Pigs dinger Archie fires up, I’m not sharing condoms with Arty, no way.

A shocked Burra is near stumped for words Yer a sick bugger Archie. I don’t mean used one’s yer bloody dill… here Arty. Here’s ten bucks. Buy yerself a packet before yer start workin’ fer the Jew.

Thanks Dad Arty winks as he grasps the ten-dollar note.

Edith mumbles, Yeah, your father wouldn’t want to be caught short would he?

Cut it out Edith Burra yells. And just remember, yer workin’ fer a Jew who has a murderer fer a bodyguard, so don’t come runnin’ to me fer help if yer get yerselves into trouble.

Archie grasps Burra’s shoulder It’ll be fine Dad. Remember, I’ve had a good teacher.

iii

Three sharp raps on the front door startle Burra. He wakes up cursing, Oh yer bloody mongrel, and not because of the sharp raps on the door, but he has dropped off to sleep watching the Test Cricket match being played between Australia and Bangladesh and spilt his stubby of beer all over his lap. Standing up, Burra growls God almighty, look at that. It looks like I’ve peed me pants.

Burra waddles across to open the front door holding the front of his trousers away from his body. Burra opens the front door and facing him are two kids from next-door, Blake and Raymond Skein. Blake is five year old and Raymond is seven. Both already have that look of trouble about them with rings in their ears, noses and eyebrows. Raymond also has a tattoo on his arm that his bloody stupid older brother Calvin gave him when on one of his drug crazed trips. Burra has neither trust nor faith in his next-door neighbours… they are renters… and has mentioned on a number of occasions quite subtly when having a quiet conversation with members of this dysfunctional family that if anything happens to go missing, action will be taken in a very forceful manner by his family. The Creeks cannot stand thieves… especially thieves who steal from them.

What do yer little buggers want? Burra mutters.

Blake points and yells, You’ve pissed your pants Mr. Creek, and Burra growls Shut up yer little twerp. Now the whole neighbourhood knows… hang on a minute, I spilt bloody beer all over meself when I fell asleep.

Yeah right Raymond cackles.

Burra glares Anyway, what do yer want?

We’ve kicked our footy over the fence Raymond says. Can we get it back?

Burra sighs, Yer playin’ footy… that’s good. It should keep you little tykes out of mischief. Go on, go and get yer footy, and Burra smiles as he watches them scamper off, but it isn’t ten minutes before there is another knock on the door and when Burra opens it Blake and Raymond are standing there again. Blake sheepishly speaks. Mr. Creek, we’ve kicked our footy over the fence again. Can we get it please?

Go on, off youse go and get yer footy Burra replies, but then as an after thought he shouts, Hey, come back here kids.

Raymond and Blake slowly walk back with untrusting eyes focusing on Burra. Raymond speaks quietly Yes Mr. Creek.

Where did yer get yer footy? Burra asks.

Blake’s eyes widen At the show Mr. Creek.

At the show Burra repeats. So yer went to the show did youse. Was it any good?

Raymond shrugs It was all right.

Did yer go on the ghost train? Burra asks.

Blake scoffs The ghost train… yeah, it was as weak as water, and Raymond sneers, It wasn’t even scary.

Wasn’t it? Burra grins.

Raymond shakes his head No… there were two idiots who tried to scare us but every one just laughed at ‘em.

Is that right? Burra chuckles, Well that’s good to hear… on yer way boys, and after Burra closes the front door, he leans back against the door, closes his eyes and has a chuckle to himself, but again Burra has hardly settled into his lounge chair when there is another knock on the front door. A clearly agitated Burra strides to the front door and opens it, facing Blake and Raymond again. Look boys, if the footy goes over the fence again, don’t bother annoyin’ me by knockin’ on the door, just go and get the bloody thing.

You don’t want us to ask permission to get our football Raymond grins.

Burra frowns No… I’m tryin’ to watch the cricket and I can’t if you two keep knockin’ on the bloody door.

It must be a good game little Blake smiles.

Burra stares at Blake What makes yer say that son?

Well even if I’m watching a show on the telly that I really like and I need to go to the dunny, then I go, Blake responds. I’d never pee my pants like you did.

Burra shouts Get out of here before I tell yer, yer can’t get yer footy back… little smart arse!

Once again Burra can hear movement and voices at the front door. He can feel his temper rising, and is about to rise from his seat, but the door opens and in walks Edith with Scott following. Burra can feel his blood pressure subsiding so he slumps back into his chair.

Did yer have a good day at the show love? Burra asks.

Edith nods It was alright… typical show of course. I spent most of my time with Mavis and Clifford. They went to the show every day you know.

Cliffy did Burra sounds surprised. Blimey, the pub won’t survive if he stays away any longer.

Edith winks It’s surviving without you love.

It won’t have to worry much longer, Burra declares. Me ribs are feelin’ much better today, in fact I might wander down and have a few shortly.

Scott interrupts I hope you do.

Why’s that Scott? Burra enquires.

Scott indicates to the television So I can turn the telly over from the cricket. Cricket is so boring.

If yer lookin’ fer somethin’ to do, go outside and mow the lawn Burra suggests.

Scott slumps into a chair I’ll put up with watching the cricket.

Too bloody right yer will yer lazy bastard Burra mumbles.

Edith lightly clears her throat Darl, you’ll have to buy a new drum for the mower fuel.

Yeah you fool Scotty muses. If you hadn’t been so careless I could have mown the lawns.

Burra utters, Give me a break… yer wouldn’t work in an iron lung… not like yer two brothers. At least they’re havin’ a go.

What, hiding in the dark and making people laugh, Scott guffaws.

Burra sniffs It’s not easy to scare people yer know.

Can we turn it off the cricket Dad Scott whines.

Burra raises his voice No we bloody can’t… when do Archie and Arty finish up with the show?

They told me they should be home around six o’clock Edith answers.

Burra stands up So yer caught up with ‘em.

Yes, I went on the ghost train so I could ask them Edith grins.

Burra frowns Yer went on the ghost train?

Mm… with Mavis and Clifford Edith admits. It was great. See what happens when you acted like you did all those years ago.

Burra’s eyes narrow What happens?

You don’t get the opportunity to see the sideshows and go on the rides Edith winks.

Burra shakes his head Oh my God… can yer make me a cup of tea love to help me get over the disappointment.

Yeah well have your cup of tea in the kitchen Scott butts in.

Burra sighs, All right… yer can turn the bloody television over.

The turning of the front door handle catches Burra’s attention, and with anticipation he cranes his neck to welcome Archie and Arty home. Scott bellows from the lounge room Archie and Arty are home, only to be berated by Burra. I bloody know.

Edith whispers to Burra Ask them how they got on, and Burra whines, Give the boys a chance to sit down Edith, and with that, both Archie and Arty slump into a kitchen chair. Archie’s arms hang down loosely and he moans.

Would you boys like a cup of tea? Edith asks as she stands up.

Arty takes a deep breath A beer would be better.

Hang on yer buggers Burra interrupts, That’s my beer in the fridge. Youse are all cashed up, why didn’t yer buy yer own beer.

Archie sighs, We haven’t been paid yet.

A worried look appears on Burra’s face What do yer mean yer haven’t been paid yet?

We’ve got to go down to the showgrounds at nine o’clock in the morning and pick our money up Arty adds.

Burra taps Archie on the leg Hop up son and grab me a beer as well… by cripes don’t you blokes sleep in then. Those blokes don’t like bein’ kept waitin’.

How did it go boys? Edith inquires.

Archie places three stubbies on the table It was hard, bloody hard… but it was good. Eddy reckons we’re the best ghosts he’s ever had, and there wasn’t one person who went on the ghost train that we didn’t frighten the living hell out of.

Is that so a bemused Burra chuckles. How much did yer say this Eddy bloke is payin’ yer?

Archie lowers his voice We’re not supposed to tell anyone Dad, but Eddy took us aside and mentioned to us that if the showman’s union found out what he is really giving us he could lose his licence to operate, because not every showman is as well off as Eddy.

That’s right Dad Arty butts in. Eddy told us that because we done such a great job and kept the punters on their toes he’s giving us that promised five grand each.

Burra’s jaw drops Yer bloody jokin’! Five grand each… I thought yer were pullin’ me leg.

It’s gospel Dad, Archie agrees. Eddy looked us right in the eye with Belter beside him and promised us five grand each. We just have to go down to the show grounds at nine in the morning and he will hand us the cash.

Burra ponders Why didn’t he just hand it to yer before yer left.

I asked Eddy that Dad Arty replies, And Eddy said that Belter had to do the bookwork first, and that could take him three or four hours.

Archie cites Eddy did say that if we wanted to hang around until Belter finished the book work then we could. It would have been well after midnight Dad.

Fair enough Burra concedes. The both of youse look pretty well stonkered as it is, so I suppose it paid to come home fer a good nights sleep… Edith, yer can see the boys are up fer an early night. What about gettin’ up off yer bum and cookin’ us all some tea.

Edith stands up, places both hands on the table and extends her face within inches of Burra’s face and threatens. I can’t you ignorant Pig because I’m going to stay at mums.

iv

A repentant Burra quietly works in the kitchen cooking bacon and eggs on the stove, bread in the toaster, and he waits impatiently for the kettle to boil. He is doing penance for the slip of his tongue on the previous evening and it has taken a serious amount of persuasion and conviction… well crawling… to get himself back into the good books with Edith. Cooking her breakfast in bed is certainly presenting itself to step off square one, besides he has to get out of bed to wake up Archie and Arty otherwise as sure as eggs they will have slept in and missed out on picking up their pay packets. In better times Burra would have coaxed Edith to wake the boys, but these are not better times.

Here yer are darlin’, bacon and eggs on toast just the way yer like ‘em. Burra enters the bedroom.

Edith sits up Oh, this is a surprise. When was the last time you gave me breakfast in bed?

I’ve given yer plenty of other things in bed at breakfast time Burra jokes.

Edith reaches for the plate Yes you have Burra, but nothing as good as bacon and eggs… where’s my cup of tea?

Oh Burra turns around I’ll get it fer yer love, and as he reaches the bedroom door, the front door opens. Archie has a grim look on his face that urges Burra to ask the question What in the bloody hell is up with you… oh don’t tell me.

Arty blubbers, There was nobody there Dad… the showgrounds are empty. Eddy must have forgotten about us turning up at nine o’clock.

Pigs bloody arse he did Burra roars. The shyster bastard remembered all right. Where are they headin’ too?

Archie, with head bent replies, Eddy never told us Dad.

Eddy never told yer! Burra echoes. Of course the scammin’ mongrel didn’t tell yer… and do yer know why… he had no intentions of tellin’ yer.

Arty’s voice quivers But Eddy and Belter seemed such honest blokes Dad.

Of course they did yer pair of gullible buggers, Burra runs a hand through his hair. Ten thousand bucks you blokes have been fleeced fer. I’m gunna do somethin’ about that pair of bastards.

Edith shouts from the bedroom Oye, first of all you’re gunna bring in my cup of tea.

Edith Burra frowns. Yer grizzlin’ over a cup of tea. Don’t yer realize yer boys have been robbed blind?

Edith sits up on the edge of the bed All right… I’ll get up and have my cup of tea in the kitchen, and then I’ll get dressed and go over to mums… next time when you make my breakfast, don’t over cook the eggs. The yolks were hard.

Get back into bed Burra gently pushes Edith. Archie, bring in yer mums cup of tea, and then we’ll work out a strategy to get yer money.

Archie suggests What about if I go down to the shed and grab the twenty-two and chase after the mongrels now.

Yeah Dad Arty agrees. Come on let’s go and shoot ‘em.

Burra puts one hand up to stop proceedings Wait just a minute yer pair of Einstein’s… where is this Eddy character travellin’ to? And Archie’s jaw drops He didn’t say he was going anywhere. I told you that.

That’s bloody handy isn’t it Burra mutters. Yer gunna grab the twenty-two, have me drivin’ yer to this shyster Jew, and get yer money… but yer don’t know where he’ll be.

Arty mulls over Burra’s statement We could end up going on a wild goose chase, couldn’t we.

Too bloody right we could be, Burra frowns. Just leave it with me fer the time bein’.

Edith, who has been listening, decides to give her opinion If I were you boys I’d put this down to experience.

Experience! Burra explodes. Listen Edith, our boys have been ripped off fer ten grand. We can’t just put that down to experience.

Edith semi agrees You’re right… our boys have been ripped off for a lot of money… so why don’t you go to the police.

Are yer serious Edith! Burra argues. The bloody coppers will laugh their guts out if I go down there and make a complaint about bein’ ripped off.

Edith makes a point We’re entitled to be protected by the law as much as anyone else.

I know that Edith Burra admits. But the cold hard facts are… we will be humiliated; we will be laughed at; we will be lectured on how we deserve all we get. No Edith, I’m not goin’ to the coppers… we won’t get justice, so under the circumstances I will personally make sure that pair of shysters do get justice… Creek justice.

Edith’s shoulders slump I have heard this rubbish before. As far as I’m concerned the boys should bide their time. Remember Karma Burra.

Who? Never heard of him, Burra responds. Edith, as much as we like to think our boys are independent, they are not. They’re nowhere near bein’ world wise to the likes of those irresponsible rascals yet. I’m kickin’ meself Edith. I should have taken a closer rein with the boys, full well knowin’ they were dealin’ with a Jew, and might I add a heartless one at that.

Archie scuffs beneath his chin Then what are we going to do?

I’m gunna get yer money for yer, don’t yer worry about that Burra vows.

Arty leers Thanks Dad, we can always count on you when we get into a little bit of trouble. What’s your first move Dad?

Me first move is… Burra is ready to explain until Edith butts in I’ve got a horrible feeling about all this. You might find yourself out of your depth with these charlatans Burra.

Burra scoffs We won’t find ourselves out of our depth Edith. When we do hunt this Eddy fella down, if he doesn’t cough up the dough he promised our boys, then he can expect a few gentle taps from a sledge hammer across his knee caps. I’ll bet the bastard is only too willin’ to pay up then.

What about Belter Dad? Archie warily asks.

Burra chuckles Blokes like Belter are all talk son.

You haven’t forgotten those murder charges have you Dad? Arty reminds Burra.

Burra shrugs Listen Arty… if yer dug into these cases yer’d probably find the victims were either poofs or wheelchair bound. Reputations mean nothin’ in your cases boys.

You’re showing a lot of bravado Burra Edith warns. You want to do a proper background check I think.

Burra winces, Background! Schmack ground! Bugger off Edith… in fact; just to teach the bugger a lesson I’m gunna demand interest as well. No, they cannot get away with fleecin’ our boys Edith. It is not right.

I know it’s not right… Edith begins only to be drowned out by Burra Get yerself ready boys and prepare fer thick wallets.

Edith lifts her tone Calm down Burra… you’re getting ahead of yourself. Do you intend to take the Kingswood?

Of course I bloody do Edith Burra replies.

Edith makes a deep sigh All right then. Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money for the boys to have diddled out of them I suppose. Before you go, you better drop me over at mums and I’ll stay with her.

Bloody hell Edith, Burra grizzles. Why can’t she come over here and stay?

Edith glares at Burra How is mum going to get here?

Catch the bloody bus Edith Burra’s voice lifts.

Edith remains silent, but doesn’t take