Love me or Leave me!

By Summer Vergin

"Love me or Leave me!" is the true story of my life for the first two years after I was released from a women's prison. It is a story about a woman who loved too much - me.

"Yes, I knew it!" Bad things happen to good people, even to good people with the best of intentions – me for instance. Good intentions are good, and high expectations are great; but in the real world, realization of high expectations is always (and always will be) a struggle. Oh yes – believe this, it’s a struggle between good and evil. Life is even more of a struggle when you encounter very real barriers placed in front of you by other people - barriers that cannot possibly be overcome regardless of your effort and good intentions. I’m talking about my prison record here people. Not even a “pardon” will erase that, at least not in my state of Alabama. Dealing with it is exhausting, humiliating, belittling, and downright defeating. I feel overwhelmed, but I get the message!

If you find out that you can’t change something, don’t try; go around it instead. Do something different! But, don’t give up; don’t give in – even when you don’t have any energy or resources left. Be damned stubborn and determined, or you will be vulnerable! You do not want to do anything (with anybody) that can get you back into the justice system; believe me! Reject anyone and everyone who is negative to your purpose.

To be sure, even people with good intentions will mislead you, because “they” want to believe that good always wins out over evil. Others, with not so good (selfish) intentions will berate and manipulate you for their own selfish benefit. They will destroy your self-confidence and self-respect, without which you cannot succeed. The not-so-good people consciously aim to benefit from your lack of self-respect - it's called manipulation. They will promote negative feelings of guilt deep within you. Don’t believe a word of it! Don’t become vulnerable! You and I must constantly keep our guard up and challenge everyone’s motive. Evil often wins!

Only you (I) can attempt to control your (my) destiny, your (my) chance to succeed, your (my) realization of your (my) dreams, whatever they may be. You (I) have to succeed in spite of the good people with good intentions. It’s called survival! You (I) have to succeed in spite of bad (not-so-good, selfish) people too. It’s called survival!

“Bad” people who claim to be your (my) old “friends”, your (my) old “lovers”, and even (in some cases) your (my) old “family” can cause you (me) to fail. We can’t choose our families (and we love them dearly); but we can choose our friends. Make wise choices based on what is right; and make no bones about it – whatever that’s worth. It’s time for us to put “ME” first! Claim God’s love and direction and just do it! People, either lead me in the right direction or get out of my way (life). By the way, don’t tell me you’re my friend unless you’re as committed to my success as I am. Either love me or leave me!

This book tells the story of a woman trapped in a destructive narcissistic-codependent relationship and how she is eventually able to "get out" of that relationship.
* Traits of a narcissist
* Traits of a codependent
* Personal boundaries
* Personal limits
* Grace
* Truth
* Love (Grace with Truth)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Summer Vergin
• Release date: Jul 1, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476270869

Summer Vergin

I am a 34 year old college student living (surviving) in Birmingham, Alabama. Very soon, I will graduate from Jefferson State College in Birmingham, Alabama with an Associate Degree in Business. After graduation from Jeff State, I plan to enroll in the Southeastern Bible College and pursue a program in "Youth Ministry", with my first classes starting in January 2013. I can't wait to get started on that program. I am a determined, committed, self-reliant, problem-solving, independent woman. I have a dog named Betsy, and I love her very much. Betsy can talk to me with her eyes. Betsy gives me unconditional love; and I return the favor. I have a beautiful daughter named Brooklyn, and I have dedicated my books to her. Brooklyn got a new bicycle for her birthday. Maybe I'll write a story about Brooklyn and her new bicycle. I give Brooklyn unconditional love, and Brooklyn returns the favor. I wrote "Love me or Leave me" because my old friends were not willing to make the same level of commitment to my success in my re-entry process that I was willing to make; so I left them. My new friend is willing to make that commitment - he loves me! I do work other part-time jobs (e.g., waitress, face-painter, clown, etc.), as opportunities may come along. Also, I prepare sales and marketing literature for small businesses on an independent contract basis. I have found that part-time independent work is far less stressful and humiliating than getting turned away from the better jobs by potential employers who will not take a chance on me - even after I honestly tell them about my prison record and how God changed my life in prison. Therefore, I'm betting on myself! Every chance I get, I perform volunteer work in women's re-entry facilities and drug rehabilitation centers. Currently, I am volunteering to help out in a local women's prison ministry program. I am eminently qualified for this work. I feel that I am "called" to work in the women's re-entry field, longer term. I participated in the University of Alabama/Women's Studies program for "Women-in-Prison"; and I have been invited back to participate in their 2013 program as well. I would like to expand my speaking engagements to include high school assembly and Celebrate Recovery small group programs. I don't want other young girls to experience what I have had to endure. Thank you for enjoying my books and for being my friend! Heather Heaton

Book preview

Love me or Leave me!

By: Summer Vergin

Love me or Leave me!

By: Summer Vergin

Copyright 2012 Heather D. Heaton

All rights reserved

Smashwords Edition

This book is retitled and republished from the fourth entry (Recycled - Second Time Around) in the series Her Letters from Prison published as follows:

a) Her Letters from Prison - Part 1: Truth Stands Still Even as the World Trembles and Burns, Heather D. Heaton, Smashwords, ISBN 978-1-4657-2356-3, copyright 2011 (eBook)

b) Her Letters from Prison - Part 2: Ask and You Will Be Forgiven; Seek and You Will Find, Heather D. Heaton, Smashwords, ISBN 978-1-4661-8773-3, copyright 2011 (eBook)

c) Her Letters from Prison: Truth Stands Still Even as the World Trembles and Burns (Second Edition), Heather D. Heaton, ISBN 978-0-692-01725-8, copyright 2012 (paperback - Her Letters from Prison: Part 1 & Part 2 combined)

d) Her Letters from Prison - Part 1: Truth Stands Still Even as the World Trembles and Burns, Heather D. Heaton, Amazon Edition, copyright 2012 (eBook)

e) Her Letters from Prison - Part 2: Ask and You Will Be Forgiven; Seek and You Will Find, Heather D. Heaton, Amazon Edition, copyright 2012 (eBook)

f) Her Letters from Prison: Women-in-Prison (Almost Invisible) (Fact / Myth), Heather D. Heaton, Amazon Edition, copyright 2012 (eBook)

Heather Heaton's paperback book Her Letters from Prison (ISBN 978-0-692-01725-8) is generally available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchase for sales promotion, premiums, fund-raising events, women's prison ministry programs, reentry programs, drug prevention programs, and educational needs. For details, write Heather Heaton, Heather Heaton Enterprises, PO Box 170412, Birmingham, Alabama 35217.

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise - without prior written permission of Heather D. Heaton, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

Cover Designer: Heather D. Heaton

Illustrator: Heather D. Heaton

Publisher: Heather D. Heaton

Epigraph

God never wastes a hurt!

Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

You will have courage because you still have hope.

You will be protected and will rest in safety.

You will lie down unafraid, and many will look to you for help.

Job 11:18-19, Bible

Don't just sit and wait around for the storm to pass.

Dance in the rain!

Unknown

About the Author:

Christian woman

Committed

Dedicated

Determined

Self-starter

Independent

Problem solver

Over three (3) years in women’s prison

High School GED (obtained in prison)

Work Skills – Life Tech (obtained in prison)

PhD – Bad Life Experiences

College

Jefferson State College (about to graduate – spring 2012)

Southeastern Bible College (planning to enroll – youth ministry)

Volunteer

Local re-entry programs

Women’s Prison Ministry

Ambition – working to become:

Inspirational, motivational speaker

Youth minister

Women’s prison minister

Immediate goal – striving to become more independent and self-supporting

Summer Vergin

Dedication:

To my beautiful daughter, Brooklyn.

I love you Brooklyn!

Table of Contents:

Introduction

The Trip That Would Never Happen

Truths and Consequences

Getting Out - Coming Home

The Old White House

First Getaway

Old Friends/New Friends/Family

Our Little Project - Her Letters from Prison

He Made Me Cry

The Prophecy

Punishment and Discernment

Second Getaway

Meanings of Seven

A Dream Realized

The Fall

Discernment

The Big Break

Opportunity versus Entrapment

What's Next for Me?

Dear Reader

A Brief Review - Her Letters from Prison: Part 1 & Part 2

Introduction:

This book Love me or Leave me! is not what I had planned to write about this time. While I was writing Her Letters from Prison: Part 1 & Part 2, I had envisioned near-term success and sharing my happy success story. Yes, I even wrote about my plans for a subsequent book; and this title was not what I had in mind. I guess that my best of intentions and my high expectations needed a little tempering – in God’s eyes. God has a plan for my life (my purpose), and I know it. I have heard His call. His call has been reaffirmed to me over and over. Right out of prison, I followed His call; but I slacked up and got slapped down. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t want to believe it could happen a second time. I am humbled, again – for real and for true.

Yes, I knew it! Bad things happen to good people, even to good people with the best of intentions – me for instance. Good intentions are good, and high expectations are great; but in the real world, realization of high expectations is always (and always will be) a struggle. Oh yes – believe this, it’s a struggle between good and evil. Life is even more of a struggle when you encounter very real barriers placed in front of you by other people - barriers that cannot possibly be overcome regardless of your effort and good intentions. I’m talking about my prison record here people. Not even a pardon will erase that, at least not in my state of Alabama. Dealing with it is exhausting, humiliating, belittling, and downright defeating. I feel overwhelmed, but I get the message! If you find out that you can’t change something, don’t try; go around it instead. Do something different! But, don’t give up; don’t give in – even when you don’t have any energy or resources left. Be damned stubborn and determined, or you will be vulnerable! You do not want to do anything (with anybody) that can get you back into the justice system; believe me! Reject anyone and everyone who is negative to your purpose.

To be sure, even people with good intentions will mislead you, because they want to believe that good always wins out over evil. Others, with not so good (selfish) intentions will berate and manipulate you for their own selfish benefit. They will destroy your self-confidence and self-respect, without which you cannot succeed. The not-so-good people consciously aim to benefit from your lack of self-respect - it's called manipulation. They will promote negative feelings of guilt deep within you. Don’t believe a word of it! Don’t become vulnerable! You and I must constantly keep our guard up and challenge everyone’s motive. Evil often wins!

Only you (I) can attempt to control your (my) destiny, your (my) chance to succeed, your (my) realization of your (my) dreams, whatever they may be. You (I) have to succeed in spite of the good people with good intentions. It’s called survival! You (I) have to succeed in spite of bad (not-so-good, selfish) people too. It’s called survival! Bad people who claim to be your (my) old friends, your (my) old lovers, and even (in some cases) your (my) old family can cause you (me) to fail. We can’t choose our families (and we love them dearly); but we can choose our friends. Make wise choices based on what is right; and make no bones about it – whatever that’s worth. It’s time for us to put ME first! Claim God’s love and direction and just do it! People, either lead me in the right direction or get out of my way (life). By the way, don’t tell me you’re my friend unless you’re as committed to my success as I am. Either love me or leave me!

The attitudes on exhibit in the previous couple of paragraphs were not the attitudes I had within myself when I first got out of prison. They are attitudes that evolved throughout the two years after I got out of prison - the two years portrayed in my story you are about to read. It took a lot of trial and error on my part before the differences in the meanings of the words self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem became clear. As you read my story, you will experience my struggle to understand the meanings in these words and the significance of their meanings in my life. I will share my understanding of the meaning of these words in the following indented paragraphs. As you read my story, please keep this understanding in your mind, and you will better appreciate my struggle and my ultimate success.

Self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in (being assured of) your own personal judgment, ability, power, etc. Self-confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet realistic views of themselves and their situations. Self-confidence allows you to promise yourself, that no matter how difficult life's problems are, you will try as hard as you can to help yourself. Self-confident people trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, and expect. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic; and even when some of their expectations are not realized, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

Self-esteem is the appreciation of one's own (self) worth and importance. If we are not careful, the word self-esteem can (and often does) become an expression of self-absorption (a pleasurable vice) without self-examination (a painful discipline). Neither importance nor worth is a quality to be found in nature without the presence of an appraising mind. It is the appraising mind that confers worth and importance on their object. Therefore, with self-esteem, it must be one's own mind that bestows a feeling of worth and importance to one's own self.

Self-esteem's first component, importance, is self-evident by virtue of being a living individual; and this self-evident nature does not require recognition either by one's self or by others. Each living individual is important.

Self-esteem's second component, worth, is clearly something that one would normally expect to be earned rather than conferred, or simply be transferred and not earned.

The narcissistic personality carries self-esteem to the limit. The narcissist assumes an extreme high self-esteem posture in that he/she demands that others a) instinctively recognize his/her importance and b) assign high value (confer a sense of high unearned worth) to him/her. In other words, the narcissist wants something for nothing; and because, in his heart he knows that what he wants is impossible, he is wretched and ascribes all the many failures of his life to others. In other words, others are to blame for the narcissist's failures which are in turn denied. To the narcissist, their whim is law to be followed by others; and if not followed, the law transcends into condemnation - suffer the consequences. The narcissist feels that he/she deserves happiness (as defined by himself/herself) at the expense of others. That is, the narcissist, in order to overcome an overwhelming sense of failure, expects some other person(s) to provide a continuing supply of self-esteem - devoid of love and truth. No amount of effort or expense will be spared to secure that supply.

Therefore, in