All's Well That Ends Well In Plain and Simple English (A Modern Translation and the Original Version)

By BookCaps

It's a comedy! It's a tragedy! It's...confusing! Shakespeare doesn't have to be confusing and hard to read. Let BookCaps help with this modern retelling.

If you have struggled in the past reading Shakespeare, then BookCaps can help you out. This book is a modern translation of All's Well That Ends Well.

The original text is also presented in the book, along with a comparable version of both text.

We all need refreshers every now and then. Whether you are a student trying to cram for that big final, or someone just trying to understand a book more, BookCaps can help. We are a small, but growing company, and are adding titles every month.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookCaps
• Release date: Jun 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476497723

BookCaps

We all need refreshers every now and then. Whether you are a student trying to cram for that big final, or someone just trying to understand a book more, BookCaps can help. We are a small, but growing company, and are adding titles every month.Visit www.bookcaps.com to see more of our books, or contact us with any questions.

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About This Series

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The series is expanding every month. Visit BookCaps.com to see all the books in the series, and while you are there join the Facebook page, so you are first to know when a new book comes out.

Characters

KING OF FRANCE.

THE DUKE OF FLORENCE.
BERTRAM, Count of Rousillon.

LAFEU, an old Lord.

PAROLLES, a follower of Bertram.

Several young French Lords, that serve with Bertram in the
Florentine War.

Steward, Servant to the Countess of Rousillon.

Clown, Servant to the Countess of Rousillon.

A Page, Servant to the Countess of Rousillon.

COUNTESS OF ROUSILLON, Mother to Bertram.

HELENA, a Gentlewoman protected by the Countess.

An old Widow of Florence.

DIANA, daughter to the Widow.

VIOLENTA, neighbour and friend to the Widow.

MARIANA, neighbour and friend to the Widow.

Lords attending on the KING; Officers; Soldiers, &c., French and Florentine.

Comparative Version

SCENE I. Rousillon. The COUNT's palace.

Enter BERTRAM, the COUNTESS of Rousillon, HELENA, and LAFEU, all in black

COUNTESS

In delivering my son from me, I bury a second husband.

In sending away my son, it is as if I buried my husband again.

BERTRAM

And I in going, madam, weep o'er my father's death

anew: but I must attend his majesty's command, to

whom I am now in ward, evermore in subjection.

And in going away, madam, I weep for my father's death

over again: but I must obey his Majesty's command,

for he is now my guardian and I am forever under his rule.

LAFEU

You shall find of the king a husband, madam; you,

sir, a father: he that so generally is at all times

good must of necessity hold his virtue to you; whose

worthiness would stir it up where it wanted rather

than lack it where there is such abundance.

You shall find the king like a husband, madam; you

sir will find him like a father: he is always so good

that he will of course be good to you; you

deserve it and would provoke goodness if it was lacking,

so you will not lack it where there is so much available.

COUNTESS

What hope is there of his majesty's amendment?

What hope is there of his Majesty getting better?

LAFEU

He hath abandoned his physicians, madam; under whose

practises he hath persecuted time with hope, and

finds no other advantage in the process but only the

losing of hope by time.

He has given up on his doctors, madam; he had

hoped to get more time through them, and now

he thinks that the only thing they can give him

is that he will lose hope over time.

COUNTESS

This young gentlewoman had a father,--O, that

'had'! how sad a passage 'tis!--whose skill was

almost as great as his honesty; had it stretched so

far, would have made nature immortal, and death

should have play for lack of work. Would, for the

king's sake, he were living! I think it would be

the death of the king's disease.

This young lady had a father–oh how sad

it is to say ‘had’!–whose skill was almost as great

as his honesty; if it had been he could have made

mankind immortal, and death would have had

time on his hands through lack of work. I wish he were alive,

for the King's sake! I think he would have

killed off the King's disease.

LAFEU

How called you the man you speak of, madam?

What was the name of this man you speak of, madam?

COUNTESS

He was famous, sir, in his profession, and it was

his great right to be so: Gerard de Narbon.

He was famous in his profession, Sir, and

he had every right to be: Gerard de Narbon.

LAFEU

He was excellent indeed, madam: the king very

lately spoke of him admiringly and mourningly: he

was skilful enough to have lived still, if knowledge

could be set up against mortality.

He was indeed a great man, madam: just recently

the King spoke of him admiringly and sadly: he

had the skills to still be alive, if knowledge

could triumph over death.

BERTRAM

What is it, my good lord, the king languishes of?

What is the nature of the King's illness, my good lord?

LAFEU

A fistula, my lord.

He has a fistula, my Lord.

BERTRAM

I heard not of it before.

I have never heard of that.

LAFEU

I would it were not notorious. Was this gentlewoman

the daughter of Gerard de Narbon?

I wish nobody had. Was this young lady

the daughter of Gerard de Narbon?

COUNTESS

His sole child, my lord, and bequeathed to my

overlooking. I have those hopes of her good that

her education promises; her dispositions she

inherits, which makes fair gifts fairer; for where

an unclean mind carries virtuous qualities, there

commendations go with pity; they are virtues and

traitors too; in her they are the better for their

simpleness; she derives her honesty and achieves her goodness.

His only child, my lord, and left in my care.

I have high hopes for her due to

the education she has received; she has inherited

a good character which improves her gifts; when

an unclean mind has good qualities, praise

goes along with pity; they are virtues

but they are corrupted; in her they are better for her

innocence; she inherits her honesty and has worked for her goodness.

LAFEU

Your commendations, madam, get from her tears.

Your praise has made her cry, madam.

COUNTESS

'Tis the best brine a maiden can season her praise

in. The remembrance of her father never approaches

her heart but the tyranny of her sorrows takes all

livelihood from her cheek. No more of this, Helena;

go to, no more; lest it be rather thought you affect

a sorrow than have it.

Tears give the best salt for a girl to flavour her praise with.

She can never remember her father

without her great sorrow draining all the colour from her cheeks.

Stop this, Helena; come on, stop it, you don't want people to think

that your sorrow isn't genuine.

HELENA

I do affect a sorrow indeed, but I have it too.

I am making a show of mourning, but it is genuine.

LAFEU

Moderate lamentation is the right of the dead,

excessive grief the enemy to the living.

The dead have a right to expect a little mourning,

but excessive grief damages the living.

COUNTESS

If the living be enemy to the grief, the excess

makes it soon mortal.

If those who are alive fight against the grief,

it will soon die.

BERTRAM

Madam, I desire your holy wishes.

Madam, I want your blessing.

LAFEU

How understand we that?

What does that mean?

COUNTESS

Be thou blest, Bertram, and succeed thy father

In manners, as in shape! thy blood and virtue

Contend for empire in thee, and thy goodness

Share with thy birthright! Love all, trust a few,

Do wrong to none: be able for thine enemy

Rather in power than use, and keep thy friend

Under thy own life's key: be cheque'd for silence,

But never tax'd for speech. What heaven more will,

That thee may furnish and my prayers pluck down,

Fall on thy head! Farewell, my lord;

'Tis an unseason'd courtier; good my lord,

Advise him.

Bertram, may you have the blessing of copying your father's

manners as well as his shape! Your passion and your virtues

fight to rule over you, and your goodness

fights with your inheritance! Love everyone, only trust a few,

do no harm to any; be prepared for your enemy

but don't attack him, and defend your friends

with your life: don't be too quiet,

but don't talk too much.May whatever else heaven will allow,

and my prayers get for you,

fall upon your head! Farewell, my lord;

he is not used to courts; my good lord,

look after him.

LAFEU

He cannot want the best

That shall attend his love.

He will get the best he deserves.

COUNTESS

Heaven bless him! Farewell, Bertram.

May Heaven bless him! Farewell, Bertram.

Exit

BERTRAM

[To HELENA] The best wishes that can be forged in

your thoughts be servants to you! Be comfortable

to my mother, your mistress, and make much of her.

May your thoughts be full of goodness! Be good

to my mother, your mistress, and look after her.

LAFEU

Farewell, pretty lady: you must hold the credit of

your father.

Goodbye, pretty lady: be a credit to your father.

Exeunt BERTRAM and LAFEU

HELENA

O, were that all! I think not on my father;

And these great tears grace his remembrance more

Than those I shed for him. What was he like?

I have forgot him: my imagination

Carries no favour in't but Bertram's.

I am undone: there is no living, none,

If Bertram be away. 'Twere all one

That I should love a bright particular star

And think to wed it, he is so above me:

In his bright radiance and collateral light

Must I be comforted, not in his sphere.

The ambition in my love thus plagues itself:

The hind that would be mated by the lion

Must die for love. 'Twas pretty, though plague,

To see him every hour; to sit and draw

His arched brows, his hawking eye, his curls,

In our heart's table; heart too capable

Of every line and trick of his sweet favour:

But now he's gone, and my idolatrous fancy

Must sanctify his reliques. Who comes here?

Oh if that were all! I'm not thinking of my father:

I am weeping more for the memory of him

than I am for his person. What was he like?

I have forgotten him: my mind

has no love in it except for Bertram.

I am lost: I cannot live at all

without Bertram. I might just as well

be in love with a bright star above

and think I could marry it, he is so far above me:

I must be happy to bathe in his reflected light,

because I cannot get near to him.

And so my love tortures itself:

the deer that wanted to mate with a lion

would die of love. It was lovely, though torture,

to see him all the time, to sit and draw

a picture in my heart of his arched brows,

his sharp eye; my heart knows all too well

every little line of his sweet face:

but now he's gone, and all I have left to worship

are my memories of him. Who's this?

Enter PAROLLES

Aside

One that goes with him: I love him for his sake;

And yet I know him a notorious liar,

Think him a great way fool, solely a coward;

Yet these fixed evils sit so fit in him,

That they take place, when virtue's steely bones

Look bleak i' the cold wind: withal, full oft we see

Cold wisdom waiting on superfluous folly.

It's one of those that goes with him: I love him for what he is,

and yet I know he is a terrible liar,

I think he is very foolish, a complete coward;

yet he is so suited to his flaws

that they look good, when cold virtues

look harsh: it's true that we often see

cold wisdom is not as attractive as foolishness.

PAROLLES

Save you, fair queen!

Greetings, lovely Queen!

HELENA

And you, monarch!

The same to you, King!

PAROLLES

No.

I'm not a king.

HELENA

And no.

And I'm not a Queen.

PAROLLES

Are you meditating on virginity?

Are you thinking about virginity?

HELENA

Ay. You have some stain of soldier in you: let me

ask you a question. Man is enemy to virginity; how

may we barricado it against him?

Yes. You have something of the soldier about you: let me

ask you a question. Man is the enemy of virginity; how

can we resist him?

PAROLLES

Keep him out.

Keep him out.

HELENA

But he assails; and our virginity, though valiant,

in the defence yet is weak: unfold to us some

warlike resistance.

But he attacks, and although our virginity is brave,

it is weak in its defence: tell me a soldier's way

of resisting.

PAROLLES

There is none: man, sitting down before you, will

undermine you and blow you up.

There isn't one: a man, sitting down in front of you, will

get under your defences and blow you up.

HELENA

Bless our poor virginity from underminers and

blowers up! Is there no military policy, how

virgins might blow up men?

Save our poor virginity from these underminers

and blowers up! Is there no military way for

virgins to blow up men?

PAROLLES

Virginity being blown down, man will quicklier be

blown up: marry, in blowing him down again, with

the breach yourselves made, you lose your city. It

is not politic in the commonwealth of nature to

preserve virginity. Loss of virginity is rational

increase and there was never virgin got till

virginity was first lost. That you were made of is

metal to make virgins. Virginity by being once lost

may be ten times found; by being ever kept, it is

ever lost: 'tis too cold a companion; away with 't!

Once virginity has been beaten, men will quickly

be blown up: in fact, the action of blowing him down

will bring your city walls tumbling. It's not part of nature

to preserve virginity. The loss of virginity means the increase

of the population, no virgin was ever born unless

somebody lost their virginity first. You were made

to make virgins. Once your virginity is lost

you can make ten more virgins; if you keep it

there will be no more virgins: it's a cold companion, get rid of it!

HELENA

I will stand for 't a little, though therefore I die a virgin.

I think I'll put up with it for a while, even if it means I died a virgin.

PAROLLES

There's little can be said in 't; 'tis against the

rule of nature. To speak on the part of virginity,

is to accuse your mothers; which is most infallible

disobedience. He that hangs himself is a virgin:

virginity murders itself and should be buried in

highways out of all sanctified limit, as a desperate

offendress against nature. Virginity breeds mites,

much like a cheese; consumes itself to the very

paring, and so dies with feeding his own stomach.

Besides, virginity is peevish, proud, idle, made of

self-love, which is the most inhibited sin in the

canon. Keep it not; you cannot choose but loose

by't: out with 't! within ten year it will make

itself ten, which is a goodly increase; and the

principal itself not much the worse: away with 't!

There's not much to be said for it; it's against

the law of nature. If you defend virginity

then you are attacking your mother; which is a terrible

thing to do. A suicide is a virgin:

virginity murders itself and should be buried

by the roadside, not in the holy ground, as being a terrible

offender against nature. Virginity breeds parasites

like a cheese does; it eats itself right down to the

rind, and so dies feeding itself.

Besides, virginity is testy, arrogant, lazy, made of

self-love, which is the most prohibited sin of

all. Don't hang onto it, you will only lose by

doing so: get rid of it! Within ten years you will have made

ten more virgins, which is a good return; and you won't have lost

much of your capital. Get rid of it!

HELENA

How might one do, sir, to lose it to her own liking?

What should one do, Sir, to lose it in a pleasing manner?

PAROLLES

Let me see: marry, ill, to like him that ne'er it

likes. 'Tis a commodity will lose the gloss with

lying; the longer kept, the less worth: off with 't

while 'tis vendible; answer the time of request.

Virginity, like an old courtier, wears her cap out

of fashion: richly suited, but unsuitable: just

like the brooch and the tooth-pick, which wear not

now. Your date is better in your pie and your

porridge than in your cheek; and your virginity,

your old virginity, is like one of our French

withered pears, it looks ill, it eats drily; marry,

'tis a withered pear; it was formerly better;

marry, yet 'tis a withered pear: will you anything with it?

Let me see; well, you must like someone who doesn't

like virginity;it's a commodity that will go off;

the longer you keep it, the less it is worth: get rid of it

while it's still saleable; give it up when asked.

Virginity, like an old courtier, wears an unfashionable

cap: good quality, but unsuitable: like

brooches and toothpicks, which nobody wears

now. Dates are nicer in pies or in

porridge than eaten raw; and your virginity,

your old virginity, is like one of those dried

French pears, it looks nasty, it's dry to eat; in fact

it's a withered pear: what can you do with it?

HELENA

Not my virginity yet

There shall your master have a thousand loves,

A mother and a mistress and a friend,

A phoenix, captain and an enemy,

A guide, a goddess, and a sovereign,

A counsellor, a traitress, and a dear;

His humble ambition, proud humility,

His jarring concord, and his discord dulcet,

His faith, his sweet disaster; with a world

Of pretty, fond, adoptious christendoms,

That blinking Cupid gossips. Now shall he--

I know not what he shall. God send him well!

The court's a learning place, and he is one—

Your master shall not have my virginity yet,

but he will have thousand loves,

a mother and a mistress and friend,

a phoenix, a captain and an enemy,

a guide, a Goddess and Queen,

a counsellor, a traitoress and a dear one;

his humble ambition, his proud humility,

his clashing harmonies, his sweet discord,

his faith, his sweet disaster; these are all

the pretty, fond, adopted names

that men give, inspired by love. Now he shall–

I don't know what he shall. May God look after him!

The court's a place where one learns, and he is one–

PAROLLES

What one, i' faith?

For heaven's sake, who are you talking about?

HELENA

That I wish well. 'Tis pity—

The one that I wish well. It's a shame-

PAROLLES

What's pity?

What's a shame?

HELENA

That wishing well had not a body in't,

Which might be felt; that we, the poorer born,

Whose baser stars do shut us up in wishes,

Might with effects of them follow our friends,

And show what we alone must think, which never

Return us thanks.

That good wishes don't have a physical body,

so that we who are born poor, whose lowly position

means wishes are all we have,

might use them to follow our friends,

and show them things we are only allowed to think,

which never do us any good.

Enter Page

Page

Monsieur Parolles, my lord calls for you.

Monsieur Parolles,my lord wants you.

Exit

PAROLLES

Little Helen, farewell; if I can remember thee, I

will think of thee at court.

Farewell little Helen; if I remember you, I

will think of you when I'm at the court.

HELENA

Monsieur Parolles, you were born under a charitable star.

Monsieur Parolles, you were born under a star sign which makes you kind.

PAROLLES

Under Mars, I.

I was born under Mars.

HELENA

I especially think, under Mars.

Definitely under Mars, I think.

PAROLLES

Why under Mars?

Why under Mars?

HELENA

The wars have so kept you under that you must needs

be born under Mars.

You can have been so much in the wars that you must

have been born under Mars.

PAROLLES

When he was predominant.

When he was in the ascendant.

HELENA

When he was retrograde, I think, rather.

I think when he was descending, actually.

PAROLLES

Why think you so?

Why do you think that?

HELENA

You go so much backward when you fight.

You are always going backwards when you fight.

PAROLLES

That's for advantage.

That's to get an advantage.

HELENA

So is running away, when fear proposes the safety;

but the composition that your valour and fear makes

in you is a virtue of a good wing, and I like the wear well.

So is running away, when you're inspired by fear;

but the mixture of your bravery and fear

makes a good outfit, and I like the look of it.

PAROLLES

I am so full of businesses, I cannot answer thee

acutely. I will return perfect courtier; in the

which, my instruction shall serve to naturalize

thee, so thou wilt be capable of a courtier's

counsel and understand what advice shall thrust upon

thee; else thou diest in thine unthankfulness, and

thine ignorance makes thee away: farewell. When

thou hast leisure, say thy prayers; when thou hast

none, remember thy friends; get thee a good husband,

and use him as he uses thee; so, farewell.

I'm too busy to answer you properly.

I will come back the perfect courtier; and when I do

I will teach you all the ways of the court

so you will be ready for a courtier's

advice and be able to understand it;

otherwise you'll die lonely,

kept alone by your ignorance: goodbye.

When you have the time, say your prayers;

don't bother remembering your friends;

get yourself a husband and

treat him the same as he treats you.

Exit

HELENA

Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie,

Which we ascribe to heaven: the fated sky

Gives us free scope, only doth backward pull

Our slow designs when we ourselves are dull.

What power is it which mounts my love so high,

That makes me see, and cannot feed mine eye?

The mightiest space in fortune nature brings

To join like likes and kiss like native things.

Impossible be strange attempts to those

That weigh their pains in sense and do suppose

What hath been cannot be: who ever strove

So show her merit, that did miss her love?

The king's disease--my project may deceive me,

But my intents are fix'd and will not leave me.

We have the power to take fate into our own hands,

which we usually say is controlled by the stars; the fateful sky

gives us free rein, it only pulls back

our clumsy plans when we are clumsy ourselves.

What is the power that gives me so much love,

that lets me look when I cannot touch?

Fate leaves a space for nature to come in,

to join those who are similar and let them naturally kiss.

Strange plans look impossible to those

who weigh things in the balance sensibly and think

that nothing can be changed: who was there who ever

showed such merit, missing her love?

The king's disease-I may be deceiving myself with this plan,

but my mind is made up, I'm going ahead.

Exit

SCENE II. Paris. The KING's palace.

Flourish of cornets. Enter the KING of France, with letters, and divers Attendants

KING

The Florentines and Senoys are by the ears;

Have fought with equal fortune and continue

A braving war.

The Florentines and the Siennese are still at loggerheads;

they have had equal success and are continuing

a fierce war.

First Lord

So 'tis reported, sir.

So they say, sir.

KING

Nay, 'tis most credible; we here received it

A certainty, vouch'd from our cousin Austria,

With caution that the Florentine will move us

For speedy aid; wherein our dearest friend

Prejudicates the business and would seem

To have us make denial.

No, you can believe it; I've been told

it's definite by my cousin the King of Austria,

who warns that the Florentines will be coming to us

looking for help; and our dear friend

has weighed up the matter and seems

to want us to refuse.

First Lord

His love and wisdom,

Approved so to your majesty, may plead

For amplest credence.

His love and wisdom,

which your Majesty so values, means

we should give his views the greatest respect.

KING

He hath arm'd our answer,

And Florence is denied before he comes:

Yet, for our gentlemen that mean to see

The Tuscan service, freely have they leave

To stand on either part.

He has prepared our answer for us,

and Florence is refused before she asks.

But for any of our gentlemen who want

to fight in Tuscany, they have my permission

to fight for either side.

Second Lord

It well may serve

A nursery to our gentry, who are sick

For breathing and exploit.

It may well be

a good training ground for our gentry, who are itching

for exercise and adventure.

KING

What's he comes here?

Who's this coming?

Enter BERTRAM, LAFEU, and PAROLLES

First Lord

It is the Count Rousillon, my good lord,

Young Bertram.

It is Count Rousillon, my good lord,

young Bertram.

KING

Youth, thou bear'st thy father's face;

Frank nature, rather curious than in haste,

Hath well composed thee. Thy father's moral parts

Mayst thou inherit too! Welcome to Paris.

Young man, you look like your father;

nature has clearly worked carefully, not swiftly,

and made you well. May you also have inherited

your father's moral character! Welcome to Paris.

BERTRAM

My thanks and duty are your majesty's.

I give you my thanks, and I am at your Majesty's service.

KING

I would I had that corporal soundness now,

As when thy father and myself in friendship

First tried our soldiership! He did look far

Into the service of the time and was

Discipled of the bravest: he lasted long;

But on us both did haggish age steal on

And wore us out of act. It much repairs me

To talk of your good father. In his youth

He had the wit which I can well observe

To-day in our young lords; but they may jest

Till their own scorn return to them unnoted

Ere they can hide their levity in honour;

So like a courtier, contempt nor bitterness

Were in his pride or sharpness; if they were,

His equal had awaked them, and his honour,

Clock to itself, knew the true minute when

Exception bid him speak, and at this time

His tongue obey'd his hand: who were below him

He used as creatures of another place

And bow'd his eminent top to their low ranks,

Making them proud of his humility,

In their poor praise he humbled. Such a man

Might be a copy to these younger times;

Which, follow'd well, would demonstrate them now

But goers backward.

I wish that I was as healthy now

as I was when your father and I in friendship

First became soldiers! He spent

a long time in service and had

the bravest followers: he lasted for a long time;

but that old witch, age, crept up on us

and curtailed our actions. It cheers me up

to talk about your good father. In his youth

he was as witty as the young lords

whom I see today; but they can joke

until they're blue in the face

before they can match their wit with honour;

he was so courteous, there was no contempt or bitterness

in his pride or his wit; if there was

it was only ever to his equals, and his honour,

which governed him, knew the right time

to speak when he was offended, and at this time

his tongue would follow his hand: those below him

he treated as if they had a different position

and bowed his noble head to their lower ranks,

making them delighted with his humility;

he humbled himself to praise them. A man like this

would be a good example for modern times;

if it was followed, it would show these young ones

that they have actually fallen backwards.

BERTRAM

His good remembrance, sir,

Lies richer in your thoughts than on his tomb;

So in approof lives not his epitaph

As in your royal speech.

The best memorial for him, Sir,

is your memories rather than what's written on his tomb;

your royal speech is the best confirmation

of his epitaph.

KING

Would I were with him! He would always say--

Methinks