She Stoops to Conquer

By Oliver Goldsmith

Wealthy countryman Mr. Hardcastle arranges for his daughter Kate to meet Charles Marlow, the son of a wealthy Londoner, hoping the pair will marry. Unfortunately Marlow is nervous around upper-class women, yet the complete opposite around lower-class females. On his first acquaintance with Kate, the latter realises she will have to pretend to be common, or Marlow will not woo her. Thus Kate stoops to conquer, by posing as a maid, hoping to put Marlow at his ease so he falls for her.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Start Publishing LLC
• Release date: Dec 28, 2012
• ISBN: 9781625585400

Book preview

Prologue

By David Garrick, Esq.

Enter MR. WOODWARD, dressed in black, and holding a handkerchief to his eyes.

Excuse me, sirs, I pray—I can’t yet speak—

I’m crying now—and have been all the week.

’Tis not alone this mourning suit, good masters:

I’ve that within—for which there are no plasters!

Pray, would you know the reason why I’m crying?

The Comic Muse, long sick, is now a-dying!

And if she goes, my tears will never stop;

For as a player, I can’t squeeze out one drop:

I am undone, that’s all—shall lose my bread—

I’d rather, but that’s nothing—lose my head.

When the sweet maid is laid upon the bier,

Shuter and I shall be chief mourners here.

To her a mawkish drab of spurious breed,

Who deals in sentimentals, will succeed!

Poor Ned and I are dead to all intents;

We can as soon speak Greek as sentiments!

Both nervous grown, to keep our spirits up.

We now and then take down a hearty cup.

What shall we do? If Comedy forsake us,

They’ll turn us out, and no one else will take us.

But why can’t I be moral?—Let me try—

My heart thus pressing—fixed my face and eye—

With a sententious look, that nothing means,

(Faces are blocks in sentimental scenes)

Thus I begin: "All is not gold that glitters,

"Pleasure seems sweet, but proves a glass of bitters.

"When Ignorance enters, Folly is at hand:

"Learning is better far than house and land.

"Let not your virtue trip; who trips may stumble,

And virtue is not virtue, if she tumble.

I give it up—morals won’t do for me;

To make you laugh, I must play tragedy.

One hope remains—hearing the maid was ill,

A Doctor comes this night to show his skill.

To cheer her heart, and give your muscles motion,

He, in Five Draughts prepar’d, presents a potion:

A kind of magic charm—for be assur’d,

If you will swallow it, the maid is cur’d:

But desperate the Doctor, and her case is,

If you reject the dose, and make wry faces!

This truth he boasts, will boast it while he lives,

No poisonous drugs are mixed in what he gives.

Should he succeed, you’ll give him his degree;

If not, within he will receive no fee!

The College YOU, must his pretensions back,

Pronounce him Regular, or dub him Quack.

Dramatis Personae.

MEN.

SIR CHARLES MARLOW Mr. Gardner.

YOUNG MARLOW (His Son) Mr. Lee Lewes.

HARDCASTLE Mr. Shuter.

HASTINGS Mr. Dubellamy.

TONY LUMPKIN Mr. Quick.

DIGGORY Mr. Saunders.

WOMEN.

MRS. HARDCASTLE Mrs. Green.

MISS HARDCASTLE Mrs. Bulkley.

MISS NEVILLE Mrs. Kniveton.

MAID Miss Williams.

LANDLORD, SERVANTS, Etc. Etc.

Act the First.

SCENE—A Chamber in an old-fashioned House.

Enter MRS. HARDCASTLE and MR. HARDCASTLE.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. I vow, Mr. Hardcastle, you’re very particular. Is there a creature in the whole country but ourselves, that does not take a trip to town now and then, to rub off the rust a little? There’s the two Miss Hoggs, and our neighbour Mrs. Grigsby, go to take a month’s polishing every winter.

HARDCASTLE. Ay, and bring back vanity and affectation to last them the whole year. I wonder why London cannot keep its own fools at home! In my time, the follies of the town crept slowly among us, but now they travel faster than a stage-coach. Its fopperies come down not only as inside passengers, but in the very basket.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. Ay, your times were fine times indeed; you have been telling us of them for many a long year. Here we live in an old rumbling mansion, that looks for all the world like an inn, but that we never see company. Our best visitors are old Mrs. Oddfish, the curate’s wife, and little Cripplegate, the lame dancing-master; and all our entertainment your old stories of Prince Eugene and the Duke of Marlborough. I hate such old-fashioned trumpery.

HARDCASTLE. And I love it. I love everything that’s old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wine; and I believe, Dorothy (taking her hand), you’ll own I have been pretty fond of an old wife.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. Lord, Mr. Hardcastle, you’re for ever at your Dorothys and your old wifes. You may be a Darby, but I’ll be no Joan, I promise you. I’m not so old as you’d make me, by more than one good year. Add twenty to twenty, and make money of that.

HARDCASTLE. Let me see; twenty added to twenty makes just fifty and seven.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. It’s false, Mr. Hardcastle; I was but twenty when I was brought to bed of Tony, that I had by Mr. Lumpkin, my first husband; and he’s not come to years of discretion yet.

HARDCASTLE. Nor ever will, I dare answer for him. Ay, you have taught him finely.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. No matter. Tony Lumpkin has a good fortune. My son is not to live by his learning. I don’t think a boy wants much learning to spend fifteen hundred a year.

HARDCASTLE. Learning, quotha! a mere composition of tricks and mischief.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. Humour, my dear; nothing but humour. Come, Mr. Hardcastle, you must allow the boy a little humour.

HARDCASTLE. I’d sooner allow him a horse-pond. If burning the footmen’s shoes, frightening the maids, and worrying the kittens be humour, he has it. It was but yesterday he fastened my wig to the back of my chair, and when I went to make a bow, I popt my bald head in Mrs. Frizzle’s face.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. And am I to blame? The poor boy was always too sickly to do any good. A school would be his death. When he comes to be a little stronger, who knows what a year or two’s Latin may do for him?

HARDCASTLE. Latin for him! A cat and fiddle. No, no; the alehouse and the stable are the only schools he’ll ever go to.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. Well, we must not snub the poor boy now, for I believe we shan’t have him long among us. Anybody that looks in his face may see he’s consumptive.

HARDCASTLE. Ay, if growing too fat be one of the symptoms.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. He coughs sometimes.

HARDCASTLE. Yes, when his liquor goes the wrong way.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. I’m actually afraid of his lungs.

HARDCASTLE. And truly so am I; for he sometimes whoops like a speaking trumpet—(Tony hallooing behind the scenes)—O, there he goes—a very consumptive figure, truly.

Enter TONY, crossing the stage.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. Tony, where are you going, my charmer? Won’t you give papa and I a little of your company, lovee?

TONY. I’m in haste, mother; I cannot stay.

MRS. HARDCASTLE. You shan’t venture out this raw evening, my dear; you look most shockingly.

TONY. I can’t stay, I tell you. The Three Pigeons

Reviews for She Stoops to Conquer

[cariola_6 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Goldsmith's aim was to knock the popular sentimental comedy off the stage and replace it with what he called "laughing comedy"--and he did it resoundingly with [She Stoops to Conquer]. The play features a cast of characters who, though flawed, are all likeable and human. Old-fashioned Mr. Hardcastle loves the simple country life, but his wife and daughter long for London. To appease him, daughter Kate has agreed to wear a plain housedress in the evenings if he will allow her to wear the latest fashions during the day. Hardcastle announces that the man he has chosen for Kate's husband is on his way to visit. Marlow sounds like the man of her dreams--rich, generous, well respected, young, and handsome--but he has one flaw that she can't abide: he gets tongue-tied and "reserved" in the company of respectable ladies of his class.Along the way, Goldsmith delights us with the antics of Kate's half-brother, the oafish and prank-loving Tony Lumpkin (who turns out to be a lot smarter than he seems) and a second pair of lovers, Marlowe's friend Hastings and Constance Neville, Mrs. Hardcastle's niece and ward. Not to mention a whole crew of hilarious servants!This has been on e of the most popular plays in the English language since its debut in 1773, and it's easy to understand just why.

[magiccapslock · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I had to check the dictionary more often compared to when reading regular books. And sometimes, the dictionary doesn't even contain the words from this 1700's comedy! Other than that, it was pretty funny. I bet that it's more hilarious when performed. (Got to check out if there's some on YouTube.)

[sedelia_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

*Review of LA Theatre Works Audiobook Edition*I went into this book with very little expectation. I mean, it's a supposed classic that I've never heard of, and drama isn't my particular favorite. However, it was a free audiobook download from Sync this summer, and it was the recording of a theater production that included James Marsters (eek!). It's also only a couple of hours long (not a huge commitment at all), so I decided to give it a go.Um, why haven't I heard of this play before? Because it's hilarious! 20 minutes in, I was laughing non-stop and having a thoroughly good time. The fact that this is recorded theatre gives it a huge advantage, since the performers give their lines with perfect emphasis and tone. She Stoops to Conquer is a typical comedy that centers around mistaken identities and misunderstood situations. All of the characters are funny and loveable, and the talent of the performers is unmistakable, even without being able to see them act it out.I'm so glad that I had the chance to discover this play, and that I was able to do so in an audio format. I think that most plays are meant to be heard and/or seen, and I would definitely recommend staying away from the print and going straight to a performance or this audio version for She Stoops to Conquer. Many of the jokes wouldn't be very funny without hearing the interaction between the characters and without hearing the inflections of the words.The plot is fairly predictable; however, because of its simplicity and some of the extremely ludicrous characters (like Mrs. Hardcastle), I believe this was written as a parody of the mistaken identities type of play that Shakespeare is so famous for.If you ever get the chance to listen to this, or see it performed, do so! It's one of the funniest plays I've come across.

[schmerguls · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

This play was first performed in 1773 and has been often performed since. I decided one should see it rather than read it. I found it hard to follow on a perhaps too cursory reading, and drew little entertainment from it.

[varielle_1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Time has not been kind to this play, though in its day it was quite the thing. Pranksters misdirect travelers to a private home which they believe is an inn and romantic mayhem ensues. I do think a talented screenwriter could bring it up to date and make a decent Romcom out of it.

[antiquary_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Having seen this live at the Canadian Stratford, I can vouch that it is amazingly funny in performance

[terris-7 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Kind of fun & funny; the language is so different, being written in 1773. I liked it. :)

[meditationesmartini · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

We could all learn a lesson from Tony Lumpkin: life needs more tricks! Let's not dress it up, this is a romp, and one that takes a certain amount of charm from its enlightenment brittleness--the previous ages would not have dwelled so long on the reversal of social roles--but also from its enlinghtenment sap--the Victorians wouldn't have givne themselves over to the bawdy good times. The Enlightenment! It was a well-balanced time!

[leslie398 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This full cast audiobook recording was a fun way to revisit one of my favorite Restoration comedies. However, I found that some of the humor didn't come across as well as it did in reading (of course, both of those pale in comparison to seeing the play performed!).

[muscogulus · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

A bone-headed edition of a very good play.