The School for Scandal

By Richard Brinsley Sheridan

"The School for Scandal" is Richard Brinsley Sheridan's classic comedy that pokes fun at London upper class society in the late 1700s. Often referred to as a "comedy of manners", "The School for Scandal" is one Sheridan's most performed plays and a classic of English comedic drama.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Digireads.com Publishing
• Release date: Jan 1, 2010
• ISBN: 9781420935516

Richard Brinsley Sheridan

In need of funds, Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816) turned to the only craft that could gain him the remuneration he desired in a short time: he began writing a play. He had over the years written and published essays and poems, and among his papers were humorous unfinished plays, essays and political tracts, but never had he undertaken such an ambitious project as this. In a short time, however, he completed The Rivals. He was 23 years old.

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THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL

BY RICHARD B. SHERIDAN

A Digireads.com Book

Digireads.com Publishing

Print ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-2715-3

Ebook ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-3551-6

This edition copyright © 2012

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CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

PROLOGUE

ACT I

SCENE I

SCENE II

ACT II

SCENE I

SCENE II

SCENE III

ACT III

SCENE I

SCENE II

SCENE III

ACT IV

SCENE I

SCENE II

SCENE III

ACT V

SCENE I

SCENE II

SCENE III

INTRODUCTION

ADDRESSED TO MRS. CREWE,

WITH THE COMEDY OF THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL

BY R. B. SHERIDAN, ESQ.

Tell me, ye prim adepts in Scandal's school,

Who rail by precept, and detract by rule,

Lives there no character, so tried, so known,

So deck'd with grace, and so unlike your own,

That even you assist her fame to raise,

Approve by envy, and by silence praise!—

Attend!—a model shall attract your view—

Daughters of calumny, I summon you!

You shall decide if this a portrait prove,

Or fond creation of the Muse and Love.—

Attend, ye virgin critics, shrewd and sage,

Ye matron censors of this childish age,

Whose peering eye and wrinkled front declare

A fixt antipathy to young and fair;

By cunning, cautious; or by nature, cold,

In maiden madness, virulently bold!—

Attend! ye skilled to coin the precious tale,

Creating proof, where innuendos fail!

Whose practised memories, cruelly exact,

Omit no circumstance, except the fact!—

Attend, all ye who boast,—or old or young,—

The living libel of a slanderous tongue!

So shall my theme as far contrasted be,

As saints by fiends, or hymns by calumny.

Come, gentle Amoret (for 'neath that name,

In worthier verse is sung thy beauty's fame);

Come—for but thee who seeks the Muse? and while

Celestial blushes check thy conscious smile,

With timid grace, and hesitating eye,

The perfect model, which I boast, supply:—

Vain Muse! couldst thou the humblest sketch create

Of her, or slightest charm couldst imitate—

Could thy blest strain in kindred colours trace

The faintest wonder of her form and face—

Poets would study the immortal line,

And Reynolds own his art subdued by thine;

That art, which well might added lustre give

To Nature's best and Heaven's superlative:

On Granby's cheek might bid new glories rise,

Or point a purer beam from Devon's eyes!

Hard is the task to shape that beauty's praise,

Whose judgment scorns the homage flattery pays!

But praising Amoret we cannot err,

No tongue o'ervalues Heaven, or flatters her!

Yet she, by Fate's perverseness—she alone

Would doubt our truth, nor deem such praise her own!

Adorning Fashion, unadorn'd by dress,

Simple from taste, and not from carelessness;

Discreet in gesture, in deportment mild,

Not stiff with prudence, nor uncouthly wild:

No state has Amoret! no studied mien;

She frowns no goddess, and she moves no queen.

The softer charm that in her manner lies

Is framed to captivate, yet not surprise;

It justly suits th' expression of her face,—

'Tis less than dignity, and more than grace!

On her pure cheek the native hue is such,

That, form'd by Heav'n to be admired so much,

The hand divine, with a less partial care,

Might well have fix'd a fainter crimson there,

And bade the gentle inmate of her breast,—

Inshrined Modesty!—supply the rest.

But who the peril of her lips shall paint?

Strip them of smiles—still, still all words are faint!

But moving Love himself appears to teach

Their action, though denied to rule her speech;

And thou who seest her speak and dost not hear,

Mourn not her distant accents 'scape thine ear;

Viewing those lips, thou still may'st make pretence

To judge of what she says, and swear 'tis sense:

Cloth'd with such grace, with such expression fraught,

They move in meaning, and they pause in thought!

But dost thou farther watch, with charm'd surprise,

The mild irresolution of her eyes,

Curious to mark how frequent they repose,

In brief eclipse and momentary close—

Ah! seest thou not an ambush'd Cupid there,

Too tim'rous of his charge, with jealous care

Veils and unveils those beams of heav'nly light,

Too full, too fatal else, for mortal sight?

Nor yet, such pleasing vengeance fond to meet,

In pard'ning dimples hope a safe retreat.

What though her peaceful breast should ne'er allow

Subduing frowns to arm her altered brow,

By Love, I swear, and by his gentle wiles,

More fatal still the mercy of her smiles!

Thus lovely, thus adorn'd, possessing all

Of bright or fair that can to woman fall,

The height of vanity might well be thought

Prerogative in her, and Nature's fault.

Yet gentle Amoret, in mind supreme

As well as charms, rejects the vainer theme;

And, half mistrustful of her beauty's store,

She barbs with wit those darts too keen before:—

Read in all knowledge that her sex should reach,

Though Greville, or the muse, should deign to teach,

Fond to improve, nor tim'rous to discern

How far it is a woman's grace to learn;

In Millar's dialect she would not prove

Apollo's priestess, but Apollo's love,

Graced by those signs which truth delights to own,

The timid blush, and mild submitted tone:

Whate'er she says, though sense appear throughout,

Displays the tender hue of female doubt;

Deck'd with that charm, how lovely wit appears,

How graceful science, when that robe she wears!

Such too her talents, and her bent of mind,

As speak a sprightly heart by thought refined:

A taste for mirth, by contemplation school'd,

A turn for ridicule, by candour ruled,

A scorn of folly, which she tries to hide;

An awe of talent, which she owns with pride!

Peace, idle Muse! no more thy strain prolong,

But yield a theme thy warmest praises wrong;

Just to her merit, though thou canst not raise

Thy feeble verse, behold th' acknowledged praise

Has spread conviction through the envious train,

And cast a fatal gloom o'er Scandal's reign!

And lo! each pallid hag, with blister'd tongue,

Mutters assent to all thy zeal has sung—

Owns all the colours just—the outline true;

Thee my inspirer, and my model—Crewe!

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

SIR PETER TEAZLE

SIR OLIVER SURFACE

YOUNG SURFACE

CHARLES (his Brother)

CRABTREE

SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE

ROWLEY

SPUNGE

MOSES

SNAKE

CARELESS—and other companions to CHARLES

LADY TEAZLE

MARIA

LADY SNEERWELL

MRS. CANDOUR

MISS VERJUICE

PROLOGUE

WRITTEN BY MR. GARRICK

A school for Scandal! tell me, I beseech you,

Needs there a school this modish art to teach you?

No need of lessons now, the knowing think;

We might as well be taught to eat and drink.

Caused by a dearth of scandal, should the vapours

Distress our fair ones—let them read the papers;

Their powerful mixtures such disorders hit;

Crave what you will—there's quantum sufficit.

Lord! cries my Lady Wormwood (who loves tattle,

And puts much salt and pepper in her prattle),

Just risen at noon, all night at cards when threshing

Strong tea and scandal—"Bless me, how refreshing!

Give me the papers, Lisp—how bold and free! [Sips.]

Last night Lord L. [Sips] was caught with Lady D.

For aching heads what charming sal volatile! [Sips.]

If Mrs. B. will still continue flirting,

We hope she'll draw, or we'll undraw the curtain.

Fine satire, poz—in public all abuse it,

But, by ourselves [Sips], our praise we can't refuse it.

Now, Lisp, read you—there, at that dash and star:"

"Yes, ma'am—A certain lord had best beware,

Who lives not twenty miles from Grosvenor Square;

For should he Lady W. find willing,

Wormwood is bitter——Oh! that's me! the villain!

Throw it behind the fire, and never more

Let that vile paper come within my door."

Thus at our friends we laugh, who feel the dart;

To reach our feelings, we ourselves must smart.

Is our young bard so young, to think that he

Can stop the full spring-tide of calumny?

Knows he the world so little, and its trade?

Alas! the devil's sooner raised than laid.

So strong, so swift, the monster there's no gagging:

Cut Scandal's head off, still the tongue is wagging.

Proud of your smiles once lavishly bestow'd,

Again our young Don Quixote takes the road;

To show his gratitude he draws his pen,

And seeks his hydra, Scandal, in his den.

For your applause all perils he would through—

He'll fight—that's write—a cavalliero true,

Till every drop of blood—that's ink—is spilt for you.

ACT I

SCENE I

LADY SNEERWELL'S Dressing-room

[LADY SNEERWELL discovered at her toilet;

SNAKE drinking chocolate.]

LADY SNEERWELL: The paragraphs, you say, Mr. Snake, were all inserted?

SNAKE. They were, madam; and, as I copied them myself in

Reviews for The School for Scandal

[john257hopper · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This famous play satirises upper class morality in mid Georgian society (it was first performed at Drury Lane theatre in 1777). The first two acts or so are very funny, with the characters' attitudes towards, and breathless accounts of, scandals affecting one of their number, or numerous outsiders. I found much of the rest of it lacking that sparkle, though, and the characters, both male and female are more or less indistinguishable in terms of their ways of speaking or characteristics.

[mreed61 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

For its era, I'd say this was darn good. Complete review later on at accidentallymars.wordpress.com.

[aliceanna-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Very nicely done for the times. An excellent satire of the society of both those times and the current ones. At least the gossips weren't really hypocrites -- there wasn't much two-facedness in their vitriol; they were pretty open about it. But the more hypocritical of their group did get their comeuppance. I also liked that the "failure" of the two nephews was actually considered the good one by his uncle because he was at least forthright about his shortcomings.

[terris-7 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Cute, but the English of the 1700's is definitely different than the English we speak today!

[tjsjohanna_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

There were plenty of funny speeches - the crowd of scandal mongers with their made-up, ridiculously inflated stories were good for lots of laughs. What I liked best was that in the end the honest ended up happy. They weren't necessarily more upstanding and virtuous, but they weren't playing these games of insinuation and betrayal. And Charles was such an attractive character - joyous, generous, and appreciative of a good laugh!

[n.t.embe · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

What a read this turned out to be! Surely the title and genre of plays will give someone a thought as to what it'll be about, but surprise, surprise! It was not only not what I expected, but it was BETTER! Better beyond what I long expected out of this time, having been privy to some of the humorous, scandalous plays and poetic works of the earlier half of the 18th Century. But nay! This play outdoes them all by a score of fields! It is not mere humor at the situation, but it is the total immersion of one's self in this play without ever needing to make an attempt at it. One is drawn in as naturally as though involved in a conversation amongst your closest friends, and though you don't know the topic, you listen willingly and are sucked in before you know it! Ah, but it is not mere humor of the chaotic, gossip-inspired mishaps that makes this play so delightful, but its atmosphere itself is light and airy, and while it boasts the title of "Comedy" it does not marr the reader with bawdiness and ungainly thoughts. Instead, it is purely rambunctious without the villainy of some comedies to make it sour and distinctly dark. In fact, even the wrongdoings come off as light-hearted and not fit to offend--with one exception in particular, but very aptly and expertly placed! But that is a surprise twist (perhaps to some) that will not spoil the play in my review!

Yet while the play carries us fancifully on its eager and boastful waves of hear-say and disguises, with honest men pulling hoods over the eyes of people pulling hoods over -their- eyes! Still the play carries within itself a noble message that makes it all the more virtuous for being set amongst its vividly animated scenes. Here we have the distinction drawn between appearances and the heart, the mere pleasant and kind wishes of people versus the crude but honest actions of others. Without once straying from its humorous tones and swift pace, a crystalline image is cut for us as the readers to discern immediately as soon as it's presented to us in the form of this message, and all the mirth and tittering characters meddling in one another's affairs cannot strike it from our thoughts throughout. Indeed, it is portrayed to us so obviously, that its honest form is carried with us easily throughout the entire play without once floundering, so that when we see -real- baseness, we know it for what it is instantly and are not capable of restraining ourselves (much as I could not) from remarking with disgust upon the atrocity being presenting in a saint's clothing.

This play is quite easily the most delightful comedic stage-works I've ever had the chance to read. It exceeds Shakespeare in its natural flow, its refreshing mix of humor and drama, and its clear, singular message that cannot be found to be anything but authentic and appropriate. It is a piece of work that gives you just as much to come away with whether you've read it, or seen it performed, which is why I highly recommend this to anyone with a penchant for comedy, plays, or anything light-hearted at the moment! It's a wonderful piece to read through for fun, as well as for the laughter. The message too, impresses strongly upon the audience! The characters change and are well-formed, with some at first giving you one impression, but by the end of the play turning about in a complete 180! It's truly a masterful, enjoyable piece, and -such- an easy read. I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't enjoy this. Even I, adverse to gossips and the like with a -great- deal of vehemence, thoroughly enjoyed this work. Really, you've got to try it out. If you don't like it in the beginning, give it at least until halfway through. By then, you can make the call on things. And just between us, if your complaint is with a certain Joseph Surface--trust me, it all pays off by the end of Act Four. But you've got to get that far to get the satisfaction! And at that point, why -wouldn't- you finish off the read?! Go for it! I think you'll really enjoy it. I absolutely did.

[nx74defiant · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

In Jane Austen's Mansfield Park's this is on the list of of potential plays to perform.Witty, full of backhanded complements, polite insults. It made me laugh.

[leslie398 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Review for audiobook edition. See my hardcover edition of "The Rivals & The School For Scandal" for review of the play itself.While listening to this full cast audiobook was a nice way to revisit this Restoration comedy, I found the pace a bit too slow & didn't care for the voices of some of the characters (Sir Peter & Charles in particular). Elizabeth Klett was magnificent as usual though!