Foolproof: A Woman's Guide to Self Love, Strength, and Relationships

By Karissa Thomas

Foolproof: A Woman’s Guide to Self Love, Strength, and Relationships is to every woman that needs to protect herself from herself and the world, through newly awakened, self-assured eyes. Men, relationships, lies, and your self-worth are just a few of the topics that we explore in this upbeat, real-world look at the modern woman’s life.
The message is simple: Take ownership of yourself and don’t let anyone play you for a fool. Follow the sixteen rules for becoming “foolproof.” The fairytale ended a long time ago, and now it’s time to get the respect you deserve. You are more powerful than you think, so let the world see you for who you are: knowledgeable, effective, radiant, and worthy of respect.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Karissa Thomas
• Release date: Mar 28, 2012
• ISBN: 9780985242244

Karissa Thomas

Karissa Thomas – is a contemporary life coach who is not associated with any particular religion or tradition. She teaches nationally through lectures on creating a shift in consciousness. She is passionate about inspiring change within the self. Her philosophy derives from an innate place within her that was accessed through life experiences. She believes that only you can confront yourself to effect lasting change, and that the first step begins with self-honesty. She lives in New York City.

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Foolproof: A Woman’s Guide to Self Love, Strength, and Relationships

by Karissa Thomas

Foolproof: A Woman’s Guide to Self Love, Strength, and Relationships

Copyright © 2012 by Karissa Thomas

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2012934512

Cover, interior design, and typesetting: Glenna Collectt

Editor: Sarah Cypher

Author stylist & photographer: © GoGlamBeauty

ISBN 978-0-9852422-4-4

Printed in the United States of America.

Karissa Thomas is a contemporary life coach. She teaches nationally through lectures on creating a shift in consciousness. She is passionate about inspiring change within the self. Her philosophy is that only you can confront yourself to effect lasting change, and that the first step is self-honesty. She is the author of Uncertainty to Confidence: A New Way of Living Your Life. She travels widely and lives in New York City.

Dedication

I dedicate this book in memory of Thomas Cooper (1931–2006), Johnny Gomez (1949–1998), Dianne Sylvain (1955–1992), Gertrude Joseph (1943–2000), and Pamela Roach (1962–2007), who are all friends and family of mine, survived by daughters. To all of the daughters, may this book find you well and assist you on your life’s journey.

If Thou Must Love Me, Let It Be for Naught

If thou must love me, let it be for naught

Except for love's sake only. Do not say

'I love her for her smile -her look -her way

Of speaking gently -for a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

A sense of pleasant ease on such a day' -

For these things in themselves, Beloved, may

Be changed, or change for thee, -and love, so wrought,

May be unwrought so. Neither love me for

Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry -

A creature might forget to weep, who bore

Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!

But love me for love's sake, that evermore

Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (March 6, 1806–June 29, 1861)

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgements

A letter to my mother

Introduction

Chapter 1: Frist Things First!

You Are a Lady!

Intuition

Listen to Both Your Heart and Your Mind

Open Your Eyes

Trust Wisely

Give but Don’t Give Away

The Truth about Always

Have a Plan

Chapter 2: Own Your Self-worth!

Honor Your Values

Stand Strong in Your Standards

Let Your Attitude Show in Your Poise

Don’t Compromise on You

Speak with Confidence and with Facts

Chapter 3: Take Inventory of Your Life!

Chapter 4: Have Your Own!

Money

Space

Hobbies

Chapter 5: Don’t Be Naïve!

Be Wary of the People Who come into Your Life as You Get Older

People Aren’t Always Who They Say They Are

Most People Are Living a Lie

Chapter 6: Count Your Blessings!

Be Thankful for Everything That You Have

Always Work on Being a Better Person

Honor the Fact That You Have Life

Chapter 7: Men!

The Games

The Lies

The Mystery Is No Longer Necessary

Why You Might Hear, A Dog Is a Dog!

Dependable, Consistent, and Reliable

Keep Looking for the Right One

Chapter 8: Relationships, Out of The Frying Pan and Into the Fire!

Trust

Honesty

Commitment

Doing Your Very Best

Communication

Listening

Respect

Wise Decision-making

Chapter 9: Lies!

The Consequences of Lies

Learning from the Lies

Is the Beginning of Truth the End of the Romance?

Chapter 10: Friends!

The Need for Friends

Friends Aren’t Always Friendly

Watch out for the Backstabbers

Some Friendships Are Lifelong, Others are Short Lived

Chapter 11: Family!

Never Take Them for Granted

Chapter 12: Love!

Love is Steady, but Changes

Feel from Your Heart

Love Yourself the Most

Chapter 13: Hope!

Where There Is a Will, There is a Way.

Hope Keeps You Going

Depend on the Right Kind of Hope

Chapter 14: Forgiveness!

It’s Important to Forgive

Forgiveness is an Open Door

Chapter 15: Becoming a Woman with Experience!

Look Out for You

Live with Backbone

Keep Learning and Evolving

To Be Foolproof, Use ALL Your Tools

Epilogue

Foolproof List of Rules

Foreword

Kathleen Thomas

The gift in being a woman is that we are beautiful, sensual, and naturally loving, and that we are created to be adored. Life offers to us the wonders of the world through femininity. Our bodies are curved in the shape of nature’s beauty. Our voices are tender as the tapping of the rain against a windowpane. When we open our arms in embrace, we do so in loving comfort. We can put forth an abundance of love that can soothe a nation; these are the joys of being a woman. While we can love infinitely, we are different from men; men can easily walk away and never look back, while deep in our hearts we long to forgive.

You never stop learning in this life. Everything takes time and everything is a process. As you get older you will come to learn that you have to love you more than anyone else; and if you haven’t reached a place within your life where you can love you most, then you still have self-development to do.

We as women open up our hearts and souls easily and we welcome people into our lives and without cause—we are just naturally inclined to show love, leaving our heart and soul vulnerable to heartache. Only when we wise up can we learn to protect our hearts consciously.

I’ve taught in Board of Education for over ten years. Without thinking twice, I knew that I wanted to give the gift of education because it was dear to my soul. I’ve continued teaching, and ventured into infant development because, as a mother, there is no other joy greater than the natural love of an infant child, especially when he or she can use my help in their developmental process.

Like an infant, when becoming a woman with courage and grace, you need a strong support system to encourage and develop your inner self. It is so easy to go astray with the wrong company. It is so easy for us to develop insecurity with the wrong mate. It is so easy for us to be taken advantage of because of our inexperience and our misunderstanding of love.

So much of what we think we know, we don’t; and so much of what we hold on to, we shouldn’t. So many years pass quickly, and the learning curve of life can be so slow. We have to learn so much about people and their lies. We also have to learn about the differences between men and woman and know that men do things very differently from woman—and we need to determine how long we would wait on a person to miraculously change.

There are so many foolish things we do as women, and I am not excluded from the group. I’ve had my share of lessons, and have learned to become wiser and faster each and every time a situation presents itself to me. One thing is for sure: I’ve finally stopped loving people more than they love me. I’ve finally learned that talk is cheap, and gets cheaper by the minute. Talking is no longer an investment that I concern myself with, because for me, actions speak louder than words ever could.

People always show themselves to be who they are sooner than we think. People are relatively constant in their patterns and behaviors, so they become fairly predictable—and to think they do not is naïve and foolish. People repeat behaviors. You can spend your entire lifetime chasing after people and trying to figure out what they do when they do it and how they do what they do; but to spend that time worrying yourself about people and things you cannot control will distract from your life’s purpose.

You’ve been granted the love and grace of femininity and in this grace you have the gift of always being loved. We are meant to be loved. You don’t ever have to concern yourself about someone not loving you. We were created to be loved! You can’t spend too much time where there is no love or where the love once was. You are too precious for waiting and hoping. If someone doesn’t see your beauty, then they do not see you! You shouldn’t have time for someone that doesn’t see and feel your presence.

The learning process in life begins with you looking for opportunities in your situations. I’ve learned to make a way when there was no way. Yes, it was hard! Heartaches, headaches, backaches, and even stomachaches—and still I managed to make a way to regain control of my life. The best part about growing up and moving on is that looking back, I’ve seen how far I’ve come and how strong I’ve become that I can’t be fooled by men and their lies. Nor do I want to put up with their foolishness.

After a while, you become tired—or at least you should become tired enough to want to stop blaming others for situations in your life. After a while, you may want to take back control of yourself and open your eyes to your own foolish perceptions. I’ve journeyed down my foolish path and replayed it in my head, and now, all I can do is smile. I am so grateful and thankful I’m beyond those years in my life.

But this transformation is not a one-time wonder—we keep learning forever. There is so much to learn and so much to do that there should never be a dull moment in life. Even things that have happened in your past can teach you new and various perspectives on what once was, and what is now.

This book is for every woman, young and old. Life is a lesson that we sometimes never learn. As life has taught me that what once was is still relevant to what is—this book will teach you and keep you on your toes about some of the things we tend to overlook, some of the traps we fall victim to time and time again. Sometimes we need to be reminded about our blind spots, and this book is a good guide. Once again, my daughter has awakened a part of me that keeps me thinking, reflecting, learning, and growing. May this book find you well and awaken your internal and external eyes to your soul.

Preface

So many young women need a hand to hold as they step out into this thing called life—a guide to help them as they try to figure it all out. I know I needed that hand to hold once upon a time, and in seeking that hand, I found no one, and nothing. So much of my learning had to be done on my own—both a blessing and a lesson. Life tends to work in a blessing-in-a-lesson kind of way: Some of our hardest life lessons give us our greatest blessings.

This book, in conjunction with my first book, Uncertainty to Confidence: A New Way of Living Your Life, will renew your consciousness and open your heart and spirit to your present inner being. In order for any transformation to occur in our lives we have to know the current state of our being. For any healing to happen in our lives, we first have to accept that we are broken.

The approach to life that I lay out in this book is aimed to help the young woman on her journey. However, every woman can benefit from this message because this book is about sharpening our foresight regarding our own behaviors, and our ability to recognize behaviors of others. It is especially important to recognize behaviors and patterns as soon as possible because it is with these patterns that we shape our lives.

The passage into womanhood calls for us to be a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, a nurturer, a provider, and the one with all the answers. The event that marks this