My Search For God

By Ida Mae Kempel

My Search For God is a true story of one woman’s quest for meaning in a life filled with pain and suffering. After her daughter’s murder the author began to look for answers and ultimately found them in a new relationship with her Creator.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 20, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483512938

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9781483512938

Chapter One

Our daughter, Mary Jo, disappeared on October 18, 1972. This is the story of her death and my resurrection. Mary Jo went immediately to be with the Lord. I went to hell first. How I was taken out of that hell and set in a new place is written here so that others can find hope when they are tempted to despair.

Walter and I were a typical, middle-class couple living in Alameda, California. We had dreams--for ourselves and for the eight children who were born to us. Like most Americans we wanted financial security, comfort, and as many luxuries as we could afford. Because we both came from poor families we were determined to work hard to make our dreams come true.

God? Well, He was there, on the fringes of our lives. We considered ourselves good Catholics without really knowing what that meant. We went to Sunday Mass with our children and sent them to parochial schools. At home we occasionally had evening prayer. When there was a special need we said extra prayers. After the need had been met and forgotten, so was God. He was put back in a box, sort of, to be brought out again when we met with a problem.

The trouble with such a system is that when something big happens–like a tragedy–you attempt to get God out of the box and find He isn’t there! That is what happened to me.

The day that forever changed our lives–October 18, 1972–Walter and I were watching the World Series on television. It was evening. Six of our children were in their rooms in our three-story house. Our two oldest children, Mary Jo and Larry, lived in Merced, California with Larry’s wife, Carmela, and Mary Jo’s two-year-old child, Rachel. Our daughter was separated from her husband, Tim.

Now, suddenly, our son-in-law burst into our home, his green eyes blazing as he waved a paper napkin and shouted, Mary Jo is gone! She’s gone!

Walter sprang from the sofa, snapped off the TV, and said, Tim, what are you talking about?

Tim handed him the napkin and said, Here! R-r–read this! I stared, dumbfounded. Tim only stuttered when he was angry or upset. Why was he here? He was certainly not welcome in our home. I hurried to Walter’s side and we examined the napkin together. A message had been scrawled on it which said Mary Jo and I are leaving the state. Tim will pay child support for Rachel. Below that a man’s name was written–Pete.

Tim was saying, I w-wasn’t h-home l-last night. My r-roommate took the m-message. I drove to Merced today to check on it–and Mary Jo wasn’t there!

Completely baffled I said, Tim, obviously someone is playing a joke on you. You know that Mary Jo would never go off like that!

He looked away. I know, he replied, but she did.

That was how we learned about our 22-year-old daughter’s disappearance. The story Tim told was ludicrous. Even his presence in our home was a shock. Less than three weeks earlier Walter had literally thrown him out of the house, telling him never to come back.

On that night, a Sunday, Mary Jo and her baby, having spent the weekend with us, were preparing to go back to Merced with Larry and Carmela. All day Mary Jo had been very quiet. In the afternoon she stayed in her bedroom while Rachel took a nap. Later I noticed that her eyes were red and swollen from crying. When an old friend from college came by and asked her to go out for coffee I urged her to do so.

She said, Mom, I don’t really want to go.

I was concerned because she seemed depressed. Maybe it will do you good to get out for a bit, I said, You can talk about old times. I’ll take care of Rachel while you are gone.

Finally, reluctantly, she agreed to go. She was gone for only a few minutes when Tim came to the door. We learned later that he had set the whole thing up, sending this so-called friend over to get Mary Jo out of the house. Apparently he did not expect me to give him any trouble in his plan to kidnap Rachel.

Now he talked to his daughter and gave her a pet turtle which he had brought with him. Then, in a casual voice, he asked, Can I take Rachel to get an ice cream cone?

No, I said, I am fixing dinner. As soon as we eat, Mary Jo and Rachel will be going back to Merced.

Please let me take her! He begged, I’ll have her back in half an hour. After all, she is my child! I should be able to spend time with her!

After his persuasive arguments I relented and let her go, a decision I was to regret bitterly.

When Mary Jo returned she looked around and asked, Where is Rachel? I said, Tim has her–but he promised to bring her right back.

Mary Jo did not answer but her eyes filled with tears. After a moment she said, Mom, I wish you hadn’t let her go! She began to pace the floor, looking out the window, wringing her hands. After an hour had passed she said, Mom, Tim has threatened to take Rachel and leave the country! He knows that I am filing for divorce and he’s afraid I’ll get custody. Oh God, what am I going to do? By now she was frantic and I was overcome with guilt. Why, oh why had I trusted Tim? Why had I let him take our grandchild? When I could no longer stand the suspense I said to my husband, Walter, will you stay here in case Tim comes back? I’m going to take Mary Jo to the Alameda police station. Maybe they will help.

When we got to the station the sergeant behind the desk asked, Do you have custody of this child?

Mary Jo shook her head and said, No–not yet.

He replied, Then there is nothing we can do. Legally your husband is still the child’s father.

I pleaded with him while Mary Jo stood beside me, crying. Finally, defeated, we returned home. Shortly thereafter Larry came to pick up his sister and niece. We told him what had happened. Larry was 21 years old and was a member of the Air Force. Now he said, I’m going to go looking for that so-and-so and God help him when I find him!

Where will you look? I asked, He doesn’t answer the phone at his apartment.

Larry said, I’ll check every street in Oakland if I have to! Our son, Paul, who was 19, said, I’ll go with you! Two of the boys’ friends who were visiting also offered to accompany them.

After they left I tried to console Mary Jo. She could not be consoled but sat