No More: A True Story of Violence and Courage

By Brittney Robinson

What difference did abuse and neglect make in Tommy Ray's life? What does it mean to grow up and survive in a sadistic, abusive environment? No More offers a personal glimpse into the horrors of child abuse. No More explores child abuse the way no other book ever has-brutally and astonishingly. It will give the reader a glimpse into a world that is horrific and real. It will also give the reader some insight about children who commit violent acts. This book eloquently demonstrates how seemingly insurmountable adversity can bring forth surprising courage and strength, even in the worst conditions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jul 23, 2008
• ISBN: 9780595622825

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Copyright © 2008, 2012 Brittney Robinson

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

ISBN: 978-0-595-52224-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-0-595-62282-5 (e)

iUniverse rev. date: 7/24/2012

Contents

1 New Home

2 Fishing With Dad

3 Tic Tac Toe Is The Game

4 Dad Takes It To The Neighborhood

5 Buying Bullets

6 Tommy’s Foot

7 Tommy’s Rage

8 A New Year, A New Hell

9 They Don’t Love Me

10 Black And Blue

1

NEW HOME

Come on Tommy, it’s time to get up. You don’t want to sleep the whole day away do you?

Tommy shifted in his bed. He wondered if his mother’s words weren’t part of a dream he was having. He looked at the clock beside the bed; it was 6:58 a.m. He could see the sun peeking under the window shade. Reaching over, he gave the string at the bottom of the blind a tug; the blind shot to the top of the window faster than the eye could follow. The room was immediately flooded with sunlight.

Tommy rolled out of bed and grabbed his cut-offs. He could feel the heat from the early morning summer sun radiating through the window. It was going to be another scorcher. Slipping into his cut-offs. Tommy’s thoughts were racing through the day’s coming activities. He loved the summer, cut-offs, no shoes, no shirt and best of all, no school.

As he passed in front of his parents’ bedroom he noticed the door was partly open. He glanced in as he went by but saw no one.

In the bathroom he splashed his face with cold water, making as little noise as possible. Leaving the bathroom, he already had his escape route planned out. He went left down the hall, turned right into the kitchen and headed for the backdoor.

The backdoor was open except for the screen door. He moved slowly to the door, peeked around the corner and looked down the basement stairs. There was nobody in sight. He opened the screen door just wide enough to allow him to slip outside.

He slowly eased the screen door closed. Just as he released the door handle his mother’s voice rang out from the basement. Tommy, where do you think you’re going young man? You know what day this is! Go get all your dirty laundry and bring it down here so it can be washed, how many times do I …?

Tommy went back into the house and headed for his room. He was wondering how she had heard him leaving; he hadn’t made any noise and nobody had seen him. How did she know?

As he came to his parents’ room, he noticed the door was opened wider than it had been. What he saw made him stop dead in his tracks.

There, sitting on the bed was his mother. She was slipping on a pair of nylon stockings. He forced himself to step into her bedroom; his legs felt like rubber and lead at the same time. There was a noise surging through his head; it sounded like the roar of the ocean.

His thoughts were going a thousand miles an hour. How could she get from the basement to the bedroom without him seeing her? She was just in the basement a second ago. There’s no way she could have gotten by him. The realization struck him with the force equal to a speeding truck smashing into a brick wall. His whole body started to tremble. His hand shook uncontrollably as he pointed his finger at her. His voice shook as he spoke. There’s two of you ain’t there? There’s two Moms huh?

She looked up at him, her eyes looked cold and cruel. Her voice was taunting and wicked sounding.

That’s right boy, but that’s not going to help you a bit. An evil smile spread across her face as she rose from the bed and started toward him.

DECEMBER 1956:

SOMEWHERE IN OREGON …

Hurry up Cindy your aunt and uncle are waiting. Come on, Tommy and Terri are already in the car.

Cindy came out of her bedroom, arms loaded with stuffed toys.

Cindy was five years old. Her sister Terri was three and her brother Tommy was only one.

What are you doing with all them toys? asked Cindy’s mom, Maggie. You’re not going to be gone that long, leave them here.

How long are we doing to be with Uncle Ted and Aunt Liz, Mom? I don’t know for sure Baby, come on we got to hurry."

Cindy didn’t know why they were being made to live with their aunt and uncle. Her mom explained it to her, but she was too young to understand. All she knew was she felt like she was being punished.

Maggie rushed Cindy from the house. The rain was coming down hard as they raced for the car. Uncle Ted was in the driver’s seat. As they reached the car, he turned around and opened the back door for them.

Tommy and Terri were both clutching one of their own favorite stuffed toys.

Tommy’s eyes were red from crying. Even though he was the only one, it seemed like, who knew that Mom wasn’t coming with them. As soon as Cindy climbed into the car she could smell alcohol on Ted’s breath. She remembered the smell from when their Dad, Jack, used to live with them. Maggie leaned in and gave each of them a big hug.

Now you kids be good and don’t give your aunt and uncle a bad time, ya hear?

Cindy and Terri voiced a yes Mamma and Tommy nodded his head as though he understood every word she had said.

Gravel crunched under the tires as they pulled away from the curb and started down the road. They hadn’t gone very far before Tommy started crying and yelling for his mom.

What’s wrong with him? shouted Ted.

He’s probably hungry, said Cindy. He hasn’t eaten since way early this mornin’.

Ted glared at her in the rear view mirror.

Well ya better shut him up, he snarled. I’m not going to listen to his bawling all the way home and nobody’s eatin’ till we get there. Ted looked over his shoulder at Tommy. You understand me boy, your bawling ain’t gonna get ya nothing but trouble, so shut it up.

He’s only one, ya know!, said Cindy, he don’t understand what your saying."

Oh he understands just fine, snapped Ted, and you better watch your mouth too little girl; I’m not gonna take any sass from any of ya.

Ted was a big man, standing 6’3" and weighing two hundred plus pounds, mostly all muscle. His hands looked as big as a bear’s paw. He had been a heavyweight boxer the last eight years of his ten-year army career. He was in his late twenties.

Liz was a short lady, about 5’2", but weighing probably a hundred and sixty pounds; she had a kind-looking face.

Liz had said nothing during the exchange between Ted and Cindy. Suddenly, she spun around in her seat and slapped Tommy hard across the face.

You were told to shut up, she snapped, now do it before I smack ya again.

Tommy’s crying grew louder and more intense. Without warning, Ted turned around and slashed Tommy across the mouth with the back of his hand. The crying stopped immediately. Both his lips were split open and bleeding.

Cindy wasn’t sure, but it looked as if his eyes were crossed. It was clear he was stunned. He didn’t know what hit him. Cindy reached over and tried to wipe the blood away from his mouth and chin, but he was having none of that. He pushed her hand away, his eyes glued toward the front seat, watching, making sure whatever it was that hit him didn’t get him again.

I told ya he understands what’s being said, laughed Ted. The rest of the trip was made in silence.

OCTOBER 1964:

SOMEWHERE IN EASTERN WASHINGTON …

SNAP: The sound of Tommy’s light switch being turned on shattered the image of his mother coming toward him. A dream, he thought, it was only a dream. But it seemed so real.

Slowly he crawled out from under the covers. The room was cold, the hardwood floor was even colder.

By the time he was dressed, the dream had faded completely from his mind. What replaced it was far worse than any nightmare his subconscious could conjure up.

The screams for help and the cries for mercy his sisters had been making all night long began resounding in his head. He walked over to the floor vent and opened it, hot air rushed into the room. Sometime during the night he had closed it in an effort to shut out the sounds of the beating his sisters were getting in the basement.

What had they done this time, he wondered. It seemed they were getting three beatings a week to his one. They knew the rules same as he did. They were older than him, yet they were always getting in trouble. Tommy couldn’t figure it out.

Tommy hurriedly made his bed. He didn’t know if it had been his mom or dad who had woke him up. The snapping sound his light switch made was the only audible wakeup call he got. He had slept through it once; that was a long time ago, but he’d remember it for life. He’d never sleep through another one.

Tommy prided himself on knowing the rules and not getting caught whenever he broke one. As soon as Tommy started Kindergarten he saw that none of the other kids had to follow the rules he and his sisters had to follow, nor, as far as he knew, were any of them getting beat up by their parents. For some reason his parents had declared war on them, maybe they hated him, he didn’t know, he just knew that’s the way things were.

Now, nine years old, Tommy had had his life threatened many times. Some of the beatings he had gotten had made him wonder if he would survive this war. As far back as he could remember, neither Ted, his dad, nor Liz, his mom, had ever told him or his sisters that they loved them. No hugs, no kisses, nothing. The only attention they got came in the form of discipline. That was to be avoided at all cost as far as Tommy was concerned.

Tommy walked down the hall toward the bathroom. As he came to his parents’ room he could hear his dad snoring. Tommy stopped and looked in. The bastard, he thought, probably spent all night working Cindy and Terri over. Tommy wasn’t sure, but he thought his dad got more pleasure beating his sisters than he did beating him. He had used the tip of a fishing pole last night. The swishing sound it made as it slashed through the air was almost painful in and of itself. The sounds of last night’s battle played in his head.

Get over here, let me see those pretty red butts.

No, no, no, please, please daddy, no more, pleaseee.

I said get over here. Get your butts across the bed, I haven’t even started yet, Ted laughed.

Tommy shook his head, as if he could shake out the memories of last night.

What the hell ya doin standing here?, Liz yelled, why aren’t you washed and ready for breakfast?

Tommy hadn’t realized he’d stopped and was staring at his dad sleeping on the bed. He snapped out of it just in time to duck a slap aimed at his face.

Get your ass in there and get cleaned up. You better hurry too, you know what’ll happen if you’re late for school.

Tommy rushed past her into the bathroom and closed the door. You best be hurrying up, and I’m not kiddin, screamed Liz. Damn bitch, he thought, she’s trying to wake dad up.

Tommy came into the dining room expecting to see Cindy and Terri, but they were nowhere in sight.

Where’s Cin and Tare? Tommy asked, aren’t they going to eat? Just shut up and eat your oatmeal, snapped Liz; they had a long night and won’t be going to school today. What’d they do this time? None of your damn business. Maybe you want I wake your father, then you can ask him? Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t ya?

Tommy knew he’d made a mistake as soon as the words left his mouth. What was that young man? Liz screeched at him, what was that you just said?"

Tommy kept eating and said nothing, talking now would only make things worse. That’s corner time for you, she said, with a sneer. I want you home right after school, you understand me? Not waiting for a reply. I should wash your mouth out with soap right now!

Tommy kept on eating without answering.

I want an answer from you, or should I get your father up and you can answer him? Okay, okay, I’ll be home as soon as school gets out.

Tommy was mad at himself for not controlling his mouth. Now he had won himself sometime in the corner. It was getting harder and harder to control his temper, he thought.

Liz left the room, leaving Tommy alone while he ate. He watched the rain drops racing each other down the window. It was raining so hard, it was bouncing off the driveway three or four inches high. Tommy was hoping it would let up before he had to leave for school. He wasn’t looking forward to sitting in school all day with wet clothes. He only had two ways of getting to school, walking, or riding his bike. He could count all the times he’d gotten a ride by Liz or Ted, on one hand.

By the time he had finished eating, the rain had almost stopped. He gather up his school books and headed for the back door.

Ride your bike today, Liz yelled, as he went out the door. I want you home early. Screw you, Tommy muttered, slamming the door as he left.

Tommy’s school was about four miles away. It was a Catholic school, taught by nuns and priests. He lived in a small community, about seventeen thousand people at the most. He had lived in the same town and the same house as long as he could remember. The weather in this small Eastern Washington town was very seasonal. During the fall, it rained; in the winter, it snowed; and the summers were hot and dry.

As he rolled his bike out of the driveway, he noticed Bill leaving his house, across the street. Bill was the only kid Tommy hung out with. To say they were friends would be an exaggeration. They were more like partners in crime than anything else. They had known each other for four years. Bill and his family moved into the house across the street from Tommy when Bill was four and Tommy was five. They got together one day and Tommy showed Bill how to burn up bugs with a magnifying glass. Bill thought it was cruel and said so. Tommy thought Bill was weak and a sissy, and said so. They rolled around on the ground for awhile, each trying to pin the other. Tommy being the older finally pinned Bill’s hands to his sides. Straddling his stomach, he started finger-stabbing Bill in the chest. When Bill wouldn’t say uncle, Tommy figured he wasn’t a sissy after all and let him up. They hung out together from that day on.

Hey Bill, Tommy yelled, where’s your bike? Come on, we’re gonna be late.

Tommy and Bill went to different schools. Bill’s school was a public school; it was in the same direction as Tommy’s, only closer.

They rode quite a ways in silence. Bill could tell Tommy was in one of his moods. It seemed Tommy was in these moods more often than not.

So what’d ya wanna do tonight? Bill asked. Nothin tonight man, I’m in trouble with the ‘Old Lady’.

Bill knew what that meant, he knew better than to ask any more questions. Tommy wouldn’t answer them, all he would say when asked was butt out. One night Bill had heard Tommy’s sisters screaming. He asked Tommy about it the next day and was told to mind his own business. Bill knew the lines not to cross with Tommy. He had seen Tommy’s bad side. Simply put, Tommy was dangerous. That was one of the reasons Bill liked hanging out with Tommy; it made his otherwise boring life, exciting.

But Bill was watchful too. He made sure not to give Tommy reason to unleash his anger on him; that kind of excitement he could do without.

Tommy turned right, a block away from Bill’s school. He could have gone on past Bill’s school, then turned right, but he wanted to be alone. He wasn’t in the talking mood. He thought he wanted company on the way to school, but that had quickly changed, as usual.

He thought about not even going to school, then quickly changed his mind. That wouldn’t be smart, he thought; he was already in trouble. The bitch will probably call the school to see if I was late, he said to himself. It would be just like her, he thought, she’d be out to get him today.

His thoughts became more tangled as he rode along. Why did they hate them so much? What had they ever done to make them hate him and his sisters so much? It hurt deep down inside, it hurt real bad. He wanted to love his parents, he wanted to think good things about them, he wanted to be able to hug them. Didn’t they want the same things? They’re simply things, aren’t they? Other people make it look so easy. Tears ran down Tommy’s face. Stop it, he yelled, out loud, stop it God damn it.

He roughly wiped the tears off his face. Forget it, he told himself, things are never going to be that way, never. Wanting something like that makes you weak. You know it’s never going to happen, face up to it and be tough! Yeah, I got to be tough. Fuck em’, he screamed, as loud as he could, fuck em’ all the way to hell.

His mind went to the time Liz had looked out the back window and saw him chipping dead bark off of a tree in the backyard.

Get your ass in this house young man, right now!

As soon as he had walked into the house she had smashed him in the face with her fist. She had got him good; his eyes hadn’t yet adjusted from the