Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Third Edition

Written by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD

Narrated by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD

This program is read by the authors.

The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship, now fully revised with a new forward and a brand new chapter.

Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of people experience more satisfying relationships and is recommended every day by professional therapists and happy couples around the world. Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt explain how to revive romance and remove negativity from daily interactions, to help you:

· Discover why you chose your mate
· Resolve the power struggle that prevents greater intimacy
· Learn to listen – really listen – to your partner
· Increase fun and laughter in your relationship
· Begin healing early childhood experiences by stretching into new behaviors
· Become passionate friends with your partner
· Achieve a common vision of your dream relationship

Become the most connected couple you know with this revolutionary guide, combining behavioral science, depth psychology, social learning theory, Gestalt therapy, and interpersonal neuroscience to help you and your partner recapture joy, enhance closeness, and experience the reward of a deeply fulfilling relationship.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Macmillan Audio
• Release date: Mar 12, 2019
• ISBN: 9781250203328

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., is the author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, a New York Times bestseller that has sold more than two million copies. He has more than thirty years’ experience as an educator and therapist. He specializes in working with couples in private practice, teaching marital therapy to therapists, and conducting couples workshops across the country. Dr. Hendrix is the founder/director of the Imago Institute for Relationship Therapy. He lives in New Jersey and New Mexico.

Reviews for Getting the Love You Want

[nandadevi_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I have some reservations about Hendrix, his endlessly multiplying books, and the Imago Therapy industry that has grown up around them. Having said that - and I will come back to it later - it must be said that there is a great deal of substance to his theories and these books. His basic premise is that there is an unconscious element to romantic attraction. There is no controversy here. What Hendrix has done - based on extensive couple therapy - is to peel back the layers of behavior and motivation to get at a workable hypothesis of what is really going on. He notes that people entering into a romantic relationship (or failing to do so) often seem to have a sense that the other party has (or had) the potential to heal or complete something that was damaged or absent in themselves. Hendrix´s particular genius was to realize that this could be true and not true at the same time. True in the sense that the other person is the key to healing or completion; but not true in the sense that they will provide it to you by simply being there or by giving it to you as a gift. Hendrix´s theory is that you might unconsciously select someone whose makeup/personality is perfectly suited to ´pressing all those buttons´ that are linked to issues inside yourself that your unconscious would like you to address. So the job of the other person is to press buttons (and you to press theirs), and the job of each person is to address their own issues. Hendrix´s therapy essentially involves stepping back from seeing the other person as the one with the problems, or the one causing the problem, or the one who is going to (or should) give you the solution to the problem. He suggests that you treat the irritations of a connected life (once that blind romantic stage fades) as pointers (and a motivation) to do work you need to do on yourself. Which involves a lot (a very great many) of exercises that can by very uncomfortable. And like physical exercise it is easy to fail to do it properly and give up. But like physical exercise it is often easier to do it together with other people (not necessarily your partner), and if you persist with it my experience is that you will see at least some benefit.What don´t I like about Hendrix? He has a conversational style of writing, rather than an academic one. Which is great, but sometimes I feel that it is a rather rambling conversation and I yearn for some dot points. I´d love to see Hendrix say in less than ten thousand (or a hundred thousand) words, ´This is the essentials of what I´m talking about.¨ His analogies are great, his case studies support his arguments, and I have no argument with him expressing his strong Christian faith. It is just that they make reading him an effort, which I find wearying, knowing that the exercises he prescribes will be arduous enough. That said, he has set himself the challenge of trying to get across an abstract idea that is a little counter-intuitive to an audience that have hugely varied experiences, belief systems and appreciation of the workings of the unconscious. Which explains the multiple books, and the effectiveness of the group seminars where facilitators can ´bring people along´ with the theory and exercises.What else don´t I like? Most of all that Hendrix says this only works in deep romantic (love) relationships. I don´t think he has an issue with same sex relationships, but the books of his I have read (and this one) don´t give them any focus. As a theory it would be more interesting if he had looked at long term friendships and even our relationship with animals, with inanimate things and ideas, and with work and our position in society. Essentially his theory pins everything on the unconscious, and provides (apparently) useful exercises to satisfy it, but does not wrestle with what is going on in the unconscious - the way it represents the external world and it´s capacity for confusion, self-deception and displacement. And last of all, while the development of his theory is well anchored in real life couples experience, I sometimes miss some explanation or reflection on how his therapy can be effectively introduced to couples: how it leaves them ´on the far side´, and how it relates to the wider family (children, in-laws, etc) and situations where there is real mental illness. But worthwhile? Yes. Read it, put it down, come back to it and think about it. Accept its limitations, take advantage of what it has to offer, don´t expect a silver bullet. Try and be nice to your partner, and yourself.

[Eden Myrrh Toohey-Ogle · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

WOW, WOW, WOW! My husband and I just completed this on a long road trip and it was one of the best things we could have done. We are so excited to put the exercises into practice.

This book has come at a much needed time, where we need to take proactive steps in understanding ourselves so that we can love each other better.

[Jed Kristiansen · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Got as far as the third chapter and all it was saying was imago, imago, imago therapy. It was like a broken record. Seems they are trying to push a hidden agenda for you to google imago therapy and sign up to their course.

[Rich · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Extremely helpful and gives me great hope that my wife and I will not only be able to save our marriage but create a relationship that accomplished all of the hopes and dreams that we had when we got married. I have not felt this optimistic in a long time and the positive vibes translates in your everyday activities.

[dinadansfriend · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A superior book about couple building, and very helpful at the time.

[c_why · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Basic, essential reading -- preferrably BEFORE you marry. It may seem a bit far-fetched that we all seek to repair the damage elements in our birth family through marriage, but it is absolutely true. Just dig a bit deeper into your relationships and you'll see. This book is filled with the best wisdom on marriage you will ever encounter.

[pjcwlibrary · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

After over 20 years, my wife and I still use this book.

[Andreas Two · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

I understand this is a classic but the advice was so specific and procedural that it would be best applied in a structured therapy session instead of being read as a casual book

[ellie · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I was absolutely blown away by this book! What her you are in a relationship currently or not, this book is a wonderful source for creating any long lasting loving relationships with others!

[johnkuypers_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

If you're going through a divorce or marital troubles, this book makes sense of why things are not going well.

[amethyst26 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Simply put: a must. Everyone- married, engaged, or even single- should read (no, study) this book. It will inform and enrich the reader's life, giving an understanding where there had been before.

[Anca Barbu · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I loved the content of this book. Very accurate and vivid examples of the day to day life. Helps you find way to understand certain feelings and emotions you didn’t even know you have and the way they affect you in real life. I highly recommended it for couples, as well as single individuals who want to have a better understanding of themselves and their behaviors.