This is part one of a two part series with Zach and Sarah.  Zach and Sarah are co-parents of two children.  This series focuses on their 16 year old son Andrew who they describe as withdrawn, irritable, and “not engaged in life”.  His parents have been struggling to get him to complete tasks related to school, getting a job, and just basic things at home.  Leslie helps Zach and Sarah focus on the importance of connecting to Andrew as a foundation to trying to parent him successfully.  For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Time stamps:11:50 How adolescents who say "no" are asserting independence which is similar to toddlers15:46 Being a curious alien instead of fixing your child18:19 Living in your sibling's shadow25:30 Dialectic perspective of a situation.  Doing mind vs. being mind28:42 Learning to ride the wave of discomfort33:51 Looking at your child with a dialectical perspectiveLeslie-ism: Slow down and ask yourself what is the cost of the pressure that you may be putting on your childShow Note Links:I appeared as a guest on Slate’s Mom and Dad Are Fighting Podcast in two episodes..  In the first episode I join hosts, Zak Rosen and Jamilah Lemieux, and together we help a listener who’s worried that her daughter’s meltdowns might be a sign of depression.  In the second episode, Zak and Jamilah start by talking about lessons from therapy and how my podcast, Is My Child A Monster? Is helping make therapy advice and resources more accessible. Together we also help a listener whose kid pulled a disappearing act after a fight during family vacation.  Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.