What are you looking for in your marriage and in your spouse? Are you looking for the good or are you just noticing all the bad?  Did you know your brain will find evidence of whatever it is you are looking for? Find out more on this week’s podcast. Play in a new window Download Show Summary: Let’s talk about our brain a little bit. If you’ve listened to other episodes, these concepts will be familiar to you, but let’s just talk about them again. Our brain is constantly taking in information. Dr. Joseph Dispenza says that the brain processes 400 Billion bits of information a second. Isn’t that incredible? 400 Billion! But then it has to sort through all of that information for what is RELEVANT for us. (http://www.basicknowledge101.com/subjects/brain.html) Our brain is constantly looking for evidence to prove what we think about something or someone is right. Our brains love to be right. They would rather be right about something, that to have to expend the energy to try and think differently. So our brains are constantly scanning the world for evidence to support and prove that it is right. It’s very very good at this. Our brain also loves to scan the world for what is wrong to avoid physical and emotional danger as well as making sure we measure up and how we fit in in the world. And again…it’s very good at this. Our brain also LOVES to solve problems. So it’s constantly scanning for problems to solve and then working to solve them. But because our brain developed these mechanisms to keep us safe, it often finds problems when there are actually none and it loves to find plenty of evidence to support them. It does this in all areas of our lives. Let me give you an example - so right now we are considering moving to a different area. As I drive through that area now, my brain is constantly scanning for all the houses for sale. This is an area I drive through probably 3 times a week and never noticed how many houses are for sale. But now that we are considering moving, my brain is constantly on the look out for homes for sale and I’m seeing them everywhere. Or what about when you are looking for a new car? If you kind of narrow it down to what you want and then all of the sudden you see that particular kind of car everywhere. This is your brain finding evidence for what you are looking for…because it wants to be right. It’s trying to solve a problem for you. So, what about when we think there might be something wrong in our marriage or with our spouse? Our brain does that same thing and finds evidence to support what we think is true. If we think thoughts that our spouse is grumpy or mean, or lazy, or he works too much, or he’s not a good priesthood holder, or he’s not nice to the kids, that is exactly we will find because our brain will sort through lots of information and make that relevant. If we think thoughts that our spouse doesn’t support us or we don’t have a connection or that they are selfish or they don’t care about us …that’s what we will find. Our brain will find all the ways to make whatever we are thinking true, because it wants to be right. I have several clients who are struggling to see the good in their marriages and in their husbands because all of the thoughts they have been thinking that their brain has found so much evidence for. And…most of the time they don’t recognize that those are just thoughts. They think they are just FACTS because they have soooo much evidence that they are right. It’s just a FACT that their husband is grumpy. It’s a FACT that their husband is lazy. It’s a FACT that their husband is a workaholic. It’s a FACT that they don’t have a connection with him. But NONE of those are FACTS! They aren’t my friends. They are ALL Thoughts. And remember…our thoughts are optional. All of them. You can CHOOSE to think whatever you want about your spouse. Did you know that it’s possible to think that your husband is amazing EVEN if he sits home all day doing nothing? Did you know it’s possibl