How To Release Your Inner Bully Dialogue is my topic today. How many of us have a bully on our shoulder? Someone who is always telling us how we should be doing things and what we could do better. You know, the one that says you are not good enough or smart enough for something. The one that criticizes your topic and believe it is more every move and makes you feel like an idiot when you don't live up to their expectations. The negative self-talk reminds you of all your faults and flaws, even when they are scarcely true. It can seem impossible to stop listening to these voices in our head! But it's possible with some practice – if only we knew where to start.

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What holds a lot of us back from achieving our goals is often ourselves. We can be held hostage by our own thoughts.
If you’ve listened to Mindfulness Mode before, you know that I’ve worked in the field of Bullying Prevention for 18 years. Back in 2003, when I first started, I focused on the bully, the victim and the bystander. Later it became obvious to me that the biggest bully is often the one who lives within our own mind.
Very often that inner bully leads us to believe we are not enough, or that there is something wrong with us. This is that critical voice that seems so eager to be judgmental of others and then of ourselves.
A lot of times, that’s how bullying starts. We are critical of other people. We’re judgmental of how other people do things, how they look, how they act, what they say, and then sometimes bully them, maybe even unintentionally.
This criticism of other people happens because we are self-critical. We don’t think we deserve to win, we feel like there’s something wrong with us, so we take it out on other people.
Have you ever come across someone who is constantly critical of other people and they frequently exclude people from their lives because they think they’re not good enough, or there’s something wrong with them.
These are the exact same people that usually have a low opinion of themselves, even if that doesn’t appear to be the case.
Doing over 1800 live anti-bullying talks and presentations taught me that it’s easy to see the bully in other people, but way harder to see it in ourselves and then to do something about it.
Here’s how you can Release Your Inner Bully Dialogue.

1/ Listen
The first step is to notice those inner bullying voices. I once had a temp job where I did quality control for a credit card company. A woman who worked alongside me was constantly critical of me in a passive aggressive way. She would say things like “did you really have to wear that today,” and she wouldn't even look at the clothes I wore or she would accuse me of not coming back from break on time. It got so bad that people talked about her behind her back when they came into work in the morning. The worst thing for me was how passive aggressive she could be without ever actually saying anything to my face but everyone knew what she thought of me because of how much negativity would pour out of her mouth on a daily basis.

The way this fellow employee carried on, reminds me of exactly how my inner bully behaves. There are sneaky, negative messages just under the surface that I may or may not notice. Thinking back to my temp job helps me to realize that my inner bully is real. I’ve named him Jasper. Giving him a name and an identity helps me remain aware that he’s constantly lurking in the back seat. Every once in a while I tell Jasper off, and tell him to stay in the back seat, mind his own business, and that I am doing the driving.

This works for me. It keeps Jasper where he belongs.

2/ Set Goals
I’m an action taker and I’ve always found that taking action as soon as possible gives me the momentum to make things happen that are positive. Sometimes I don’t take the time to focus on what I want to achieve before I take action, so I have to remind myself to create an outline that tells me w