The Little Book of Questions That Matter: A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life

By Bob Fagan

This is a book about TRANSFORMATION that involves QUESTIONS. It's actually a "Big Book." It is unlike most any self-help text you have likely ever seen. It is not a quick fix, easily readable text; it's more of a lifetime companion manual. While self-help books may often inspire, they seldom transform. Your full-bodied exploration and participation in this worthy process can only do that. The most brilliant coaches don't transform you, but they provide the means by which you can (and then they hold you accountable). You do the work! This book has provided the outline through the questions, and now it is your turn to become the author, director, and producer of your life's story. Provided you do the follow-up work of journaling as suggested, you have a magnificent avenue to transform yourself in any circumstance at any time.

To see if "The Little Book of Questions That Matter" fits, quickly peruse the section entitled: "How Do I Leverage These Questions?"

Then scan the first hundred or so questions and the final few dozen. Your life is like a treasure chest. Some of your valuables may appear to be hidden or locked away from you. These questions are the keys. A few keys may not fit, but many will unlock your treasures if you work with them.

So, go treasure hunting and let your adventure begin!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Total Publishing
• Release date: Apr 5, 2024
• ISBN: 9781633022935

Bob Fagan

Bob Fagan has combined successful forays into business, coaching, and golf. That has included leading turnarounds of challenged organizations in a variety of industries at the C-Level (with never a layoff), helping build a multi-billion startup valuation from scratch, overseeing/mentoring dozens of incubator startups and non-profits, and establishing a charitable foundation. In golf, he won at the state, collegiate, and professional levels, and coached others to do the same. He has written more than 1,900 articles, several books, and produced a DVD/CD on The Law of Attraction. Subjects have The Little Book of Questions That Matter ranged from business, leadership, golf, travel, spirituality, and self-improvement. He enjoys photography, hiking, exercise, and travel, together with family life. Along with his writing, Bob Fagan’s most rewarding calling has been coaching and co-creating fulfilled winners — elite athletes and performers, business execs and entrepreneurs, as well as regular folks — moving them to success and onto fulfillment. Studying human performance since 1961, Bob has been curious enough to earn a BA in Economics, and an MBA with Honors in International Finance & Marketing from Rollins College. After the age of sixty, he earned a Ph.D. in Holistic Counseling combining work from Cal – Berkeley, Harvard, M.I.T. Stanford, Yale, Dartmouth, Penn, Princeton, Johns Hopkins, and others. He subsequently added a Doctor of Divinity degree from the Esoteric Theological Seminary. He is a certified IIB-Coach, has held Six Sigma Black Belt and Champion designations, and is both an ordained Interfaith Minister and Chaplain. He will be the first, however, to tell you that the best knowledge is gained outside the classroom. Bob can be reached by contacting Total Media And Publishing.

Book preview

Introduction

Hello and welcome!

I’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong, especially with you. At some level you already know that. I believe that everything you need to know about yourself or to improve and grow, you already have. Probing questions are a wonderful way to discover that. Good Questions Inform — Great Questions Transform.

These questions border on radical self-inquiry designed to help you understand who you are, why you do things, and what matters. With that in mind, you can realize that you can live your life out of your choice – not other’s, or from unconscious reasons. Conscious of self, you are better equipped to interact with the world and pursue your best self.

The fact that you are reading this makes you unusual. You see, the majority of people do not exercise either outward or inner curiosity though we are born with both? Most people just want to be happy, but don’t know how to do it. What I will show you is how to redirect your external experiences from the outside world into your inner self where happiness can be found. The savvy use of questions not only has the potential to transform your life, but also to make it a more interesting experience and give you many advantages. Questions even have the power to bring you to a higher state of consciousness. Here we will focus on your inner curiosity and transformation.

Consider that probably most innovations in humanity invariably started with a question; perhaps What’s possible? Well, questions can facilitate personal transformations too! In fact, this book started with a question. "What could I do to help others that will grow whether I am here or not?

What I am here is to show you that with the proper use of questions, you can transform or at least improve your life. Many, especially the young, feel that they cannot transform. As an elder, I can tell you with certainty that that is a false illusion. In any sort of transformation, two things are required: the will and the way. You provide the will and with the following questions, I will point you to the way. How do you identify, clarify, energize, and keep yourself on track? By example, I will show you how to create your own more powerful questions.

Transformation requires a flame, an inherent energy. However, just the fact that you have gotten this far and are still reading, I know you have that.

Don’t just take my word for the value of questions. The scientific world has found that questions stimulate the frontal lobe of the brain. That area distributes thoughts to all other parts of the brain thus creating the opportunity for forming new neurological pathways.

Transformation is a big word. It comes with much hope and promise. Transformation may involve massive change or just a modest shift in a single belief in an instant. Imagine what is a significant improvement you could experience in your life? History has shown us that asking the right questions is a huge step in that direction. It has helped me and those I have worked with over the course of more than sixty years. In that time, I have proven that ANYONE can improve through the wise use of questions.

If you are reading this, you are already exceptional for most folks don’t have the desire to grow that you do. This book is all about growing and while I pose the questions, you with your growth mindset do all the work. Consider this a timeless, companion manual as opposed to an easily readable book. At a basic level, I’m just encouraging you to explore and think about things in a slightly different way.

Does all this work that sound unpleasant? It can be great fun and extremely satisfying. The best news is that you get to reap all the rewards! No matter your interests, background, or stories, thoughtful questioning is a truly a one-size-fits-all lifetime process that if you put in the work it, will position you to receive the results you want. Are you willing to join me right now?

Cognitive science currently suggests that 95% of our memory and behavior is found within our subconscious and not our conscious mind. Therefore, in the 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts we have every day, we repeat and replay most of them through our subconscious. In order for you to transform, you will have to change your subconscious programming. These questions will tickle and tweak your subconscious preparing you for a transformative change.

As a coach, mentor, and leader, I have found that asking a properly phrased and timed question and then taking the time to explore its possibilities creates amazing opportunities.

As with my coaching clients, my goal here with you is to awaken you and raise your awareness to help you live life more fully. This should help you feel better, move you into your desired areas of success and most importantly finally onto fulfillment and happiness. As I have repeatedly done with my clients, I want you to become your own best coach. If anyone would ask my biggest accomplishment as a coach, it would be working myself out of a job and helping folks become their own best coach.

Consider this book a lifetime manual. You have a treasure trove full of meaningful questions that are timeless and never out-of-date nor obsolete. Most are appropriate to everyone. I am totally confident that if you truly and honestly ponder the questions, you will move in the direction of your intended results. Please follow the forthcoming outline of how to leverage this book. Working with a coach, he or she would typically monitor your progress and hold you accountable. With this, you have the option of exploring in privacy or alternatively, you might consider working together with a non-judgmental, trusted partner to hold each other accountable.

Don’t expect to quickly do these exercises. Feel free to randomly skip around. Stay open, release any judgment, be patient, and enjoy! And I almost forgot, YOU MUST LISTEN TO THE ANSWERS. And remember, the full magic is within you and always has been. What if the door to success, fulfillment, and happiness locked from the inside and not from the outside? Questions are just the key to help you unlock that. Let’s see what is possible!

In your corner and having your back,

— Dr. Bob Fagan

How Questions Have Helped Me

If you skip to the About Me section at the end, you will discover a few things that some might consider impressive. In fact, life hasn’t been a straight-line easy path for me. It seldom is for any of us, right?

In school I was never considered brilliant. Playing sports, I was notably undersized, partially blind in one eye, suffered extreme hay fever, flat feet, and experienced a serious, but undiagnosed spinal injury at the age of ten. Much later doctors were amazed that I had not suffered excruciating pain and lived my life confined to a wheelchair, let alone accomplished anything physically. I physically matured several years later than my peers and though I enjoyed many friends, dating as a teenager seemed destined for others and not me. Life was not easy.

I later experienced an unwanted divorce. A couple years later, just about the time I thought I was about to reap some vast financial bounty, I lost it all through circumstances beyond my control. Even though I had established an impressive record in a variety of turnarounds and two startups, I was about to hit a brick wall. My professional decline appeared to be meeting me much earlier than anticipated! At fifty and for a majority of the next decade, I existed in a rut below the American poverty level, happy just to perform menial work when I could get it. This was despite spending tens of thousands of dollars trying to get jobs that were 2-3, or even more levels below what I had previously proven much success in. I was humbled. My life had all the characteristics of a flagrant failure on full display.

Fortunately, I continued to feel that I had much to offer, and to ask myself many of the same questions you will soon discover. Did they work? Yes, some worked immediately. Others took longer to germinate. What’s my purpose and how do I most profoundly want to spend the remainder of my life? How do I show the world what I have to offer? How can I shine my light bigger and brighter? How can I serve? What new skills do I require to reach my goals? These five questions remained in the background, but eventually proved the foundation for the turnaround in my fortunes when many would not have blamed me for giving up. Still a host of other questions helped me during that time to retain some positivity and hope, and build my self-awareness.

Professionally speaking, I was blessed to have three very adept mentors right in my family. My one grandfather was an educator and the other grandfather along with his brother built a very successful business while empowering others. All extensively used questioning which rubbed off on me. Each was an impressive example of serving their greater community. Later I was very fortunate to attend an outstanding secondary school, The Hill School, in Pottstown. PA. There every class was structured upon not only the instructors asking questions, but the students were relentlessly encouraged to develop appropriate ones of their own. It subsequently made my college experience so much more fruitful.

Just a couple years out of grad school, I was thrust into a business crisis situation in which I really had no technological or specific knowledge. I had to ask about everything. I learned that questioning, learning, and acting with integrity along with following up, built me uncommon trust and very good results. Soon I was going to go from industry to industry doing the same. As legendary management expert Peter Drucker stated, My greatest strength is to be ignorant and ask a few questions. Suffice it to say, I was asking many questions.

This led to my coaching. Initially I had the urge to tell or share all my limited wisdom. That was folly. For years I had used questions to my advantage in building teams, inspiring creativity, improving performance, increasing sales, and creating strategies. After all, a well-timed question can transform a situation. In business I used questions to transfer ownership to those who could indeed create the change. My questions of my work associates were to discover what they truly wanted and to help them achieve their goals within the context of our organizations. In sales and marketing, questioning others paid off handsomely not only for me, but my teams. Why wouldn’t the same apply to coaching? Had I not just proven it surviving nearly a decade of distress and disappointment?

I have employed some very creditable coaches myself. They would also pose meaningful questions of me. (You should consider hiring a coach as their value can far outweigh their cost.) Again, smart questions proved my vehicle for success as any other outstanding coach will attest to. It’s not that I am smart, but by me asking questions, I will usually get my clients to discover and own their answers as I learn more about them and can more effectively redirect their progress. And I can assure you that I have more to offer you from my failures than from my successes.

Suffice it to say, my life is vastly different and improved in every respect from my 50-year-old self and what he was about to experience. Employing positive, useful questions, and exploring for empowering authentic answers has and will continue to be the key for me … and you!

DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be or am an Expert in Questions no matter my credentials, experience, or what I might otherwise call myself. I just know they work. Rather I feel I am more of an intermediate in awe and wonderment continuing to learn all the time. I also continue to be humbled by other’s questions hoping that I might simply remember to apply some of them at just the right times.

Why Should I Be Asking Questions of Myself? Why Are Good Questions So Important?

I subscribe to only two things that I know to be true. (All else are simply beliefs.) The first is something I realized only well into my fifties. It is that when I live my life governed by love and its cousins as opposed to fear, things work better for me. The second truth is one I intellectually knew earlier, but in my youth did not exploit as much or as well as I might have. That is when I ask more and better questions and openly explore and try to understand the answers, I put myself into a position of better growth and clarity, making me a more effective human being. Aren’t these two prerequisites to a better life well-lived? You might now describe me as a late-blooming, imperfect questionologist. The beautiful news for all of us is that a good question has no shelf life and can be seeded at any age. Questions enable us to learn, create, correct, and connect.

Claude Levi-Strauss stated: The wise man doesn’t give the right answers — he poses the right questions. Others have long maintained that the quality of their questions correlated directly with the quality of their lives. Observe anyone and you can often discover more about them by the quality of their questions than their answers. Questions open us up to getting information we generally wouldn’t get otherwise, especially apart from our default thinking.

The clearer you are with your self-awareness, self-knowledge, and goals, the broader and easier your journey will be to your destination. Questions help with that.

Today, we are all bombarded with so much information that without the ability to thoughtfully question and critically think, we are destined to uncertainty, manipulation, anxiety, and discord.

Golfing great Tiger Woods was recently asked about his talented, young son Charlie’s golfing progress. Interestingly Woods didn’t answer about swing, technique, or scores, but rather indicated that Charlie had begun to ask the right questions. As Tiger Woods would go on to explain, this was far and away the major milestone on his son’s or anyone’s path to greatness.

Look at any person throughout history that moved humanity forward or created tremendous positive change, and you will find they were always posing questions. Questions can transform a powerless victim into a magnificent creator. When you ask yourself a question, your mind can’t help but seek an answer. It automatically moves. It is instant engagement. Often, these responses come from our subconscious mind. History also shows us that the very best coaches, mentors, and teachers were not preachers, but inspired others to be reachers using appropriate questions.

We are all one question away from a different life, personally and professionally. What is the question that might change yours?

The Greek Philosopher Socrates in one of his last speeches stated, The unexamined life is not worth living. He knew the value of introspection and asking sage questions of oneself. Elite performers in all walks of life do that as well. Is that not reason enough to leverage powerful questions to open up your self-awareness?

Most of us, most of the time, run our life on autopilot – 95% of our life is run by the subconscious. Questions interrupt that and create awareness. Awareness in life opens up so much. What we are unaware of, we can’t be intentional with. The simple act of asking yourself, Am I awake and aware? awakens you. What do I desire? can be very powerful. It initiates the thoughts and actions that will help you GET what you want. Remember that creators create and never complain about what they don’t want. Asking what you want to create is far more powerful and successful than asking what you want to get rid of, don’t want, or what is wrong.

Too often we try to ask perfect questions, sometimes to impress others. In the interest of the best possible discourse, sometimes it’s better to stop polishing our questions, and open up and listen, but now I challenge you to question yourself and monitor your responses.

The quickest way to change your focus is simply to ask a new question.

Consider that many of our institutions and particularly many religions (and authoritarian organizations) discourage asking questions, but rather consider those questions settled, making faith a destination and not a growth-filled journey of discovery. Might they indoctrinate their folks more effectively by encouraging questioning? In truth, as you attain greater faith in everything including yourself, you will be inspired to ask even greater questions of significance. I strongly believe that our educational system should groom our young to learn to ask better questions as opposed to regurgitating correct answers. To cease to ask relevant questions atrophies our intellect, allowing our faith to become worthless. Curiosity is a wonderful life trait and is so underrated.

For a person to change, clarity is essential. These questions will force you to look at yourself with more clarity and will then help you to control what you focus on. Yes, the humble question can