Better Parents Ask Better Questions: Join the Parenting Revolution...Become a Potentialiser and Bring Out the Amazingness In Your Kids!

By Lindsay Tighe

Whether you're dealing with the 'Terrible Two's' or a 'Troubled Teenager', this easy-to-read book will help transform your relationship with your kids . . . and everyone else in the family for that matter!

Written for parents who want to be even better than they already are, this book will enable you to recognise unconscious patterns of adviceâ giving and telling that may not be the best response for your kids; helping you to learn when and how to use questions that lead to positive change in your child's behaviour, resulting in them thinking and acting in a completely different way.

Comments from Parents who have used the Better Questions technique:

"I no longer had to tell a tearful child what to do all of the time!" -- Age: 5 yrs

"My relationship with my teenage daughter was transformed by using Better Questions." -- Age: 18 yrs

"I was calm and happy and my daughter was excited that her friend was coming over to stay -- a sleepover success story that was driven by Mum staying calm and asking a Better Question!" -- Age: 10 yrs

"The conversation finished up with my daughter thanking me for my help and stating that she felt really clear and confident about what she now needed to do. I am delighted!" -- Age: 16 yrs

"Now I always think twice about what is the best approach to take and I have realised that asking can also be a very powerful way for my son to learn" -- Age: 6 yrs

Start reading today and learn how to ask Better Questions, become a Better Parent and be amazed at the results (and bring
harmony to your household!).

Join the Parenting Revolution, become a Potentialiser and bring out the Amazingness in your kids!

POTENTIALISER -- po·ten·ti·a·li·ser
Meaning: Releaser of amazingness in others

• Language: English
• Publisher: eBookIt.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781456608729

Book preview

proud.

About the Author

Lindsay Tighe is a successful and highly regarded speaker, businesswoman, author and coach who is passionate about inspiring people to improve their own lives and the lives of others. She has a unique blend of life experiences that include working in the corporate world, establishing and running her own business, and gaining formal qualifications, while her genuine love of people give her the ability to inspire and really make a difference to others. In this book, she shares the wisdom gained from her life’s journey (so far!) with real passion, compassion and a desire to make the world a better place.

Described as ‘inspirational, wise and intuitive’, Lindsay lives and breathes the philosophy that if you ask a better question you will get a better answer. She is committed to changing the world by helping people to have more empowered thoughts and conversations with each other in order to tap into their own wisdom.

Lindsay holds an MBA from Macquarie Graduate School of Management and regularly speaks at a variety of functions. She has appeared on Channel 7’s Sunrise and Morning Show programs and has been featured in national publications such as Woman’s Day, Good Health & Medicine, New Idea and the Qantas In-flight Magazine.

Lindsay lives in Melbourne, Australia with her husband Michael and two little dogs, Wilson and Becky.

Note from the Author

I am not a parent, so how come I am writing a book on parenting?! I am sure you are intrigued not only by my interest in the topic, but would also like to know more about my credibility to be able to write a book on parenting! Well, let me tell you that I ‘fell into’ this book more by accident than good planning, but the more I have thought about writing it the more excited I have become, given that the parenting role is such an important one in our society.

Perhaps I should start by saying that my absolute passion in life is asking people Better Questions, in the knowledge that when I ask people Better Questions I know that this will enable them to find better answers. This passion has led me to have a desire to share the wisdom in using this skill that I have learnt over the years with as many people as possible, given that it is such an amazing life skill and a real gift to bring to the table in so many contexts.

My first personal experience of asking Better Questions came about when I took on a leadership role in the corporate world, where I was technically incompetent but had a real interest and passion for turning around underperforming teams. It was a very interesting challenge for me personally in that I was unable to fulfil the role in any way other than to ask Better Questions, and I have to say that this first experience of questioning more and telling less was quite magical for me – not only in terms of my own growth, but also in terms of what it facilitated in my team.

As a result of having quite literally ‘fallen in’ to a more questioning way of approaching things, I soon discovered that this was something that I wanted to learn more about, as well as do more of, and about 10 years ago I left the corporate world to further develop my skills and passion for asking those Better Questions. Since then I have not only become more practiced in the skill itself, I have also developed an absolute passion for training others in the skill, given that I know how much of a profound difference it makes in the world.

Whilst most of this training has been done in a workplace context, I have been most recently extremely busy training people who work in the aged care and health sectors, on the basis that the philosophy of asking rather than telling is not only far more respectful to use in these areas, it also is about enabling people to be empowered to make decisions rather than have others taking over and making assumptions about them.

It has been during the training of thousands of managers, nurses, aged care staff, community health professionals and case managers in the skill of asking Better Questions that it became clear that this skill is not limited to the work situations that they are in. Indeed, the majority of people have seen how the skill can be immediately applied in their roles as parents, and I have been so inspired to hear how they have used the skill in a practical sense, with the absolute knowledge that they know this has undoubtedly enabled them to now fulfil their parenting role far more successfully and competently.

This insight and inspiration has led me to the realisation that there will be many other people in the world who are looking for more guidance and support to enable them to be more confident in carrying out their parenting roles, and so the idea for writing this book came about. The more people with whom I have shared the idea to write the book, the more encouraged I have become about the need for parents to be able to ask those Better Questions. Whilst I certainly do not have the magic wand and cannot promise that the ideas I am about to share with you will provide all the answers you are looking for, I do know that this simple idea to ask more questions will have a profound impact on your quest to be a better parent.

So, I humbly request that you forgive my lack of parenting skills on the basis that I am highly competent in the skill I share with you in this book and, most importantly, recognise that it has the potential to have a profound impact on your ability to be a great parent, which after all is something that the majority of parents strive to be.

Throughout this book I use the terms ‘child’ and ‘kids’, and whilst generally I am talking about the age range of toddlers to late teens, the principles apply just as profoundly across all age ranges. My best advice is to use these skills with children from a very young age on the basis that you are instilling some foundational skills that can be built upon as your child matures into a responsible adult. The techniques shared throughout the book can be used successfully with all kids, recognising that there will be some subtle differences in approaches dependent upon their brain development, attention span and foundational ability to take responsibility for decision-making and actions. Of course, the skills absolutely apply to adult children, and as a parent who starts to use the skill of asking Better Questions with them, I am sure that you will be respected more for respecting them as adults.

As a final thought for my introduction, I trust that you will recognise that whilst this book is written in the context of parenting, by the time you have read it you will realise that being a Better Questioner in any aspect of your life, whether friendships, partnerships or work, will be a great thing to do. Indeed, everyone we interact with is far more amazing than they realise, and having the skill to release their amazingness is a beautiful life skill to bring to all contexts of your life!

What people say about our workshops

The inspirational and profound messages contained in this book have been delivered to thousands of people in our workshops. Here are some comments from people who have attended them:

• I have taken so much from your training that has been very valuable in recent weeks.

• I personally got a lot out of it and have had some great success with the strategies, not only on an everyday basis at work but also at a family level with our 16-year-old son!

• I have seen change with one of the staff that I manage, in that instead of asking how she should resolve a problem, she indicates now what she suggests would resolve it.

• You have inspired me to look very closely at the questions I ask people, not only in my workplace but also at home. It has been a wonderful experience and I can see how someone can become more empowered and also gain confidence to become a better listener.

• Thank you very much for making me understand that Better Questions are definitely the right answers, and I’m going to try hard to enhance these skills in everyday use.

• I have a tendency to jump in and recommend without listening to a staff member’s opinion. The Better Questions approach is the only way that staff can learn and develop in their practice.

• Thank you for sharing this amazing tool and for inspiring me to look at all people in a way they deserve to be treated.

• If I hadn’t listened and used Better Questions well, I would have just accepted it when one of our staff members resigned and we as an organisation would have lost a dynamic, highly skilled person, not to mention all the wasted time, effort and expense of orientating someone to the organisation.

• You have changed my life and I thank you.

• I was totally blown away by your insights.

• Just wanting to let you know that I have been inspired by many people in my life, but you are up there with the best. I have a long way to go to get the questions right but am now aware of what I am doing wrong so will continue to work on getting it right. Thank you so very much and keep up the fantastic work. Everyone needs to hear you speak.

• Thank you for the opportunity to become more aware of myself, and of things I can do to enjoy my work and life more!

• I have heard such a positive buzz around the office in response to your Better Questions training, which is just wonderful!

Prologue

Once upon a time there was a humble and boring question mark. He had been described as ‘boring’ because his role in life was to simply sit at the end of a sentence. Indeed, the role of the question mark was simply to make a sentence into a question. BIG DEAL!

What this little question mark found sad was that in the past great scholars had recognised the amazing qualities of his ancestor question marks, and people like Socrates and Plato had hailed them as heroes. But here he is today, living his life in the 21st century, unrecognised and unappreciated, and he feels sad that so few people appreciate his potential.

One day, a lady came along who saw his potential, and she used his abilities for many years with her clients with life-changing results. He became great friends with this lady, and she started to get so excited about his potential to make the world a better place that she asked his permission to write a book and a website about him.

This lady was aware that if more people knew about him, they would be able to tap into the potential of other people by empowering these people to make decisions that are right for them. She also knew that they could use him to enable them to be more reflective in making better decisions about their own lives and, ultimately, the choices they were making about the way they were living.

Whilst he was still a little shy and very humble, he liked the idea of being able to share his potential with the world through this lady and, sure enough, his fame started to spread far and wide.

In this book you are going to be introduced to and be inspired by the humble question mark – he really does change lives and can make parents into even better parents.

Introduction

From a very young age most of us have been told what to do. During my formative years I was surrounded by people who were excellent at providing much-needed advice and guidance, particularly my school teachers and my parents, who adopted a more traditional style of parenting, and so I learnt early in life to be a more natural ‘teller’. This ‘telling’ style continued to develop as I became an adult, in part because it was ‘role modelled’ to me in the various workplace settings of which I was involved, as well as in social settings. By way of clarification, what I mean by the word ‘teller’ is someone who does some or all of the following: directs, advises, suggests, problem-solves, informs.

As ‘telling’ was the most common way of being ‘role modelled’ to me, I became practiced at taking this on as a natural response when I was presented with a problem by others or was asked for advice. Indeed, I unconsciously related this way to people for many years and had never contemplated that there could be another way to respond to people. I believed that I was being helpful when I was in this ‘telling’ role.

I must stress that I am not saying that it is wrong to tell someone what to do. I can already hear many of you out there justifying that ‘telling’ is a good and really helpful thing to do, and so I must take some time to clarify my intention in writing this book.

One thing I am absolutely sure of is that I would not be the person I am today if I had not had the benefit of interacting with people who typically ‘tell’. Indeed, certainly in my formative years, that was primarily the way I made sense of the world, how I worked out what was right and what was wrong, and how I became an educated and knowledgeable person who has built a successful life for herself.

So ‘telling’ definitely has a place in the world, and it is OK to continue to ‘tell’ in many areas of our lives, including our parenting roles. What I know from experience is that most people spend too much time ‘telling’ and not enough time ‘asking’, and this is the reason I am raising your awareness in this book of ‘TELLING’ versus ‘ASKING’.

Most of us conduct our lives in a space that we might refer to as ‘unconsciously competent’. What I mean by that is that we don’t think about what we do, we just do it. The main reason we don’t think about what we do is that we are too busy, and if we did think it would take much longer to get things done. So in most instances operating in this space is not necessarily a bad thing, particularly if we are getting the results that we want in our lives.

Where it can