Real Talk: Ten Parenting Strategies to Raise Confident Successful Children

By Kumari V. Ghafoor-Davis

The definition of parenting and childrearing according to the dictionary says the experiences, skills, qualities, and responsibilities involved in being a parent and in teaching and caring for a child. This is a very basic description considering all that is entailed in raising children. The fact that children do not come with instructions leaves parents to figure out what is best for their child. Many times parents use the experiences they had as children, good or bad, as a guide to raise their own

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 30, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465390677

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by Kumari V. Ghafoor-Davis, MSW.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2011960151

ISBN: Softcover     978-1-4653-9065-3

ISBN: Hardback    978-1-4653-9066-0

ISBN: Ebook         978-1-4653-9067-7

The copyright of the individual tips included in this publication is owned by the author; who has authorized inclusion in this publication, via submission to the publisher.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in the book.

This publication is designed to educate and provide general information regarding the subject matter covered. It is not intended to replace the counsel of other professional advisors or services. The reader is encouraged to consult with his or her own advisors regarding specific situations. While the author has taken reasonable precautions in the preparation of this book and believes the facts presented within the book are accurate, neither the publisher nor author assumes any responsibility for errors or omissions. The author and publisher specifically disclaim any liability resulting from the use or application of the information contained in this book. The information within this book is not intended to serve as emotional or therapeutic advice related to individual situations.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

Book Cover Art Credit: Jihad Harkeem

Book Cover Picture Credit: Beverly Nowalowski/Owner-Friend with a Camera

Real Talk: Ten Parenting Strategies to Raise Confident Successful Children

Real Talk- Manuscript Review/Editing: Belita Ghafoor and Dr. Butler Jean Louis

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

88367

Contents

Acknowledgements

Note From The Author

Forward

Prologue

Introduction

Insightful Thoughts

The Journey Begins

My Story

Strategy I-Building Self-Esteem/Self-Concept

Strategy II-Effective Communication

Strategy III-Be a Role Model

Strategy IV-Avoid Putting Your Stuff On Your Children

Strategy V-Teach Children How to Choose Friends

Strategy VI-Foster Your Child’s Strengths

Strategy VII-Know Your Child’s Core

Strategy VIII-Empower Your Child . . . Then Trust Their Judgment

Strategy IX-Effective Discipline

Strategy X-Advocate For Your Child

My End Result

Parent Supports

Children Learn What They Live (Poem)

References

About The Author

Acknowledgements

To my father Rahmat Ghafoor (Papa Smurf) for your role in my childhood journey that made me the woman I am. You are still the smartest man I have ever known . . . and the most difficult.

To my husband Gerard, thank you so much for being in my corner babe and supporting me and my goals over the last eleven years. It is so easy to stand on your strength. I truly appreciate you.

Thank you to my family/siblings Shar, Belita, Rocky, nieces, nephews and step mom Lula who have been supportive of my goals. To my closest sista friends, Sarah (my mentor) and Cathy, for always . . . always encouraging me and being the best friends, ever.

Thank you to our extended family Sonia (Nana), Maureen (Auntie Mo), (Aunt) Joy, Audra and Stacy Q., for being so supportive in raising my boys.

Thank you to anyone not mentioned that knows they have been an instrument throughout my personal or professional journey (including my Compass sistas), that has brought me to this present place in peace of mind.

Love you all much.

Dedication

To my mother Bertha (Dora Lee) Ghafoor, who inspired me to be my best, have integrity and trust in God, where all things are possible. I still have much work to do (God isn’t through with me yet). I hope I am making you proud by making the best of my life lessons and experiences. Rest in peace (Smurfette), sure do miss you.

And to my boys . . . . my heart . . . Kumar and Ethan. If there were ever a mother more proud and more excited for your life’s journey. I was put on this earth to be your mother, to guide you toward greatness and I am enjoying the job! Thank you for the motivation to keep achieving my goals, the joy and happiness I get in teaching you to reach for yours, and the inspiration you gave me, for writing this book series. Love you much.

Note From The Author

While working with children and families in several capacities over the past fifteen plus years, I have learned a lot about myself and people. One main theme I have found throughout my career in social services, as a Social Worker and a Parent Coach/Expert is that many of the issues that children and adults continue to have, comes from their upbringing. Many of these issues come from the experiences with our parents and families. I have worked with children and adults that come from intact/married families, cohabitating/two parent and divorced households, step families, adoptive or foster families, single parent households, extended and supportive families. In all of these types of families, there are many children and adults who are upset, holding onto anger, hurt, or have extreme issues and concerns because of; parent(s) who were not in their lives; parent(s) who weren’t fully present in the home physically or emotionally; parents who allowed (or ignored) negative things to happen to them; or choices their parents made that might not have been in their best interest. Parents’ choices have an extreme amount of influence on their children, so it could have good and bad effects on an individual’s social, personal, and professional life.

My goal for this book is to assist parents with practical strategies in building character, confidence, and integrity in their children, as well as foster and maintain great relationships with them. There are some questions to allow parents to learn more about themselves as parents, learn more about their children and some tips on how to repair damaged relationships between parent and child. Whether parent and child have a strong relationship or a damaged one, all children are affected by the parent-child relationship/bond in their lives, even as an adult. My hope is that parents and those reading this book will have an open mind to its content, enjoy my personal and professional examples/stories of applying the strategies to my own life, and assess their own relationships and parenting strategies with their children (and from their own parents). I hope that readers will have take a-ways that will be an instrument in better relationships with their children.

Some of the questions that parents can think about while reading the book are . . .

What type of behaviors have you noticed about your child most recently (they may not be negative)?

What do you say when you talk to your child about these questions?

How do you address changes in your child’s behavior?

Do you feel comfortable talking to your child about uncomfortable topics? If so, what causes you to be uncomfortable?

Do you trust your child’s judgment?

Do you worry about being judged by your child from some of your past choices?

Forward

Parent Job Description

Long term, team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour-shifts on call. Some overnight travel required . . . travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly, face technical challenges, such as small gadget repair and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must be willing to be indispensible one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Possibility for Advancement and Promotion:

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly restraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Previous experience:

None required unfortunately. On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages and compensation:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more.

Benefits:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job provides limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Reference: Permission given by Annette Clifford-Former Columnist of Florida Today, Melbourne Florida. Author of World’s Toughest Job which can be purchased at HYPERLINK "http://www.worldstoughestjob.com" www.worldstoughestjob.com

Prologue

"Having kids is the easiest thing to do . . . To raise them properly is the hardest" ~Unknown

The definition of parenting and childrearing according to the dictionary says the experiences, skills, qualities, and responsibilities involved in being a parent and in teaching and caring for a child. This is a very basic description considering all that is entailed in raising children. The fact that children do not come with instructions leaves parents to figure out what is best for their child. Many times parents use the experiences they had as children, good or bad, as a guide to raise their own.

Although the description of parenting/childrearing described in the beginning of the book is quite comical in style, much of the content is extremely true. If both the definition from the dictionary and the parent job description (in the forward) were given to a parent as a guide to raising their children, it