The 10th Intelligence: Sexual Intelligence

By Eric Fernandez

The 10th Intelligence: Sexual Intelligence is a must-read book for anyone looking to take their sexual experiences and relationships to the next level. By delving into the realm of sexual intelligence, this book offers a unique perspective on sexuality and its impact on our lives. It covers an array of essential topics, including communication, emotional awareness, intimacy, and self-awareness, all within the context of sexuality. This thought-provoking book provides invaluable insights and strategies to help you enhance your sexual well-being and fulfillment.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 12, 2024
• ISBN: 9781445783130

Book preview

Chapter 1 Introduction

Sexual intelligence is a concept that encompasses knowledge, understanding, and emotional awareness related to human sexuality. It goes beyond the basic understanding of anatomy and physiology and delves into the psychological, emotional, relational aspects of sexuality. Developing sexual intelligence involves gaining knowledge about consent, communication, desire, pleasure, boundaries, and understanding different sexual orientations, identities, expressions, preferences as well as nuances within its premise. It also involves cultivating a healthy relationship with one’s own sexuality and embracing a sex-positive attitude. Sexual intelligence promotes informed decision-making, respectful and consensual relationships, and the ability to navigate and explore one’s own sexual experiences in a safe and fulfilling manner.

Sexual intelligence is a relatively new concept that has been gaining attention in recent years. It is also defined as knowledge, understanding, and emotional awareness related to human sexuality that goes beyond the basic understanding of anatomy and physiology and delves into the psychological, emotional, and relational aspects of sexuality (Kleinplatz & Ménard, 2007). Developing sexual intelligence involves gaining knowledge about consent, communication, desire, pleasure, and boundaries, as well as understanding different sexual orientations, identities, and expressions (McCarthy, 2015). It also involves cultivating a healthy relationship with one’s own sexuality and embracing a sex-positive attitude (Giraldi et al., 2020).

By developing sexual intelligence, individuals are better equipped to make informed decisions about their sexual experiences and engage in respectful and consensual relationships (Kleinplatz & Ménard, 2007). They are also able to navigate and explore their own sexuality in a safe and fulfilling manner (Giraldi et al., 2020).

One important aspect of sexual intelligence is understanding and practicing consent. This involves obtaining clear and enthusiastic agreement from all parties involved in a sexual encounter (McCarthy, 2015). It also involves respecting boundaries and recognizing when someone is not comfortable with a particular sexual act (Kleinplatz & Ménard, 2007). By practicing consent, individuals are able to engage in sexual experiences that are safe, respectful, and fulfilling for everyone involved.

Another important aspect of sexual intelligence is communication. Effective communication involves expressing desires and boundaries clearly and respectfully, as well as being receptive to the desires and boundaries of one’s partner(s) (McCarthy, 2015). By communicating effectively, individuals are able to engage in sexual experiences that are mutually satisfying and respectful.

Sexual intelligence is important for several reasons:

Informed Decision-Making: Sexual intelligence equips individuals with accurate information and knowledge about sexual health, contraception, sexually transmitted infections, and consent. This enables them to make informed decisions regarding their own sexual behavior and well-being.

Healthy Relationships: Understanding and practicing healthy sexual communication, consent, and boundaries are crucial for establishing and maintaining healthy relationships. Sexual intelligence helps individuals navigate issues such as effective communication about desires and preferences, establishing mutual consent, and respecting boundaries.

Pleasure and Satisfaction: Sexual intelligence helps individuals understand their own bodies, desires, and preferences, leading to enhanced sexual pleasure and satisfaction. It promotes a positive attitude towards sexuality and encourages exploration, experimentation, and the ability to communicate sexual needs and desires with partners.

Sexual Health and Safety: Sexual intelligence includes knowledge about sexually transmitted infections, safe sex practices, and contraception methods. This knowledge empowers individuals to protect themselves and their partners, reducing the risk of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections.

Overcoming Stigma and Discrimination: Sexual intelligence promotes understanding and acceptance of diverse sexual orientations, identities, and expressions. It helps combat stigma, discrimination, and prejudice, fostering a more inclusive and accepting society.

Emotional Well-being: Developing sexual intelligence involves exploring one’s own values, attitudes, and beliefs about sexuality. This self-reflection and understanding contribute to emotional well-being, self-acceptance, and a healthier relationship with one’s own sexuality.

Overall, sexual intelligence plays a vital role in promoting sexual health, fostering healthy relationships, enhancing pleasure and satisfaction, and creating a more inclusive and informed society.

Indeed, sexual intelligence is an important concept that promotes informed decision-making, respectful and consensual relationships, and the ability to navigate and explore one’s own sexual experiences in a safe and fulfilling manner. By developing sexual intelligence, individuals are better equipped to navigate the complex and multifaceted aspects of human sexuality.

Chapter 2 Sexual Intelligence

Understanding one’s sexual arousal and sexual intelligence is essential for maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships. Sexual intelligence encompasses a person’s awareness, knowledge, and emotional understanding of their own sexuality and that of their partner, leading to better communication and satisfaction in intimate relationships (Mayer, 2006). Effective communication about sexual desires, boundaries, and preferences is crucial in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship (Murray et al., 2012). Individuals can enhance their sexual intelligence through education, therapy, and self-exploration, which can lead to increased sexual satisfaction and relationship quality (Kleinplatz & Ménard, 2007).

It is worth noting that sexual experiences can vary greatly among individuals; making generalizations about womyn’s tendencies regarding multiple orgasms can be misleading (Komisaruk et al., 2006). Womyn who are believed to have the tendency to have multiple orgasms are deemed to be better at handling their sexual intelligence because, most likely, after a man’s orgasm, his sexual urges wane for a period of time until even his consciousness gets back to a normal flow and worse even when he implicitly forgets all about one or two (Komisaruk et al., 2006). Factors such as arousal levels, physical and emotional state, and overall sexual responsiveness can influence a person’s capacity for multiple orgasms.

Sexual intelligence can help individuals sustain a relationship by mutually desiring it and encouraging their partners to do the same. Similar to other forms of intelligence, sexual intelligence is a combination of innate abilities and skills that can be developed and improved over time. In this fast-changing world, we are faced with challenges like how to keep our relationship healthy and how to keep our relationship away from any temptations that may arise. No number of distractive elements can break a full-grown sexual intelligence.

The idea of sexual intelligence was first somehow instigated by Gardner (2011), who proposed the possibility of other intelligences aside from the nine he initially postulated, namely: bodily-kinaesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, linguistic, logic-mathematical, musical, naturalistic, spatial, and existential or extra-personal intelligences. Understanding and developing sexual intelligence is crucial in maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Overcoming sexual urges, which are often underestimated, is even more powerful than fulfilling them. It undermines one’s strength to meet more temptations as well as gratifications. However, it is important to recognize that individual experiences may differ, and factors such as arousal levels, physical and emotional state, and overall sexual responsiveness can influence a person’s capacity for multiple orgasms.

How sexually intelligent are you?

The concept of Sexual Intelligence (SI) has become a topic of interest in the field of human sexuality. It is important to note that SI is not determined by one’s sexual activity or the ability to engage in sexual activities. The measurement of SI cannot be gauged by any external entity as it is a subjective experience. It is within an individual's discretion to determine their level of SI.

It is evident that the individual’s perception of their sexual intelligence plays a crucial role in their sexual well-being. To that end, it is paramount for individuals to gain knowledge about their SI, which can be accomplished through reading literature on the subject. It is worth mentioning that comprehending the concept of SI can be a challenging and time-consuming process. It is, however, a worthwhile endeavor that can enhance an individual’s sexual experiences and promote healthy relationships.

It is a commonly held belief that the experience of being human can be arduous, and the pursuit of healthy relationships can be a challenging task. Nonetheless, it is essential to note that the desire for human connection and intimacy is a fundamental aspect of human nature. Therefore, it is imperative to strive towards a better understanding of one’s SI to promote healthy sexual experiences and cultivate fulfilling interpersonal relationships.

It is noteworthy that the matter at hand concerns all genders that exist in the world. In terms of dealing with one’s system integration, there does not seem to be any significant difference between them. It is crucial to acknowledge that identifying oneself solely as a man is insufficient and perhaps even problematic. Neglecting to recognize this fact can result in a failure to grasp the complexity of the issue or even worse, a denial of it. The same principle applies to womyn and individuals who identify with genders that are often considered taboo. It is essential to approach the matter with an open mind and without any preconceived notions or biases.

The stimuli can manifest in any situation where the tactile and kinesthetic senses align to induce penile and clitoral tumescence. Such situations could arise when commuting on a subway train, amidst a thronging crowd during rush hour, while wandering in a mall, or even while traveling back home along a counterflow trajectory. These circumstances may weaken or strengthen one’s ability to manage sensory inputs, thereby influencing one’s counterstrategy to avoid relationship pitfalls.

In many instances, one may find themselves occupied with contemplations of hypothetical scenarios. Such contemplations often center around the desire to encounter individuals who may serve as a litmus test for one’s capabilities, or as a means of proving and defining one’s beauty and sex appeal. This thought process may lead one to wish for the ability to turn their head 360 degrees, providing them with a greater number of such opportunities. However, it is worth noting that excessive preoccupation with such hypotheticals can be a futile exercise in augmenting one’s weaknesses.

There are individuals in society who perceive every circumstance as an appropriate opportunity to engage in sexual advances. Such individuals tend to believe that if they do not seize the moment, they might lose the opportunity to satisfy their sexual desires. Moreover, some people view themselves solely as sexual beings, and, therefore, they make every effort to engage in sexual activities with others, fearing that they may run out of time. In addition, some individuals take pride in the number of people they have had sex with. However, it is important to note that such behavior does not necessarily signify one’s sexual intelligence. Rather, it is indicative of one’s insecurities, envy towards others, and overall weakness in all aspects of their life.

Those who flirt have poor sexual intelligence. There is a growing body of research that suggests that individuals who frequently engage in flirting may have poor sexual intelligence. Sexual intelligence can be defined as the ability to understand and communicate about sexual topics effectively and appropriately (Marks et al., 2008). Be advised that this book discloses different definitions of sexual intelligence.

One study conducted by researchers at the University of Kansas found that individuals who were more likely to engage in flirting had lower levels of sexual self-efficacy, or confidence in their ability to perform sexually (Schneider et al., 2012). Another study found that individuals who were more likely to engage in flirting had a higher likelihood of engaging in risky sexual behaviors, such as having unprotected sex (Lewis et al., 2010).

It’s vital to remember that flirting itself is not inherently negative or problematic. However, individuals who rely solely on flirting as a means of communication about sexual topics may be missing out on developing more effective communication skills. Developing sexual intelligence can lead to more satisfying sexual experiences and healthier relationships (Marks et al., 2008).

Proponents of Sexual Intelligence

Sexual intelligence is a concept that has been explored by various theorists who have attempted to define it in different ways. In this part, we will discuss the theorists of sexual intelligence and their definitions.

One of the earliest proponents of sexual intelligence was Alfred Kinsey. He defined sexual intelligence as the capacity to understand and appreciate the physical and emotional aspects of sexual behavior, and to use this understanding in ways that enhance sexual satisfaction (Kinsey, 1948, p. 639). According to Kinsey, sexual intelligence involves a combination of knowledge, emotional intelligence, and communication skills.

Another notable theorist is John Money, who defined sexual intelligence as the ability to integrate one’s sexual feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in a positive, healthy, and fulfilling way (Money, 1986, p. 25). He emphasized the importance of sexual self-awareness and self-acceptance in developing sexual intelligence.

David Schnarch, a renowned sex therapist, defined sexual intelligence as the ability to balance the conflicting needs of individual and relationship sexuality, and to use the tension between them to fuel personal and relationship growth (Schnarch, 1997, p. 77). He emphasized the importance of sexual differentiation, autonomy, and intimacy in developing sexual intelligence.

Finally, Sheree Conrad and Michael Milburn defined sexual intelligence as the ability to understand one’s own sexual desires and behaviors, to communicate them effectively with partners, and to negotiate mutually satisfying sexual experiences (Conrad & Milburn, 2001, p. 5). They emphasized the importance of sexual self-knowledge, communication, and consent in developing sexual intelligence.

The theorists of sexual intelligence have defined it in different ways, but they all agree that sexual intelligence involves a combination of knowledge, emotional intelligence, communication skills, and self-awareness. Developing sexual intelligence is essential for achieving sexual satisfaction and maintaining healthy sexual relationships.

Chapter 3 Intelligences and Their Impact

Intelligence and its impact